Wanting to be single for the rest of my life

[Rebecca89]

Even though I didnt close the door on that chance I never thought I'd tie the knot especially at 46. Yet life took an unexpected turn. GOD has a different path laid out for me. I am now a Mrs.

Our life here can lead to one of two destinations a solo journey or coupled with a lifelong companion. It depends on God's will in your life I believe.

Enjoy your single life Both Single life and marriage have their own unique joys and happiness that make the wait worthwhile.

God bless you

Congratulations!

I'm enjoying being single and I also believe if it's in God's will for me to have a man to marry someday, He will make it happen and I'll embrace it.

Thank you! God bless you as well!

 

[Magenta]

I was an addict for over half of my life and Jesus delivered me from that. I've been clean 18 months.

Congratulations

Addiction Prayer

 

[Lynx]

I forgive readily as of recently. I had to first figure out the line between forgiving and accepting. I now know that just because I forgive someone and their behaviors/actions does not mean I have to accept the continuation of and allow it in my life. I pray for them and have boundaries.

I was an addict for over half of my life and Jesus delivered me from that. I've been clean 18 months.

My opinion on gossip is it's a big smokescreen. If your focus isn't on the one gossiping but on the one being gossiped about, then your distracted from the gossipers bad behaviors. I shut those situations down by saying "I refuse to listen to you talk about a party that isn't here to respond" or I ask "would you be saying this if that person were here right now?" I don't entertain drama like that anymore.

I have a Springer Spaniel named Lily and I have a Brown Tabby Domestic Shorthair named Echo.

You know something I have discovered that is really fun to do when people are gossiping? Say something good about the person they are gossiping about. It throws them off their stride and frustrates them incredibly, but they can't really say anything about it. It's incredible fun!

 

[MsMediator]

I do accept that if God does have a man for me, I won't fight His will. But I'm definitely not actively seeking a partner nor do I plan on doing so in the near future.

I am single and I don't worry about being single or married. I would like to build a bigger/stronger support system. So far, my experience is that support system through church, friends, etc. are not always reliable.

 

[Karlon]

I'm a sponge, I love absorbing new information, ideas, and viewpoints. In my opinion, the only dumb question is the one that goes not asked.

I'm getting a lot better at practicing patience. When I find myself rushing to a conclusion or solution, I remember what a former therapist told me years ago.. "sit and simmer on it." That way I don't act impulsively and/or irrationally. Psalm 23 helps tremendously to bring me out of a heightened emotional state so I can sit and simmer on a topic or situation.

phunnneee about the glimmer. i have a saying: "simmer as glimmer". meaning for someone to hush up.

 

[tourist]

I have a dog and a cat. They are so silly, loving, and amazing! There's never a dull moment with my girls

We have two cats. They are also silly, loving, and amazing too. Also amusing.

 

[JohnDB]

 

[ConfirmByDoing]

I forgive readily as of recently. I had to first figure out the line between forgiving and accepting. I now know that just because I forgive someone and their behaviors/actions does not mean I have to accept the continuation of and allow it in my life. I pray for them and have boundaries.

I was an addict for over half of my life and Jesus delivered me from that. I've been clean 18 months.

My opinion on gossip is it's a big smokescreen. If your focus isn't on the one gossiping but on the one being gossiped about, then your distracted from the gossipers bad behaviors. I shut those situations down by saying "I refuse to listen to you talk about a party that isn't here to respond" or I ask "would you be saying this if that person were here right now?" I don't entertain drama like that anymore.

I have a Springer Spaniel named Lily and I have a Brown Tabby Domestic Shorthair named Echo.

Coming out of a "fog" like that and going straight into being born again can be such a whirlwind experience. There's naturally(now being born again) a distancing from those past intimate relationships because the memories of them don't feel the same. Because you're not the same, and that's a good thing. We're now Holy(I Peter 2:7-9) because of the work of Jesus and sanctification of the Spirit.

Growing in and submitting to the Word, further sanctification and maturing in Christ all played a part in His will for my life. I see parallels here. A similar past, what you said about becoming more forgiving and getting better at recognizing the enemy's deceptive ways by seeing who's really in the wrong during a gossip session and not even wanting to be around it. He'll put it in your new heart(Ezekiel 36:26) when the time is right. The Lord will build you up so what He entrusts you with will last. Because it won't unless you're prepared for it. That'll take time and some pressure moments.(Proverbs 25:4; James 1:2-8)

I felt before in my life the same as you do now and have practiced abstinence for a long time. So much that people who didn't really understand(non believers) were starting to be concerned. But like someone earlier said, focus on your relationship with the Lord for now. If that's His will, and when He sees your ready(and He already knows when that'll be) the right person who is also ready for you will be there. His timing His perfect like that. God Bless you!

 

[Rebecca89]

Coming out of a "fog" like that and going straight into being born again can be such a whirlwind experience. There's naturally(now being born again) a distancing from those past intimate relationships because the memories of them don't feel the same. Because you're not the same, and that's a good thing. We're now Holy(I Peter 2:7-9) because of the work of Jesus and sanctification of the Spirit.

Growing in and submitting to the Word, further sanctification and maturing in Christ all played a part in His will for my life. I see parallels here. A similar past, what you said about becoming more forgiving and getting better at recognizing the enemy's deceptive ways by seeing who's really in the wrong during a gossip session and not even wanting to be around it. He'll put it in your new heart(Ezekiel 36:26) when the time is right. The Lord will build you up so what He entrusts you with will last. Because it won't unless you're prepared for it. That'll take time and some pressure moments.(Proverbs 25:4; James 1:2-8)

I felt before in my life the same as you do now and have practiced abstinence for a long time. So much that people who didn't really understand(non believers) were starting to be concerned. But like someone earlier said, focus on your relationship with the Lord for now. If that's His will, and when He sees your ready(and He already knows when that'll be) the right person who is also ready for you will be there. His timing His perfect like that. God Bless you![/QUOTE

*I need to clarify.. I should have titled my post "okay with being single for the rest of my life"


This has definitely been a refining process for me. Along with recognizing the enemy's tactics, I've also allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me of my toxic and sinful patterns that I followed for so long. Having that mirror held up in front of me was and is not a journey for the weak. But leaning into God's word, repenting, and thanking Jesus for His perfect sacrifice has carried me through. God has been my rock and I'm so grateful that He never gave up on me. He is the Alpha and the Omega.

All praise and glory to Yahweh!

 

[Kafziel]

I'm trying to see if anyone else can understand and relate to where I'm at in regards to dating.

I've been single for 16 months. I attempted to date through apps because I'm not a social person. It didn't go well so I promised to work on myself more through the winter, put off dating, and revisit the notion in spring.

Now I have no want or desire to date. Don't get me wrong, I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a partner. But when I factor in how content I am with my routine and life, dating doesn't seem worthwhile anymore.

I have to add that I was extremely codependent all of my life so now that I've been single for a good amount of time, I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship.

I do accept that if God does have a man for me, I won't fight His will. But I'm definitely not actively seeking a partner nor do I plan on doing so in the near future.

Has anyone else had disappointing experiences trying to date as a Christian that led you to "give up" on desiring a partner?

I prefer the single life too most times, it's very peaceful. I think you would have better experiences with your disappointment though if you try to see all a man is and don't try to judge too harshly, people are some of the most complex beings on the planet, we all have our good and bad sides. Women often don't give poor men a chance and they should, because some of those men are sweethearts. Just in my personal experience. Wealth is overrated, you just know there's some greed there if they make too much money and that's not good having a self-centered husband who doesn't think about you.

 

[Rebecca89]

I prefer the single life too most times, it's very peaceful. I think you would have better experiences with your disappointment though if you try to see all a man is and don't try to judge too harshly, people are some of the most complex beings on the planet, we all have our good and bad sides. Women often don't give poor men a chance and they should, because some of those men are sweethearts. Just in my personal experience. Wealth is overrated, you just know there's some greed there if they make too much money and that's not good having a self-centered husband who doesn't think about you.

I have high standards and morals. I don't judge a man by his income. I look at conduct, character, and if he's able and qualified to lead, i.e. spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. I was with men who only had finances as their "good quality" and I learned that those who only bring money to the table of a relationship, view love and relationships as transactional. I would want a kind, God fearing, Jesus loving, gentle man that can lead and also lean on me when he needs. In my opinion, money doesn't equal wealth. Faith in Jesus, kindness, compassion, empathy, self awareness, emotional intelligence, boundaries, dignity, and integrity is what true wealth is compromised of. Those qualities are worth beyond any dollar amount.

 

[ConfirmByDoing]

I have high standards and morals. I don't judge a man by his income. I look at conduct, character, and if he's able and qualified to lead, i.e. spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. I was with men who only had finances as their "good quality" and I learned that those who only bring money to the table of a relationship, view love and relationships as transactional. I would want a kind, God fearing, Jesus loving, gentle man that can lead and also lean on me when he needs. In my opinion, money doesn't equal wealth. Faith in Jesus, kindness, compassion, empathy, self awareness, emotional intelligence, boundaries, dignity, and integrity is what true wealth is compromised of. Those qualities are worth beyond any dollar amount.

Look at you! You're not far off, but still... be patient. Not that you need to hear it of course. There's a study book called Self Confrontation by John C Broger. I took the class years ago and learned a lot at that point in my walk

You have conviction to know what you want like this Spiritually and also to recognize there's still work to be done on your mind. Project under construction if you will🏗 .

Maybe look into Christian counseling for those who've faced similar trials if that book seems interesting

 

[Rebecca89]

Look at you! You're not far off, but still... be patient. Not that you need to hear it of course. There's a study book called Self Confrontation by John C Broger. I took the class years ago and learned a lot at that point in my walk

You have conviction to know what you want like this Spiritually and also to recognize there's still work to be done on your mind. Project under construction if you will🏗 .

Maybe look into Christian counseling for those who've faced similar trials if that book seems interesting

I do faith based DBT and CBT weekly. My DBT workbook has Scripture with each lesson. I decided on the break from trying to date for the winter because I needed to fully focus on myself. I know there's more growth needed and I'm totally invested in doing the work necessary.

The life I lived prior to giving my life to Christ was complete chaos. Abuse, drugs, promiscuity and prostitution, suicide attempts ( most recent one I died twice ) and being stuck in the cycle of being a victim, wondering why my life was always so bad. Typical PLOMS, poor little old me syndrome. Then I completely surrendered my life to Christ, was convicted, accept accountability and responsibility for my part in the chaotic life, and chose the narrow path, walking in faith with Jesus. He is the only reason I'm alive, sober, happy, and thriving today.

If He can deliver me from all of that and redeem me in His name, He can do that for anyone that puts their faith in Him!

 

[Kafziel]

I have high standards and morals. I don't judge a man by his income. I look at conduct, character, and if he's able and qualified to lead, i.e. spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. I was with men who only had finances as their "good quality" and I learned that those who only bring money to the table of a relationship, view love and relationships as transactional. I would want a kind, God fearing, Jesus loving, gentle man that can lead and also lean on me when he needs. In my opinion, money doesn't equal wealth. Faith in Jesus, kindness, compassion, empathy, self awareness, emotional intelligence, boundaries, dignity, and integrity is what true wealth is compromised of. Those qualities are worth beyond any dollar amount.

Oh well that's good. I hope you find happiness either way. Even if that's the single life.

 

[ConfirmByDoing]

I do faith based DBT and CBT weekly. My DBT workbook has Scripture with each lesson. I decided on the break from trying to date for the winter because I needed to fully focus on myself. I know there's more growth needed and I'm totally invested in doing the work necessary.

The life I lived prior to giving my life to Christ was complete chaos. Abuse, drugs, promiscuity and prostitution, suicide attempts ( most recent one I died twice ) and being stuck in the cycle of being a victim, wondering why my life was always so bad. Typical PLOMS, poor little old me syndrome. Then I completely surrendered my life to Christ, was convicted, accept accountability and responsibility for my part in the chaotic life, and chose the narrow path, walking in faith with Jesus. He is the only reason I'm alive, sober, happy, and thriving today.

If He can deliver me from all of that and redeem me in His name, He can do that for anyone that puts their faith in Him!

Oh, ok! Ha.. you really didn't need to hear it. No joke, you're on top of it! I think someone tried to introduce that to me right before I went into treatment a long time ago. I wasn't sure about it at the time. Iirc, it affects what makes or triggers the brain to desire the bad habit. It can be a mess the things that lead to self destruction

The Lord can work through you to help a lot of people. And your testimony is powerful(Rev 12:10-12)

 

[TabinRivCA]

I'm trying to see if anyone else can understand and relate to where I'm at in regards to dating.

I've been single for 16 months. I attempted to date through apps because I'm not a social person. It didn't go well so I promised to work on myself more through the winter, put off dating, and revisit the notion in spring.

Now I have no want or desire to date. Don't get me wrong, I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a partner. But when I factor in how content I am with my routine and life, dating doesn't seem worthwhile anymore.

I have to add that I was extremely codependent all of my life so now that I've been single for a good amount of time, I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship.

I do accept that if God does have a man for me, I won't fight His will. But I'm definitely not actively seeking a partner nor do I plan on doing so in the near future.

Has anyone else had disappointing experiences trying to date as a Christian that led you to "give up" on desiring a partner?

I understand what you're saying but let me give a testimony from the other side of someone wanting to be married and have a family. I know a young man who was married for a couple yrs and sadly his wife, who had a heart condition, went to Heaven. He's a Christian, btw, grieved about four months and simply wanted a wife. He paid to go on Christian Mingle and after some back & forth, met his wife. She's a twin and her sister also wanted to marry and they told her to go on CM, and she met a good solid Christian man and got married. So much good advise here and your pov is excellent but if I was looking and wanted to get married and have a family, I'd be quoting Scriptures like Mark 11:24 that states, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Also, John 14:13-14: "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it." These are promises from God and I believe when we put our faith in them and believe, He will do His part.
Just food for thought to those who are yearning to be married

 

[Smoke]

My fur babies are my Valentine's and I continue to and always will go broke for my girls. Through them I've witnessed what it's like for another being to show me unconditional love is. They've seen me at my worst and are now seeing me at the best I've ever been and have loved me the same throughout. I thank God for them! I'm not a candy person but I will spoil my girls with toys and treats

I had to make a tough decision to put my cat down of 16.5 years a little over a month ago. I was just a kid when I got him. I spent my entire adult life with him and there hasn't been a waking hour I don't think about him and miss him. He was there for me in previous relationships, deaths in my family, career changes, etc... I even had a beautiful dream about him last night where I got to hug him, kiss him, and hold him.

I will only speak for myself as God has different plans for us. I came to the realization that God put my little boy (kitty) in my life to supplement the void in my heart. I don't plan on getting another cat any time soon, because I'm worried that I'm going to lean on him/her more than I am on relationships that are eternal. I don't think God designed me, personally, to replace human relations with pets. Pets make families more loving and happy but should not be the source of it (for me). While I don't regret the amazingly lovely time I had with my fur baby, I do question if it hindered some of the goals and desires I had by being too complacent and dependent on him.

Ultimately, it's your choice what you choose to do and there is nothing wrong with people who wish to remain single indefinitely. I just wanted to offer a different perspective. Welcome to the forums!

 

[Smoke]

I had to make a tough decision to put my cat down of 16.5 years a little over a month ago. I was just a kid when I got him. I spent my entire adult life with him and there hasn't been a waking hour I don't think about him and miss him. He was there for me in previous relationships, deaths in my family, career changes, etc... I even had a beautiful dream about him last night where I got to hug him, kiss him, and hold him.

I will only speak for myself as God has different plans for us. I came to the realization that God put my little boy (kitty) in my life to supplement the void in my heart. I don't plan on getting another cat any time soon, because I'm worried that I'm going to lean on him/her more than I am on relationships that are eternal. I don't think God designed me, personally, to replace human relations with pets. Pets make families more loving and happy but should not be the source of it (for me). While I don't regret the amazingly lovely time I had with my fur baby, I do question if it hindered some of the goals and desires I had by being too complacent and dependent on him.

Ultimately, it's your choice what you choose to do and there is nothing wrong with people who wish to remain single indefinitely. I just wanted to offer a different perspective. Welcome to the forums!

I just wanted to add, it's super easy to love on pets because they are so darn cute, they love unconditionally, they forgive if you step on their tail, they somehow sense when you're emotionally down, but at the top of the list, they don't ever challenge what we say, argue, nag, etc... There is utility in learning how to communicate with humans, but it's just so much easier with pets because they just listen and make us feel good simply by existing in our presence. While it appears like a win-win, I like to be challenged and to learn because it's how I grow as a person. Nothing against having pets, obviously, but I'm certain it's supposed to be supplemental for me.

 

[kinda]

I agree, stay single.

To be honest, this trend seems to be gaining traction.

"So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. "

 

[Rebecca89]

I agree, stay single.

To be honest, this trend seems to be gaining traction.

"So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. "

Because I don't go out, socialize, and network I would have to use a dating app. Unless it's a strictly Christian one that would require payment for membership, which I'm not wanting to invest money into finding a partner, the other apps are a waste of time. In my experience on the other apps, it's a game of "what are you hiding" because the men I did interact with previously had some greatly disturbing "secrets" and should've been in an institution or on a registry. That's just my personal, previous experiences.

I'm nowhere near a point where I'm willing to pay to find a genuine, Christian man and I don't know if I'll ever get there. For now, I'm spending time with the Lord, my family, and my fur babies. It's been peaceful.