I’m a bad parent

[jacko]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11.
I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know.

I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?

OK, your parents fess up now..

 

[Cameron143]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11.
I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know.

I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?

OK, your parents fess up now..

Sounds like you enjoy doing things more with your son than your daughter. This, in itself, doesn't mean you love one over the other. You only lack love if you don't try to make a connection with your daughter and attempt to find things you can enjoy together.

 

[Magenta]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11.
I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know.

I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?

OK, your parents fess up now..

My favourite child is the one that lived...

 

[Lynx]

The only thing of which I am a parent is a bunch of computers. I am a strict, stern parent though. Either they do what I want or I will find a program that WILL do what I want, or even a whole different operating system.

Can't delete a Gothic font file because it's a system file? We'll see about that.

 

[seoulsearch]

My favourite child is the one that lived...

Stupid messed-up emoji system.

I wanted to give you the hearts emoji but unfortunately no dice.

I'm so sorry, Magenta.

Blessings to you and your daughter. 🙏❤️🌹

 

[seoulsearch]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11. I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know. I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?
OK, your parents fess up now..

There were definitely cases of parents favoring certain offspring in the Bible but it usually had disastrous results (Joseph and his brothers; Jacob and Esau, each favored by the other parent, etc.) and generally wound up with siblings wanting to kill each other.

But favoritism is part of human nature... I don't know what God's solution is for this. The inverse of this question is would be, "Do your children each have a favorite parent -- and how does that make you feel? How would your react if you wind up being the least-favorite parental figure?"

After all, you might feel less close to your daughter -- and she might grow up feeling the same way, with her heart favoring her mother.

I can't say I favor either of my parents but I definitely have favorites among groups of people -- co-workers, church members, etc.

I've often heard that God has "favorites" -- David, Abraham, etc. -- but along with it also seems to come higher standards and stricter discipline.

 

[Magenta]

Stupid messed-up emoji system.

I wanted to give you the hearts emoji but unfortunately no dice.

I'm so sorry, Magenta.

Blessings to you and your daughter. 🙏❤️🌹

Thank you, Seoul, and no worries! My daughter is such a huge blessing, perhaps all the more
so especially considering how messed up I was around the time in my life when I had her.

 

[seoulsearch]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11.
I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know.

I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?

OK, your parents fess up now..

There were definitely cases of parents favoring certain offspring in the Bible but it usually had disastrous results (Joseph and his brothers; Jacob and Esau, each favored by the other parent, etc.) and generally wound up with siblings wanting to kill each other.

But favoritism is part of human nature... I don't know what God's solution is for this. The inverse of this question is would be, "Do your children each have a favorite parent -- and how does that make you feel? How would your react if you wind up being the least-favorite parental figure?"

After all, you might feel less close to your daughter -- and she might grow up feeling the same way, with her heart favoring her mother.

I can't say I favor either of my parents but I definitely have favorites among groups of people -- co-workers, church members, etc.

I've often heard that God has "favorites" -- David, Abraham, etc. -- but along with it also seems to come higher standards and stricter discipline.

Your post really has me thinking, but at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I don't have kids, but I'm at an age where the story is changing for most of the people I know. When kids are young, parents control everything. But when parents grow old, the narrative flips -- and the difference between one child being favored over another might also mean that same favoritism comes back to bite them later on.

For instance, it might mean the difference between the less favored child putting that parent in a nursing home and forgetting about them vs. lovingly caring for them in their later years. I've known people who were the less favorite, and it affected their entire life.

However, I also know firsthand that you can't force yourself to feel close to someone you're not close to, especially when you don't seem to have anything in common.

I don't know what the solutions are -- and of course, sometimes it all falls apart no matter how hard someone tries.

But it's definitely a thought-provoking topic and I thank you for bringing it up.

I'm also hoping... That your daughter won't ever find your post stating that you love her a little less. I understand and appreciate your sharing with us, but...

I just know that as a daughter, how that would make me feel if I saw my father had written that.

 

[MsMediator]

Yes, I have seen where parents favor a child over other children for unexplained reasons. This is evident in various ways where the parent may spend more time or money on the favored child. Another factor is that is it is easier to love a child who makes you proud and/or doesn't cause trouble. A parent may resent a "bad" child.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I love my son a little more than my daughter. I love my daughter too but my son and I are inseparable. Daughter is 13 and son is 11.
I want to love them equally, but he’s jsut a favorite and maybe because boys and boys you know.

I do think in the Bible that there was a little favoritism in there as well right?

OK, your parents fess up now..

As people it's natural for us to gravitate towards others that are similar to us.
But for parents it's not really a luxury that can be afforded. If a parent has a child they're unable to connect with well, or who has different tastes and interests to the parent, the burden falls to the parent to look for ways to build a more solid connection.
The best way to start is by trying to find anything that you both have in common and use that as a starting point.
If that doesn't work then try some of the things they enjoy. Who knows, you may discover something new you enjoy. And even if not, so what? Fake it. Or just focus on the idea that this is your child and spending time with them should be enough, regardless of what you're doing. And enjoy that time while you can.

Another step that's good to add to the above is step back and look at yourself. Is there anything you're doing to cause this? Or make it worse? And be honest with yourself. If you have any adults that regularly see how you interact with your kids, ask them if they've noticed anything you've done, or not done.
Also ask yourself if the child is doing anything that turns you away from her. Besides superficial things, such as nothing in common. Is she being more active in pushing you away. And if so it's time to investigate why.

You didn't state how long this has been going on. If its more recent it could be her age. At 13 many kids start looking for more independence and forming more of their own personality, outside of their parents. 11 can still be in that kid age where they still look to the parents to help define who they are.