I am worried about my salvation. Hear me out, so I admit to many wrongs, and have been baptized but I worry about losing my salvation. Especially now, in this season, because I have a lot of time to reflect. I have a lot of time because in my workplace, there is basically not a lot to do. I am a Receptionist at a manufacturing company. I am given little to do and so, I feel worthless. I also sit alone and rarely communicate with my coworkers. For many hours. I feel like a security guard, really. Then I compare it to my life, and think "am I going to Hell, is it a void, is it this abyss where all you do it think about past failures and there is no hope?" I am distressed by these thoughts. I really don't know how else to explain my struggle and hope this comparison is not true. I also read in the Bible that the gatekeepers were highly trusted people, and that maybe this is some form of ministry or God wishes to teach me patience.
It seems to me that you need help in relation to hope, and in relation to someday fulfilling whatever it is that God has called you to do.
In relation to hope, I gave you some information regarding the helmet of salvation (Eph. 6:17) or the helmet of the hope of salvation (1 Thess. 5:8) on your other thread about mental health, and I hope that you will avail yourself of it. Learning how to protect your mind with this piece of spiritual armor needs to be your first priority.
When it comes to fulfilling whatever it is that God has called you to do, you must be very careful to not put the proverbial cart before the horse. Jesus said:
Jhn 15:4
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
Jhn 15:5
I am the vine, ye
are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
A branch which is connected to or which is abiding in a vine does not need to worry about producing fruit. Instead, the natural outworking of it abiding in the vine will eventually be fruitfulness as the life of the vine flows through the branch. In other words, it is the life of the vine which is really producing the fruit, and as long as the branch remains attached to the vine, it will be fruitful. On the contrary, if a branch is not abiding in or attached to the vine, then no fruit will be produced.
Why am I saying this?
I am saying this because if you try to produce fruit for God on your own, then you will fail to do so every single time. However, if you concentrate on abiding in the vine, or abiding in Christ, then his life will flow through you, and you will eventually be fruitful. This is what I meant by not putting the proverbial cart before the horse. In other words, put Christ first, and not your desire to produce fruit, and the fruit will be produced by the life of Christ in you. If you reverse the order and concentrate on producing the fruit, then you are destined to fail. I hope that you understand what I am saying. Jesus said this of his own works:
Jhn 14:10
Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
In the same way that the Father in Christ did the works in Jesus' ministry, it must be Christ in you who does the works in your own ministry. Again, a branch cannot produce fruit apart from the vine, and you can never produce fruit apart from Christ. Set your focus on him, and the rest will occur naturally or supernaturally.
Like I said earlier, your first order of business needs to be to learn how to protect your mind, and that is what the helmet of salvation or the helmet of the hope of salvation is all about. It is available to you through Christ. You simply need to learn how to put it on. I hope that you will check out what I linked you to on your other thread. Your problems can be pretty easily resolved. I am praying for you.