Marriage is Hard

[SoldierofChrist]

I have been out of the loop for a bit with work etc. We had a bit of an emergency here with one of my sons. He has been officially diagnosed with high functioning autism. about 135 on a scale of 230. This all came about from him attempting to hurt himself. He has started counseling. And my wife and I are starting counseling separately. When we were in with the counselor talking about our son it came to the surface just how bitter I am at my wife. I believe this current situation is ordained by God. My bitterness that I have been suppressing was literally oozing out of me. When I close my eyes and look at it, it looks like a thick black goo oozing out of me.

This is definitely not from our King and needs addressed.

In regards to all the comments. I appreciate all your input and your hearts. "Shepherd", your comments ring true. The comment someone else made about separation is not an option for me nor do I see it as biblical. It is true that she has abandoned me emotionally, physically, and spiritually but she has not walked away....yet. And she still claims to be a believer. So according to 1 Corinthians 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) I am still "bound" to her. I must and will do everything in my power to please my King before myself.

Our society is so upside down. Hardly anybody keeps their word anymore, is steadfast, loyal, honorable etc. We are taught to live for pleasure and desires, what makes us feel good. As if satisfying our feelings and desires is the end game.

I choose to serve, obey, and love the Lord. Not myself. Without Him we cannot take even one breath.

 

[Shepherd]

I have been out of the loop for a bit with work etc. We had a bit of an emergency here with one of my sons. He has been officially diagnosed with high functioning autism. about 135 on a scale of 230. This all came about from him attempting to hurt himself. He has started counseling. And my wife and I are starting counseling separately. When we were in with the counselor talking about our son it came to the surface just how bitter I am at my wife. I believe this current situation is ordained by God. My bitterness that I have been suppressing was literally oozing out of me. When I close my eyes and look at it, it looks like a thick black goo oozing out of me.

This is definitely not from our King and needs addressed.

In regards to all the comments. I appreciate all your input and your hearts. "Shepherd", your comments ring true. The comment someone else made about separation is not an option for me nor do I see it as biblical. It is true that she has abandoned me emotionally, physically, and spiritually but she has not walked away....yet. And she still claims to be a believer. So according to 1 Corinthians 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) I am still "bound" to her. I must and will do everything in my power to please my King before myself.

Our society is so upside down. Hardly anybody keeps their word anymore, is steadfast, loyal, honorable etc. We are taught to live for pleasure and desires, what makes us feel good. As if satisfying our feelings and desires is the end game.

I choose to serve, obey, and love the Lord. Not myself. Without Him we cannot take even one breath.

My wife and I have gone through some really rough spots too. It's much better now. Don't give up hope!

Several years ago, I rented the movie "Temple Grandin". I probably watched it 3 times and cried every time. I didn't know why at the time but, maybe God was preparing me/us for things to come. Because a few years later, God blessed us with a grandson who turned out to have autism. He walked late and didn't talk until he was about 2 1/2 years old but at the same time we learned that he was already reading. And he had taught himself. He wasn't just reading little "see spot run" stuff either; he was reading three and four syllable words and sentences. Now he is 8 and when he stays with us, he sets his TV shows to CC, turns the volume down, and just reads the words. . He's an amazing little guy. I hope all this works out good for you and your family too!

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Thank you Shepherd, I appreciate it

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I have been out of the loop for a bit with work etc. We had a bit of an emergency here with one of my sons. He has been officially diagnosed with high functioning autism. about 135 on a scale of 230. This all came about from him attempting to hurt himself. He has started counseling. And my wife and I are starting counseling separately. When we were in with the counselor talking about our son it came to the surface just how bitter I am at my wife. I believe this current situation is ordained by God. My bitterness that I have been suppressing was literally oozing out of me. When I close my eyes and look at it, it looks like a thick black goo oozing out of me.

This is definitely not from our King and needs addressed.

In regards to all the comments. I appreciate all your input and your hearts. "Shepherd", your comments ring true. The comment someone else made about separation is not an option for me nor do I see it as biblical. It is true that she has abandoned me emotionally, physically, and spiritually but she has not walked away....yet. And she still claims to be a believer. So according to 1 Corinthians 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) I am still "bound" to her. I must and will do everything in my power to please my King before myself.

Our society is so upside down. Hardly anybody keeps their word anymore, is steadfast, loyal, honorable etc. We are taught to live for pleasure and desires, what makes us feel good. As if satisfying our feelings and desires is the end game.

I choose to serve, obey, and love the Lord. Not myself. Without Him we cannot take even one breath.

Have you ever heard the song "Sometimes it Takes a Mountain"? I cry all the way though it. It seems God has a way of bringing us to a place where we are forced to take a look at ourselves. I won't go into the issue, but my sister had a falling out with our mother and a round about me. She was holding a lot against us because of her son. Anyway it was painful and I couldn't see any way there would be peace, she was so angry. Then about two weeks ago in the middle of the night my mother got up out of bed and passed out on the floor. She ended up in the hospital with all kinds of tests ordered. We didn't know what was wrong. My sister and I hadn't spoken in about 6 months. Finally I realized I had to call her. At the same time her husband had lost his cousin in a tragic winter accident. Her demeanor had changed and right there on the phone in the hospital we had a good talk. She drove up and stayed with our mother and I with our father. Sometimes, it takes something big for God to get our attention. I hope you find help and healing though all of this.

Sometimes it Takes a Mountain

I faced a mountain
That I never faced before
That's why I'm calling on You Lord
I know it's been a while
But Lord please hear my prayer
I need You like I never have before

Sometimes it takes a mountain
Sometimes a troubled sea
Sometimes it takes a desert
To get a hold of me
Your love is so much stronger
Than whatever troubles me
Sometimes it takes a mountain
To trust You and believe

Forgive me Jesus
I thought I could control
Whatever life would throw my way
But this I will admit
Has brought me to my knees
I need You Lord and I'm not ashamed to say

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Matthew 19
7They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Divorce should be the last resort. My parents will have been married 51 years this March if the Lord tarries. I'm coming up on 10 yrs, my sister on 22yrs. So we are not believers in divorce. Nor was that my advice to divorce, because I think there needs to be everything done that can be before a marriage is ended. But I have talked about this before and maybe because there is such a high divorce rate even in the church that is why the church seems to have lost it's way when it comes to counseling couples. He mentioned that a church his wife is attending is giving her unbiblical advice. She feels she is right in what she is doing. I realize that it takes two and we all have faults. But I have seen people get very angry when you talk about sex within a marriage and the duty you have to each other. Probably one of the biggest misunderstandings people seem to have in this area is that your body is not your own once you marry. That fact is like throwing a bomb into the room. Let's see how it goes this time round.

 

[justahumanbeing]

Personally I would prefer that my wife not work and be there for our children and to take care of the home. I am very traditional in my beliefs.

I have worked 80+ hours a week for over 5 years now. This allows us a couple weeks long vacations every year and to provide solely for my family without the need for my wife to work. That said I have never required that she not work. I'm not that guy. I don't make demands.

The primary difficulty in my marriage has to do with what I consider neglect. No physical contact. If I even ask for a hug or kiss she recoils and asks "why"? Ignoring attempts at conversations. I have to actually pay her to make my lunches. And the list goes on and on.

I almost feel like I'm giving a poor me diatribe...yuck.

What I was really hoping to achieve in this thread was not to make a poor me list but to encourage each other in our struggles. As being married is hard. It's not easy 2 becoming one with all the differences and baggage we carry.

I'm single. 36 and unmarried. The grass looks greener on the other side I guess. Problems are problems. Emotions. Everyone has them. It's not forever. You will pull through this. You can always talk to your life partner. There are so many things you could do to rekindle what seems lacking in your lives.

There. I've said it. Bye now. I hope everything works ok for the both of you. God bless you and family.

 

[BlessedAnne913]

The only time a physical contact is willingly given is if there is a request for additional money from her. Then her attitude changes to sweet. For a day or so. Yes she hugs and kisses the kids. She says that she is not a touch person and has a bubble, respect it.

Maybe she feels like she doesn't even know you, being gone so much. Providing physical intimacy to someone who is like a stranger might be hard for her? Just trouble shooting.

 

[kinda]

Wow gotta love Google voice to text. Where did "Helen General" come from? It was supposed to be "Marriage in General".

So I have a questions on my mind.

Here's the first.

How does the idea of covenant pertain to marriage for you?

I think Google translated Marriage in General to Hel-en-general quite accurately. Think about it..

There is no marriage in heaven, but I say, it's never to early to get ready for heaven.

Mathew 22:30

For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

 

[Burn1986]

I'm posting this thread in order to not completely hijack another thread.

I had mentioned how I'm a workaholic at work 80 hours a week. I'm unsupported by my wife and my endeavors. She does not work. Yada yada yada. I thought perhaps a good discussion could ensue and perhaps we could encourage each other concerning marriage and Helen general. It's just tough. It's hard enough with two people from two different backgrounds becoming one. Much less dealing with all the baggage that each has had from their past. And we all have baggage.

I'm driving on my way to a job so please forgive the bad grammar, misspelling etc because I'm letting Google do the typing while I have paid attention to the road .

Wish I had a better message but yeah, it’s tough. We could all give a lecture but we’ve all got stuff we’re dealing with as well. As far as work, be mindful of your tithe. This will keep stuff from coming out of nowhere. Also, watch out for “little foxes” like coffee or tobacco or alcohol. These create friction between people and allow little curses.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I'm posting this thread in order to not completely hijack another thread.

I had mentioned how I'm a workaholic at work 80 hours a week. I'm unsupported by my wife and my endeavors. She does not work. Yada yada yada. I thought perhaps a good discussion could ensue and perhaps we could encourage each other concerning marriage and Helen general. It's just tough. It's hard enough with two people from two different backgrounds becoming one. Much less dealing with all the baggage that each has had from their past. And we all have baggage.

I'm driving on my way to a job so please forgive the bad grammar, misspelling etc because I'm letting Google do the typing while I have paid attention to the road .

Hello there😊
I just have to share this sermon series with you

https://www.gty.org/library/topical-series-library/52/the-fulfilled-family

It’s really been a blessing to me!
I found it recently and I’ve been going through the 11 sermons and I can’t say how helpful this would be to hear for every married couple.
please listen to it hopefully with your wife 🙏
Blessings and prayers for your marriage
Take care