why date?

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Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
Do you date just because you don’t want to be alone? Do you date to find “the one”? Do you date just for fun? Why do you do it?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people believe they aren’t ready to be with “the one” yet for whatever reason (age/healing needs/hang-ups/financial circumstances/etc.). So why are they looking for someone now? Are they setting themselves up to fail? Are they needlessly hurting themselves and/or others?

Am I weird because I don’t want to date just anyone to keep from being alone? *scratches head* I actually like being alone most of the time. I’m very comfortable with it. I guess my mindset is that if I date “just for fun”, I’m in a sense intentionally setting myself up to hurt someone. That makes me uncomfortable. Should it? I don’t want to spend alone one-on-one time with anyone I really couldn’t see myself with. Am I making any sense at all??? Too much caffeine this morning maybe… J
 
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See_KING_Truth

Guest
#2
#2
I don't date and am not necessarily looking.

I also don't want to set myself up to hurt somebody as you said. I also don't want to spend to much mono-y-mono time with a female that I couldn't see myself with because I don't want to give the wrong impression, which I have in the past unfortunately....Your post makes plenty of sense to me, maybe you could lay off the caffeine a bit though ;) lol
 
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allforfun

Guest
#3
#3
I think it depends on the expectations on the people going into the date. If one but not the other is looking for the "one" right on the spot, then it is a train wreck in the making. However, if both parties are just looking to get to know each other a little better, I don't see the harm. I am a social person by nature, I like meeting people, networking and in my line of work it is how jobs have been passed around. So if we don't click on a romantic level, more than likely I am in my head placing them in with someone I know for something else.

I see nothing wrong with either approach. However in my minds eye, I can't see the right one just falling the the lap of someone who is wanting to meet "the one". The Ark wasn't built just by dreaming and praying, neither is finding a mate found by doing the dishes at home night after night.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#4
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#4
I guess from my perspective. Going on a date means that I have an interest in someone. I do not date so that I can find out if I have an interest in someone. No one has ever significantly changed my perspective of them on a date.

Sometimes there are women in my life and they seem to casually date everyone. Which makes planning around them very difficult and dating them harder than it should be. They are never single or available.


I dunno. I spend a lot of time with women, Groups, alone, for coffee, video games, movies, bible studies or whatever and typically I'm not interested. That in a way makes dating special. As it should be. There is a certain expectation that comes from being with someone who knows that I am interested in them. It isn't a passive inquiry, it is deliberate.
 
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niceguyJ

Senior Member
#6
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#6
Jullianna said:
Am I weird because I don’t want to date just anyone to keep from being alone? *scratches head*
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Wise, not weird.

I don't see any good, pure reason to be romantically involved with anyone you don't think you might marry...but then again, I'm more "strict" than most with such things.

Also, "date" can mean different things to different people. I guess it's all in expectations and best to make sure you're on the same page with the other person on what your intentions are if you're hanging out with them alone.
 
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rodogg

Guest
#7
#7
Jullianna said:
Do you date just because you don’t want to be alone? Do you date to find “the one”? Do you date just for fun? Why do you do it?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people believe they aren’t ready to be with “the one” yet for whatever reason (age/healing needs/hang-ups/financial circumstances/etc.). So why are they looking for someone now? Are they setting themselves up to fail? Are they needlessly hurting themselves and/or others?

Am I weird because I don’t want to date just anyone to keep from being alone? *scratches head* I actually like being alone most of the time. I’m very comfortable with it. I guess my mindset is that if I date “just for fun”, I’m in a sense intentionally setting myself up to hurt someone. That makes me uncomfortable. Should it? I don’t want to spend alone one-on-one time with anyone I really couldn’t see myself with. Am I making any sense at all??? Too much caffeine this morning maybe… J
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Id say probably for all the reason you listed, some more honourably than others perhaps! I like being alone a lot, but definitely not ALL the time, so that is probably the main reason, but that leads to my girlfriend being mad that i spend so much time alone! I think we all want to find the one if we are christian and not intending to remain single, so yeh definitely. But will we know that weve met "the one" if we dont date them and give it a chance? It takes a while to truely get to know someone people want instant love perhaps. As for dating for fun, in the christian sense, that might be more like a friendship than anything else, but that "just for fun" COULD turn into real love, so if both people are in it on the same level of not being too serious, its fine, but dating someone who really loves you just for fun could be dangerous :)
 
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christiancollegegirl

Guest
#8
#8
Dating 'just because' or out of lonliness can have disasterous results. One is just looking for some fun or companionship and the other is looking to settle down. Then the other one falls in love for real and ends up devastated when the first person ends the relationship. "Friends with benefits' doesn't always work either.
 
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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#9
#9
I haven't been on a date for a while but if I were dating I would date to find the one. Which it would actually be considered courting. As a single Christian who is marriage minded I want to date but my goal is to find the person that God has chosen for me to marry.
 
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Liz01

Guest
#10
#10
I dont date, i did it in the past but now i find it kind of weird because its like going out with someone with only romantic purposes and it seem to me as if we can have an "express" husband/wife in that date and i dont think thats healthy because for finding a partner i think its needed much more about friendship first, to get to know a person before going out in a date.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#11
I haven't dated since I accepted Christ about 5 years ago. Before that, I was an agnostic. I dated because I wanted to have a girlfriend and because I wanted to have sex. Having sex with your gf or bf is considered normal in today's society.

If I wanted to date now, it would be to find a woman to marry but since I can't afford to get married right now, I am not dating.
 
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allforfun

Guest
#12
#12
I haven't had "boyfriend" in many years. And that isn't why I date.

Maybe I should just say I like coffee and if the other sex is going, great. If not, great. But I'm still drinking the coffee.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#13
#13
Liz01 said:
I dont date, i did it in the past but now i find it kind of weird because its like going out with someone with only romantic purposes and it seem to me as if we can have an "express" husband/wife in that date and i dont think thats healthy because for finding a partner i think its needed much more about friendship first, to get to know a person before going out in a date.
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Why I don't date?
Why don't I date ?
I don't date why? (Típ: NEVER date a why, they are DANGEROUS :D )
Why date?
Why not date?
Why ask why when it comes to dating?
Why is a person good to date/get to know in a personal setting? WAIT! 'Why' is not a good person to date, I should remember what I just said, I think I should. I think I can. I think I can say safely, Think I can , think I can, think...

----
Man, my green head just gets bean-strung saying those words over and over again.

--seriously, I think I can safely say from all this talk about dating with myself, and, reading your all you's posts too is....it's a lot hard to get over the hump (or, hill, in the case of The Little Engine Who Could :) , until you actually quit thinking about it and just do it .

----))((---- 'Course, me speaking for three people (me, myself, and, I), I just find it hard to think I can do it , right anyway , so, the Lord is leading, so...I just don't date now and really have not gone on much more than single dates a few times before I told the Lord I just could not do it anymore.
I think lizzytheone is right too, and, Yes, I like Josh Harris book, I kissed dating astaluego :) (goodbye)

The word 'date' is not threatening to me but I like just becoming friends better.
 
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Liz01

Guest
#14
#14
hahahahahaha your thinking about "why" made me laguh a lot GreenNnice hahaha
 
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thimsrebma

Guest
#15
#15
So currently I am not dating anyone. But if I were to date someone then it would be for the purposes of getting to know each other better and hopefully end up in marriage. I would not date someone just for the fun of it or because I didnt have anything else to do.

I don't want a guy thinking I want to marry him in the beginning stages but I am very clear that I will only date someone who is marraige minded like myself. I want to be married soon and have a family so I am not going to waste my time hanging out with someone who only wants to be friends and or knows that he is not ready for a serious relationship.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#16
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#16
I date to look for lifetime companionship. Sure everything isn't perfect, but life is a bit of an adventure. Most of us are made to wander with someone else.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
Interesting thought re: wandering, Ritter. Reminds me of my favorite Tolkien quote. I like wandering alone - being able to go where I want, when I want and take as much time as I want. But, seeing/experiencing the same things through the eyes/mind of someone you love is crazy great too.

Thanks for your responses. To me, agreeing to date someone says, "You interest me above all others and I really enjoy being with you." I don't feel so wierd now knowing that a lot of you feel the same way. :) For some people I know it seems like a sport or something. Like we're supposed to be collecting a shelf full of trophies...quel dommage....
 
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allforfun

Guest
#18
#18
I agree we shouldn't be looking for "trophies", but I do find the attitudes rather insulting in this thread that if someone is sitting at home knitting a sweater for her unnamed beloved, that she is a tramp.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#19
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#19
allforfun said:
I agree we shouldn't be looking for "trophies", but I do find the attitudes rather insulting in this thread that if someone is sitting at home knitting a sweater for her unnamed beloved, that she is a tramp.
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...Only if she lets every guy in the neighborhood try it on.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#20
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#20
allforfun said:
I agree we shouldn't be looking for "trophies", but I do find the attitudes rather insulting in this thread that if someone is sitting at home knitting a sweater for her unnamed beloved, that she is a tramp.
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Like everything, there exists a healthy balance. There is a difference between being Godly and being quixotic.
 
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