can you guys post something funny please?
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A burglar broke into a house on night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said " Jesus knows you're here" He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard "Jeus is watching you".
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed to the parrot.
"Yep" the parrot confessed, then squawked, I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you".
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses" replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus".
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed to the parrot.
"Yep" the parrot confessed, then squawked, I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you".
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses" replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus".
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I was driving one night with my wife when I got pulled over by the police.
The officer said that I ran a stop sign.
I started explaining how I didn't see it when my wife chimed in "I told him there was a sign there, officer!"
I told her to "Shut Up".
The officer went on to say that I was speeding, as well.
Before I could even defend myself, my wife said "officer, I told him to slow down".
I looked at her and told her "Shut your &&^%$ mouth!"
The officer then bent over into the window and asked my wife "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
She responded, "Oh No, officer. Only when he's been drinking!"
The officer said that I ran a stop sign.
I started explaining how I didn't see it when my wife chimed in "I told him there was a sign there, officer!"
I told her to "Shut Up".
The officer went on to say that I was speeding, as well.
Before I could even defend myself, my wife said "officer, I told him to slow down".
I looked at her and told her "Shut your &&^%$ mouth!"
The officer then bent over into the window and asked my wife "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
She responded, "Oh No, officer. Only when he's been drinking!"
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