The Girl Before And After!

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Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,025
1,396
113
#1
This topic, probably, most would consider, is for the ladies. So, guys all over the world question why women gain weight after they become a girlfriend or wife. We know partly, the reason why. Women become attached & feel like they are secure so contentment abounds. Most men out there have dealt with this issue especially in America. here's the meaty part of it, no pun intended; girls wonder why guys are not attracted to them anymore because they gained weight. Well, all you women know that guys are attracted by looks which God has designed. So, if a women was large when the guy noticed her, he wouldn't have asked her on a date! No mockery or disparagement intended here. Please girls, Christian honest answers only. by course, guys go ahead & answer too.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
28,752
10,303
113
#2
I have heard this excuse before. The answer will always be the same.

What is the answer? Oh... You'll find out soon enough. Much too soon, probably.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,476
2,467
113
#3
This topic, probably, most would consider, is for the ladies. So, guys all over the world question why women gain weight after they become a girlfriend or wife. We know partly, the reason why. Women become attached & feel like they are secure so contentment abounds. Most men out there have dealt with this issue especially in America. here's the meaty part of it, no pun intended; girls wonder why guys are not attracted to them anymore because they gained weight. Well, all you women know that guys are attracted by looks which God has designed. So, if a women was large when the guy noticed her, he wouldn't have asked her on a date! No mockery or disparagement intended here. Please girls, Christian honest answers only. by course, guys go ahead & answer too.
And by the same token men wonder why women are no longer attracted to them when their income goes down or they lose their job. And they wonder why no woman wants to date them when they're working part time for minimum wage. But that's okay because God made women to want to be provided for and if you can't provide the (both financial and emotional) security she needs, then she's not gonna love you anymore. But guys be nice and honest christian answers only.

And now that we can all see how ridiculous these positions are... let's just say don't say till death to us part no matter what if you really mean as long as you stay good enough.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
28,752
10,303
113
#4
A cogent point. If you expect a lady who is a 10, based on how men rate how pretty a woman's body is, but you are a 3, based on how women rate how well men can provide for them, good luck!

It also scales with how a man looks. If a guy looks like a 10 he might get away with being a 5 at providing, maybe a 4. Maybe. But if he looks like a 2, he'd better sure be bringing the money!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#5
This topic, probably, most would consider, is for the ladies. So, guys all over the world question why women gain weight after they become a girlfriend or wife. We know partly, the reason why. Women become attached & feel like they are secure so contentment abounds. Most men out there have dealt with this issue especially in America. here's the meaty part of it, no pun intended; girls wonder why guys are not attracted to them anymore because they gained weight. Well, all you women know that guys are attracted by looks which God has designed. So, if a women was large when the guy noticed her, he wouldn't have asked her on a date! No mockery or disparagement intended here. Please girls, Christian honest answers only. by course, guys go ahead & answer too.
Why on earth is this topic (weight gain) just for the ladies?

Karlon, I've seen several of your posts in which you've said this many times: "Ladies, if you want to get -- and KEEP -- a man, you have to stay skinny and beautiful -- FOREVER!!!"

You always sound as if you don't know about anything about the fact that women's bodies are greatly affected by things like pregnancy and menopause. How many kids has your body birthed, and have you gone through menopause? And would you be able to keep the package in perfect, preserved condition throughout all of that and 'til the end of time?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you don't have any children? Has your wife been through childbirth and how was her recovery? Not every woman's body is able to snap back, especially after she has multiple children.

You've also mentioned that you are very active and a landscaper. I'm guessing you and your wife have never had weight issues, which is wonderful. But are you aware that weight is not always a matter of just choice for everyone, aren't you?

Now, I've been fairly fortunate in that I have a very health-conscious mother who held us to stricter dietary standards than most, and that's stayed with me all my life. But I was also diagnosed with a hormonal disorder that is becoming very common among women (I'll keep the specifics private,) and the number one symptom is obesity, because the body doesn't process carbohydrates the way it should. I've known women on keto (less than 20 grams of carbs a day), with very restricted calories, and they still have a hard time with their weight.

The symptoms vary greatly and of course, lifestyle and dietary choices can have a lot to do with it. I struggle with food and weight and always have, to the point of going back and forth between symptoms of anorexia and bulimia due to the pressures to stay small. But I've maintained about the same size throughout most of my adult life.

I have 2 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 and are about 12 years old and still fit. But seeing as my Mom is a size 0 and two other women are maybe a size 2 and size 4, I've always been seen as the fat one. However, seeing as the average size woman in America is (according to Google,) 14-16. If the women in my family were "average-sized," I would have been seen as the small one.

BUT, I also have not had children, AND I have not gone through menopause. Women who go through this are facing double whammies, and it's not easy. I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying it's not this easy choice you're making it out to be. In order to meet these pressures, a lot of women have to result to unhealthy measures like self-starvation, self-purging, appetite suppressants, caffeine pills that put you at risk for heart attacks, etc. -- I know, because I've tried it. As a teen, the doctor warned my mom to keep an eye on me because one of his patients my age was in the hospital, hooked up to feeding tubes -- because she was so deathly afraid of gaining weight.

So yes, women can make an effort to be as healthy as what's in their range of control. But it's not just a matter of choosing to be a certain size forever like you seem to make it out to be.

The other thing that puzzles me is that I have NEVER heard you talk about the flipside.

I always hear you repeat that designed men to be attracted to looks and that all my life, I've heard over and over that "men are visual." I've always said, "If men are visual, do they think women are blind?"

Again, I'm guessing you've never had problems with weight, but do you think weight and looks are all one-sided? I've never been pregnant in my life.

But have you seen how many men, and yes, husbands, walk around looking like THEY'RE pregnant? And sometimes, it looks like they're expecting twins. And let me tell you, I don't know many women who find the pregnant male look all that attractive, unless yes, it's their husbands whom they love. I'm sure a few women might like the look (or grow to love it,) but most women I know are not looking for that in a man. There is a reason women swoon over men such as athletic firefighters.

Now I am NOT trying to shame anyone. Weight, size, and fitness levels are HARD for EVERYONE. But what I WILL call out are double standards. I personally don't agree with men demanding model-perfect wives while they themselves look like they're going to go into labor and pop out a child at any given moment. But, that's just me.

And one of the reasons I'm single is because of those kinds of double standards.

No, I don't look like model, but I also don't look like I'm pregnant -- but I've had men who look like they are be interested in me. If men are visual, and they think I'm attractive, do I not have a right to someone I find attractive as well?

And if it was a sweet Christian guy with a good personality and was trying to work toward a healthy lifestyle, I would consider it. But if it was someone who believes in such double standards as you seem to promote, I would not be interested at all.

And what if all women start insisting, "Gentleman, ladies like a man with a full head of hair -- don't ever lose your hair!!" How many men have full control over how much hair they have? This is about what you're asking of some women when it comes to demanding they stay thin and beautiful forever.

I've seen the YouTube videos of men flying to Turkey for hair transplants and all the extremes that are being done to try to meet this standard.

Sadly, many Christians seem to adhere to wanting certain standards in someone even more than the secular world, because after all, we're all told that, "God wants the BEST for you!"

Which men assume means that God wants only the best-looking woman for them (who will always stay that way, never age, never wrinkle, and never get fat while they do all 3.) Women assume it means God wants a man for them who makes 6-figures (and the first number had better be higher than 1!), yet be home by 5 every night and home every weekend -- because surely God wants THE BEST provider for them.

Right?

And so people think they have a God-given right to all these standards -- and then wonder why things are working out for them the way they expect.
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,335
1,531
113
#6
Just speaking from my own personal experience, I've found that when I'm content in a relationship I workout more and am more active in general. I was content in my first relationship. I was already active and so was he. We both stayed active together and no weight was gained.
In my 2nd relationship, it was neutral. No gain or loss by either of us.
3rd relationship, it was a miserable relationship and we both gained.
My 4th relationship, which was my longest and I'd say my best relationship so far, I did my best and most workouts. I did 2,000 squats in one day (and that was 5 years into the relationship). I also made a lot of progress in upper body strength and I walked an hour a day (mostly because I just like walking) besides my strength training workouts. I'd do other workouts too, like punches.
Everyone is different of course, but for me the more harmony there is between us, the more active I seemed to be. I'm single now and actually don't do as many workouts as I did in my longest relationship lol. I still workout though! I do strength training 3 times a week and I still enjoy walking. But, I definitely did my most butt kicking workouts in my longest relationship. Maybe I'm just the oddball.
 

RodB651

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2021
849
558
93
59
#7
/ Rodney drives up, rolls down the window, sees the carnage, rolls his window back up, and drives away quickly / ...

We REALLY need that face palm reaction emoji... 🤦🤦🤦 and 🤦
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,025
1,396
113
#8
Just speaking from my own personal experience, I've found that when I'm content in a relationship I workout more and am more active in general. I was content in my first relationship. I was already active and so was he. We both stayed active together and no weight was gained.
In my 2nd relationship, it was neutral. No gain or loss by either of us.
3rd relationship, it was a miserable relationship and we both gained.
My 4th relationship, which was my longest and I'd say my best relationship so far, I did my best and most workouts. I did 2,000 squats in one day (and that was 5 years into the relationship). I also made a lot of progress in upper body strength and I walked an hour a day (mostly because I just like walking) besides my strength training workouts. I'd do other workouts too, like punches.
Everyone is different of course, but for me the more harmony there is between us, the more active I seemed to be. I'm single now and actually don't do as many workouts as I did in my longest relationship lol. I still workout though! I do strength training 3 times a week and I still enjoy walking. But, I definitely did my most butt kicking workouts in my longest relationship. Maybe I'm just the oddball.
now that's an honest answer, direct to the point, no deflecting & without excuses. very nice CarriePie.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
28,752
10,303
113
#9
This topic, probably, most would consider, is for the ladies. So, guys all over the world question why women gain weight after they become a girlfriend or wife. We know partly, the reason why. Women become attached & feel like they are secure so contentment abounds. Most men out there have dealt with this issue especially in America. here's the meaty part of it, no pun intended; girls wonder why guys are not attracted to them anymore because they gained weight. Well, all you women know that guys are attracted by looks which God has designed. So, if a women was large when the guy noticed her, he wouldn't have asked her on a date! No mockery or disparagement intended here. Please girls, Christian honest answers only. by course, guys go ahead & answer too.
By the way, what caused this thread? What prompted you to post this?
 

DeanM

Well-known member
May 4, 2021
804
519
93
#10
Ive also noticed when a couple breaks up the woman goes on a diet. 😁
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#11
This topic, probably, most would consider, is for the ladies. So, guys all over the world question why women gain weight after they become a girlfriend or wife. We know partly, the reason why. Women become attached & feel like they are secure so contentment abounds. Most men out there have dealt with this issue especially in America. here's the meaty part of it, no pun intended; girls wonder why guys are not attracted to them anymore because they gained weight. Well, all you women know that guys are attracted by looks which God has designed. So, if a women was large when the guy noticed her, he wouldn't have asked her on a date! No mockery or disparagement intended here. Please girls, Christian honest answers only. by course, guys go ahead & answer too.
now that's an honest answer, direct to the point, no deflecting & without excuses. very nice CarriePie.
Let me offer a counter point to your expectations, Karlon.

You expect no deflection and no excuses.

What if all women said, "Gentleman, if you want to get -- and keep a wife -- you'd better make sure you never have ANY problems with erectile dysfunction, EVER. After all, God made women to be attracted to manly men with a set of fully working mechanics. Sure, they have drugs for this problem now, but they're expensive, require extra considerations, and women want a man who's all natural. Your wife won't be attracted to you anymore if you lose it, so make sure you're always able to run a full show, completely up to par, for the rest of your life! NO deflections (it doesn't matter if you're tired or stressed,) and NO excuses (medical reasons? Bah! They're just a myth!")

For every person, man or woman, who demands and expects perfection in some area -- may he or she be required to meet those expectations in a way that's just as challenging for them.

One thing I can thank you for, I'm going to use this as a counterpoint every time women are told they need to stay skinny forever.

I'm certainly not saying or implying any of this applies to you. I hope it doesn't and never does. But, I do hope God challenges you to meet a standard in some area you struggle with to the same level of expectation.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#12
Ive also noticed when a couple breaks up the woman goes on a diet. 😁
I heard a joke once about why married women are supposedly heavier than single women:

"Single women go to the fridge, see what's there -- and go to bed.
Married women to go bed, see what's there -- and go to the fridge."
 

RodB651

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2021
849
558
93
59
#14
I heard a joke once about why married women are supposedly heavier than single women:

"Single women go to the fridge, see what's there -- and go to bed.
Married women to go bed, see what's there -- and go to the fridge."
Oh have mercy! 😂🤦😬

As an aside,..
Rodney goes to the fridge cause he just does! 😀
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#15
I heard a joke once about why married women are supposedly heavier than single women:

"Single women go to the fridge, see what's there -- and go to bed.
Married women to go bed, see what's there -- and go to the fridge."
Ooooooh... Ouch!
Oh have mercy! 😂🤦😬

As an aside,..
Rodney goes to the fridge cause he just does! 😀
I'm just glad we have a crowd here with a good sense of humor!! :D
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#16
This whole discussion now has me wondering about a thread topic I know I could never write here but wish I could, and will now ponder.

Especially because I'm in an age range where it might apply to the men who would ask me out.

If a man purposely lies and tells his bride-to-be that he doesn't have any "issues," then she finds out after the wedding that he actually has erectile disorder that can't be medically cured, or even with medicine, will result in limited functioning...

How does one get over someone lying to you like that, just because they are desperate to keep someone and/or get married? After all, the damage is already done because the wedding vows have been made.

No, I'm not trying to say anything bad against men here.

But if OP sets a standard for one side -- my brain naturally teeters over to what thing of equal value or "weight" the other side needs to be held accountable to as well.

And I've been reading that these days, ED is effecting men as young as in their 30's.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,288
6,147
113
#19
:unsure: If a man purposely lies about this, then one must wonder what else he has lied about
Exactly what I was thinking.


So I guess it really is that simple...

All a woman has to do is stay young, beautiful, and thin forever, even after birthing a family.

All a man has to do is have (and keep) a high-paying job, never lose his hair, never get a pot belly, and never lose any of his, uh, personal functions.

Why, with these easy rules, why hasn't everyone found their happily ever after!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,025
1,396
113
#20
And by the same token men wonder why women are no longer attracted to them when their income goes down or they lose their job. And they wonder why no woman wants to date them when they're working part time for minimum wage. But that's okay because God made women to want to be provided for and if you can't provide the (both financial and emotional) security she needs, then she's not gonna love you anymore. But guys be nice and honest christian answers only.

And now that we can all see how ridiculous these positions are... let's just say don't say till death to us part no matter what if you really mean as long as you stay good enough.
Why on earth is this topic (weight gain) just for the ladies?

Karlon, I've seen several of your posts in which you've said this many times: "Ladies, if you want to get -- and KEEP -- a man, you have to stay skinny and beautiful -- FOREVER!!!"

You always sound as if you don't know about anything about the fact that women's bodies are greatly affected by things like pregnancy and menopause. How many kids has your body birthed, and have you gone through menopause? And would you be able to keep the package in perfect, preserved condition throughout all of that and 'til the end of time?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you don't have any children? Has your wife been through childbirth and how was her recovery? Not every woman's body is able to snap back, especially after she has multiple children.

You've also mentioned that you are very active and a landscaper. I'm guessing you and your wife have never had weight issues, which is wonderful. But are you aware that weight is not always a matter of just choice for everyone, aren't you?

Now, I've been fairly fortunate in that I have a very health-conscious mother who held us to stricter dietary standards than most, and that's stayed with me all my life. But I was also diagnosed with a hormonal disorder that is becoming very common among women (I'll keep the specifics private,) and the number one symptom is obesity, because the body doesn't process carbohydrates the way it should. I've known women on keto (less than 20 grams of carbs a day), with very restricted calories, and they still have a hard time with their weight.

The symptoms vary greatly and of course, lifestyle and dietary choices can have a lot to do with it. I struggle with food and weight and always have, to the point of going back and forth between symptoms of anorexia and bulimia due to the pressures to stay small. But I've maintained about the same size throughout most of my adult life.

I have 2 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 and are about 12 years old and still fit. But seeing as my Mom is a size 0 and two other women are maybe a size 2 and size 4, I've always been seen as the fat one. However, seeing as the average size woman in America is (according to Google,) 14-16. If the women in my family were "average-sized," I would have been seen as the small one.

BUT, I also have not had children, AND I have not gone through menopause. Women who go through this are facing double whammies, and it's not easy. I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying it's not this easy choice you're making it out to be. In order to meet these pressures, a lot of women have to result to unhealthy measures like self-starvation, self-purging, appetite suppressants, caffeine pills that put you at risk for heart attacks, etc. -- I know, because I've tried it. As a teen, the doctor warned my mom to keep an eye on me because one of his patients my age was in the hospital, hooked up to feeding tubes -- because she was so deathly afraid of gaining weight.

So yes, women can make an effort to be as healthy as what's in their range of control. But it's not just a matter of choosing to be a certain size forever like you seem to make it out to be.

The other thing that puzzles me is that I have NEVER heard you talk about the flipside.

I always hear you repeat that designed men to be attracted to looks and that all my life, I've heard over and over that "men are visual." I've always said, "If men are visual, do they think women are blind?"

Again, I'm guessing you've never had problems with weight, but do you think weight and looks are all one-sided? I've never been pregnant in my life.

But have you seen how many men, and yes, husbands, walk around looking like THEY'RE pregnant? And sometimes, it looks like they're expecting twins. And let me tell you, I don't know many women who find the pregnant male look all that attractive, unless yes, it's their husbands whom they love. I'm sure a few women might like the look (or grow to love it,) but most women I know are not looking for that in a man. There is a reason women swoon over men such as athletic firefighters.

Now I am NOT trying to shame anyone. Weight, size, and fitness levels are HARD for EVERYONE. But what I WILL call out are double standards. I personally don't agree with men demanding model-perfect wives while they themselves look like they're going to go into labor and pop out a child at any given moment. But, that's just me.

And one of the reasons I'm single is because of those kinds of double standards.

No, I don't look like model, but I also don't look like I'm pregnant -- but I've had men who look like they are be interested in me. If men are visual, and they think I'm attractive, do I not have a right to someone I find attractive as well?

And if it was a sweet Christian guy with a good personality and was trying to work toward a healthy lifestyle, I would consider it. But if it was someone who believes in such double standards as you seem to promote, I would not be interested at all.

And what if all women start insisting, "Gentleman, ladies like a man with a full head of hair -- don't ever lose your hair!!" How many men have full control over how much hair they have? This is about what you're asking of some women when it comes to demanding they stay thin and beautiful forever.

I've seen the YouTube videos of men flying to Turkey for hair transplants and all the extremes that are being done to try to meet this standard.

Sadly, many Christians seem to adhere to wanting certain standards in someone even more than the secular world, because after all, we're all told that, "God wants the BEST for you!"

Which men assume means that God wants only the best-looking woman for them (who will always stay that way, never age, never wrinkle, and never get fat while they do all 3.) Women assume it means God wants a man for them who makes 6-figures (and the first number had better be higher than 1!), yet be home by 5 every night and home every weekend -- because surely God wants THE BEST provider for them.

Right?

And so people think they have a God-given right to all these standards -- and then wonder why things are working out for them the way they expect.
1. i didn't say "just for the ladies". read it again. 2. i never said, "HAVE to stay skinny....". 3. "pregnancy, menopause. if those things hold a woman back from being in shape, wouldn't you say those are the perfect reasons to be in shape? 4. i haven't any kids. my wife had 2 kids with her 1st husband. my wife looks quit wonderful. she operates a thoroughbred horse farm. she times her daily step which are often 12,000 to 13,000 steps a day. i, in case you want to know am about 5' 11", have a muscular build & am in very good shape. i still practice karate & boxing & lift weights. i am 66 & when we go out, girls look at me often. 5. neither 1 of us have had weight issues. yes, am a landscaper but now par time. i sold a portion of it recently. supplemental: did you know that people who are in good physical condition are happier people? 6. i am sorry to hear of you health issues. i hope all is resolved soon. i will pray for you. 7. "easy choice": laziness in america is an epidemic. it also translates into mental & spiritual laziness. because there is so much freedom it serves as an excuse for indolence. & look at some of the laws of america. the country literally gives money away to people who know how to cheat the system! 8. i do not know the term: "designed men". tell me what it means. 9. "one-sided". to each, his or her own! no, not 1 sided. i've seen plenty of times women supporting men at an all time extreme measure. look at an old post of mine how i praise women. it's a "mother's day posting. 10. you have, at least a slight "siding" with women here. 11. by course, yes, i have seen large men. "model perfect wives": lots of women don't care about a man's looks so that's why everyone sees that often. 12. "attractive" yes, easily the truth. 13. you are now taking this to far by traveling off the point cinder. I AM NOT PROMOTING ANYTHING AT ALL HERE!!!! just think of the question without going off on tangents. 14. "hair": none of us have control of our hair. yes, for decades, men & women can get transplants. but again, women don't care about looks as much as men & they never will. 15. i am not asking women to be anything. fyi, i have most of my hair. 16. "which men assume". some may assume that, not all. lastly, i believe you directed some of your posting to me & that's quite alright if you did. no harm done now or never. i myself, am a strong person in getting things done now, not later. btw, i am a self made man. i never attended college or trade school. in fact, i barely graduated high school. i was 78th out of 84 kids! i taught myself everything i know how to do by reading books, pamphlets, flyers or whatever & then the experience on the job. i have 4 incomes & i'm a millionaire. between my wife's hard dedication to her farm & what i do, we live very high as people would say. i didn't tell you this to brag, i mentioned it to encourage people.