What Would Happen to the Structure of the Christian Family If Most Men Became House Husbands?

[seoulsearch]

You didnt see any red flags there?
Why was he divorced from his wife?

I'd rather not spill all of his private life here, as it is their own business, though perhaps I've already said too much.

Yes, there were red flags.

I was young, going through my own heartache, and when I met him, he was working steadily, taking care of his kids, regularly attending AA, and going to church. He was also honest about it all and never tried to hide anything at the time. I thought that maybe God was helping him recover. In the beginning, he was kind and attentive.

I didn't realize that the rabbit hole was right in front of me or how far it would go. Like most people, I thought that with two people helping each other (so I presumed,) things would get better, not worse.

I also wonder if he would have been been better off if we had never dated, meaning that I came to realize later on that my presence was enabling him, but I didn't know it at the time.

I appreciate all of your concerns... And I thank you for listening to my story.

But seeing as the other side of the coin really belongs to him and his family, I'm going to close this chapter for now, in order to put the focus back on the thread topic rather than my own personal life.

I'm sorry for throwing people off track -- I was just trying to give an example rather than starting a whole new topic.

 

[JohnDB]

I appreciate that you both share your experiences AND are willing to listen to the experiences of others, John. I enjoy your posts and the knowledge you share. When I write these threads, I'm looking for people who are both wanting to share what they know, as well as learn from other people.

I understand that our newer friends to the forum, or those who just read the title and answer (especially if there are several answers, it's perfectly understandable to do that,) aren't going to be familiar with my style or objectives.

I've grown up in the church my whole life, as many have, and it most certainly doesn't give me any kind of free pass (if nothing else, God holds us believers even more accountable.)

But what I do have because of that background is a decent familiarity with church language and culture. Now I know, and believe without question, that God does not change, nor do His principles.

But human culture and society changes all the time -- and that's no excuse for evil. But what I saw growing up and see now, is that the church seems unable or unwilling to learn how to apply God's unchanging Word to situations that is always changing. It's like slapping a Band-Aid on a moving car.

And it's not that the answers have changed -- I just think it might be forcing us to look at things from the wider scope of God's Word. Instead of going back to the same 3 passages most people love to quote on a particular subject, maybe we have to dig deeper and find passages all over the Bible that collectively apply, and then prayerfully approach each situation individually.

This has been the main focus of my Christian walk my entire life.

Every thread I write is my way of asking God how do we apply Your steadfast righteousness to the plethora of twists and turns this life brings?

To answer your question....
Dunno....if Jesus didn't have an answer I'm not sure that I can. He definitely tried but nobody listened. He told parables and stories and nobody got them either. I still hear abusing definitions of what those stories are about to this day. When I say that the "church trained answer" is not the answer....I'm not kidding. I'm sure you know that too. Because very very few want to go beyond the flat reading of scriptures....to KNOW the scriptures, what they really were about, corroborating scriptures, and to make them fill your heart....who really does that?....most people are looking desperately to give the expected church trained answer in Christianese speak....I'm not one of those....hence every Small Group leader I've been a member of their class has loved and hated me all at the same time.
I am unique in that I don't quote pastors sermons. I have my own understanding. It's not comfortable. But I am very passionate.

 

[JohnDB]

I'd rather not spill all of his private life here, as it is their own business, though perhaps I've already said too much.

Yes, there were red flags.

I was young, going through my own heartache, and when I met him, he was working steadily, taking care of his kids, regularly attending AA, and going to church. He was also honest about it all and never tried to hide anything at the time. I thought that maybe God was helping him recover. In the beginning, he was kind and attentive.

I didn't realize that the rabbit hole was right in front of me or how far it would go. Like most people, I thought that with two people helping each other (so I presumed,) things would get better, not worse.

I also wonder if he would have been been better off if we had never dated, meaning that I came to realize later on that my presence was enabling him, but I didn't know it at the time.

I appreciate all of your concerns... And I thank you for listening to my story.

But seeing as the other side of the coin really belongs to him and his family, I'm going to close this chapter for now, in order to put the focus back on the thread topic rather than my own personal life.

I'm sorry for throwing people off track -- I was just trying to give an example rather than starting a whole new topic.

And I did want to express my gratitude for these topics....it's an opportunity to explain what sanity looks like in an insane world.

 

[Lynx]

You and I might disagree about this, but to me, he had completely abdicated his leadership, and I have seen many, many other families who are sadly, also in this position. Even if he would have been able to continue to work, he would not have been the leader if I had still had to make all the decisions and do all the work to care for his kids.

Whatever else, there is one thing you cannot take away from seoulsearch: She gets +7 points for being able to use "abdicated" in a sentence. =^.^=

 

[cinder]

I'm thinking someone should make the comment that there's a difference between a house husband (or housewife) and a lazy bum. If he's not doing anything productive at all.... he's sliding into lazy bum territory.

Probably just needs one of them whatchamacalit's @Lynx is always talking about.... that something to be passionate about thingy. Like a good cause that's worth fighting for or something.

 

[Lynx]

It really does make all the difference in the world. "I'm bored" just totally vanishes from a person's vocabulary.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

If you look at the inner cities, most children are born out of wedlock. Many mothers look to the state as the father. There are more children killed in the womb than born..

Throughout the nation, the vast majority of children are literally raised by the government schools. Home dad's or not, children need to be raised by their own parents, not gt employees with curriculum from California and Texas. I'm not a fan of house Dad's. However, they are responsible for their children s education.
Whose values are taught to children? It certainly hasn't produced good marriages and Godly society.

If the Lord ever blesses me with a decent believer and my own children, they certainly will Not be raised by strangers.

 

[Bluesproverb]

I own two Baskin Robbins, and all my flavors are made day of. You're dealing with at least 64.

Two, @ 32 flavors to = 64? Buddy, you got sold a pirated ice cream shop.

Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors by advertised tradition. That would make someone dealing with 62 not 64.
And Baskin Robbins has 1,400 unique flavors in total.

https://www.baskinrobbins.com/en/faqs

 

[Bluesproverb]

I own two Baskin Robbins, and all my flavors are made day of. You're dealing with at least 64.

Two, @ 32 flavors to =64 ? Buddy, you got a pirated ice cream shop

Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors by advertised tradition. That would make someone dealing with 62 not 64.
And Baskin Robbins has 1,400 unique flavors in total.

https://www.baskinrobbins.com/en/faqs

WARNING VERY ACCURATE, UNFUNNY RESPONSE FOLLOWS
That's one set of choices Satan won't get from me. The intestinal wall is 0 to 2mm thick, about as thick as a sausage wrap. Tearing that wall is common when applying pressure from a foreign object, and without massive antibiotics and surgery, death comes by Sepsis.
That's 3 days of turning yellow, green, and finally purple and black, as your belly bloats, you vomit up blood, you defecate clotted blood and rotted intestine, and die of blood poisoning, or if you're lucky suffocate on vomit before that.

Nope, exit only, for the waste disposal organ. The tickle feature on that organ is to facilitate territory marking, like all males, something I already described on another post a few days ago, if you want me to find that.

That is entirely vulgar and uncalled for. Children visit this site.

 

[Lanolin]

Oh ok
thanks for explaing Seoul
well the real thing you were dealing with was his alcohol addiction (not just, he stayed at home)

And its Not about him being a house husband at all. A good husband whether they work at home or away from it is not going to be an addict. An alcohol addiction will disqualify anyone from being a good husband.

A definition of a husband is someone who looks after something, whether house,family, animals etc.

An addict cannot look after anyone let alone themselves. whther you have to keep them at home or in rehab, they cannot really be a good husband if they are addicted.

 

[Lanolin]

Its actually very beneficial for husbands to spend more time at home, and fixing up the house lol

In nz, we have 'hire a hubby' which is like a business where you can call a guy over to mow the lawns and fix the roof etc

 

[Lanolin]

Obviously you can still drink at home, thats why rehab was invented, so people could go somehwere to dry out and not have any access to alcohol.

for some its so tempting they will drink meth or hand santizer if they desperate

obviously in many workplaces you will not be allowed to work under the influence. Or you work will be very sloppy if you do.

 

[Lanolin]

Im thinking Ive said enough but I realise what OP was and the title of thread seems totally different and I cant address those concerns that seem completely foreign to me. Being a house husband just like being a housewife is not necessarily INFERIOR or lesser.

If you are drunk and cant drive which means you cant get out the house that is completely different! Also drink drivers have their licenses confiscated OR they end up in jail where they are no good for anyone. For one thing they cannot really provide for their family whether at home or in prison.

Housewives are not stuck inside a house all day watching tv. They can drive if they want to! They have heaps of things to do and organise round the neighbourhood. Is this somehow an inferior position? They can have a home business if they want. Lots of wives do this. They may be in charge of finances, sometimes its not the breadwinner or majority earner that actually does the accounts.

Now if you live in a cell I mean apartment maybe there isnt much to do. But maintaining a house is actually lot of work.

 

[Moses_Young]

This is what I find interesting regarding topics like this.

It's kind of like, Ok, let's talk about what happens when men are in house husband roles.

And the automatic knee-jerk reaction is that the people only reading the title will say, "You're in for utter chaos if you rebel against God's order of the family!" and I understand that.

One of the reasons for that is because, in my observation at least, the church is so used to talking about such issues in black-and-white terms that everyone parrots back the same uniform answer.

But life is never uniform.

As I said, when I talk about house husbands, I'm NOT thinking of people saying, "I'm going to openly rebel against God, put a woman in charge of the household, and delegate the man to mopping and cleaning the toilets."

Rather, I'm thinking of the millions of households who actually DO have a house husband not necessarily because of open rebellion, but because of distractions (the guy who would rather play video games all night rather than deal with the trouble his kids got into at school that day,) disability (mental or physical, depending,) and addictions.

It's interesting that a number of times in the bible, a man does abdicate his responsibilities and a Godly woman steps in and lives are saved because of it (not that all of the men were in house-husband roles, though!) Zipporah, Jael and Abigail are three examples I can think of.