Hi Everyone,
Some recent talk in the forums had me thinking about the fact that when we talk about abuse in relationships, it's almost always assumed to be a case of a woman who is being abused by a man (and in many cases, maybe the abuse is coming from both sides.)
But the opposite side is rarely talked about, and as Christians, I think it's important to discuss so that we can be of help.
* Have you ever witnessed a man (perhaps even a close relative or your own father) being abused in a relationship? (I realize this question is probably too personal for any man who has been through it himself; feel free to share only what you are comfortable with.)
* Did he try to tell anyone or get help? What was done? How did the person survive?
* What can be done to help prevent men from getting into abusive relationships/marriages, and how do we help them get out if they are in one?"
One of the inspirations for this thread is a story I remember from a regular Singles poster who knew a man who was killed by his wife, and just reading that felt like a stab through the heart.
We probably have to start with talking about how abuse can be defined in these cases, as I'm guessing (I could be wrong; this is a chance for me to learn,) that a woman abusing a man might look a bit different than a man abusing a woman. For example, there might not be as much physical confrontation or beatings (though it certainly could be that,) but possibly more hateful ultimatums and threats?
I have known many men who were financially abused by women, which I think can be a delicate subject especially in the church because Godly men are seen as needing to be providers. But there must be a line between a man providing and a woman simply demanding more, more, and more to the point where the man is literally working himself to death.
This also has me thinking of times when husbands would have Biblical grounds to divorce their wives due to abuse. I have also heard of many single fathers who became that way because their wives were alcoholics or drug addicts, etc.
I grew up in a childhood church that pretty much insisted a married couple stay together no matter what; the church I found in my later adulthood told its members that if one was in an abusive marriage, "Get out while you still have your life." Now, I understand that there is a wide array of beliefs about this, and that the definition of "abuse" can easily be manipulated into serving one's wants and not actual Biblical grounds. I myself have the stance that God does not want us to stay in abusive situations, but those are just my own beliefs.
I have seen both male and female friends, co-worker, family members, etc., get into bad relationships or marriages because of something they were attracted to (a pretty face, financial stability, etc.) and they couldn't be talked out of it (I've been guilty of this myself!)
But over the years, as "Girl Power!" becomes the extremely lopsided battle cry of society, I find myself more and more concerned that men, especially those of various demographics that have been almost unanimously villainized, will become more susceptible to suffering in silence than ever before. I think especially of young men who are trying to navigate an increasingly hostile society that sees them as the enemy, just for being male.
Something has to be done.
What can we do as Christians to come together to help and protect our Godly men?
Some recent talk in the forums had me thinking about the fact that when we talk about abuse in relationships, it's almost always assumed to be a case of a woman who is being abused by a man (and in many cases, maybe the abuse is coming from both sides.)
But the opposite side is rarely talked about, and as Christians, I think it's important to discuss so that we can be of help.
* Have you ever witnessed a man (perhaps even a close relative or your own father) being abused in a relationship? (I realize this question is probably too personal for any man who has been through it himself; feel free to share only what you are comfortable with.)
* Did he try to tell anyone or get help? What was done? How did the person survive?
* What can be done to help prevent men from getting into abusive relationships/marriages, and how do we help them get out if they are in one?"
One of the inspirations for this thread is a story I remember from a regular Singles poster who knew a man who was killed by his wife, and just reading that felt like a stab through the heart.
We probably have to start with talking about how abuse can be defined in these cases, as I'm guessing (I could be wrong; this is a chance for me to learn,) that a woman abusing a man might look a bit different than a man abusing a woman. For example, there might not be as much physical confrontation or beatings (though it certainly could be that,) but possibly more hateful ultimatums and threats?
I have known many men who were financially abused by women, which I think can be a delicate subject especially in the church because Godly men are seen as needing to be providers. But there must be a line between a man providing and a woman simply demanding more, more, and more to the point where the man is literally working himself to death.
This also has me thinking of times when husbands would have Biblical grounds to divorce their wives due to abuse. I have also heard of many single fathers who became that way because their wives were alcoholics or drug addicts, etc.
I grew up in a childhood church that pretty much insisted a married couple stay together no matter what; the church I found in my later adulthood told its members that if one was in an abusive marriage, "Get out while you still have your life." Now, I understand that there is a wide array of beliefs about this, and that the definition of "abuse" can easily be manipulated into serving one's wants and not actual Biblical grounds. I myself have the stance that God does not want us to stay in abusive situations, but those are just my own beliefs.
I have seen both male and female friends, co-worker, family members, etc., get into bad relationships or marriages because of something they were attracted to (a pretty face, financial stability, etc.) and they couldn't be talked out of it (I've been guilty of this myself!)
But over the years, as "Girl Power!" becomes the extremely lopsided battle cry of society, I find myself more and more concerned that men, especially those of various demographics that have been almost unanimously villainized, will become more susceptible to suffering in silence than ever before. I think especially of young men who are trying to navigate an increasingly hostile society that sees them as the enemy, just for being male.
Something has to be done.
What can we do as Christians to come together to help and protect our Godly men?
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(Admittedly, it might just be that I sometimes have a bias towards breakfast foods.) 
