How do Christian men feel about single mothers?

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Catlynn

Guest
#21
#21
Deadflesh said:
You are forgiven if you have confessed and repented :)

I come from a Family that almost EVERY female in my family had a baby outside of mariage. My Sister, when she was 15(i was 1 /12) etc.

The PAST is the PAST. If you are repented and living for GOD now, is what matters.

And as far as a single mother as a possible mariage partner, it would be up to GOD if it was HIS will, but if it was then it wouldnt be a bad thing, and i woudl love the Child like she was my own, becasue she would BE my own.

If in a marriage, TWO become one flesh, then YOUR baby, IS my Baby. I will never understand Fathers who still treat the child like a "Step" child.

So again, you have been given a new shot, AND you have the blessing of a beautiful little life to take care of. So May The LORD Jesus Bless YOU. and the man that HE has for you and your Baby. That Man that The LORD chooses, if this time you are but patient, WILL love you AND her, the same way He loves JESUS. God bless.
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Thanks so much! What great encouragement! I totally believe that God is preparing someone even now. Like I said, I'm not worried about finding that someone or even doing it now. I just get so curious as to what people think and I don't have many guy friends at all to ask their viewpoint. ^_^ It's great to know that there are men out there who love God and who are willing to love a woman and her child. ^_^
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#22
#22
Catlynn said:
Ah, good standard answer.
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Yes, that's it.
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And, yeah, the Lord leads , and, if you ever wanted to have a 'Piddy party' instead of, well, you know , Well then , there's Piddy! :D I'd tag along , of course, if you wanted . :)
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#23
#23
Um....who's Piddy? lol
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#27
#27
Catlynn said:
Um....who's Piddy? lol
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YOU are looking at her, catty (in my avatar).
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Yeah, Piddy is a hoot, I'm sure she would love that kid u got with you, she is nice to.my young nieces anyway and they always wanna see pid when I go visit. :)
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Nine. Yes, you were way before Rich Mullins time but I won't hijack your thread, I stand pat with my already given 'standard answer' on this thread of your's Q.
:D
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#28
#28
zeroturbulence said:
ok, very clever. But I hope no one thinks you meant 'P-Diddy', the guy who almost married J-Lo. Or were they married?
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Zere, I thought Brad Pitt almost married the maid in manhattan , but what do I know, I'm just green and nice :D---
....../.......
Guy-OH, I AM hijacking this thread again, maybe it's that I'm with red-eye this time of night or feelings all Wesley Sniped like a passenger on a plane, tough, and, cool, let's call me 'passenger 57' . And , yeah, single mothers are welcome by a lot of guys, the Lord leads, and, some guys will LOVE a child in their life without having to have made one or maybe they CAN'T make one (sterile), or,.they are ready for raising kids NOW and a single mom, hey, whaddya know, just happens to have one (or, two, or ten:) ) or, wheOW ! Somebody STOP ME! , ok, no more reasons, you are fine with your kid in otherwords, catty, just wait on the Lord (isaiah 40:31) for just the
right
guy.
:)
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#29
#29
Hahaha ooohhh! Cute puppy. :) yeah, they better love my baby! LoL I just hope that whoever he is, he loves God more than either of us. XD
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#30
#30
Deadflesh said:
If in a marriage, TWO become one flesh, then YOUR baby, IS my Baby. I will never understand Fathers who still treat the child like a "Step" child.
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I have no experience from which to have any understanding of how relationships differ between biological children and step-children, but as much I agree with the sentiment I think the reality is a good deal more complicated and that is where the trepidation comes from for a lot of men.

The fact is every man who dates and then marries a single mother is entering an existing family, and in many of these situations the biological father is present in the childs life, if in a diminshed capacity for whatever reason, which is sometimes mutually agreed by the two biological parents.

In these kinds of circumstances it can be a very bad approach to just behave as if you are a natural father with no allowance for the biological father (I realise you were not suggesting that), both males can and should be an amazing blessing on the childs life but if not dealt with delicately it can be horrendous for everyone.

As much as I am not scared off by having to navigate that potential situation, it will likely be very challenging depending on the particular details and a lot of men are unsure of their ability to make that kind of adjustment in their lives.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#31
#31
Catlynn said:
Hahaha ooohhh! Cute puppy. :) yeah, they better love my baby! LoL I just hope that whoever he is, he loves God more than either of us. XD
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Makes sense to the zillion-eyed guy above screaming agreement.

And, yeah, .O. makes sense to me upside-down screaming too :D
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#32
#32
Matthew said:
I have no experience from which to have any understanding of how relationships differ between biological children and step-children, but as much I agree with the sentiment I think the reality is a good deal more complicated and that is where the trepidation comes from for a lot of men.

The fact is every man who dates and then marries a single mother is entering an existing family, and in many of these situations the biological father is present in the childs life, if in a diminshed capacity for whatever reason, which is sometimes mutually agreed by the two biological parents.

In these kinds of circumstances it can be a very bad approach to just behave as if you are a natural father with no allowance for the biological father (I realise you were not suggesting that), both males can and should be an amazing blessing on the childs life but if not dealt with delicately it can be horrendous for everyone.

As much as I am not scared off by having to navigate that potential situation, it will likely be very challenging depending on the particular details and a lot of men are unsure of their ability to make that kind of adjustment in their lives.
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I've put a lot of thought into this particular part of my situation. Although Kyla's dad isn't really around much right now at all, I want to keep that door open for him. I went through a period of time where I hated him but now I've come to realize that despite all of his shortcomings, the fact still remains that without him I wouldn't have her. So I know that I'm going to have to be super sensitive to both men in the situation while still doing what's best for me and Kyla and keeping God in the middle of it all. Phew! There's a reason why God didn't design it this way! LoL
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#33
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#33
I certainly don't know the situation that you are in with your ex (or you), but your last post kind of concerns me.

I know three women (all in their early 20's coincidentally) who are single mothers. In each of their cases, I have since the beginning encouraged them to cut all ties with their ex's. IMHO it is far worse to keep a bad influence in your childs life than it is for your child to never know their biological father. I know of many strong christian men that would willingly act as a strong male role-model in the life of a child, even if not as a father.

So I will give you the same advice that I gave to them. Don't hate your ex, but also don't pity him too much. And be careful of the mindset that he is somehow entitled to something because your daughter shares some DNA with him. Often the reason that these sorts of relationships end IS significant enough of a reason to keep your child protected from that influence.

Of course, as you have demonstrated, God can change a persons heart, so there is still some hope.

I'm sure that I don't have to tell you how important your decisions may be to the future of your daughter. :)

EDIT: I forgot, if you haven't received enough reassurance yet... A child would not discourage me from a relationship.

God Bless,
Dan
 
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C

Catlynn

Guest
#34
#34
LightningClap0002 said:
I certainly don't know the situation that you are in with your ex (or you), but your last post kind of concerns me.

I know three women (all in their early 20's coincidentally) who are single mothers. In each of their cases, I have since the beginning encouraged them to cut all ties with their ex's. IMHO it is far worse to keep a bad influence in your childs life than it is for your child to never know their biological father. I know of many strong christian men that would willingly act as a strong male role-model in the life of a child, even if not as a father.

So I will give you the same advice that I gave to them. Don't hate your ex, but also don't pity him too much. And be careful of the mindset that he is somehow entitled to something because your daughter shares some DNA with him. Often the reason that these sorts of relationships end IS significant enough of a reason to keep your child protected from that influence.

Of course, as you have demonstrated, God can change a persons heart, so there is still some hope.

I'm sure that I don't have to tell you how important your decisions may be to the future of your daughter. :)

EDIT: I forgot, if you haven't received enough reassurance yet... A child would not discourage me from a relationship.

God Bless,
Dan
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Hey Dan,
Thanks so much for the advice. It's always good to hear from different people.
Right now, I have little to no ties whatsoever with Kyla's dad. However, I'm not able to get sole custody right now so I can't really cut him off completely. I still pray for him and for his salvation. He and I were never technically in a relationship....other than a physical one, so there aren't any emotional ties either. I agree that there are other strong male figures who can be like fathers to her right now. I went through a period of time where I was super sad and depressed for HER because I wanted so badly for her to have that strong Christian male figure in her life. But like MY father pointed out to me and God totally used him to do so, He has blessed me and her with those men in her life right now.
I know that there is a time and season for everything. I daily choose to put her life and my own into God's hands because without Him I can't be the mother that I need to be. I also daily pray for wisdom to do what is best for her. I hope that some day God will bless me with a husband who will love her and me and will be that official father figure to her, but if that doesn't happen, I know that He will provide whatever it is that we do need.
LoL I actually get tired of people telling me I need a husband so that Kyla will have a dad. :) God is both of those things right now. ^_^
But yeah, I totally know what you're saying....we really don't see her dad at all these days. I get a phone call MAYBE once a month and a visit every 3-5 months....and considering she's only 14 months old....that's not very often. lol
God is our comforter, provider, peace and strength. ^_^

EDIT: Also, good to hear that you wouldn't be discouraged either. Way larger group than I anticipated. lol
 
I

InHISRiver

Guest
#35
#35
I have been a single mom since my son was 5...being a single mom has been the most wonderful, stressful hardest that I have ever had....My son is now 16+ and just went on his second mission trip down south to build houses....I found men to be accepting for the most part...others not so much....my son and I have a great relationship and a man will never come between this...if he does...or is jealous...he is not for you....a man and woman should be a team...a partnership...I think the men that I dated that had kids were way more accepting...I am happily single...and will wait on God for where and when and if he chooses to send someone in my life....if not then thats ok too ...men worth it know that you are a child of God and raising a child...by yourself...when you could of done given up...is something to be proud of.....
 
D

Deadflesh

Guest
#36
#36
Matthew said:
I have no experience from which to have any understanding of how relationships differ between biological children and step-children, but as much I agree with the sentiment I think the reality is a good deal more complicated and that is where the trepidation comes from for a lot of men.

The fact is every man who dates and then marries a single mother is entering an existing family, and in many of these situations the biological father is present in the childs life, if in a diminshed capacity for whatever reason, which is sometimes mutually agreed by the two biological parents.

In these kinds of circumstances it can be a very bad approach to just behave as if you are a natural father with no allowance for the biological father (I realise you were not suggesting that), both males can and should be an amazing blessing on the childs life but if not dealt with delicately it can be horrendous for everyone.

As much as I am not scared off by having to navigate that potential situation, it will likely be very challenging depending on the particular details and a lot of men are unsure of their ability to make that kind of adjustment in their lives.
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Well if the Natural father is still in the picture, in no way shape of form should the Step father usurp athurity, HOWEVER they should TREAT the chidl as if the child IS theres. I KNOW many step fathers, MANY, and they do NOT for the most part have that love for the child. Granted most of them are not follwoerso f JEsus, so they DO NOT have his love to walk in.

and if YOU think it would be Chalenging for you, then DONT do it. But ME, on the other hand if GOD graced me with my RIB, a woman that he did have for me, and she was ALL that would compelte me, and she happned to have a chidl from when she wasnt living for him, through beasue of the faith i hive in the LORD i KNOW it would be only as much of a strugle as it would be to be a normal parent. IF the father was in the picture it would be a little difficult, im almost sure, but GODS grace would make it all possible, and MAYBE the Natrual father woudl get saved through the situation, it would be up to JESUS first and formost anyway.

And i 100% agree that if not taken before the throne of Grace and delt with, WITH and THROUGH God(this is a CHRISTIAN mariage, so ALL thigns are to be done through christ) then yes if not delt with carefully(in JESUS) it can harm the child. But IF the MAN is compeltely like a wife submitted to JESUS, then he WILL love his wife adn her child as JESUS loved the church. and will NOT let fear, strife, anger, Pride or anything else ruin anything of those people in his NOW new fanily. The Natural father of the child IF, indeed he is in the babies life and STAYS there, WILL be treatd also with the utmost respect adn LOVE BY the Husband.

Understand? So if IF aMan CAN take a woman who has a baby allready(and GOD knows REALLY what a christain man can take leanign o nthe arm of the LORD) then they WILL be together, and if NOT then they will not, unless of course the man does not have LOVE, and has LUST, and marries the woman jsut becasue he WANTS her, and thinks that ALL thigns will work them self out...no..thats dangerous, adn THATS how lives are ruined.


So again...ITS totaly up to GOD.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#37
#37
Deadflesh said:
and if YOU think it would be Chalenging for you, then DONT do it.
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The fact that it is challenging is not a reason not to do it, challenges are things to rise too not to shrink away from, so respectfully, I'll not ever be taking that advice.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#38
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#38
Matthew said:
The fact that it is challenging is not a reason not to do it, challenges are things to rise too not to shrink away from, so respectfully, I'll not ever be taking that advice.
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Very true... You can't walk on water if you don't get out of the boat. :)
 
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Deadflesh

Guest
#39
#39
Matthew said:
The fact that it is challenging is not a reason not to do it, challenges are things to rise too not to shrink away from, so respectfully, I'll not ever be taking that advice.
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I hope i didnt offend, sometimes i have an automatic reflex to capitilize words, il be talkign and then to emphesize I will CAPITALIZE...and somtiems it may seem liek im yelling haha :) im not.

And by YOU i didnt mean YOU, but YOU as in ME, Man, anyone reading this. I shoudl have made it more clear i guess. and i used the word Challenging becasue you had used it first, so i wanted say that if a man DID find it chalenging like you said some would then maybe it would NOT be for them. And i didnt give you any advice, really, jsut further expounded on my original intent that maybe you were confused on. But maybe you were nto and i mistook, if i did sorry. haha Im used to the Fast pace accusational sarcasm and beat downs of the Bilbe studdy forum , haha so maybe im a bit out of my element.

EITHER way its not for every man. but if JESUS is the oen who is central than ALL thigns are posible and NOT ahrd at all, becasue its HIM doing it. and we rely on HIM. and then all thigns will work for GOOD becasue we love HIM. and HIS love wil shine, and show forth through the HUSBAND who will ove his WIFE like JESUS, love the Baby like JEsus ,adn love the Natural father like Jesus, if indeed he is still i nthe picture.
 
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Brandon777

Guest
#40
#40
Matthew said:
The fact that it is challenging is not a reason not to do it, challenges are things to rise too not to shrink away from, so respectfully, I'll not ever be taking that advice.
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I agree. It's time we men stand up for responsibility and man up to challenges. Self-motivation is fun if one develops the correct perspective. :) I know, because I had to do it.

About the question. I think it's silly that anyone should have to ask it, yet it is a good question because now you can be supported and assured by the right crowd that yes the Bible says that children are blessings. America is a country where 1/4th of the population (not an exaggeration) is not with us because of abortion. That's because our values have dropped and we no longer see children as blessings but curses, like cancer that sucks you dry of your money and freedom. It's a VERY dark perspective to have. Life should be about love, not what we can get from everything and everyone. Anyway enough about my lecture. The bottom line is that babies are to be loved as a good addition, hence a blessing to a home because that's what God told us through the Good Book.
 
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