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I hope there is someone out there that is gifted as a prayer warrior. Someone that enjoys praying for those who they do not know personally. I'm not one of those people. I pray often but I'm always so upset with life that I find myself just complaining about my situations. It upsets me that I'm like this, but for years I have asked the Lord to change my heart, feelings, etc. But for some reason He doesn't. Maybe it's because I got sin in my life. I think I'm going to write a post about one of the sins I struggle with. But I'm not doing it now because it will take a whole post for me to explain that one!
This post is about my current problem with Resentment, Bitterness, Unforgiveness, and Misdirection. Or you could call it confusion. I'm a night janitor for a school. I work second shift, and maintaining any kind of friendships is hard. The teachers are too busy to be my friend. (In fact my supervisor suggested that I don't talk to teachers at all, with the exception of just saying "Hi"). But once in a while I'll meet a teacher who breaks the tradition of ignoring my existence. (Most ignore my existence. They don't even say Hi to me. Let alone ask me how I'm doing.) Whenever that happens, then I feel like it's the Christian thing to do, to be a friend within the confinement of the rules. Doing things this way, I sorta made friends with about three of them. But even with them, I have to make almost all the effort. Back in October of 2021, I lost one "friend". She was a teacher who I saw almost every night. As not to bother her, I usually just waited until she said something to me before said anything. About six years, I cautiously tried to keep the friendship alive, until one day I screwed up, and upset her. She said some things to me that made me feel stupid, and we haven't spoken since. I've been feeling Resentful, and can't seem to break that feeling myself. I've prayed about it, and tried talking about it, but I can't seem to make the feeling go away.
This post is about my current problem with Resentment, Bitterness, Unforgiveness, and Misdirection. Or you could call it confusion. I'm a night janitor for a school. I work second shift, and maintaining any kind of friendships is hard. The teachers are too busy to be my friend. (In fact my supervisor suggested that I don't talk to teachers at all, with the exception of just saying "Hi"). But once in a while I'll meet a teacher who breaks the tradition of ignoring my existence. (Most ignore my existence. They don't even say Hi to me. Let alone ask me how I'm doing.) Whenever that happens, then I feel like it's the Christian thing to do, to be a friend within the confinement of the rules. Doing things this way, I sorta made friends with about three of them. But even with them, I have to make almost all the effort. Back in October of 2021, I lost one "friend". She was a teacher who I saw almost every night. As not to bother her, I usually just waited until she said something to me before said anything. About six years, I cautiously tried to keep the friendship alive, until one day I screwed up, and upset her. She said some things to me that made me feel stupid, and we haven't spoken since. I've been feeling Resentful, and can't seem to break that feeling myself. I've prayed about it, and tried talking about it, but I can't seem to make the feeling go away.
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