I dedicated my life to the lord ten years ago, started reading scripture almost daily for the last two years. Completed the NIV Bible on audio, completed the ESV Bible by reading it, the New Testament multiple times, I’ve read hundreds of devotionals, I’ve prayed every day, I’ve written hundredis of prayers, I’ve read a lot of the NIV bible out loud, I’ve listened to worship music almost daily, I’ve listened to hundreds of Christian podcasts, I’ve stopped working and driving anywhere for an entire year to focus on God, I’ve lost all of my friends for God, I lost my life for God and Jesus has taken over for God.
i may sound angry but I’m actually at peace. I understand God is in control but some times I wonder how I got here.
if an Unbeliever saw the life I lived before I gave my life to Christ, he wouldn’t understand why I traded the life I was living to commit my life to Christ. I thought I had it all but it was nothing compared to the Holy Spirit that resides in me. Now I have Gods hand on me. Still working out some worldly things such as medication. God provides and protects me but every now and then, I get to thinking if this is all there is? And I wish I didn’t have those thoughts.
Maybe it’s a lack of prayer life I think to myself.