Date or court?

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Talljake

Well-known member
#1
Jul 17, 2022
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#1
Hi everyone 🙂

I have a question for you all. So let's say you found someone your interested in. You would like to get to know them, find out who they are and see if they have faith.

You finally muster up the courage to ask them out do you

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?

Like I have said before, there is no one that I'm currently trying to see. Yes I do believe the lord is who chooses who we are to be with if he chooses us to marry. This is just to see where people stand in their opinion. Please don't turn this into an arguing situation. This is just a question of me wondering.

Thank you for your response in advance
God bless❤️
 
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17Bees

Senior Member
#2
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
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#2
I don't know if this is still true, but courtship, as I've understood it, is typically a more formal agreement between a man and woman with an ultimate intention of marriage. There will be a period of getting to know your potential spouse, meeting and getting to know each other's family members, a period of commitment, engagement and finally marriage if all goes well. Courting usually has religious connotations or associated with religious communities, for instance, Hutterites or Amish, etc. or even between churches typically of the same denominational direction.

Dating is far less formal and is usually a means of getting to know a person better. I don't really think a first date has expectations like marriage, but it may be an idea or hope that one or both people have in mind. First or second or many more dates with a same person usually has no "guarantee" of monogamous dating or expectations of marriage unless it's something both have discussed. With dating, I think it's pretty important to understand each other's intentions, but sometimes, that doesn't happen, so negative things can happen. "Dating" can be far more of a craps shoot than courting and can be a lengthy process going on for years or worse, a short process that ends in a marriage that doesn't work out.

So, I'd say that if you both express an interest in courting and understand what it's about, then you know.... yahoo. But if you just want to go out and have fun and get to know someone better then.... yahoo2.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#3
Mar 8, 2022
1,090
736
113
#3
Talljake said:
Hi everyone 🙂

I have a question for you all. So let's say you found someone your interested in. You would like to get to know them, find out who they are and see if they have faith.

You finally muster up the courage to ask them out do you

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?

Like I have said before, there is no one that I'm currently trying to see. Yes I do believe the lord is who chooses who we are to be with if he chooses us to marry. This is just to see where people stand in their opinion. Please don't turn this into an arguing situation. This is just a question of me wondering.

Thank you for your response in advance
God bless❤️
Click to expand...
Past a certain age, probably past 18 or so (when they are adults), I don't think a third party is necessary. I think third party makes sense if a couple is in high school, especially early years. Of course it is fine to hang out together in a group, but the requirement for a third party shouldn't be there if the two want to hang out alone. However, if a man or woman wants to bring someone along that should be fine too, like if an older person feels more comfortable bringing someone along.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#4
Sep 17, 2018
4,060
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#4
Neither. I take the route of friendship first. No dating or courting.
It takes longer, but you get to know someone much better before entering into a commitment, or choosing not to.
It also lessens the stress levels because getting together is less pressure.
This also allows getting together more frequently because they aren't 'dates', but just friends hanging out.
It also erases the 'who pays?' problem.

By the time you become something official you have gotten past all the nerves and dating woes and worries. Your relationship is founded first and foremost as genuine friendship, making it stronger overall.

You also have had a chance to see them in bad situations and how they conduct themselves,
It makes being fake or hiding serious issues harder for them because of the time spent, and the more relaxed nature of it being a friendship. More time for such stuff to be revealed and a less pressure filled setting to hide it.

So thats where I come from.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
27,359
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#5
Here we go
One more time
Everybody's
Feelin' fine
Here we go now

Ahem... I mean, this topic sure comes up a lot.
 
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Talljake

Well-known member
#6
Jul 17, 2022
2,264
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#6
Lynx said:
Here we go
One more time
Everybody's
Feelin' fine
Here we go now

Ahem... I mean, this topic sure comes up a lot.
Click to expand...
I grew up with 3 sisters......are those song lyrics 😳. The words line up and now I'm wondering.
 
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Talljake

Well-known member
#7
Jul 17, 2022
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#7
Sorry I didn't realize this was already asked. I did not look back to see.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
27,359
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#8
Talljake said:
Sorry I didn't realize this was already asked. I did not look back to see.
Click to expand...
S'alright. It's not you, it's just a fundamental aspect of human nature, apparently. =^.^=

Here's the breakdown though:
- "I don't believe in dating. Courting is the only way REAL Christians do it."
- "Courting is old fasioned and has no place in modern society."
- (Random joke about "I kissed Dating goodbye... Then went out with her sister Courting" or some such.)
(People start arguing about the definitions of dating and courting, the whole thing breaks down into a muddled mess and everyone winds up more confused than ever.)

Or at least that's how it has always happened before.
 
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Talljake

Well-known member
#9
Jul 17, 2022
2,264
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#9
Lynx said:
S'alright. It's not you, it's just a fundamental aspect of human nature, apparently. =^.^=

Here's the breakdown though:
- "I don't believe in dating. Courting is the only way REAL Christians do it."
- "Courting is old fasioned and has no place in modern society."
- (Random joke about "I kissed Dating goodbye... Then went out with her sister Courting" or some such.)
(People start arguing about the definitions of dating and courting, the whole thing breaks down into a muddled mess and everyone winds up more confused than ever.)

Or at least that's how it has always happened before.
Click to expand...
Before I rededicated my life to the lord, I only dated. Then I herd about corting and didn't know if that is something that is costum. So the question came about and I asked myself "self if you became interested in a women what would you do"? I'm mean I do think you're right on becoming friends first. Getting to know one another and being around others when in each others present but then what if you wake up and are like " I'm ready to further our friendship". Yes it's good that you're friends but when you present your interest, is it in a date or court form. Me personally, I think it would be wise to court. It may be old fashion but I feel it's more proper. I don't know if I'd even give a kiss just because..... it's seems to be a wiser choice. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I just know my past and I know how weak the flesh is, it just feels like the better choice.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#10
Aug 13, 2014
27,359
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#10
Again, it depends on your definitions. That's where most of these threads dither off into a muddled mess. Nobody can agree on what constitutes dating and what constitutes courting.

It's kind of like the old nerds/geeks debate. Nobody can agree on what either of them really is, so we'll never agree on whether a given person is one, both or neither.
 
seekingthemindofChrist

seekingthemindofChrist

Casting down imaginations
#11
Jul 10, 2023
1,178
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#11
Talljake said:
You finally muster up the courage to ask them out do you

A) ask them to go out on a date, witch most likely means just the two of you?

Or

B) ask them to court then witch most likely indicates there being a third party with you?
Click to expand...
Well, it seems to me that you wind up with a "witch" (you meant to say "which") either way, so my advice to you is to run for your life!

excited-run.gif

Seriously though, personally, I totally agree with what Subhumanoidal said in post #4. In fact, if I did not know better, then I would think that I had written his response because it perfectly describes how I feel about the whole situation.
 
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Talljake

Well-known member
#12
Jul 17, 2022
2,264
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#12
Lynx said:
Again, it depends on your definitions. That's where most of these threads dither off into a muddled mess. Nobody can agree on what constitutes dating and what constitutes courting.

It's kind of like the old nerds/geeks debate. Nobody can agree on what either of them really is, so we'll never agree on whether a given person is one, both or neither.
Click to expand...
🤓
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#14
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
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#14
When my sister and brother-in-law got together, I was the chaperone. I was 9 at the time. It was boring lol. But she was 19, and they married shortly after.

But when my husband and I got together, I had no chaperone because I was 32 lol.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#15
Jun 30, 2015
25,470
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#15
Sadly, too many dates end up in court.

…

Wait…

🥸
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#16
Aug 13, 2014
27,359
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#16
melita916 said:
When my sister and brother-in-law got together, I was the chaperone. I was 9 at the time. It was boring lol. But she was 19, and they married shortly after.

But when my husband and I got together, I had no chaperone because I was 32 lol.
Click to expand...
I bet it weren't near as boring to ya then.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#17
May 23, 2009
16,492
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#17
melita916 said:
When my sister and brother-in-law got together, I was the chaperone. I was 9 at the time. It was boring lol. But she was 19, and they married shortly after. But when my husband and I got together, I had no chaperone because I was 32 lol.
Click to expand...
This brings up a great question.

I'm not even sure what courting would look like at this stage in life? My single friends range in age from about 35 - 55, so what does courting look like at say, age 40?

Who would the couple be able to find to go along? Most people are too busy with their own families and wouldn't have time, unless it was a double date or group social night.

I certainly understand that courting might cut down on some temptations that everyone is vulnerable to at any age, but I'm not sure how, let's say, a 40-year-old person would find someone/volunteers who would be willing to act as chaperones?
 
Cameron143

Cameron143

Well-known member
#18
Mar 1, 2022
19,185
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#18
seoulsearch said:
This brings up a great question.

I'm not even sure what courting would look like at this stage in life? My single friends range in age from about 35 - 55, so what does courting look like at say, age 40?

Who would the couple be able to find to go along? Most people are too busy with their own families and wouldn't have time, unless it was a double date or group social night.

I certainly understand that courting might cut down on some temptations that everyone is vulnerable to at any age, but I'm not sure how, let's say, a 40-year-old person would find someone/volunteers who would be willing to act as chaperones?
Click to expand...
The limited times of available chaperones is meant to slow the process so more can be learned and a better choice made.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#19
May 23, 2009
16,492
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#19
Cameron143 said:
The limited times of available chaperones is meant to slow the process so more can be learned and a better choice made.
Click to expand...
No wonder I'm single!

I can't even get someone go on a grocery run, let alone as the 3rd wheel on a date! :LOL:

(I have nothing against courting, I've just never been part of a church or Christian circle that's practiced it.)

I'm just thinking out loud... The single friends I have have a hard time finding anyone to be available for anything.

It would be quite fascinating to listen in on a community that regularly, actively, and successfully practices courting, and has for several years/decades.
 
T

Talljake

Well-known member
#20
Jul 17, 2022
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#20
seoulsearch said:
This brings up a great question.

I'm not even sure what courting would look like at this stage in life? My single friends range in age from about 35 - 55, so what does courting look like at say, age 40?

Who would the couple be able to find to go along? Most people are too busy with their own families and wouldn't have time, unless it was a double date or group social night.

I certainly understand that courting might cut down on some temptations that everyone is vulnerable to at any age, but I'm not sure how, let's say, a 40-year-old person would find someone/volunteers who would be willing to act as chaperones?
Click to expand...
I'm sure it wouldn't be hard.

When on dates it can leed to kiss goodnight. After awhile feelings can arise to lust.
1)we are to flee from lust so we could potentially always be running from each other lol.
🤔Maybe that's why all the women run away lol

2)if it had been a court situation, it would be a lot less likely to leed to any lusts.

Some people are weaker by their flesh then others, so it's harder to resist temptation. Even as christians, I believe we all can struggle at times especially being single. So courting could be a smart choice for some?

Food for thought ☺️
 
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