I'm just going to be blunt. Is everything outside of intercourse sexually immoral in a marriage bed? Please use only Biblical based reasoning (with verses provided) to prove your response. Please no personal opinions.
Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) seems to indicate that the marriage bed is undefiled, meaning anything goes (I assume within reason). Is this the correct interpretation?
Well, like everything outside of err basic missionary intercourse, and by anything goes I mean anything sexual in a marriage bed, though I suppose some things are not allowed since I believe Paul might have written about women exchanging the natural use for unnatural use (their bodies)... sorry for bringing that up if anyone finds that rude. So I suppose when you weigh those two things together it might mean that the marriage bed is undefiled in the sense of normal sexual activity. I think it might be talking about homosexuality though.
I actually don't know and need help!
Hi
@LeeLoving,
I understand the sincerity of your question. It reminds me of a young guy I used to know who was trying to get his life back on track and hoped to find a Christian wife -- and, having a bit of a past, he had the same concerns. I can't claim to know the answers and I honestly don't know if the answers are the same for everyone.
I also understand your need for specific answers and your seeming hope for a strict "This Is Allowed, This Isn't" list, but most likely, you won't be able to find that here. Since this is a Christian-based public forum, it can be viewed by teens and children, so the answers here have to be kept family-friendly.
And so I am trying to think of how to keep my own answer family friendly.
These are just my own beliefs and I can only speak for myself. I personally don't believe that porn is acceptable in any setting, even marriage, and we've had countless posts here over the years about how much porn is ruining people's marriages and lives.
I have also talked to Christian women whose Christian husbands prefer (I will try to put this delicately,) a form of sex practiced between homosexual men. One woman who confided this to me was in absolute tears, sobbing that this was all her husband wanted and he would force her into doing so. And because he was doing this to a woman (his wife, after all,) and not a man, he still saw himself as 100% heterosexual and 100% in the right. In his mind, he was doing exactly what the Bible told him -- rather than burning with passion, he was taking all his passions out on his wife -- in marriage.
And this isn't the only woman who has told me about things like this. No one knows what's going on behind closed doors except God. This is just me personally, but if I had a husband who was doing this, I would divorce him and just stay single. I know a lot of Christians wouldn't agree with this as a reason for divorce, but if he was persistent and wouldn't change, I couldn't stay in a situation of constant abuse and humiliation. And there would be only further humiliation and shame from the Christian community, because everyone always insists on knowing every detail of one's divorce so that they can judge if you are had a Biblical reason -- or are just being an adulterer. Could you imagine having to explain this entire situation to people when they constantly demanded answers and details?
But I digress.
Now what if it's a situation where both the husband and wife agree to it? I truly do not know. If they are able to pray and felt that God said it was ok, and were completely comfortable with God knowing and witnessing what they are doing, if they claim to have peace over it -- maybe it's between them and God.
Do you have a pastor or spiritual leader you could talk to, specifically one who does marriage counseling? This would probably be your best bet for more precise answers. I know most people don't have someone they would feel comfortable asking about this -- I'm sure you could find other online sources of discussion and information, but growing up in the Christian community, the answers you get are probably going to be quite varied across the board.
For instance, those who think such-and-such is ok for them and their spouse -- especially those participating in such things themselves -- are going to tell you, "Go right ahead!"
But for the ones who feel convicted or believe God has led them differently are most likely going to tell you "No!" to this, that, and the other.
