Dating Apps & Websites - Yay or Nay ?

[Seeking-Christ]

As a grown man this is something that you must control and not your mother. Also, it is entirely up to you whether or not you choose to use online dating. I understand that there might be tension when you start being assertive but if you want to have any type of life this is something you must at least attempt to do. Perhaps find a roommate to share expenses and get your own place. This might take a little time to arrange but thoughts of moving out might give you some hope of a better life. God wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly.

You don't have a clue about how hard that would be!

 

[tourist]

You don't have a clue about how hard that would be!

As I mentioned, I know this would cause tremendous stress and yes, getting a roommate and getting your own place would indeed be a hard thing, albeit a necessary option if you want to gain your independence. Yes, this is easier said than done and would require courage and perseverance on your part that, with the grace of God, you would be able to accomplish.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

As I mentioned, I know this would cause tremendous stress and yes, getting a roommate and getting your own place would indeed be a hard thing, albeit a necessary option if you want to gain your independence. Yes, this is easier said than done and would require courage and perseverance on your part that, with the grace of God, you would be able to accomplish.

There is nobody I could roommate with. And there is no place to find one!

 

[tourist]

There is nobody I could roommate with. And there is no place to find one!

This is quite sad and hard to comprehend. Perhaps you could do a google search for possible roommates that live in your area.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

This is quite sad and hard to comprehend. Perhaps you could do a google search for possible roommates that live in your area.

Dude that would be dangerous, i could find a serial killer.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

This is quite sad and hard to comprehend. Perhaps you could do a google search for possible roommates that live in your area.

One time I was watching something on TV. This woman was murdered. Her husband murdered her. Do you know where she met him? On Christian Mingle! And that's not all, He also murdered his former wife before her!

 

[Seeking-Christ]

I understand why people turn to dating apps and websites. Even I have tried some of the dating sites. I remember signing up for match.com. I messed around with Christian Mingle. I tried to fill out an eHarmony profile. I was on Plentyoffish, and Okcupid. I talked with some girls on the phone. But places like Christian Mingle, 0Harmony, and Match require payment to write messages. The second to last girl I talked too on the phone, lived close by, called herself a Christian and smoked weed, and used curse words.

As I recall, some of those dating sites will let women message for free, but not guys.

 

[Gojira]

We’ve all known people or experienced it ourselves on what it’s like to use a Dating App or website, whether it’s Christian based or not.

I would like to know or hear of any first hand experiences or if you want to share of any that you know of which resulted in:

1. A successful match and marriage
2. A failed match and bad experience
3. Any other experience

Additionally, is this new form of dating a good thing for us a Christians and what advice would you bring or suggest if others are considering trying it out.

Thanks in advance!

I hate them.

* All the nice Christian girls ignore you unless they're interested. If a woman messaged me and I was not interested -- which was every time, BTW -- I would respond politely, just to acknowledge her reaching out to me. It's rude not to respond -- unless your spidey senses are tingling with an individual in question.

* It's amazing to me how many Christian women look for younger men on those things, sometimes by 10 years. I'm going to estimate about 25% of them. And they judge us men???

* I've actually read profiles where the lady said that she wanted a tall man because when she wears heels, she doesn't want to feel stupid standing next to them. And men are too concerned about the physical. (I had a Christian woman in the real world, shorter than I, reject me because of that.)

* I tried about a dozen sites, some more than once. From the cheap free ones all the way up to the now laughable eHarmony. Nada. Niente. No dice. No responses. I didn't write lude messages. I wrote nice messages expressing an interest and a desire to chat.

I did have one woman respond to me, and we met. We agreed it would platonic only, however. Okay, well that's fine. Just sitting across from a female at a restaurant to talk would be a nice change of pace from my predominantly male social life.

Well, she seemed enthusiastic about hanging out again. Cool. After a month or so I noticed I wasn't getting much communication. I did reach out to her, but she stopped responding. About maybe... two months later I gave it one last shot. She said she forgot about me. Gee... that didn't hurt. Christian woman too.

So while I've heard the success stories, I've heard more un-success stories, and my batting average on those sites is .000.

 

[tourist]

One time I was watching something on TV. This woman was murdered. Her husband murdered her. Do you know where she met him? On Christian Mingle! And that's not all, He also murdered his former wife before her!

OK, girl meets her husband on a dating site and husband whacks her. Reason enough to avoid these sites. OK, guy meets his wife on a dating site and is now happily married. Reason enough to join. Life can be a series of choices, good or bad.

 

[Mel85]

Great thread Mel!

Unfortunately, I blasted through my high speed data for the month and can't make the full reply I'd like to.

I was trying to remember... I was on 4 online sites and also tried a real life dating service... Not all at once! It was over several years.

Obviously nothing worked out, but it was quite the experience, lol.

Looking back, I'm extremely grateful for what I learned, both good and bad.

I've said this before, but I think the biggest problem for many Christians is the belief that God wants the best for them, so they think the best must be everything they want. I've fallen into this trap, too.

The men I met would tell me how I could be perfect for them and how I could help them pay their bills and raise their kids (because I don't have any.)

I was trying to remember this morning and I can't remember them ever asking what I might need or like or what they might have to offer in return, except the chance to make their life better.

I'm not trying to bash the men -- I read through profiles of and heard women in chat with lists longer than all the rules set out in Leviticus, lol.

And I'm sure I had my own unrealistic expectations, too.

My communication style is also way too slow for most. I don't want to give out my number the first day or week or maybe even month, it depends.

But overall, I'm very thankful for what I learned.

And who knows, one day I might go back.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, and I agree, if anything about being on dating apps or websites it’s given me the realisation that not all have the same intentions as myself and that there are as broken people out there, which then makes me feel sorry for them. What i do know is that i have to keep asking God if what im doing is ok and align with what he has for me cause, not gonna lie my flesh can be tempted sometimes but nee to rely on God that my spirit is more disciplined then my flesh

 

[Mel85]

I'm going to see if my data plan will allow me to sneak in a lengthier message on my laptop...

I just wanted to mention some things I learned that I found very helpful to keep in mind when on dating sites. I don't know if it applies to all of them, but:

1. I've read that dating sites don't delete old profiles (including limited time free trials) and will still count them as part of their roster to boost their numbers to attract new people. A site might boast that it has X million members, but maybe only a very small fraction of those accounts are actually up to date, paid for, and actively used, because the number they're pushing includes everyone who ever signed up for the site.

2. I've read that some sites employee people to put up fake profiles with attractive pictures to lure others in, targeting people who are up for renewal or considering joining after a free trial. You might get a message from someone with a stunning picture -- who conveniently disappears right after you pay.

3. Apparently one of the common online dating scams that I wasn't aware of is the "Widow/Widower Scam." One thing to watch for in particular is if the person claims to be very young.

On one Christian site, I noticed a LOT of profiles (both men and women) claiming to be in their 20's, and listed their status was widowed. I thought this was odd, but had a young co-worker once who went into the military, was killed by a suicide bomber, and left behind a wife, so I scolded myself that I wasn't being too judgmental.

Some time later in the live chat, an older man came in and said that he was frustrated by all the widow scams. I never even knew it was a thing. The man said he was an actual widower, and could tell these others were made up. He told us all to beware and to look for certain patterns, such as claiming they were left with one beloved child whom they were struggling to raise alone, so couldn't you help them out, just a little? Or maybe they had been left behind with a mortgage they were having trouble paying, hint hint.

Now I'm certainly not trying to discredit anyone who has gone through the pain of losing a spouse and is actually going through this.

But I can be a little naive at times (I tend to believe people unless proven otherwise,) and that was definitely an eye-opening experience for me.

Oh goodness @ 1 & 2….. I did not know that..

I think you’ve highlighted some good points for those of us who are testing the waters. The widow one is quite common with scammers, i guess it’s a manipulative form to try and get sympathy from their victims first before they get the chance to scam.

 

[Mel85]

I have answered ads in a paper before for dating.... It seemed like such a meat market having to weed through the serious and the people just wanting to hook up. I did make a friend or two but never found a serious relationship.

I did fill out a form but ended up throwing the form away after answering the questions as I felt like I wouldn't want to date me and realizing that I needed to work on me and my relationship with God before trying to find a person. It was a wise choice.

I got married the first time at 17 three months before I turned 18 and divorced by 24 because we grew up and grew apart and stayed single until I was 59 and met Tourist here on CC but was not looking for anyone it just happened. We started messaging and ended up falling in love with each other through long talks.

I don't think I like dating sites because of the meat market feel and who knows if they are lying or not, married, not married. Just wanting sex or not. Can't say I trust the sites but do not know anything about Christian dating sites so couldn't comment at all on those.

Hey Darlene, thanks for popping by. Always good to hear from you the fact that you and Jerry weren’t looking and it just happened gives the likes of myself hope lol yes definitely agree every app or website will have a mixture of liars, scammers, ungodly people and that’s what I’ll have to keep at the back of my mind - by all means i am not perfect either.

 

[Mel85]

I hate them.

* All the nice Christian girls ignore you unless they're interested. If a woman messaged me and I was not interested -- which was every time, BTW -- I would respond politely, just to acknowledge her reaching out to me. It's rude not to respond -- unless your spidey senses are tingling with an individual in question.

* It's amazing to me how many Christian women look for younger men on those things, sometimes by 10 years. I'm going to estimate about 25% of them. And they judge us men???

* I've actually read profiles where the lady said that she wanted a tall man because when she wears heels, she doesn't want to feel stupid standing next to them. And men are too concerned about the physical. (I had a Christian woman in the real world, shorter than I, reject me because of that.)

* I tried about a dozen sites, some more than once. From the cheap free ones all the way up to the now laughable eHarmony. Nada. Niente. No dice. No responses. I didn't write lude messages. I wrote nice messages expressing an interest and a desire to chat.

I did have one woman respond to me, and we met. We agreed it would platonic only, however. Okay, well that's fine. Just sitting across from a female at a restaurant to talk would be a nice change of pace from my predominantly male social life.

Well, she seemed enthusiastic about hanging out again. Cool. After a month or so I noticed I wasn't getting much communication. I did reach out to her, but she stopped responding. About maybe... two months later I gave it one last shot. She said she forgot about me. Gee... that didn't hurt. Christian woman too.

So while I've heard the success stories, I've heard more un-success stories, and my batting average on those sites is .000.

Interesting points you bring from a male perspective. Im pretty tall (5”9) but I wouldn’t let the height of a guy be a deal breaker. I do know it matters for both women and men / in fact one guy I know who is shorter than me (5”6) wouldn’t date any woman taller than him because it was a threat to who he was as a man - whatever that meant, I think it was a ego thing.

 

[Lanolin]

Mel

are you going to try one.

I just want to say if you do...its at your own risk

Remember the girl who went on Tinder and her body was found the in the bush, strangled by her 'date' Grace Mullane

The other one they have thats a nz one is Find Someone, sure, you might 'find someone' but its a bit hit and miss, you may as well put yourself up for auction on Trade Me. (who owns the site)

Then any other 'free' dating site even if its a purportedly 'christian' one is just full of scammers wanting naive christian girls. Honestly.

If you really want to date someone, move to Australia. I just dont think men in nz know how to do it, and there are too few of them really. Plus you putting your life at risk if you let someone else take the wheel.
Not saying this to scare you but you need to be savvy. The list of precautions you need to be aware of are as long as your arm!

 

[CharliRenee]

Hey Mel, I was scrolling my feed and saw this. Before I share, know that I am rooting for your success. This is just a funny post.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Mel, I was scrolling my feed and saw this. Before I share, know that I am rooting for your success. This is just a funny post. View attachment 241125

Miss seeing you around, CharliRenee.

 

[BrotherMike]

There have been successes on dating sites, and of course failures too. Just have to be careful and take your time getting to know them. If you don't feel right about someone, don't go with them. Don't rush to go out with them... be on guard and spend as long time as you need to make a wise decision. This really applies to anywhere you look.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

I've tried many out, mainly so-called Christian sites. Generally speaking I believe they are abject disasters. I mainly got expressions of interests from scammers (about 90% of respondents), and most of the other respondents obviously hadn't bothered to read through my profile properly.

I'm not sure what is worse, owning a yacht or joining a dating site. For either one of those you will most likely be throwing a lot of time, effort and maybe money at them without getting much in return. Actually, owning a yacht would be better!

Best option, find a local Christian group that has no religious practices other than striving to excel at Christ-like attitudes and behaviours in all their ways, and that go out regularly together socialising and having healthy fun. They refrain from having formal prayer meetings, worship services, formal Bible studies and the like, because they are the domain of their particular church and pastors/elders. The emphasis is on socialising and developing friendships, and if they are looking for one, then maybe they'll find that special person that will be their other half 'till death do they part! Mind you, I've been trying to find such a group for a long time without success...sorry for the pessimism.

 

[Lanolin]

why would you bother owning a yacht?
Just an endless money pit

IMHO

well if got nothing better to do I suppose. It employs a lot of yachties for the upkeep. And you can brag about the americas cup should you happen to convince the govt to spend all the taxpayers money on it.

 

[Lanolin]

If I recall, all of west auckland was bought for some dry goods and a yacht. (a schooner)

Good trade eh