Merging Finances-- Wife Letting Husband Support Her

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Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#22
Aug 13, 2014
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#22
Mem said:
actually, you can if you use "advanced search" and just fill in the "posted by" field.
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I did that. But it turns out the thread I wanted was not started by seoulsearch. She just made many posts in it.

Thanks, the one about shared bank accounts is exactly what I was thinking about.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#23
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#23
presidente said:
I'll make a confession. I've seen some reality TV shows about marriage, where people get matched up in unusual ways, meet on the wedding day, etc. Something I have noticed on these shows is that some of the couples want to keep their finances separate. Some of them women want talk about wanting to have their own money. Some of the men talk about wanting to have an 'independent woman.' I wonder if they are thinking partly about finances when they say that.

It could be that the divorce rates for people who go on a reality show to find a spouse are so terrible, they think separating finances is less risky. But I wonder if this is just common for Gen-Y or Gen-Z folks who get married nowadays? My mom was a stay-at-home mom until we got into our teenage years. My wife was stay-at-home though we did run a small business that she did the lion's share of the work on during my graduate school years. We have run our household money out of a joint bank account. We have had non-joint accounts here and there when we had to start accounts fast after moving, and add the other one later. I think she had a joint account with her dad once to help him out with something. I have joint accounts with my kids that she isn't listed on. But generally, we have joint bank accounts and a 'common purse.'

After you get married, mom might home with the kids, someone might go to grad school. Merging finances makes sense.

When I hear these young couples on TV talk, it seems like they may not really want to commit all the way to marriage so much that it involves their finances.

My wife and I both have a desire to minister in the area of marriage and family. Watching these shows gives me insight into the way people think about these things. In general, I am a bit disappointed to see the lack of commitment to marriage, the idea that divorce is considered okay, and the overall thinking about marriage. One of the shows has a pastor who asks people if they want to get a divorce after so many weeks.

On the issue of finances, what do you think about married couples not wanting to merge finances? What do you think of someone who wants to marry... if you sign a prenup?
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why is this in the singles forum

we not getting married here we are single.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#24
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#24
OP
you watch way too much tv. Talk to real people about their real marriages. Nobody finds its easy these days.
Ask people that have been divorced or scammed. Young people are facing a lot these days without marriage being an added thing to consider. They can barely support themselves to even have a wedding
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#25
Aug 13, 2014
27,701
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#25
Lanolin said:
why is this in the singles forum

we not getting married here we are single.
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If you wait until you are married to think about some things that marriage involves, you're going to get some nasty surprises.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#26
May 29, 2013
9,165
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#26
MsMediator said:
Both people should be completely transparent on what they have, their salary, their debt obtained before they got married and during their marriage. A prenup is actually helpful in bringing transparency; a prenup can be invalid if a person undervalues assets or is being dishonest. I believe in a mixture of joint and individual accounts. Regardless of what prenups say, courts are typically strict on what is considered marital assets.
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Prenups make sense lets say if you are going to marry a widow or widower (of the opposite sex of course :) ), but you want to pass some of your assets to your children, as opposed to everything going to your spouse at your death.

For young, never been married couples,a prenup signals, "I may want to divorce you" or "I do not trust you not to divorce me." It's either a signal of bad intentions or an insult to the other party's character, IMO, unless there is a good reason for it besides legal insurance against divorce.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#27
May 29, 2013
9,165
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#27
Lanolin said:
why is this in the singles forum

we not getting married here we are single.
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I was under the impression that lots of singles on the singles forum, like singles in church singles groups, wanted to get married. It doesn't say life-long celibates forum.

But if you want to be one, that's fine.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#28
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#28
presidente said:
I was under the impression that lots of singles on the singles forum, like singles in church singles groups, wanted to get married. It doesn't say life-long celibates forum.

But if you want to be one, that's fine.
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I never met singles wanting to marry they all want to stay single and those who split up are put off marriage since it was so abusive. And this is in church
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#29
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#29
Plenty of already married people want another wife or husband that isnt their own though....
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#30
Jan 16, 2021
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#30
Lanolin said:
Plenty of already married people want another wife or husband that isnt their own though....
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I want only mine....I don't want even a hint of wanting anything different than what I have. When a woman flirts with me I run and hide behind my wife.
She is my noble protector in that way.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#31
Aug 13, 2014
27,701
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#31
Lanolin said:
I never met singles wanting to marry they all want to stay single and those who split up are put off marriage since it was so abusive. And this is in church
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Uh... I don't know where you hang out, that you have never met singles wanting to marry... But I think I don't want to know where you hang out.

Maybe I do want to know, just so I'll know where to avoid. Creeeeepy!
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#32
Jan 16, 2021
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#32
Lynx said:
Uh... I don't know where you hang out, that you have never met singles wanting to marry... But I think I don't want to know where you hang out.

Maybe I do want to know, just so I'll know where to avoid. Creeeeepy!
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The dating world was scary 15+ years ago....so many crazy nuts women with wackanoodle ideas of what a relationship looked like and then the scams some women were running it was a real nightmare. I'm glad I found my wife....very very very glad.
#fatalattractionisreal
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#33
Aug 13, 2014
27,701
9,629
113
#33
JohnDB said:
The dating world was scary 15+ years ago....so many crazy nuts women with wackanoodle ideas of what a relationship looked like and then the scams some women were running it was a real nightmare. I'm glad I found my wife....very very very glad.
#fatalattractionisreal
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Yeah I mean SOME singles never want to marry. But to go through her whole life never meeting ANY singles who want to marry?
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#35
Jan 16, 2021
6,279
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#35
tourist said:
Actually, I got married here in Singles.
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I met my wife on a forum as well....wasn't actually looking to hook up. Just kinda happened after we became friends. I'm guessing because I had gone and visited in person so many people I enjoyed talking with online and then in phone conversations that I didn't realize what was happening until we were a thing.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#36
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#36
JohnDB said:
I met my wife on a forum as well....wasn't actually looking to hook up. Just kinda happened after we became friends. I'm guessing because I had gone and visited in person so many people I enjoyed talking with online and then in phone conversations that I didn't realize what was happening until we were a thing.
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a thing?

what is a thing...explain....so she didnt flirt with you?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#37
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#37
hmm,..didnt realise what was happening...is this the part where Boaz wakes up to find himself in bed with his future wife ay?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#38
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#38
I am shocked and horrified. :eek:
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#39
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#39
JohnDB said:
I want only mine....I don't want even a hint of wanting anything different than what I have. When a woman flirts with me I run and hide behind my wife.
She is my noble protector in that way.
Click to expand...
is your wife on this forum? Like tourists?

She reads everything you write here right?
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#40
Jan 16, 2021
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#40
Lanolin said:
is your wife on this forum? Like tourists?

She reads everything you write here right?
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Nope....she is not. She has been on some of the same ones as me in times past. She has helped me moderate as well when I've been tapped as a moderator or administrator.

I don't think that she is on here....I could be wrong but I'm not concerned about anything I say being offensive to her. We are one.
 
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