It's good to be single.

[seoulsearch]

Idk; I think when women poach married men who have children, it's almost the same thing. It's very similar. And it has the similar issues with jealously and division of the man's time between wife/ex-wife and their children, except worse.

Men do the same thing.

On a Christian dating site, I was lectured by a man who told me he selected my profile specifically because I don't have kids.

He sternly told me he would only date childless women because she had to be someone who would devote all her time, energy, and attention to raising his son from his ex.

Obviously, we never went out.

It wasn't him having a child that turned me off.

It was the automatic expectation that I would have to meet all his qualifications and demands.

And he never even once asked what I was looking for or wanted in a relationship.

I run into that a lot. A long list of, "This is what you need to be and do for me," and not a single question about my own wants or needs.

Yes, I know women do this too but it's definitely not just the women.

And that, along with so many guys having porn addictions -- not all but unfortunately, the few I've liked in the past -- are some of the major reasons as to why I'm single.

 

[SomeDisciple]

I run into that a lot. A long list of, "This is what you need to be and do for me," and not a single question about my own wants or needs.

Women have wants and needs...? That's crazy. I'll have to write that down.

Online specifically, I could see a man being upfront about baggage. That's just being respectful of people's time. There's probably a more friendly or romantic way of doing it than he did though.

And that, along with so many guys having porn addictions -- not all but unfortunately, the few I've liked in the past -- are some of the major reasons as to why I'm single.

I hope a well-off Christian man without a porn addiction sweeps you off your feet.

 

[seoulsearch]

Women have wants and needs...? That's crazy. I'll have to write that down. Online specifically, I could see a man being upfront about baggage. That's just being respectful of people's time. There's probably a more friendly or romantic way of doing it than he did though. I hope a well-off Christian man without a porn addiction sweeps you off your feet.

I don't know if it was as bad in past generations, but I think dating nowadays is basically just people writing out a checklist and trying to find someone who ticks all the boxes, both for men and for women.

And I've said many times that I think Christians are actually worse that secular dates, because every Christian is told God only wants "the best" for them -- which they assume is synonymous with what THEY think is best for them.

I have a guy friend who has told me for over 20 years, "God may not send you what you want, but He'll send you what you need."

Thanks for the well-wishes.

Funny that you added in "a well-off Christian guy."

I don't need one who's well-off -- I just need one who can stick to a budget and pay for his own things. In the relationships I had, I always had to pay because they spend their money on things like clothes, games, booze, and smokes, and so I always wound up paying their actual bills.

Never. again.

If I can help it, at least. And he doesn't have to worry about paying for me. I've heard of some communities who don't want women to work -- but then how is she supposed to be able to support herself if her husband isn't good with money, and what if he runs off with someone else?

I never had much money either. The only difference is that my parents taught me to hang on to a good majority of it, because life is expensive -- and unpredictable.

 

[Smoke]

Men do the same thing.

On a Christian dating site, I was lectured by a man who told me he selected my profile specifically because I don't have kids.

He sternly told me he would only date childless women because she had to be someone who would devote all her time, energy, and attention to raising his son from his ex.

Obviously, we never went out.

It wasn't him having a child that turned me off.

It was the automatic expectation that I would have to meet all his qualifications and demands.

And he never even once asked what I was looking for or wanted in a relationship.

I run into that a lot. A long list of, "This is what you need to be and do for me," and not a single question about my own wants or needs.

Yes, I know women do this too but it's definitely not just the women.

And that, along with so many guys having porn addictions -- not all but unfortunately, the few I've liked in the past -- are some of the major reasons as to why I'm single.

Isn't it a good thing that he told you what he was wanting? I understand you took it as him demanding you do this, but perhaps he just wanted to be clear on what he's looking for. It sounds like it wasn't a good match and nothing became of it.

I do understand the point you're making in that you prefer to be ASKED what you're wanting/needing/looking for. Perhaps that's the approach he should have taken instead of explicitly stating what he was looking for.

 

[Smoke]

Women have wants and needs...? That's crazy. I'll have to write that down.

Online specifically, I could see a man being upfront about baggage. That's just being respectful of people's time. There's probably a more friendly or romantic way of doing it than he did though.


I hope a well-off Christian man without a porn addiction sweeps you off your feet.

Agreed. It's easier to be succinct an filter what you want/don't want online. However, it takes away from the "romanticism" of getting a cup of coffee and learning about each other's wants and needs. Welp, that's what people sign up for when they date online though, right? lol

 

[Smoke]

I don't know if it was as bad in past generations, but I think dating nowadays is basically just people writing out a checklist and trying to find someone who ticks all the boxes, both for men and for women.

And I've said many times that I think Christians are actually worse that secular dates, because every Christian is told God only wants "the best" for them -- which they assume is synonymous with what THEY think is best for them.

I have a guy friend who has told me for over 20 years, "God may not send you what you want, but He'll send you what you need."

Thanks for the well-wishes.

Funny that you added in "a well-off Christian guy."

I don't need one who's well-off -- I just need one who can stick to a budget and pay for his own things. In the relationships I had, I always had to pay because they spend their money on things like clothes, games, booze, and smokes, and so I always wound up paying their actual bills.

Never. again.

If I can help it, at least. And he doesn't have to worry about paying for me. I've heard of some communities who don't want women to work -- but then how is she supposed to be able to support herself if her husband isn't good with money, and what if he runs off with someone else?

I never had much money either. The only difference is that my parents taught me to hang on to a good majority of it, because life is expensive -- and unpredictable.

I tend to think dating is significantly harder today than it was 50+ years ago. The push for equality between men and women directly hinders the biblical standards and roles explicitly given to us as Christians. The brainwashing done on women to value work life over family life has doubled the working pool, thereby decreasing wages (supply and demand aye?). We are now dependent on dual incomes. Now that women are just as much a part of the work force, they feel they should have equal leadership role in the marriage and no longer are required to submit to their husband "as unto the Lord". We see weak men relinquish their biblical duties in favor of their wife taking the leadership role. It's a shame that we are pushing God's instruction aside.

 

[JohnDB]

Apparently there exists a loneliness epidemic in America.

https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/loneliness-in-america-2024

 

[MsMediator]

Idk; I think when women poach married men who have children, it's almost the same thing. It's very similar. And it has the similar issues with jealously and division of the man's time between wife/ex-wife and their children, except worse.

Poaching /stealing a married man is adultery and is very different from polygamy. The man's time now goes 100% with the new woman. Most married women would not put up with a mistress; he has to choose and there is no sharing involved. Most mistresses/second wives are understanding about the men spending time with the first set of children, unless these women are the real shallow type. They care more that all the children are treated equally financially; only the real mean women would want the guy to disinherit/disown the first set of children.

 

[seoulsearch]

I tend to think dating is significantly harder today than it was 50+ years ago. The push for equality between men and women directly hinders the biblical standards and roles explicitly given to us as Christians. The brainwashing done on women to value work life over family life has doubled the working pool, thereby decreasing wages (supply and demand aye?). We are now dependent on dual incomes. Now that women are just as much a part of the work force, they feel they should have equal leadership role in the marriage and no longer are required to submit to their husband "as unto the Lord". We see weak men relinquish their biblical duties in favor of their wife taking the leadership role. It's a shame that we are pushing God's instruction aside.

The problem though is that in today's world, most women need to work, and I feel sorry for those who never have or were prevented from doing so.

Marriage isn't a bag of chips you can just toss in your cart and check out any day you want. If someone doesn't come along, you need to support yourself. Women also need a way of supporting their families if their husbands become injured, die, or leave, especially if children are involved.

I understand that women in the workforce have changed some of the dynamics, but my parents started getting me babysitting jobs when I was around 11, and by high school, I had 3 part-time jobs.

I have not had many relationships in my life, but in every one, that guy was bad with money, and I wound up paying at least part of his bills. And the work ethic my parents instilled in me came in hand when, later on, my husband left in the middle of the day without telling me, packing up all his things (while I was at work,) and I came home to a half-empty house.

At the retirement place where my parents reside, I talk to many lone female residents who were never allowed to work -- and with their husbands long gone, are worried about running out of money, and where will they live. Some never had children, some are estranged from them, and some have family too far away (and unwilling) to help.

If I would have had daughters, I would have taught them that work is absolutely essential.

As for the roles of the woman in the household if she is making an equal or better income than her husband -- I would hope to be in a situation where he would respect that we both have different giftings, and that he would encourage each of us to take the lead in the role of that which we did best.

In the past, I was always better with finances -- but would gladly give up that role to the right husband with the right talent for it.

 

[SomeDisciple]

Poaching /stealing a married man is adultery and is very different from polygamy. The man's time now goes 100% with the new woman.

The legal/moral aspect is different; but the man's time does not go 100% toward the new woman- they are still giving that other woman allimony/child support, and going to soccer games where the other woman is, and on the phone "co-parenting" with her.

Most mistresses/second wives are understanding about the men spending time with the first set of children, unless these women are the real shallow type.

We're talking about women that poached another woman's husband; so, there's some assumed lack of depth.

 

[Lynx]

I don't know if it was as bad in past generations, but I think dating nowadays is basically just people writing out a checklist and trying to find someone who ticks all the boxes, both for men and for women.

And I've said many times that I think Christians are actually worse that secular dates, because every Christian is told God only wants "the best" for them -- which they assume is synonymous with what THEY think is best for them.

Yeah, and if you don't get everything you wanted on your list, you had to "settle." That means the one you "settled" for is not what you wanted, but you had to make do with the closest you could find.

Meanwhile one of the smartest guys I know is married to one of the dumbest girls I know. They been married more than half a century. He loves cold weather and she's always wearing a coat and turning the heat up. He's strong as an ox and she's not very. Anybody would say he settled... But they'd better not say it to his face, because he loves that girl.