How do I explain a breakup to young children?

[HealthAndHappiness]

I'm rereading now and just wondering how many of these "stepchildren" are from the boyfriend, and how many (if any) children were fathered by the boyfriend?

I mean, if boyfriend is not the father and is only seen as a "second father", and she's trying to repair a relationship with the husband (father?) then WHY continue seeing the boyfriend (or allowing children to see that man if they are not his) on weekends?

I am possibly totally wrong.
I have no "dog in this fight" so to speak.
However, I have been drawn into wasting several hours all together with others, answering questions about drama that seems like the same person. I don't call them out, because there's a chance they are true and not wasting everyone's time.

If this person has been so very open with her name, and various details that are really none of my business, I would think that she would be happy to say that she didn't give birth to 18-13 children. However, that didn't get mentioned. She said to someone that she started having children young. I don't shame her for that. If she has a lot of children, glad she didn't abort them.

The question is that It doesn't matter what culture or how many father's there were. Gestation with humans is 9 months and normally breast feeding makes that next pregnancy wait a while longer. Anyone can do the math, so when was the first born?

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Oh my goodness!! That's sooo cool!

Has your dog ever sung with you?

 

[seoulsearch]

The question is that It doesn't matter what culture or how many father's there were. Gestation with humans is 9 months and normally breast feeding makes that next pregnancy wait a while longer. Anyone can do the math, so when was the first born?

I could be wrong about this, but I'm guessing that whatever number of children the OP is claiming, they aren't all hers by birth, and that some originally belonged to the husband and to the boyfriend by different mothers.

I once knew a man who would tell you he had 5 children, but that's because he married a woman with 5 children, and he hadn't biologically produced any of them.

This whole story reminds me of a girl I used to know.

She had multiple kids by multiple fathers, and was currently with the father of the youngest and talking marriage. However, it was later rumored that he was cheating on her with another woman who also had multiple children by multiple fathers. The boyfriend vehemently denied that he had ever slept with this other woman.

Some time later, this second woman had another child, and so the first woman, wanting to test him, presented him with, "You know, I saw (the other woman) and her baby the other day, and that baby looks exactly like you."

She hadn't actually seen this other woman, nor had she seen the child. But he immediately answered, "I swear, it isn't mine! I'll take a paternity test to prove it!" And she looked at him and said, "If you've never slept with her, why would you need to take a paternity test?"

Hook, line, and sinker.

(I don't know if he turned out to be the father or not -- I didn't hear that part of the story.)

Now I know it sounds like something straight out of the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show, but this was the daily norm for many of the girls I worked with (and most of the fathers of their kids wound up in jail.)

The most ironic thing is that one of these girls had a prominent relative who headed a local church, and so the whole family claimed to identify strongly with God and was in church every Sunday. But apparently, there was no such thing as sexual sin to them unless it was textbook adultery. Everything else seemed to get a pass, so they all thought they were right with the Lord.

I asked her once what her church's sermons were about, and apparently, there were certain things they focused on that stood out to them as "sin" and so that's all they talked about. Stealing and murder were apparently heavily preached against because it was an area where shootouts were common. Other things they were told was to avoid hard drugs (but weed was seen as ok, and this was way before any state had made legal exceptions,) and try to avoid joining a gang. These were seen as the biggest problems in the community, so apparently this is what the churches focused on. (I keep saying "apparently" because I'm only going by what I was told -- I never actually attended these churches myself to hear what was taught.)

I was genuinely shocked, as I was just a sheltered kid from a small town in another area.

I have often wondered if one of the biggest hurdles to evangelism and getting people nowadays is trying to get others to come into agreement of what sin really is.

 

[HopeinHim98]

Has your dog ever sung with you?

Lol no. I stayed with some friends on my recent trip and they could get their little chihuahua to sing; it was so cute.

 

[HopeinHim98]

I could be wrong about this, but I'm guessing that whatever number of children the OP is claiming, they aren't all hers by birth, and that some originally belonged to the husband and to the boyfriend by different mothers.

I once knew a man who would tell you he had 5 children, but that's because he married a woman with 5 children, and he hadn't biologically produced any of them.

This whole story reminds me of a girl I used to know.

She had multiple kids by multiple fathers, and was currently with the father of the youngest and talking marriage. However, it was later rumored that he was cheating on her with another woman who also had multiple children by multiple fathers. The boyfriend vehemently denied that he had ever slept with this other woman.

Some time later, this second woman had another child, and so the first woman, wanting to test him, presented him with, "You know, I saw (the other woman) and her baby the other day, and that baby looks exactly like you."

She hadn't actually seen this other woman, nor had she seen the child. But he immediately answered, "I swear, it isn't mine! I'll take a paternity test to prove it!" And she looked at him and said, "If you've never slept with her, why would you need to take a paternity test?"

Hook, line, and sinker.

(I don't know if he turned out to be the father or not -- I didn't hear that part of the story.)

Now I know it sounds like something straight out of the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show, but this was the daily norm for many of the girls I worked with (and most of the fathers of their kids wound up in jail.)

The most ironic thing is that one of these girls had a prominent relative who headed a local church, and so the whole family claimed to identify strongly with God and was in church every Sunday. But apparently, there was no such thing as sexual sin to them unless it was textbook adultery. Everything else seemed to get a pass, so they all thought they were right with the Lord.

I asked her once what her church's sermons were about, and apparently, there were certain things they focused on that stood out to them as "sin" and so that's all they talked about. Stealing and murder were apparently heavily preached against because it was an area where shootouts were common. Other things they were told was to avoid hard drugs (but weed was seen as ok, and this was way before any state had made legal exceptions,) and try to avoid joining a gang. These were seen as the biggest problems in the community, so apparently this is what the churches focused on. (I keep saying "apparently" because I'm only going by what I was told -- I never actually attended these churches myself to hear what was taught.)

I was genuinely shocked, as I was just a sheltered kid from a small town in another area.

I have often wondered if one of the biggest hurdles to evangelism and getting people nowadays is trying to get others to come into agreement of what sin really is.

It's also crazy how much scandal there is among conservative, say Independant Baptist, leaders. There is one preacher I heard of that preached strong for modesty and probably a lot of things that needed to be addressed, then it later came out he wasn't above reproach morally. And that is just one example. Then people pull out the "Touch not the Lord's anointed" card and claim you shouldn't address it.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Lol no. I stayed with some friends on my recent trip and they could get their little chihuahua to sing; it was so cute.

That is so cute!
My prairie dogs, Sarah and Samuel, would throw their heads back and sing with me too.
George liked to "sing" base with me. He was very talkative.

 

[HopeinHim98]

That is so cute!
My prairie dogs, Sarah and Samuel, would throw their heads back and sing with me too.
George liked to "sing" base with me. He was very talkative.

Too cute!

 

[Lanolin]

I think the OP might be able to explain her situation better than our speculation

Not sure about the 'second father' or boyfriend. If there are two dads then I would guess both need their space or the house will be very crowded with 13 children if they are all under one roof.

In the Bible Jacob had 13 children with four women, two of which were his wives and two their maids.

I think I would explain it to children that their dad or second dad needs more space and that means they get to visit though he wont be around the home anymore. I mean some people when their family exapnds just buy a bigger house, or add on to their existing one. But in some areas you are not actually allowed to do this, extend your house. You need building consents etc. Its can be easier for most people to move out to a new place.

if you live in the country side with plenty of room, no problem but in cities with limited land space this is inevitably going to cause arguments. Count yourself lucky if you have a room all to yourself and dont have to share

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I could be wrong about this, but I'm guessing that whatever number of children the OP is claiming, they aren't all hers by birth, and that some originally belonged to the husband and to the boyfriend by different mothers.

I once knew a man who would tell you he had 5 children, but that's because he married a woman with 5 children, and he hadn't biologically produced any of them.

This whole story reminds me of a girl I used to know.

She had multiple kids by multiple fathers, and was currently with the father of the youngest and talking marriage. However, it was later rumored that he was cheating on her with another woman who also had multiple children by multiple fathers. The boyfriend vehemently denied that he had ever slept with this other woman.

Some time later, this second woman had another child, and so the first woman, wanting to test him, presented him with, "You know, I saw (the other woman) and her baby the other day, and that baby looks exactly like you."

She hadn't actually seen this other woman, nor had she seen the child. But he immediately answered, "I swear, it isn't mine! I'll take a paternity test to prove it!" And she looked at him and said, "If you've never slept with her, why would you need to take a paternity test?"

Hook, line, and sinker.

(I don't know if he turned out to be the father or not -- I didn't hear that part of the story.)

Now I know it sounds like something straight out of the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show, but this was the daily norm for many of the girls I worked with (and most of the fathers of their kids wound up in jail.)

The most ironic thing is that one of these girls had a prominent relative who headed a local church, and so the whole family claimed to identify strongly with God and was in church every Sunday. But apparently, there was no such thing as sexual sin to them unless it was textbook adultery. Everything else seemed to get a pass, so they all thought they were right with the Lord.

I asked her once what her church's sermons were about, and apparently, there were certain things they focused on that stood out to them as "sin" and so that's all they talked about. Stealing and murder were apparently heavily preached against because it was an area where shootouts were common. Other things they were told was to avoid hard drugs (but weed was seen as ok, and this was way before any state had made legal exceptions,) and try to avoid joining a gang. These were seen as the biggest problems in the community, so apparently this is what the churches focused on. (I keep saying "apparently" because I'm only going by what I was told -- I never actually attended these churches myself to hear what was taught.)

I was genuinely shocked, as I was just a sheltered kid from a small town in another area.

I have often wondered if one of the biggest hurdles to evangelism and getting people nowadays is trying to get others to come into agreement of what sin really is.

I think that most people 98% realize that they sin. That doesn't mean that preachers of all denominations preach against the broad range of sins like they should. That would lead a lot of the members to leave and go to the liberal churches with the rainbow flags out front, or the Joel Osteen positively positive self esteem churches.

The biggest hurdle to evangelism is getting people to see that salvation is by God's grace and through faith in His only begotten Son. Most people have been raised to believe that they need to balance out the bad they've done with good. They tend to look at the commands in the Bible as a list of standards that they must live up to or be condemned. The truth is that we are all breakers of the laws of God. For the wages of sin is death....
We all deserve that, including me.
The solution is not mustering up the impeccable will power to quit sinning and live the perfect life here on out. It is the rest of Romans 6:23 " For the wages of sin is death, BUT the GIFT of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Nobody gains eternal life by cleaning up their lives or maintaining a clean life.
That's why we need God's grace, which is underserved kindness, through faith in the Son and what He alone did for us in paying for all sins. He arose, so we can have that life as a gift.

When I got saved, the sins were obvious.
The condemnation was true.
So was the sacrifice. He never required me to sacrifice myself. That gift was bought through the sacrifice of Christ.
Once I realized that fact, I decided to ask for that gift. He kept His promise.

 

[Lanolin]

Im in a school of now 800 children, the only librarian there but its already too small for growing roll. I can fit up to 60 children in the library on a given lunch hour and packing anymore in would be criminal.

Most classrooms have 30 children in them. At least in this school the upper primary all have their own desks so they have at least some personal space. The biggest fights amongst children are when their personal space gets invaded. They understand this concept of personal space even when young. When you are small the world is big but you still need a place in it. When you grow older the place shrinks, you feel crowded.

 

[Lanolin]

In my culture, they werre so succesful at breeding that the country had to put a ONE child policy in place.
my mother came from family eldest of 8 siblings and all living in apartment the size of a small garage.

I know a neighbour who had 2 children and 3 husbands, she moved to nz to be with her daughter and grandaughter but then decided she couldnt live with her anymore and moved out to her own place where she as a house ALL TO HERSELF. and thats great cos she lives her own life but is far away from the grandaughter but I would think she moved out to have space not that she doesnt love her grandadughter.

its funny because she inevitabley complains on how she has to maintain this house all by herself. sorry lady youre gonna have to mow your own lawn, do all your own cooking, cleaning, and oversee anything that breaks because you are the only one in that house.

 

[HopeinHim98]

Nobody gains eternal life by cleaning up their lives or maintaining a clean life.

I've noticed that sometimes peoples' "testimonies" lack almost anything to do with Christ. My siblings and I used to have a bedtime tradition of listening to Unshackled since it came on at 9 pm. Often they present a good gospel message. But the other night my sister and I listened to one of the recent programs from their website and I was dissappointed. The guy who supposedly got saved said nothing about an encounter with Jesus. Yes, he said he found God, but that can mean so much these days. And I think many people mistake the Lord drawing them for Salvation.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

It's also crazy how much scandal there is among conservative, say Independant Baptist, leaders. There is one preacher I heard of that preached strong for modesty and probably a lot of things that needed to be addressed, then it later came out he wasn't above reproach morally. And that is just one example. Then people pull out the "Touch not the Lord's anointed" card and claim you shouldn't address it.

I can tell you about scandals in the Independent Baptist churches better than anyone here. I attended one for years when I got saved. The pastor had two daughters who were untaken. They were the most attractive ladies who ever came to church. He saw my life and service long enough to consider me as someone who he wanted as a possible son in law. He asked me to ask the one daughter out who liked me.
She was getting ready to go away to a summer job as a counselor at a Christian camp, so I would have to wait until she returned. She ended up getting pregnant with a staff member at the camp. End of story.
Her sister was another one he wanted us to get to know each other. She was a little too immature and a bit sassy for me.
She ended up moving in with her boss from work. Maybe they are married now. I don't know. Her Dad did preach against that long before they did.
It's not all scandal. He had another daughter and son who were faithful, loved the Lord and married decent spouses.

I asked a Mennonite lady who moved to my town about her community. I always liked the Mennonites and Bruderhoffs, still do. She and I talked about this subject too. I was surprised when she told me that the exact same things happen there too. She said that it's just covered up, so you don't hear about it.

 

[HopeinHim98]

I asked a Mennonite lady who moved to my town about her community. We talked about this subject too. I was surprised when she told me that the exact same things happen there too. She said that it's just covered up, so you don't hear about it.

Yes I was thinking about that too. I'm very familiar with Mennonites and they definitely have issues too!

 

[HopeinHim98]

It's not all scandal.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I've noticed that sometimes peoples' "testimonies" lack almost anything to do with Christ. My siblings and I used to have a bedtime tradition of listening to Unshackled since it came on at 9 pm. Often they present a good gospel message. But the other night my sister and I listened to one of the recent programs from their website and I was dissappointed. The guy who supposedly got saved said nothing about an encounter with Jesus. Yes, he said he found God, but that can mean so much these days. And I think many people mistake the Lord drawing them for Salvation.

I know what you mean.
That's a pet peeve of mine. I've listened to a lot of those programs.
When Someone talks about their life being transformed from a major sinner to a moral person and it sounds like they put their faith in the wrong person.
Jesus is sometimes mentioned as an afterthought.

That doesn't mean that very immoral people don't get saved. It's just that their new moral lifestyle shouldn't be the object of faith. There was someone who prayed with me on his death bed in a hospital. He was an outlaw biker of the Pagan motorcycle gang. I won't go into details now, but I do believe he trusted Christ to save him because he seemed to understand the gospel and believe it. I had a preacher from a local non-denominational church argue with me that he couldn't have gotten saved. That preacher was later a part of the worst scandal I've seen. His object of faith was himself, while the former biker put his trust in the Lord. I believe that he, former Pagan, went away justified.

 

[HopeinHim98]

I know what you mean.
That's a pet peeve of mine. I've listened to a lot of those programs.
When Someone talks about their life being transformed from a major sinner to a moral person and it sounds like they put their faith in the wrong person.
Jesus is sometimes mentioned as an afterthought.

That doesn't mean that very immoral people don't get saved. It's just that their new moral lifestyle shouldn't be the object of faith. There was someone who prayed with me on his death bed in a hospital. He was an outlaw biker of the Pagan motorcycle gang. I won't go into details now, but I do believe he trusted Christ to save him because he seemed to understand the gospel and believe it. I had a preacher from a local non-denominational church argue with me that he couldn't have gotten saved. That preacher was later a part of the worst scandal I've seen. His object of faith was himself, while the former biker put his trust in the Lord. I believe that he, former Pagan, went away justified.

Exactly!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Yes I was thinking about that too. I'm very familiar with Mennonites and they definitely have issues too!

I love my Mennonite brothers and sisters and know that we all struggle with temptations.
Any time I visit it's always a blessing.

 

[seoulsearch]

Me and my boyfriend have come to the conclusion together that are relationship is not a positive and is in fact causing a negative environment for our children. How do I explain to my young children that a man they treat as a second father is not going to be around as often? we've decided weekend visitations with vacations spent entirely at his residence.
I'm nervous that this breakup will negatively effect my children and want to handle it in the best way possible.

@Berry_Cape,

I truly would like to know more about you and hope you come back.

I also wanted to say, if you are referring to kids to whom you are not biologically related as being your own kids, thank you very much for that.

I myself am Korean and was adopted into a white family with white parents. Growing up, it was virtually unheard of in my area, so people didn't think of adoption when they saw us -- they automatically assumed my father must have either been previously married to or had an affair with an Asian woman.

My parents have NEVER referred to me anything other than "THEIR child," and I didn't realize what a blessing that was until I encountered other adoptees.

I met one family in which the grandfather would always say, "This is my adopted grandson from Korea," to everyone around them. One day, as he was repeating this phrase to yet another person, the little boy interjected and said, "No Grandpa, I'm just your grandson."

Others might feel differently about this, but no one I know wants to be known as anything but someone's own child, no matter how long the explanation is.

I have known many people would never take in kids they haven't biologically produced, and others who get into marriages or relationships in which they make a very clear distinction between "their" children and the other person's children. I understand that different things work differently for different people and not everyone can be expected to follow one set way regarding this.

But I am thinking that you are referring to many children you didn't give birth to as your own -- so as an adopted child myself, I thank you.

And if I am wrong and these children are all yours by birth, may God bless you and all the children under your care.

 

[HopeinHim98]

I love my Mennonite brothers and sisters and know that we all struggle with temptations.
Any time I visit it's always a blessing.

I agree and don't wanna come across as condemning. My brother acually goes to a Mennonite church and one of my closest friends is a Mennonite. There are induviduals everywhere that are fakes; it's not limited to a certain group for sure. Just like there are sincere people in many groups.