are you a perfectionist?

[Lanolin]

Or do you know people that are?

I think the problem with being a perfectionist if you are one yourself is it makes you highly critical of everyone and everything around you, and then people dont like being around you because they feel like they are always falling short.

Its good to have standards though. And its good to do things 'properly' and not by halves.

I found though many perfectionists are rather unreasonable about the TIME it takes for things to be 'perfect' or 'perfected'.

how about yourself, do you impose perfection upon yourself or others? Is it a good or bad thing?

 

[tourist]

I'm not a perfectionist but I do take pride in my work in whatever form it may take.

 

[Lynx]

I think the problem with being a perfectionist if you are one yourself is it makes you highly critical of everyone and everything around you, and then people dont like being around you because they feel like they are always falling short.

*Lynx crams a perfect paw in his mouth and walks away quickly before he says something very imperfect.

 

[mar09]

I was. Realizing i have so many weaknesses and faults too, i strove to work on not seeing others' faults (and mine too), but it took time. Thankful i've tickled my funny bone more and much less serious than i was years ago also, and can laugh at esp my mistakes. Like an editor, i'd notice mistakes-- then intentionally stop myself. It is helpful in building and maintaining relationships, altho there are times we really have to learn to wait for others to learn or 'catch up' like in teamwork. Thinking God accepted me as i was, i now see no reason not to let others' slips by, but of course not easy, as we also have to remind or correct at times in love. We have to watch out day by day as we step in faith, with God helping us change.

 

[Lanolin]

I once worked as a proofreader...at first it was fun correcting everyone elses spelling errors and grammatical mistakes (and be paid for it) but after a while it got to be a drag! Someone else can do that job I've had enougn of it.

I am not a spelling nazi in real life though. I think flaws just show you are learning and to be creatively messy is a process. Very few people can achieve flawlessness on their own.

I once had a perfectionist boss and it was extremely hard to work under him because he would expect everything to be perfect yesterday. Which of course it wasnt. And he wouldnt hire more workers to do the job quicker.

 

[BrotherMike]

My mom was a perfectionist so I’ve instilled some of those ways in my life. To be honest, I am pretty hard on myself, but I know we all are not perfect and we all fall short. I have high expectations of others to be kind, to do the right thing, but I also have patience and compassion knowing they might not have had the proper upbringing or values that I was blessed and trained to have. It also helps I am pretty chill, don’t get upset very easily. I try to see others as God sees us.

 

[Lanolin]

One if the most popular picture books in the school library is called Perfect.

It's about a pencil and a rubber. The pencil is always drawing and the rubber is always rubbing out mistakes. They dont like each other at first but then they learn to work together.

 

[Lanolin]

sorry eraser...in nz we call them rubbers because they are made of rubber.

 

[Lanolin]

An example from Friends....Monica Bing

classic type A perfectionist control freak obssessive personality...But I dont suppose you get to be Top Chef without it.

One thing I often read about in fiction novels which is possibly an overused trope is this plotline.

Heroine has perfect husband, perfect family, perfect home, perfect career. Till some serial killer upends her 'perfect life' or someone mysteriously dies/falls ill/goes missing. As if that never happens to 'perfect people' in real life.
The other is that her 'perfect husband' turns out not to be so perfect. Like for example hes got a dark past and actually killed his former ex wife but she just thinks hes a grieving widow.

 

[JMyrick]

Being a perfectionist might be good for creating works but it might also lead to being antisocial. Because they can't handle the imperfection of others.

 

[Lanolin]

Brene Brown seems to be the popular 'self help' guru of the year. She wrote a book called 'the gifts of imperfection' obviously meant for people who are perfectionists so there must be a lot out there.

When I saw this book in the bookshop I thought you gotta be kidding me, but there are really people who try to fake everything. Just be real I say.

YES PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. Thats what makes them human. Not God.

 

[Lanolin]

example from my life starring...mum! Maybe your mother is the same. .I dont know.

I went to cut flowers to put in a vase. Simple enough job you think

Oh no apparently I was doing it all wrong.

I am meant to put ice cold water in the vase, leave all the leaves on the stems and put sugar in the water. Thanks mum, who has never cut flowers in her life that I ever remember, but likes to harangue me. She cannot just appreciate the lovely perfume....

Or how about this. I go order takeaways for lunch and pay. Its butter chicken. Its hot, theres plenty i chicken, rice and sauce. I would think mum appreciates something exotic that she didnt have to spend hours to prepare. Its pretty delicious to me. She asks to share half of it (of course!) then I ask her how she likes it. Oh its not as good as it was before. I cant even remember the last time we even had butter chicken! But its ok to complain about the food when she didnt make it or pay for it....

Or this. I go to a $2 shop and buy some items. Mum cmes to and she gets some things and I notice she is buying noodles from the $2 shop. Im like weird, why is the $2 shop selling...noodles. Its the one my dad eats. Anyway she gets to the car and notices the best before date is back in August. I say well no wonder, why would a $2 shop be selling food anyway? So I say to her take it back and she gets a refund.

Things have to be PERFECT didnt you know? lol

 

[Lanolin]

Poor mum, since I wrote this thread she had set about being 'perfect' for Christmas (as my bossy sister was stressing us all out about it...from the other side of the world) doing all the cooking.

Which she doesnt even have to do but does it anyway and lets me know about it.

Her egg tarts turned GREEN, she almost put cinnamon instead of cumin in the potato salad, and she totally forgot about the feijoa crumble and left it in the oven when it became a gooey mess.

On my part, I was getting ingredients for trifle my brother offered to make but he toally neglected to tell me he needed the ingredients the night before so the jelly could set.

In the end everyone else in the family bought food over anyway, there was PLENTY and my cousins had made a trifle so they didnt even need ours!

 

[JStates]

Most people who know me describe me as pretty chill and laid back, and I am with others. I am an extreme perfectionist when it comes to myself and my projects however. Like the OP mentioned, perfectionists often put impossible standards on others but I've never really been like that. I think part of the reason is that people have disappointed me enough in life that I really have no positive expectations of most people except a very small circle. But I live in hope that I'll be pleasantly surprised one of these days.

My health issues mean I don't have much energy and often cannot meet my own expectations for myself. It is a constant cycle of discouragement sometimes but I have realized over the last several years that this is an intentional period of testing. I don't understand much more than that, but I get that much at least.

As others have mentioned, there are both good and bad sides to perfectionism. Discouragement and depression being the bad sides, and a drive for excellence in all areas of life being the good side I guess. Got to find that gracious balance.

 

[Lynx]

As others have mentioned, there are both good and bad sides to perfectionism. Discouragement and depression being the bad sides, and a drive for excellence in all areas of life being the good side I guess. Got to find that gracious balance.

As some painters would say, pointilism is pointless.

 

[Lanolin]

I think for myself I have eased up and learned to apply grace as God did for me when I was unwell.
I think the pressure of being perfect can make people unwell as well due to stress!

And if we arent full of the Holy Spirit, we can easily break.

what I have learned is everything is beautiful in its time. It might not be the time for you yet. But it could be a time for resting. And everyone needs their beauty sleep.

 

[G00WZ]

Yes i am to a degree with myself but i don't impose it on other people because people are going to be however they
choose to be. With me my goal isn't true perfection but rather doing things in the most efficient or effective best way i can if that makes any sense. Sometimes i let things slide though because i really wasn't all that invested to begin with.

 

[Lanolin]

In the Bible there is the scripture be ye perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect ...which is a tall order for most people!

I remember one time I won a prize at school and other kids seemed to think I was perfect because I got top of something. That just made them kind of stay away from me in a way. If only they knew!

Another time one of my school friends was always getting top marks and we thought she was brainy/clever but she downplayed it by saying she just had a photographic memory. Not something she had to work at.

If you are talented or gifted seems to mean you dont have to put that much effort into obtaining it. So maybe being perfect isnt something you have to work or strive at, rather, its a gift?

But then what about the people who think of themselves as Gods gift to man.

 

[RodB651]

Am I a perfectionist?..

no.

 

[Lanolin]

one annoying thing is a friend who always corrects peoples grammar so I deliberately say me and so and so when I'm around her and then wait for the ineveitable Its so and so and Me!

In the end I wonder if I could suddenly start talking in an Irish or Cockney accent and she might explode that I am not using 'correct English'

Obviously shes never been around my family, some of whom cannot pronounce the letter L or Y

I have a friend who instead of saying ASK says ARKS.

If I point this out she'll just keep saying it anyway.