Hey Everyone,
I've been interested in social topics even as a teen, and while I can't remember exactly when the phrase started appearing in the articles I was reading, I remember that counselors started saying things like, "It's important to date your spouse when you're married," and "Be sure to still go on regular dates with your spouse."
Was this just something relationship specialists came up with over the years, or have married people always "regularly dated their spouses"? I don't remember reading/hearing this advice until I was well into adulthood, and I'm sure my grandparents never thought to "date" each other after marriage (which lasted all their lives, until death did they part.)
I guess maybe the first thing we have to do is define what a "date" is when people are married -- does it mean a set, planned time when a babysitter is hired and the married couple gets out of the house to do something fun? Or do married couples define their dates as family days instead?
I'm asking because I always wonder what's really going on in real people's lives vs. what's being toted at the latest social media trend or #RelationshipGoals that people are trying to live up to.
I never saw my grandparents or my parents "date" each other. I don't remember them ever hiring a babysitter to go out by themselves, and I don't remember them even talking about going out on a "date," not even on their anniversaries. But my family are very frugal-minded homebodies, and they just never saw "dating" as being worth the trouble or expense.
My parents have been retired for a long time, but my mom will say something like, "Well, we... (ran errands all afternoon,) and that was our day date." I don't think I ever heard her talking about "dates", not ever, when I was growing up, but I know the Christian talk shows she listens to promote the whole "date your spouse" narrative. It's been interesting to hear her shift in language reflect that. My parent's behavior hasn't changed one bit -- the only thing that's changed is the phrasing my mom uses to describe it.
The everyday chores and necessities my parents have ALWAYS done are now verbally framed as "dates." And their marriage has held up for, I forget -- it's over 50 years but I'm not quite sure if they've reached 55 yet. My parents never set up or went out on "intentional dates," they just seemed to define the everyday things they had to get done as their idea of "dating."
I know different things work for different people -- what works for other married couples out there?
* Do married couples date their spouses?
* How do you define a date as a married person (or for singles, if you got married)?
* Does it involve a lot of money? (Sitter, dinner, movie, etc.)
* How often do you plan dates with your spouse, and how does it affect your marriage? (For the good or for the bad.)
* Do you consider dating your spouse essential, or has your married gone just fine without ever continuing to "date" your spouse?
* Singles, would you plan on "dating" your spouse if you get married?
I'm going to try to post a poll (go easy on me -- this is my first attempt with the new system so I'm not sure what to expect.) Looks like the poll setup is pretty much the same -- I used up all the available options boxes so if you have other answers, come back an post them here!
The poll will be multiple choice and anonymous (no one will know what you answered,) but be sure to come back to tell us your stories and viewpoints in the thread.
I've been interested in social topics even as a teen, and while I can't remember exactly when the phrase started appearing in the articles I was reading, I remember that counselors started saying things like, "It's important to date your spouse when you're married," and "Be sure to still go on regular dates with your spouse."
Was this just something relationship specialists came up with over the years, or have married people always "regularly dated their spouses"? I don't remember reading/hearing this advice until I was well into adulthood, and I'm sure my grandparents never thought to "date" each other after marriage (which lasted all their lives, until death did they part.)
I guess maybe the first thing we have to do is define what a "date" is when people are married -- does it mean a set, planned time when a babysitter is hired and the married couple gets out of the house to do something fun? Or do married couples define their dates as family days instead?
I'm asking because I always wonder what's really going on in real people's lives vs. what's being toted at the latest social media trend or #RelationshipGoals that people are trying to live up to.
I never saw my grandparents or my parents "date" each other. I don't remember them ever hiring a babysitter to go out by themselves, and I don't remember them even talking about going out on a "date," not even on their anniversaries. But my family are very frugal-minded homebodies, and they just never saw "dating" as being worth the trouble or expense.
My parents have been retired for a long time, but my mom will say something like, "Well, we... (ran errands all afternoon,) and that was our day date." I don't think I ever heard her talking about "dates", not ever, when I was growing up, but I know the Christian talk shows she listens to promote the whole "date your spouse" narrative. It's been interesting to hear her shift in language reflect that. My parent's behavior hasn't changed one bit -- the only thing that's changed is the phrasing my mom uses to describe it.
The everyday chores and necessities my parents have ALWAYS done are now verbally framed as "dates." And their marriage has held up for, I forget -- it's over 50 years but I'm not quite sure if they've reached 55 yet. My parents never set up or went out on "intentional dates," they just seemed to define the everyday things they had to get done as their idea of "dating."
I know different things work for different people -- what works for other married couples out there?
* Do married couples date their spouses?
* How do you define a date as a married person (or for singles, if you got married)?
* Does it involve a lot of money? (Sitter, dinner, movie, etc.)
* How often do you plan dates with your spouse, and how does it affect your marriage? (For the good or for the bad.)
* Do you consider dating your spouse essential, or has your married gone just fine without ever continuing to "date" your spouse?
* Singles, would you plan on "dating" your spouse if you get married?
I'm going to try to post a poll (go easy on me -- this is my first attempt with the new system so I'm not sure what to expect.) Looks like the poll setup is pretty much the same -- I used up all the available options boxes so if you have other answers, come back an post them here!
The poll will be multiple choice and anonymous (no one will know what you answered,) but be sure to come back to tell us your stories and viewpoints in the thread.
