"Not Physically Attracted Enough" - Vs - "Friendship that Catches Fire"
I recently started a relationship with a good christian woman who gave me her contact info. We've communicated via text and have gotten to know each other for a few months. We went out on two dates. (I know they we dates, cause I paid for them.
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I definitely like her as a person, and a friend, although we didn't have such a fun time that I'm inspired to hangout with her again. The physical attraction isn't there for me, so I decided I should stop asking her out... beyond friendly chats.
Although I didn't find her physically attractive upfront, I didn't want to jump to conclusions, and wanted to spend some time with her to see if that might change. I would assume people do that, especially women, because they get asked out. What's your experience? What's your advice?
What's your thoughts on "dating" people you're not physically attracted to?
1. It was suggested to me that I go out with, and get to know women, I'm not immediately physically attracted to because a physical attraction -- or some other kind of attraction -- might occur in the future. What's your thoughts on that? Has it ever happened to you?
I've heard a number of christian speakers talk about:
"Love is when friendship catches fire!"
When I hear these messages, I roll my eyes. I'd like to go up front and ask them, "Is this YOUR personal experience? When you met your wife, did you first think she was ugly as sin, but then after you knew her for a while, then BAM you fell in love, and now you can't keep your hands off her?"
It's one thing to become particularly physically attracted someone after you've known them for a while... like if you're part of the same group or organization; it's another thing to date someone you definitely do not find physically attractive, and then that changes. I think former happens sometimes, but I doubt the latter does.
That is to say: I think there may be someone you didn't really "think about" as 'your type', or someone you didn't
particularly find attractive at first, or someone who annoyed you, and then after you got to know them overtime you then "noticed" they WERE particularly attractive to you. That's more like going from "neutral", "absent minded", or annoyed to physically attracted... as opposed to 'definitely not physically attracted' to a "friendship catching on fire".
There's also the risk of leading someone on when it's 99% assured romantic love is not going to happen.
2. Different for Women?
Experientially, I've found the situation is generally different for women. My mother told me she went out with guys she didn't find physically attractive just go out and have some fun. When the guys asked her about it, she'd have to admit she was using them (though she didn't describe that way, she acknowledged it was wrong and cruel). Also, since men ask out women, a woman may not have given it (him) much thought and wants to be open-minded about it, or doesn't want to hurt the man's feelings, or she's just 'hedging her bets'... that is, she wants to keep some "second choices" and "better-than-nothing choices" in play while she's waiting to see if her Prince ever arrives. Additionally, before women were welcomed in the workplace, some women dated and married based mostly on the 'life the husband could provide her' rather than if she was physically attracted to him. I suppose if she loves and stays faithfully married to him, it's fine. Thoughts?
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