Ministering to the Grieving

[Lanolin]

Ok heres another thing, instead of heartbreak I had 'carbreak'
I crashed my car (and hurt someone elses) and people would say 'you can buy another one' 'it was only an accident' 'just get back to driving'
But I was in shock, was poor, and missed my old one (as you couldn't repair it or buy one like it, they didn't make that model anymore, it was written off) so I learned to live without a car for about 2 years before I was ready to find and buy another. Also I was nervous about driving again.
If that had happened a number of times before maybe I wouldn't have taken as long, but I just wasn't ready and it had to be a car I felt comfortable driving. And I wasn't too happy about my crash and I didn't have insurance so I couldn't really see it as a good thing or an opportunity to buy a new car at the time, I was more crushed over the thought of being a bad driver.

And finding and buying a new car is a process..and it wasn't like I had a second back up car already! So for me it took time and I don't think I could really choose how long it took to find the right one again. My cousin, who was a mechanic and driving instructor, really took it upon himself to get me driving again even though I was reluctant and fussy about my next car.

Well after I got my new one I have been happy and back to driving again and I don't think my time was wasted when I didn't have one. Bonus I learned how to uber and use public transport. I think if I just bought the first car after the crash I saw it wouldn't have been good for me and I would have likely crashed again. I also had to go through the process of my car being taken away, de-registered (and crushed into a cube, though I didn't witness that part!) so I was sad and couldn't face it or see my car lying broken in the drive way, unable to be repaired.

I think it might have been different if my car had just been stolen and I managed to get it back, none the worse for wear. Or if I was able to find one exactly like it, but brand new. And sometimes when I see cars like my old one still on the road, I get a bit wistful.

 

[Lanolin]

The kindest thing people did for me was offer me ride and help with shopping (for free) but I only did that once or twice.
My sister also helped out with the shopping and cousin helped me buy new (second hand) one. They were family, so I could rely on them more.

I don't think it would have helped to just say 'you can get it repaired' 'just buy a new car' or 'get back to driving, you can't live without a car!' and push me like that. Or say well, too bad, its your own fault, learn better next time. I also didn't go to church, and while some did offer, I just wasn't able to go, and some people who didn't have cars just expected me to be able to meet up with them all the time when I couldn't, or kept nagging me about getting a new car, when really, I think they were expecting rides from me when they themselves chose not to drive and didn't own a car. I found that kind of insensitive.

So anyway...it takes time. If I didn't love driving my car or miss my old one (which I'd had for 8 years or so) I'd just be like huh, crash, no big deal I can buy a new one. And then get a replacement car the next day.

 

[Kainos]

Thank you always for your kindness and empathy, @Kainos.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend! How heartbreaking that he couldn't enjoy the fruit of all his hard-fought labor. I pray that God will comfort you, his friends, and family over their tragic loss.

As for myself, over the years, God has definitely used my situation to teach me a lot about life, and the things people go through.

Looking back, I honestly can't say a single bad thing about my ex. Part of why I felt so bonded to him is because he had been through so much in his life, but never put the blame on anyone else, and always strived to learn, grow, and work to move forward. I was lost in a sea of depression and not knowing who I was; he, on the other hand, had been made fun of for the same things and had gone through much worse, but he could take those arrows to the heart and thrived, whereas I felt like I was always shrinking.

I clung to him, hoping he could teach me, or I would someone absorb his super powers.

But we were both still very human. I was emotionally unstable, and in the end, for his own mental health, I know he was looking for something, someone, who was on much sturdier ground than me.

I was surely bitter, angry, and blamed most things on his actions for many years. But over time, God pointed out the many wrongs I had committed and to this day, it has become a huge component of my own sorrow. "Oh Lord, if only I could go back and change... If only I could have said or done this or that differently..."

But I can't.

All the things I felt were someone else's fault -- God saw to it in time that I found myself in many similar situations as the people I blamed for my own demise, and to be honest, I'm sure I made much worse decisions. God convicted me heavily of the judgments I had made on others.

I don't know what my ex's spiritual stance is. I have sometimes wondered if I will see him in heaven (I do think there is a fairly good chance.) I often wonder if I will do something, or already have, to mess up my own chances of going to heaven. Yes, I know all the passages about how nothing can separate us from God's love -- except (just my own personal belief,) a conscious choice to walk away and/or follow persistent sins (including unforgiveness, as God cannot forgive us if we do not forgive.)

If it happens to be that he and I both wind up in heaven, I think that's the only way I could ever face him again -- when God has finally wiped away every tear and sorrow, because I know as it stands, I will carry this grief for the rest of my life.

Part of why I've stayed single is because I've never met anyone who can turn take the bad in life and turn it into fuel for achievement as he did. In the years after our split, he continued to thrive, opening a business, publishing books (his lifelong dream,) and having a family (so I heard, and was sent pictures, by someone who found me on Facebook.) I thanked the person who told me and sent all the pictures, but politely said I had to cut ties, then deleted my account.

He continued to thrive, whereas I felt I had just shrunk all the more.

My heart couldn't take knowing any more.

I know we are all different and of course, many have told me to "just get over it," or that it was "a long time ago." I have also gone many, many rounds with some Christians who told me it was no big deal because we didn't have kids and I could just remarry, while many to this day tell me I can never remarry (imagine being told that at 25 years old,) even though he left for a girlfriend (which I didn't find out until about 8 months after he divorced me, so people always told me I had no Biblical reason for divorce.)

The thing I always wonder is, when these people face with their own trial, whenever and in whatever form it comes, is it just as easy for them to get over whatever they have to face as they tell everyone else it should be.

If the picture for success was framed by the choices we make, adulterers would be paupers.

You wouldn't be human if you hadn't ruminated over this question - if it's wrong for a man to violate his marriage vows and abandon his wife, then why is his life going so swimmingly?

I hope you understand how the appearance of a thriving life isn't to be equated with having God's approval. Psalm 73, addresses the age-old struggle of why people thrive in wrongdoing while the faithful suffer. The psalmist even confesses how the apparent injustice caused him to almost lose his faith.

Try not to stumble around in retrospect, wishing to have done things differently. Hindsight rarely accounts for the context of the circumstances at the time. Some things can only be learnt through experience and suffering.

Companionship, not correction, is the way forward for you. Bring your grief with you, that's a visceral aspect of your testimony. Your scars aren't meant to disappear. They are going to bear testament to God's enduring grace as proof of His power to restore the broken-hearted.

Don't disparage yourself for taking the time necessary to unpack all the nuances of an emotionally traumatic experience. People who are able to move on quickly, have usually emotionally checked out and grieved while still in a relationship, before they walk away.

And remember, when we are God's children, broken-hearts go the way of those grazed knees after them falls, when we were kids. Factual prose.

 

[Lanolin]

"giving burdens to the Lord'
Well of course people do that, they think we who grieve don't? Just as prayers aren't answered instantly, again, it still takes time.

People always talk about resilience, it's the 'in thing' to say these days. 'Harden up!' is a common phrase, be staunch (in my country at least) Don't show weakness! Don't cry!

But see Jesus sees the broken hearted. Not the hard-hearted.

I think we can help by being companions to each other, knowing we can get through whatever it is we are suffering and have empathy. They say misery loves company, thats not a bad thing, its something we need to do, rather than leave people alone to 'get on with it'. Sometimes thats more consolation

My dad, bless him, had already emotionally checked out long before my mum passed away, and was doing his own thing, which he carried on doing. I notice that well, in front of me anyway, men don't cry. Maybe in private, but they are conditioned not to break down in front of others, it's just a thing. Actually lots of men are like that, they are physically a lot stronger than women. Any injuries are proud battle scars. Any hurts can always be hit back or avenged. Not so with women.

 

[Lanolin]

There's a lot of things going on that make divorce, abandoned or getting dumped different kind of grieving to mourning a loved one, it's more of a betrayal, and not something easy to let go

So yea just the time taken can vary...how long you've known someone, and lived with them, how close you were, whether you were dependent or independent... how old and mature you are, whether you've been through it before or not. Of course when we get older we get wiser, that's a given.

There's support groups for both, so, avail yourself of them if you can. There are 'survivor' groups. There's help for PSTD. There's private prayer groups - please don't go to ones where people gossip! I found out that happens in church sometimes. I don't like that, so am a bit wary of them, and when people talk about things thats not really my business to others. I mean we share on here, but most of us are wise and don't share names, it's more of a listen, empathise, understand - and don't judge.

3 things - make sure you eat, sleep, and wash. Check every so often. Ask how they are. Probably not feeling too social, can't plan too much ahead, feeling lost and yea, some might accuse others of 'moping around'. Be gentle. I can't say everyone always knows what to do in those situations. I mean why would you if you didn't expect it and nothing really prepared you for it?

I recall one pastor said her dad died and all she could do was play the piano and sing in her grief, and just worship that way as let out her emotions. It was a healing process. Also have you heard of 'Rage Rooms'? They are places you can go to, maybe you have to book, where you can safely let out all your rage and smash things up.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

It's not the same situation as yours but , I found out how cold people really r when I had stage four breast cancer . Only one family member got in touch with a card . People would c me in the street , bald , and didn't even say how r u or even why r u bald !? I understand that some people r afraid of saying the wrong thing but these people were people who had known me for very many years and I had held some of their hands when they had needed someone . I never ever forget a kindness that has been done to me , because they r such rare gems .

Oh my sister! That must have been devastating physically AND emotionally!
I didn't know. How long have you been in remission?

 

[Suze]

Oh my sister! That must have been devastating physically AND emotionally!
I didn't know. How long have you been in remission?

I don't say that I'm in remission , I say that I don't have cancer . As soon as they removed my left breast I became cancer free , that was in December 2013 . I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy in 2014 , to make sure that there were no pre cancer sells left swimming around in my body . To b honest it was all a bit of a blur . Everything happened so fast and during chemotherapy u r so full of drugs that life seems a bit surreal . All I did was lay on the sofa and read Agatha Christie novels for six months . U definitely get to find out how people really feel about u when u r in dire straights . A few people did suprise me by how kind and obviously upset they were for me but most people barely blinked . If a person shows u how they feel about u , take notice , good or bad don't forget it .
I have a lot of alcoholism and mental illness in my family , personality disorders etc . I suppose that accounts for some of their behaviour . Maybe they just don't like me . Either way , I've learned over the years of my life , that God is all I need and indeed , He is all I have or really want , apart from hubby and Amy the cat .

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I don't say that I'm in remission , I say that I don't have cancer . As soon as they removed my left breast I became cancer free , that was in December 2013 . I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy in 2014 , to make sure that there were no pre cancer sells left swimming around in my body . To b honest it was all a bit of a blur . Everything happened so fast and during chemotherapy u r so full of drugs that life seems a bit surreal . All I did was lay on the sofa and read Agatha Christie novels for six months . U definitely get to find out how people really feel about u when u r in dire straights . A few people did suprise me by how kind and obviously upset they were for me but most people barely blinked . If a person shows u how they feel about u , take notice , good or bad don't forget it .
I have a lot of alcoholism and mental illness in my family , personality disorders etc . I suppose that accounts for some of their behaviour . Maybe they just don't like me . Either way , I've learned over the years of my life , that God is all I need and indeed , He is all I have or really want , apart from hubby and Amy the cat .

I'm glad that you don't have cancer.
It is sad how strangers can show more love and compassion than those people who are near.
I don't know why either. I've examined myself many times and quit blaming myself for other's decisions.

I have certainly seen much compassion from wonderful brothers and sisters here.
I think of you all often will never forget.

 

[Lanolin]

Sometimes familiarity can breed contempt

I think on occasions that happens in families. Cancer is a beast and far too common these days, it's like 1 in 3 people will get it.
Its very sad, (and scary) especially when you go into the oncology ward and see everyone else who's got it as well.

Most hospitals will have chaplains, so if you are really looking into ministering to the grieving, go help them out, get training, or volunteer with your hospice. Talk with undertakers, or funeral directors, they deal with the grieving everyday for a living. They are on call 24/7 because people don't die just during office hours.

The dying and grieving won't come to you, you need to go to them. If people are housebound, you need to visit or give them rides. People may be far too exhausted to even go to church, put on a happy face, or function, especially if they've spent 24/7 caregiving.

It really is literally like having a heavy heart, you just need to sometimes have a cup of tea, and a lie down.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Sometimes familiarity can breed contempt

I think on occasions that happens in families. Cancer is a beast and far too common these days, it's like 1 in 3 people will get it.
Its very sad, (and scary) especially when you go into the oncology ward and see everyone else who's got it as well.

Most hospitals will have chaplains, so if you are really looking into ministering to the grieving, go help them out, get training, or volunteer with your hospice. Talk with undertakers, or funeral directors, they deal with the grieving everyday for a living. They are on call 24/7 because people don't die just during office hours.

The dying and grieving won't come to you, you need to go to them. If people are housebound, you need to visit or give them rides. People may be far too exhausted to even go to church, put on a happy face, or function, especially if they've spent 24/7 caregiving.

It really is literally like having a heavy heart, you just need to sometimes have a cup of tea, and a lie down.

Those are very good points.
I've been a chaplain many years and know what you mean.
I could make a fortune yearly if I worked for the local hospice. The director of it is evil so I won't apply. Instead, I want help from local like faith churches to reach the needy in their areas. Few do that and it's always been a neglected home mission field.

This evening I was contacted by a relative of someone who needs special help. Her husband was her caregiver and just died.
There are seriously hurting people in so many places.
Thank you for sharing.
You have a big heart.

 

[Lanolin]

Those are very good points.
I've been a chaplain many years and know what you mean.
I could make a fortune yearly if I worked for the local hospice. The director of it is evil so I won't apply. Instead, I want help from local like faith churches to reach the needy in their areas. Few do that and it's always been a neglected home mission field.

This evening I was contacted by a relative of someone who needs special help. Her husband was her caregiver and just died.
There are seriously hurting people in so many places.
Thank you for sharing.
You have a big heart.

It takes one to know one

 

[ciicii]

I find myself in this position again, grieving. It seems over the years we as the church have lost the art of reaching out to people whether inside or out of the church. I have been here enough that I have learned a few things. Some things I think might help the church, or more specifically the congregation to reach out to grieving people.

So many times I have heard people say to grieving people (either or both) call me, or call me if you need anything. While it may seem like caring and it's meant that way surely but it's very uningaged and lacking empathy. Better to say "when is a good time I can call you?" Or "what can I do to help you?" Consider a person is usually in shock when they have lost a loved one. Call them a month or two later and ask how they are doing, would they mind some company, is there anything they need. The grieving need to know they are not alone. That there is someone who will mourn with them when they mourn. Someone who will patiently listen.

My mother told me about a friend who had lost her husband when he was in his prime. Another mutual friend in the church told my mother that she could stand being around their friend because she was "sad and weepy all the time". My mother called up her grieving friend and started walking with her every day. She let her friend grieve and listened to her and could better help her because she knew what she needed.

So next time you find someone is in grief think about how you can help instead of using cliche phrases that sound good but of no real help to them.

Actually thank you, I am in the same position and have been so confused over my own grief because people make it seem like you are not allowed to grieve or you need to be optomistic and hopeful in time of suffering.

I lost my child after trying for like a really long time and the first thing people said were "your pain will be a testimony to help others" or they just didn't say anything at all or said "they can't wait to see me back to my cheery self" but in my head i was like ... i am not going to be my cheery self again, my child just died and no one is willing to talk to me about it, not even my soon to be ex husband who said "it isn't real until there is a bump" but like i was well into my second trimester.

It made me really angry and bitter, it still does since again i am going through loss (the divorce is not my choice at all) and I wish there were more willing to listen to those aching hearts without judgement or the urge to correct. There is a time to mourn and a time to laugh.

I would love to see more people in the church be empathetic in that way and seriously listen. in a way my pain that is still going on has made me more empathetic which is great, but it is also very raw which could be problematic if nut funneled through God's will and grace first, but you need more Christians to talk to about those 'forbidden thoughts, fears, pains and total despair"

 

[ciicii]

Yes, a divorced person's ex-spouse might still be alive, but it causes a very different kind of grieving -- at least for me. To grieve over someone who is still alive is a different kind of torture.

I didn't have to plan my ex-husband's funeral or bury him -- but I did have to get used to the idea that all the dreams I had for life with him were dead, and had to be buried -- forever. I held on to hope that he would change his mind for a very long time, but it was all in vain.

And I have to live with the grief of knowing that he is (so I've heard -- we've never talked since our divorce, except when he needed to get something back that I later found out belonged to his girlfriend,) happily married to someone else, and that they have kids.

I have never remarried or had kids, and at this point in life, I don't think that's God's plan for me. Most of my peers now have grandchildren, and part of my calling now is to be a support person to them.

In contrast, when my Grandma died, my Grandpa knew she loved him up until the very end. We were blessed enough that the dementia had not taken her memory of people and she knew who we were, and that we loved her.

I am not in any way trying to belittle anyone's grief, but as a divorced person, I won't let anyone belittle my grief either.

My Grandpa knew his wife loved up him up until the day God called her home. I have to live with knowing that my husband actively loves someone else.

I'll live out the rest of my life knowing someone who was once my husband actively chose someone else, then took me to court for divorce and became just another stranger out in the world literally the next day. It's always in the back of my mind that I was seen as lesser than another woman by my own husband.

I will carry the grief he chose someone over me and is sleeping with her while living out the life we once talked about for ourselves with her for the rest of my life.

He's still alive, but my former life, and dreams, were all killed off.

And I'm sure I will continue to grieve over that until the very day I die.

People can call it what they want or criticize me for whatever reason, but we all have different situations and handle things differently.

And I know that for me, my grief will last a lifetime.

I am really sorry, but also thank you for sharing this, because this is word for word my experience as well. You are not alone.

 

[seoulsearch]

I am really sorry, but also thank you for sharing this, because this is word for word my experience as well. You are not alone.

Thank you so much, @ciicii.

There are often times I'm not sure how much I should share, but thank you for letting me know you could relate to what I posted.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through -- I can assure you that you are not alone, either. Many of the regulars here have similar stories. I hope that we can be of comfort and help to you in your time here.

Welcome to CC, precious sister in Christ!!

 

[ciicii]

Thank you so much, @ciicii.

There are often times I'm not sure how much I should share, but thank you for letting me know you could relate to what I posted.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through -- I can assure you that you are not alone, either. Many of the regulars here have similar stories. I hope that we can be of comfort and help to you in your time here.

Welcome to CC, precious sister in Christ!!

I am the same i am not sure how much i should share but hoping to make strong enough connection to share everything. That is what fellowship is about.
I am saddened to hear so many regular have similar stories though.

 

[passion84god]

I am the same i am not sure how much i should share but hoping to make strong enough connection to share everything. That is what fellowship is about.
I am saddened to hear so many regular have similar stories though.

I was going to suggest earlier that you and seoul should connect here, but it looks like you have already. She's one of the good ones. I'm glad you two have met. Good night.

 

[ciicii]

I was going to suggest earlier that you and seoul should connect here, but it looks like you have already. She's one of the good ones. I'm glad you two have met. Good night.

XD Lord's timing is quick today

 

[passion84god]

Actually thank you, I am in the same position and have been so confused over my own grief because people make it seem like you are not allowed to grieve or you need to be optomistic and hopeful in time of suffering.

I lost my child after trying for like a really long time and the first thing people said were "your pain will be a testimony to help others" or they just didn't say anything at all or said "they can't wait to see me back to my cheery self" but in my head i was like ... i am not going to be my cheery self again, my child just died and no one is willing to talk to me about it, not even my soon to be ex husband who said "it isn't real until there is a bump" but like i was well into my second trimester.

It made me really angry and bitter, it still does since again i am going through loss (the divorce is not my choice at all) and I wish there were more willing to listen to those aching hearts without judgement or the urge to correct. There is a time to mourn and a time to laugh.

I would love to see more people in the church be empathetic in that way and seriously listen. in a way my pain that is still going on has made me more empathetic which is great, but it is also very raw which could be problematic if nut funneled through God's will and grace first, but you need more Christians to talk to about those 'forbidden thoughts, fears, pains and total despair"

I am normally pretty good with words, but not in situations like this when words alone seem so shallow. I am sorry that you have experienced such pain, and I cringed when I read how some people in your life have responded to it, if they responded at all. Like you seem to have stated, sometimes we just need someone to listen. It's an awkward invitation, simply because I am a guy, but I have two good ears if you ever need a guy's perspective on how you might best cope with and heal from what you've been through. Whatever you do, don't feel bad for grieving. It's a sign that you are human.

Just last night, I got interrupted from watching the movie you recommended by a phone call. It was a friend of mine, and we spent over an hour discussing a couple of people we both know who regularly show no signs of humanity at all. At his end, he got angry, and he told me that he blocked both of them on his phone. Although I understand why he did that, at my end, I truly feel sorry for them because I know them well, probably better than they know themselves, and they both have hearts of stone. Sometimes, people aren't there for us when we truly need them because they are lacking what we need themselves. That is not a justification for their actions or inactions, but realizing that could and should help us to refrain from being bitter towards them. It's tough to do when we are hurting ourselves, but people like that need our prayers. I hope this makes sense.​

 

[passion84god]

my soon to be ex husband

i am going through loss (the divorce is not my choice at all)

Your profile says that you are separated, and the comments above lead me to believe that your divorce has not been finalized yet. You also seem to be willing for reconciliation. Is there any chance that your husband might be as well? Does he profess to believe in God or Christ? Have either of you gotten anybody else involved, like maybe a pastor, counselor, or a mutual friend? Is it possible that you could share his motivation for wanting the divorce? I am not trying to be nosy. Instead, I am just wondering if some more inevitable pain associated with a divorce might somehow be averted

I am heading out now for a long, busy, and more-than-likely horrible day at work. I hope that my questions are not intrusive or offensive, and you certainly do not need to answer any of them. In my own little way, I am just trying to potentially help.​

 

[ciicii]

I am normally pretty good with words, but not in situations like this when words alone seem so shallow. I am sorry that you have experienced such pain, and I cringed when I read how some people in your life have responded to it, if they responded at all. Like you seem to have stated, sometimes we just need someone to listen. It's an awkward invitation, simply because I am a guy, but I have two good ears if you ever need a guy's perspective on how you might best cope with and heal from what you've been through. Whatever you do, don't feel bad for grieving. It's a sign that you are human.

Just last night, I got interrupted from watching the movie you recommended by a phone call. It was a friend of mine, and we spent over an hour discussing a couple of people we both know who regularly show no signs of humanity at all. At his end, he got angry, and he told me that he blocked both of them on his phone. Although I understand why he did that, at my end, I truly feel sorry for them because I know them well, probably better than they know themselves, and they both have hearts of stone. Sometimes, people aren't there for us when we truly need them because they are lacking what we need themselves. That is not a justification for their actions or inactions, but realizing that could and should help us to refrain from being bitter towards them. It's tough to do when we are hurting ourselves, but people like that need our prayers. I hope this makes sense.​

Yeah it makes sense. I am actually struggling with bitterness right now towards my soon to be ex husband because his heart has turned to stone and God has let him indulge in his depravity. Like he has cheated on me with other men at this point online has totally gone back on his word with belief in God and marriage, he also confided in gender confused people and is now claiming to be a woman and I feel so lost since the years before that I have done nothing but serve him since he has been sick for a few years unable to work.

I feel very bitter towards them and like your friend want to block him out of my life (kind of hard since we are still under the same roof), because it is so hard especially when people like that are also like, still perusing evil and are not sorry at all. I am not sure how your friend feels but anger and heartache even with friends seem to be cut from the same cloth and is unbarable.

But I understand what you are saying too, people like this need prayer, we are to pray for our enemies. I really want to but find it hard to do so consistently. I was recently think of how Jesus treated Judas the day before. he still washed his feet, that to me is wild the more i think about how much humility and grace it takes to show that kind of kindness and mercy to someone who he knew from the start will betray him. I want to be like that, but honestly i was made to be a wife. I have no idea how to do that without catering to someone. So I just stay away tbh.

especially since right now i kind of feel stupid for giving a decade of my life and kind of being thrown away. my 'husband' made sure to say when he wanted me he was very happy with his life but now he just doesn't and made it seem like it was a natural way of life and nothing wrong with it.

the vengeful side of me wants God to save him just so that he can feel the weight of what he is doing and be crushed by that conviction, i need serious prayer on my own heart tbh. I know it is okay to grieve but not sure how to do it without sinning.

Thank you so much for sharing and responding I know I kind of said a lot but i do enjoy POV from men and women of God because we are made different. I hope I can get remarried, I know nothing is guaranteed but honestly as of now these past few years i keep on saying there is nothing left that can be taken from me and I am sadly proven wrong, so I am hoping this year after my marriage is taken I will start getting some peace and hope again.

most days I am weary and battling a lot of lies about my self worth.
(it has changed a bit but I can't tell for sure if it is me just puffing myself up for self preservation or God healing me tbh)

anyway I know that was a lot but I would love your opinion and prayer. and I will also pray for the situation going on with your friends. it is really amazing when God allwos us to see the tranformation of a heart that is in our own lives, and part of me still wants to see that with my ex but I don't think he wants saving.

But also I hope you got to finish the movie, i am waiting for my day off to watch your recommendations I am so excited to look forward to something for once!! so thank you for that blessing truly

[i know i just said a lot XD but i am going to post this anyway]