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W
I've become very jaded towards a lot of Christian men. They look at a lot of single mothers like they are some piece of trash. OMG! You had sex before marriage AND you had a kid! HEATHEN!!!! YOU MUST BE SHUNNED!!!!
There are very few Christian men that have no problem with me being a single mom. A lot of them like to look down on me... up until I tell them my story on what happened. Even then they treat me and my son like we're some sort of ruined piece of clothing. Fact was, I was raped and I became pregnant from the rape. I saw it as God giving me a present out of a horrible situation.... would you believe I have had SEVERAL... not one, two, or three... but I believe it was eight or nine so called Christian men tell me I should've gotten an abortion because my son was from a rape and it wasn't consensual? That the Lord would've been okay with that? I THINK NOT! As soon as those words left their hypocritical mouths I walked away. Mostly for their benefit... I was so close to just punching them right in the face! Most every Christian guy I have talked to in the past 2 years has had this view of me that I am some sort of damaged goods. It frustrates me... it makes me WANT to be single. I pray that the Lord helps me find the right man to be a good father to my son... but with what I see now? I'd rather just try to raise him on my own like I am now, and raise him to treat single mothers with respect and love.
I'm not saying every Christian guy is like that... but I've ran into way too many who are and it's really made me dislike Christian men in general. It's very discouraging and frustrating. The few that I attempted to date treated my son like he was some sort of alien. That he was this terrible monster that was a mistake. Of course, I shoved them right out the door... but it makes me wonder if that's what most Christian men see. If that's the case, I don't want them NEAR my kid. I'll be better off without them thank you very much!
Anyways, that's my 2 cents about it...
There are very few Christian men that have no problem with me being a single mom. A lot of them like to look down on me... up until I tell them my story on what happened. Even then they treat me and my son like we're some sort of ruined piece of clothing. Fact was, I was raped and I became pregnant from the rape. I saw it as God giving me a present out of a horrible situation.... would you believe I have had SEVERAL... not one, two, or three... but I believe it was eight or nine so called Christian men tell me I should've gotten an abortion because my son was from a rape and it wasn't consensual? That the Lord would've been okay with that? I THINK NOT! As soon as those words left their hypocritical mouths I walked away. Mostly for their benefit... I was so close to just punching them right in the face! Most every Christian guy I have talked to in the past 2 years has had this view of me that I am some sort of damaged goods. It frustrates me... it makes me WANT to be single. I pray that the Lord helps me find the right man to be a good father to my son... but with what I see now? I'd rather just try to raise him on my own like I am now, and raise him to treat single mothers with respect and love.
I'm not saying every Christian guy is like that... but I've ran into way too many who are and it's really made me dislike Christian men in general. It's very discouraging and frustrating. The few that I attempted to date treated my son like he was some sort of alien. That he was this terrible monster that was a mistake. Of course, I shoved them right out the door... but it makes me wonder if that's what most Christian men see. If that's the case, I don't want them NEAR my kid. I'll be better off without them thank you very much!
Anyways, that's my 2 cents about it...
H
Hmm, where to start. First, I have always had respect for single mothers. My mom was one for quite some time before getting remarried. My mom worked hard and never complained, a very strong woman she was.
Second, I am a single Father from divorce but I had a child out of wedlock. I was 18 when my daughter was born. Her mom and I got married and had a son 6 years later. We are now divorced. Obviously I come from a different perspective than single men but I would accept a woman and her child(ren) with open arms.
With that said I get looked at differently because I am a single dad. And to those who think all guys who are not with the mom are dead beats, I am a great dad and love my kids to death. I am a package deal. I am a christian who has made many mistakes. I don't get to participate in my kids' lives as much as I would like and it sucks. I would encourage any single mother to hold your standards high, let God direct you and you will find that Man to love you and your child unconditionally, they are out there. Rare, yes, but they are out there.
Jon
Second, I am a single Father from divorce but I had a child out of wedlock. I was 18 when my daughter was born. Her mom and I got married and had a son 6 years later. We are now divorced. Obviously I come from a different perspective than single men but I would accept a woman and her child(ren) with open arms.
With that said I get looked at differently because I am a single dad. And to those who think all guys who are not with the mom are dead beats, I am a great dad and love my kids to death. I am a package deal. I am a christian who has made many mistakes. I don't get to participate in my kids' lives as much as I would like and it sucks. I would encourage any single mother to hold your standards high, let God direct you and you will find that Man to love you and your child unconditionally, they are out there. Rare, yes, but they are out there.
Jon
Hi Cat, my name is Mike. Please allow me to say, don't be to hard on yourself for being a single mom. Today is a new day for those who believe in Christ. Philippians 3:13 This one thing I do is forget the things that are behind and press on to what lies ahead (Our spiritual growth. But, to your question; I'm 59 years old, single and have no kids. If I met a single mom that loves the Lord the single mom thing would not be an issue, she could have 10 kids. The main reasons for this is I love children and have never been able to have them and at my age its not realistic to start a family. In fact I'm inclined toward a single mom.
About 15 years ago I was dating a single mom with kids, 2 girls 13 and 7 years old. She had decided to be the cool mom,
in other words; there were almost no rules for her girls. Even though I had fallen in love with this lady the relationship couldn't work as I believe in loving correction of children and she did not. I ended the relationship after about 5 months. I remember the day it ended when I attempted to correct the girls and the Mom got really upset and yelled
" NOBODY CORRECTS MY GIRLS " I replied, yes I know; not even you, and I walked out.
There are some men that want only kids after their own bloodline, some that feel kids cost to much money or some
that don't like children. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about these men as I don't feel like they would not be good for
you or your kids, not spiritually, emotionally or financially.
I didn't mean to type so much, I couldn't find I good point to stop. I type like I talk, very long. Its been a blessing and
a curse to me.
I hope this was of some help to you. Blessings to you my dear sister. peace.
About 15 years ago I was dating a single mom with kids, 2 girls 13 and 7 years old. She had decided to be the cool mom,
in other words; there were almost no rules for her girls. Even though I had fallen in love with this lady the relationship couldn't work as I believe in loving correction of children and she did not. I ended the relationship after about 5 months. I remember the day it ended when I attempted to correct the girls and the Mom got really upset and yelled
" NOBODY CORRECTS MY GIRLS " I replied, yes I know; not even you, and I walked out.
There are some men that want only kids after their own bloodline, some that feel kids cost to much money or some
that don't like children. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about these men as I don't feel like they would not be good for
you or your kids, not spiritually, emotionally or financially.
I didn't mean to type so much, I couldn't find I good point to stop. I type like I talk, very long. Its been a blessing and
a curse to me.
I hope this was of some help to you. Blessings to you my dear sister. peace.
Here are my thoughts:
1. A lot of men (even in Christian circles) are shamed for not wanting to get into relationships with single mothers. One of the reasons given for this shaming is that such men just don't want the responsibilities of fatherhood. However, most men who don't want to date or marry SM's actually DO want to be fathers; they just want their own children and not a "ready-made" family.
2. A man's choice to not get involved with a SM is not necessarily a value judgement on how she got into that situation. A man can be "non-judgmental" about such a woman, yet still not choose to have a relationship with her.
3. Depending on the context, the term "single mom" can mean a few different things. It can mean a never-married woman who chose an unsavory partner to have a child with, a woman who is divorced or a woman who is widowed. Most times, a man will be more likely to take on another woman's kids if she is divorced or widowed. Otherwise, most men don't want the risks of trying to "rescue" a woman from unfavorable circumstances.
Back to the value judgment thing, it seems as if a lot of SM's conflate a man not wanting to be with her and him "judging" or "condemning" her for being a single mom. And that's why they're so angry and they wonder why so many men just won't step up and help them.
$0.02
1. A lot of men (even in Christian circles) are shamed for not wanting to get into relationships with single mothers. One of the reasons given for this shaming is that such men just don't want the responsibilities of fatherhood. However, most men who don't want to date or marry SM's actually DO want to be fathers; they just want their own children and not a "ready-made" family.
2. A man's choice to not get involved with a SM is not necessarily a value judgement on how she got into that situation. A man can be "non-judgmental" about such a woman, yet still not choose to have a relationship with her.
3. Depending on the context, the term "single mom" can mean a few different things. It can mean a never-married woman who chose an unsavory partner to have a child with, a woman who is divorced or a woman who is widowed. Most times, a man will be more likely to take on another woman's kids if she is divorced or widowed. Otherwise, most men don't want the risks of trying to "rescue" a woman from unfavorable circumstances.
Back to the value judgment thing, it seems as if a lot of SM's conflate a man not wanting to be with her and him "judging" or "condemning" her for being a single mom. And that's why they're so angry and they wonder why so many men just won't step up and help them.
$0.02
Nobody comes to Christ perfect, and nobody on their own is flawless.. a well anchored man in Christ can see beyond the status/ circumstance of single mom though... some guys would prefer to have only their own children, and some don't mind having ready made families.. just depends on the type of man.
All have sinned and come short of Gods glory,1st John1:9.A strong christian man should see and think about you the way God does.having the mind of Christ and eyes,your to be thought of as a sister in the Lord and a treasure,very important,loved,useful ,incorporated in Gods great and mighty plan,Jeremiah 29:11-13.Also if the christian man sees u,you first should be seen as a child of God if your truly living for God,John 1:11-13 says,when we receive Jesus,believing in his name,he gives us the right to become children of God.Thats the way i see my wife,she is Gods first then mine,after all God gave her to me,i didnt give her to God.There are many single woman that love and truly live for God,plus the child is a heritage of Gods as we are,meaning we are made out of the finest materials bar none,put together craftsmanship wise by the finest craftsman of all,God Almighty.Hope this helps you and u see and think about yourself the way God does,amen.God bless you Jesuvan.