I'm confused now...

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The_boy

Guest
#1
#1
First the back story. Met a girl 5 years ago on an online game. I was 18 she was 13. I helped her on the game a lot and made people that picked on her miserable. At some point she became infatuated with me. About 4 months ago she told me she had loved me for about 4 years so we started dating (at this point she'd been 18 for 3 months). It was easy to love her and I found myself thinking about her all the time. I loved her (and still do honestly) so much that I'd have given my life for her in a heartbeat. About 2 month ago she breaks up with me leaving me utterly heartbroken and feeling dead inside...only in the last couple weeks have a started to become myself again and earlier she said she missed me a lot and wanted to get back together but still needed to think about it.
This is where I say that I have little dating experience and am not the most emotionally stable person out there. I'm not the type to hurt someone but I don't handle heartache well. I'm confused with the whole situation and quite frankly it has been bugging the life out of me all day long to the point that it has left me mentally exhausted. Anyone have a word of advice/encouragement/whatever? The boy could use something. (and now you know why my screen name is The_boy)
 
Megatron

Megatron

Banned
#2
May 6, 2011
640
2
0
#2
Have you ever actually met her?
 
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USNCorpsman76

Guest
#4
#4
In today's electronic age, people can presumably "date" and not even come face to face.

So the question then still stands, have you actually met her?
 
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Lamont_Cranston

Guest
#6
#6
The_boy in my limited experience with girls in their late teens and early twenties none of them have known what they wanted. I don't mean to imply that all young women are that way but that's what I've seen consistently with the four or so girls that I've been close with. Young people in general often don't know what they want from a relationship regardless of their gender. The less experience with dating and romantic relationships the less they know what they want. Feel free to skip the next paragraph because it's just to put my advice in context.

I was in a turbulent relationship with a girl that didn't know what she wanted a couple years ago. She said she was confused and for a while we spent time together as friends then we got back together as a couple. Then she was still confused. For a significant portion of the two years that she and I were dating she lied to me about a drinking problem, was seeing other men, and on at least one occasion got blackout drunk and slept with a total stranger. As all of these things came to light it more or less destroyed me. I fell into a deep depression, dropped out of college when I had a full scholarship, and quit my job. It is easily one of the two most painful experiences of my 23 years of life. It would have been bad had I just liked her but I genuinely loved her or at least who she had appeared to be when I initially got to know her. I've spent the past two years by myself. I alienated the few friends that I had and every time I saw a cute girl the first thought that came to my mind was that she was probably just the same as my ex underneath the sweet exterior(a tendency which I am finally starting to overcome with mixed success). There's not a day that she doesn't cross my mind. I've laid awake at night for hours trying to figure out if there was anything I could have done differently. If there was anything I could have done to save her. Two years spent agonizing over everything I did wrong and everything I could have done better.

If a girl doesn't know what she wants then she's not relationship material. Throw them away like they're a live hand grenade at the first sign of confusion on their part.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#7
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#7
Aside from the live hand grenade part, I concur about women not knowing what they want when they are 19-22ish. Not all are like this but in my experience a lot of damage can be done to someone who goes for the ride hoping that when sanity sets in, they will be there.

Its almost my current dilemma. There is a girl that I have always known and we have danced around the idea of dating for a while but, I don't know if she is still crazy, so I'm trying to wait it out and see.

Women have far more power than we give them credit for. When they seize our hearts, there is little we can do to affect the outcome.
 
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princessbella

Guest
#8
#8
Women have far more power than we give them credit for. When they seize our hearts, there is little we can do to affect the outcome.[/quote]

Visa versa too my friend , its not as simple as your making it out,
 
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Boanerges

Guest
#9
#9
Well, there's the possibility that she love the feeling of a "platonic love" or a "impossible love". Because, she was in love of you for 4 years, but after you started to date her, after a while, she broke with you, but now, when she is not with you, She wants to get back.
 
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Lad

Guest
#10
#10
My advice? Dont do it. Wait for God to show you the right girl.
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#11
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#11
Lad said:
My advice? Dont do it. Wait for God to show you the right girl.
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while this is really great advice, I must point out Lad that you aren't yet old enough to have the clock ticking away furiously in your ear all the time. Its easier to say that to actually do.
 
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allforfun

Guest
#12
#12
princessbella said:
Women have far more power than we give them credit for. When they seize our hearts, there is little we can do to affect the outcome.
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Visa versa too my friend , its not as simple as your making it out,[/quote]

Exactly. Love is a two way street often with no traffic lights.
 
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Jilas

Guest
#13
#13
Real love sanctioned by God is not confusing or heartbreaking. Pray and ask God for a peace within your heart to know what to do. Many of my life's decisions were based on the peace within my heart.
 
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The_boy

Guest
#14
#14
No I have not met her face to face unless a webcam counts. She and her friend are going to be going on a vacation thing next summer and they are planning to come down this direction. Assuming she actually gets to do this she'll be trying to make a stop for the day JUST to meet me in person. Of course I'll have a plan where we can hang out in public settings so that she can feel as safe as possible the entire time. I really do care about her and I am not a particularly confident person and when I talk to her I feel like I could take on the world and win with ease.
 
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Lad

Guest
#15
#15
Pheonix said:
while this is really great advice, I must point out Lad that you aren't yet old enough to have the clock ticking away furiously in your ear all the time. Its easier to say that to actually do.
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I know its hard for the older ones but im a firm believer that our emotions shouldnt affect gods will for our lives and that if we are truly in his service it means he has full control over every area of our lives.
 
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allforfun

Guest
#16
#16
Lad said:
I know its hard for the older ones but im a firm believer that our emotions shouldnt affect gods will for our lives and that if we are truly in his service it means he has full control over every area of our lives.
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I value every ones ideas but talk about this particular issue when you aren't a teenager. 19 vs my age? Yeah, I am going to have a few things to say about a teenager giving life advice.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#17
Aug 2, 2009
24,587
4,273
113
#17
The_boy said:
No I have not met her face to face unless a webcam counts. She and her friend are going to be going on a vacation thing next summer and they are planning to come down this direction. Assuming she actually gets to do this she'll be trying to make a stop for the day JUST to meet me in person. Of course I'll have a plan where we can hang out in public settings so that she can feel as safe as possible the entire time. I really do care about her and I am not a particularly confident person and when I talk to her I feel like I could take on the world and win with ease.
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Try not to get your hopes up too much because there's always the chance that things won't be as great as they seemed online. I'm not talking about appearances, I mean personality-wise. Its best to go with few expectations, or even none at all.
 
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Lad

Guest
#19
#19
allforfun said:
I value every ones ideas but talk about this particular issue when you aren't a teenager. 19 vs my age? Yeah, I am going to have a few things to say about a teenager giving life advice.
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Is what I have said unbiblical in any way?
 
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allforfun

Guest
#20
#20
Lad said:
Is what I have said unbiblical in any way?
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No. That isn't the issue. Life is more than biblical advice thrown at people. I wouldn't talk addiction with someone who hadn't gone through it, and I can't expect a very young person to be able to talk about something like this beyond biblical principle. Book learning equate training in the field so to speak.

This is not an insult towards you at all.
 
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