Part Two - The Dream
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]The Dream
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(WARNING - much of the following imagery is not pleasant. I tried to avoid being graphic, but certain information is crutial to convey the weight of the message. The purpose is to help in understanding how serious the cross and the altar are - they are places of death... They are also places of release from the burdens of sin, doubt, fear, and shame; and that release is meant to be once and for all. I hope that these messages will firmly plant that idea into your heart as it did for me.)
There are few things in life that truly scare me. Most of my fears consolidate themselves into dreams, which have bothered me greatly at times. Since I was a little kid, I've had a particular reoccurring dream (sometimes even a waking dream) in which fear culminates into some sort of dark, overwhelming presence. I can't really describe it, except to say that it's an intense, frightening; even nausiating pressure. It tunnels your vision into blackness as dread and evil malace fill the room. It pulls the air from your lungs and the blood from your veins, so that you can neither move nor cry out. All that you have are your perceptions; and it is truly terrifying.
I've had that dream about a half-dozen times in my life, and I remember each of them distinctly. It would come at times when my life was about to undergo some traumatic change. The first time I had it, I must have been about four years old. It was night time and I was in bed, trying to fall asleep. Something stirred my senses and I became suddenly aware of a dense shadow, creeping steadily across the window against the moonlight. But it was not outside - it was in the room, filling the air around me. My ears began to ring and I trembled violently - the room became so dark that I couldn't see. I strained to cry out, screaming for my mom and dad, alseep in the next room, but barely a breath escaped - I couldn't make a single sound. Still the darkness was growing. Barely able to move, I fell weakly from the edge of my bed and drew slowly across the floor, on my stomach, into my parents room. I couldn't manage to whisper, so I reached along the mattress to find my mother's arm, and tugged softly. She woke up, and after a moment, told me that I'd had a bad dream and took me back to bed. I never told her what had happened. Soon after that, my parents divorced.
I had the dream in later years, just before I met the girl who would consume the next six years of my life. I loved her more than anything, but the relationship clearly did not have God's blessing. Still, I chose her. She became an idolitrous obsession to me. I couldn't tear myself away from the relationship - even after it became obvious that I could never marry her. In the final years of the relationship, and for two years following, my fears became manifested in a combination of nightmares and reality that all-too-often merged. Unknown to all but a few, the last several years of my life were filled with unrestful nights and sadness over what I KNEW was not a Godly relationship. The relationship finally ended in a very painful way, and although I knew it was something I needed freedom from, I could not stop mourning. I begged God to release me from my feelings about her; from the bitterness, jealousy, sadness, and betrayal. I tried to forget; I even tried praying blessing into both of our lives to counter the work of the enemy. But something inside me just would not let go, and so, the nightmares continued.
When I read Hinds Feet On High Places, I began to see a connection between the nightmares I'd been having and the fears, sins, and doubts I was carrying in my life. As I finished the book late that night, I eagerly anticipated the changes that would come from this new perspective.
That night, I had a run-in with the old dream.
But this time, somthing had changed.
The onimous feeling was there... the darkness was there... but now, the darkness gave way to clear, normal vision in daylight. I saw that several evil men had come into my house carrying guns - automatic weapons - with the ability and intent to murder me and everyone in my household.
Something else changed... as I was able to see my enemy and their intent, I was able to fight back.
In my dream, I was able to grab a few kitchen knives that were nearby, but I was afraid of the guns. I tried throwing a knife at one of the men, but it bounced off harmlessly. He rushed forward and grabbed me, deciding to kill me instead with my own weapon. I tried stabbing and cutting at him, but nothing I did could stop or weaken him. In the struggle to control the knife, it stabbed down into my side and I felt a sickening pain. I didn't want to kill anyone, but it would mean my death and those of my loved ones I didn't. As I wrestled with the enemy, I did the only thing I could think to do; I struggled with the knife until I got it up to his neck.
As far as I'm concerned, because of the sights, sounds, emotions, efforts; even the pain which I experienced in horrible detail; and because of my conscious control, I am confident that this wasn't merely a dream. It was a real-time spiritual battle against the satanic Fears that were haunting my life. Without going into gruessome detail, I determined in my dream that I had to stop them, and there was only one way. Beheading is the most sickening, heart-and-gut-wrenching, barbaric, horrible and demonic method of execution that man has ever devised. I would never knowingly allow myself to witness it. To behead an enemy creates unquestionable, irreparable, death - no appeal for a chance of recovery or reconciliation. And it is obvious to anyone who sees.
The biblical term "death" means a "separation". As far as humanity is concerned, death means a separation from the living. In a spiritual context, death is a separation from God. When Adam abandoned fellowship with God for sin, spiritual (and consequently, physical) death entered the world. When Jesus came to save us from the spiritual death we earned for ourselves, our old nature had to be taken onto the cross and put to death so that it would be separated from us and we could again commune with God. Since spiritual death cannot hold Righteousness, the grave could not hold Jesus. And since Jesus gave us His Rightesousness to replace the old nature that died on the cross, spiritual death no longer had a hold on us either. We were able to live without fear of separation - without fear of death.
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]- Romans 6: 23
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"The death he [Jesus] died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires." - Romans 6:10-12
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died." - Romans 7:9
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." - Romans 8:9-11
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Whenever they [God's people, before Jesus came] enter the Tent of Meeting, they shall wash with water so that they will not die. Also, when they approach the altar to minister by presenting an offering made to the LORD by fire, they shall wash their hands and feet so that they will not die. This is to be a lasting ordinance for Aaron and his [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]descendants for the generations to come." [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]- Exodus 30:20-22
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Hang the curtain from the clasps and place the ark of the Testimony behind the curtain. The curtain will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place." - Exodus 26:33
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]the Father except through me." - John 14:6
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of[/FONT] Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." - Hebrews 10:19-21
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." - Matthew 27:50-51
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Now in my dream, I found that even if I had cut the enemy's throat and left them for dead, they would get back up again and come after me again. The only way to ensure that the enemies were dead was to separate their head from their body. It was vile and sickening to me, but I had no choice. It was necessary to finish it so that they would not get back up - so they would not kill me, my family and friends. They would never get back up.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]In the dream, my eyes filled with tears of remorse and shame as I dialed 911. I didn't know what would happen to me because I had taken their lives, and in such a horrible way. I fell to my knees and sobbed and shook (in my dream and in real life as I drempt). I hadn't meant to... I hadn't wanted to...I had to protect my life and my family and friends. Inwardly, that justification seemed weak and insufficient. The officers in my dream saw the evidence of what happened and spoke no condemnation, but took me aside and ministered to me. [/FONT]
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When I woke, I was breathing as hard as I have ever breathed. My eyes were wet with tears and I was trembling in a cold sweat. It took a few moments to realize it was a dream. I sat up on the edge of my bed, burried my face in my hands and prayed. I felt what soldiers feel when they have to take a life in battle. It's no glorious thing. I finished praying. After a sigh and another moment, I stood up and began to get ready for the day.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]On the outside, I soberly went through the motions of the morning, but on the inside, I couldn't keep from thinking about the immages in the dream. I knew that it was more than just a dream because something had changed in me. In part, I had known what it meant to give things over to God, but I had never thought about the actual fighting of demons or the handing over of sins to be put on the cross; about laying a sacrifice on the altar. But the images underscored the finality of the death of a sin that's been given to God - the irreversability of laying a burden on the Altar. If you truly take your sins to the cross - when you honestly lay your burden on the Altar of worship - not only will those things be left behind, but they will never get up again.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]The truth of this has been somewhat forgotten by the church. We accept our daily struggle against sins, allowing satan to worry us about the same foes we always battled. We believe that even after commiting something to the Lord, if we let it, that sin could creep back into our lives, or that burden would eventually find itself back on our shoulders. Instead we should be realizing that we only struggle with a sin so long as it's alive. If it's alive, then you didn't really let it go to the cross, because that's a place that sins, fears, burdens, doubts, etc. CANNOT come back from.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]The term "living sacrifice" is true - we are that which is taken to the altar time and time again. But if we would only realize - once on the altar, that thing we carried is so completely destroyed that it loses any possiblility of dominion over us. Realizing that, we could move onto the next thing... and the next, until sin is purged from our lives. I can imagine any number of pastors smiling knowingly at their church body and saying, "oh, if it were only that simple... but we know that sin has a way of creeping into our lives". IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!! If we find ourselves battling the same thing again, then it was never put to death. You stopped short. Either that or Satan has you believing that you must continue to battle with a fallen enemy, thus robbing you of a victorious and meaningful life. If we could only SEE with our own eyes the finality of their destruction, we wouldn't fear those old things haunting us. We wouldn't doubt that they are defeated in our lives and we wouldn't continue stumbling around the same stone time and time again. Jesus came to give us life, and life abundantly! From the moment we were separated from the titles "slave" and "sinner", we forever ceased to be chained to the burdens thereof. We are told they are a choice now... I say, forget "choice", don't pick them up again - they are dead to you!
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]My eyes began to open and I began to lay things on the altar. I began to grow like never before and I was excited.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]How freely could you live, if you didn't DOUBT that God has already planned tomorrow?? Lay that desire to be "the god of tomorrow" on the Altar as an act of worship and trust, so that you can be blessed in how you live today!
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]How boldly could you share your testimony with the people around you - the people you see day-in and day-out and say nothing to - if you had absolutely no FEAR of rejection?? Give your heart to God so that He can fill it with his Spirit and use you to free people from death, which so eagerly awaits them!
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]And how purely could you love if you went through life "high" on the joy of loving our God rather than on SELFISHNESS?? Carry the sword of the Spirit into the world to win nations and defeat the enemy's lies.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]In a day, I grew from seeing through the eyes of a boy to those of a soldier. Now I put on the full armor of God, knowing that what God defeats with that armor is forever defeated. I'm delivered from feelings of inadequacy and shame; and from fear of lonliness that stemmed from my failed relationship. God can provide anything He wants at any time. I have nothing to worry about.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]And then God decided to prove it to me...[SIZE=+0][/FONT][/SIZE]