Ministering to the Grieving

[passion84god]

if you would like I can send you my written prayer too

Actually, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother, then I would like you to send that to me. Thank you.

 

[ciicii]

Even though I called out from work today, I still had to partake in our Friday morning Zoom call. Today's message of encouragement was about baby giraffes. When a baby giraffe is born, the first thing that it experiences is a fall to the ground from its mother's womb that ends with a hard thud. Generally, the fall is somewhere between 6 to 10 feet. What happens next is even more alarming to the newborn baby. Its own mother aligns itself above the baby, and then swiftly kicks it, sending it rolling across the ground. Then it kicks it again, and again, and again, until the baby finally says to itself, "I had better do something to stop getting kicked around like this." The baby struggles to get up on its legs, and guess what happens next? Its own mother comes and gives it another swift kick, causing it to tumble on the ground once again. At this point, the newborn baby not only realizes that it must get back up on its feet again, but it eventually learns to run from this type of danger, and that is what its loving mother was trying to teach it all along because it understands that its baby must learn how to survive in a hostile environment where predators like lions, cheetahs, and hyenas abound.

Is it possible that our loving Father does the same to us, in a figurative sense? Is it possible that he allows things into our lives that initially knock us completely off of our feet, simply because he is teaching us to stand, run, and fight?

Hardship is not a sign of God's anger but a sign of his deep love for us.

For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” - Hebrews 12:6

This is what my mind first thought when reading this.

 

[ciicii]

This is a difficult topic to address, and it must be handled with compassion and care. In relation to the lost child itself, King Solomon wrote:​

Ecclesiastes 6:3-5​

3 If a man fathers a hundred children and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but his soul is not satisfied with life's good things, and he also has no burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he.
4 For it comes in vanity and goes in darkness, and in darkness its name is covered.
5 Moreover, it has not seen the sun or known anything, yet it finds rest rather than he.

If it is of any comfort to you at all, according to King Solomon, whom God granted great wisdom, your stillborn child has found rest.

Thanks, I am not sure if it is a total comfort, I still mourn being a mother.
I am glad they don't have any pain or anything like that and it is probably better for them than to be born and chained to a father like my ex.
But I still want to be a mother instead of an invisible one. that's hard to deal with

 

[ciicii]

I think sometimes when people give pat answers it comes across as uncaring or cliche. We know God gives hope to the hopeless. But sometimes you just need someone who is just there to listen and cry along with you.

I had a friend who was also my pastors wife. I was visiting my home church and this friend, our pastors wife, got up and sang a song. When she was done she headed for the restroom and I just sensed something was wrong. I waited and no one moved or seemed to notice. I knew I had to go to her and there were many older saints that could have gone, I wasn't even married at the time. I got up and met her in the restroom and she grabbed hold of me and sobbed. I put my arms round her and didn't say a word, just softly prayed to myself. I do not know how long we stood like that. I had moved away but she wrote me not long after that that her husband had been cheating on her. Neither of us knew it at that time. He left her and married the worship leader from the church they were pastoring. The Bible tells us to mourn with those who mourn. We need to be empathic to those around us, not just give cliche answers and feel we have done enough.

I agree I am so sorry that happened to her too but I am so glad she had someone like you to be there with her. honestly the more stories i hear like this the more i realize how rare Godly love is in this world.
Fellowship in itself is a miracle we should not take light and be honored to be a part of and serve in. So again I am glad you were there.
I think that is disgusting (the infidelity) this specific scenerio i hear a lot of, and I hate there there are no consequences in the church either, There should be more accountability in that area.
I would love there to be a podcast or something that is just Christian talking about tough things. no lessons or anything just talking. Because sometimes sharing hard times like that is also so helpful and brings us all together.

 

[ciicii]

I did finally finish watching the movie. I think that I know what you like about it, but I'd rather hear it from you. In a sense, it reminds me of "Citizen Kane." The main difference being that in "Dragonwyck" she made a choice and suffered for it. In "Citizen Kane," the choice was that of another. If you're into movies with a serious life meaning, and it seems that you are, then I think that you will like that movie.​

I definitely will, I used to want to write movies for the longest time XD.

Hmm. I have honestly never put it into words why I like the movie. I guess I enjoy the feminine curiosity and disparity almost (from both sides).
And then I liked the clear stance on what was good and what was evil, and the seriousness of that evil. Like the reveal at the end of him being a drug addict, I think in these days it would cause someone to shrug and role their eyes (like in Canada the government invest in offer free safe crack pipes), when in the movie, there were serious consequences and it was like the end of the world.

I liked that black white dynamic of morals I guess, and in a way it desensitized me to really think about things. Especially when you start doing evil things to basically steal blessing like bearing a son. Even though I probably wouldn't go that far, on a personal level it makes you stop and think like ... am I doing something for selfish reasons, am I justifying sin that leads to something darker? things like that is what I liked about the movie.

that and the shadows and orchestra LOL

hbu what did you like? (I may also watch one of the movies tonight I am very excited!)

 

[ciicii]

Actually, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother, then I would like you to send that to me. Thank you.

My prayer for JUNE 19th

[...] And I pray for "P" Lord, and thank you for his words of comfort and encouragement and guidance. I pray you will bless him with a new job soon with his current applications Lord. And I pray for his sleep Father. - in Jesus name I pray Amen.

(I will send you my prayer for tonight as well after my prayer time)

I was going to ask if you had heard anything back yet, I am going to continue to pray, please let me know if there are specifics I can add to the prayer as well!

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I did finally finish watching the movie. I think that I know what you like about it, but I'd rather hear it from you. In a sense, it reminds me of "Citizen Kane." The main difference being that in "Dragonwyck" she made a choice and suffered for it. In "Citizen Kane," the choice was that of another. If you're into movies with a serious life meaning, and it seems that you are, then I think that you will like that movie.​

I agree, I heard about Citizen Cane for years and I watched it a while back, it was a great movie. Really worth a watch.

 

[passion84god]

Thanks, I am not sure if it is a total comfort, I still mourn being a mother.
I am glad they don't have any pain or anything like that and it is probably better for them than to be born and chained to a father like my ex.
But I still want to be a mother instead of an invisible one. that's hard to deal with

I understand. I was just thinking that there are probably differing aspects to your grief, and I was just trying to bring some comfort in relation to one of them.

 

[passion84god]

I definitely will, I used to want to write movies for the longest time XD.

I've thought about writing a Christian movie in the past myself. Lately, I've been thinking more along the lines of a Christian musical because I love some songs from one of the members here that make me feel as if I am viewing Christian theater. Her name is Magenta. I don't know if you've met her yet. This is my favorite song that she has written:​

Hmm. I have honestly never put it into words why I like the movie. I guess I enjoy the feminine curiosity and disparity almost (from both sides).
And then I liked the clear stance on what was good and what was evil, and the seriousness of that evil. Like the reveal at the end of him being a drug addict, I think in these days it would cause someone to shrug and role their eyes (like in Canada the government invest in offer free safe crack pipes), when in the movie, there were serious consequences and it was like the end of the world.

I liked that black white dynamic of morals I guess, and in a way it desensitized me to really think about things. Especially when you start doing evil things to basically steal blessing like bearing a son. Even though I probably wouldn't go that far, on a personal level it makes you stop and think like ... am I doing something for selfish reasons, am I justifying sin that leads to something darker? things like that is what I liked about the movie.

that and the shadows and orchestra LOL

hbu what did you like? (I may also watch one of the movies tonight I am very excited!)

The feminine curiosity, if we are referring to the same thing, to me, was the biggest warning in the film. She was part of a Christian family, although her father had some serious anger issues, imo, yet she craved the world and riches. She got a taste of that life, almost to her own ruin. There was a clear line of difference between what is good and evil, but she regularly crossed that line in a world-like spell of sorts. From the man's perspective, he definitely chose money and prestige over God to his own demise, and that is another clear warning to me. I still don't understand the significance of the harpsichord music that only certain people could hear. I did like some of the lightning flashes in certain scenes, but that's just me.

I do still think that you will like "Citizen Kane," but, remember, you won't really understand it or the impactful message until the very end. I hope you have some patience.​

 

[passion84god]

My prayer for JUNE 19th

[...] And I pray for "P" Lord, and thank you for his words of comfort and encouragement and guidance. I pray you will bless him with a new job soon with his current applications Lord. And I pray for his sleep Father. - in Jesus name I pray Amen.

(I will send you my prayer for tonight as well after my prayer time)

I am sorry. I totally misunderstood your post. I thought that you were referring to the prayer that you prayed to get your new job. I do truly appreciate you praying for me though. I definitely have been getting better sleep the last few days. Part of that is related to taking some simple advice from another member here. She suggested that I set my phone to "Do not disturb" at night, and that has definitely stopped some late night phone calls that would have interrupted my sleep. I tell everyone not to call me late at night, but nobody listens. Not that I'm popular. ​

I was going to ask if you had heard anything back yet, I am going to continue to pray, please let me know if there are specifics I can add to the prayer as well!

I didn't. I interviewed last Monday, and I was the first of eight applicants. The manager told me that he would notify all of us himself by phone call sometime Tuesday night. That never happened, and, on Wednesday, I learned that they hadn't made a decision yet, and that he wouldn't be back at that location until Saturday or today. I did stop in there earlier, and I saw him and spoke to him. He told me that they hadn't reached a final decision yet because somebody else applied for the job, and he was waiting to hear from HR as to whether or not he had to interview them, and they are closed on weekends. His facial expression and body language told me that I was still in the running, and he did tell me to "stay close" and that I would hear from him within the next couple of days. The "stay close" comment was interesting, but I am not sure exactly what he meant by that.

Whatever happens, I definitely need a new job. To my understanding and discernment, which is based upon more than just human reasoning, there is no way in the world that God still wants me working at my present job. As I look back over it carefully, I can see that there were probably three things that God wanted to teach me at this job. One involved something that I needed to fully repent of, and I since have. Another involved a sort of healing or deliverance that has been beneficial to me. Another involved a relationship that definitely needed to be ended, and I have since ended it. Now, I feel that to remain there any longer would be to live outside of God's will, and I definitely don't want to do that. Hopefully, God will open another door to me shortly.​

 

[passion84god]

I agree, I heard about Citizen Cane for years and I watched it a while back, it was a great movie. Really worth a watch.

It's been several years since I've seen it, and I only watched it once. I have forgotten some of the scenes, but I definitely remember the important message that I got from watching the film. It's ironic and sad that Hollywood has voted it the best movie ever because they all seem to have totally disregarded its warning.​

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I've thought about writing a Christian movie in the past myself. Lately, I've been thinking more along the lines of a Christian musical because I love some songs from one of the members here that make me feel as if I am viewing Christian theater. Her name is Magenta. I don't know if you've met her yet. This is my favorite song that she has written:​

​

Sister Magenta has been blessed when it comes to writing songs. She just shared a beautiful one with me and I listened to it at least three times. Her songs are spiritually deep. So many songs today just repeat one line again and again and really say nothing. But her songs talk of God's grace and mercy and love for us. She is talented on many levels, her art work also, she has blessed the forum with her work.

 

[ciicii]

I understand. I was just thinking that there are probably differing aspects to your grief, and I was just trying to bring some comfort in relation to one of them.

I know I had to think about it from both sides. it's a yes and no answer bitter sweet

 

[ciicii]

I've thought about writing a Christian movie in the past myself. Lately, I've been thinking more along the lines of a Christian musical because I love some songs from one of the members here that make me feel as if I am viewing Christian theater. Her name is Magenta. I don't know if you've met her yet. This is my favorite song that she has written:​

The feminine curiosity, if we are referring to the same thing, to me, was the biggest warning in the film. She was part of a Christian family, although her father had some serious anger issues, imo, yet she craved the world and riches. She got a taste of that life, almost to her own ruin. There was a clear line of difference between what is good and evil, but she regularly crossed that line in a world-like spell of sorts. From the man's perspective, he definitely chose money and prestige over God to his own demise, and that is another clear warning to me. I still don't understand the significance of the harpsichord music that only certain people could hear. I did like some of the lightning flashes in certain scenes, but that's just me.

I do still think that you will like "Citizen Kane," but, remember, you won't really understand it or the impactful message until the very end. I hope you have some patience.​

I can't wait to watch it! (Citizen Kane, I was supposed to watch it today but I fell behind on my bible study so I guess Sunday will be filled with lots of events XD)

And I agree that is why I loved it so much the feminine curiosity and the choice of money over good and everything in between. Because it was so clear. I just thought it was a huge contrast to the 'morally grey' anti hero's and characters that are praised now and kind of confuse and divide people into justifying certain sins. So I agree with you 100%

Ahhh I can't wait to give you my thoughts on Citizen Kane I love talking with you about these movies thank you it is so much fun.
Is that what the instrument is called. I love it, I think it is there to influence how you feel though tbh. even in old 50s horrors they always have those lower sounds and it is meant to influence your feeling (like hypnosis) I remember doing a study about how bethel does that and binny hinn actually with worship music right before they ask for tithing to get people to give more and also feel the 'miracles of healing'. It is very interesting actually but that is another topic entirely lol.

I also do think I have met magenta, and listened to some of her songs, I agree I would love to see a serious christian musical not just a bible retelling but something that shares serious truth and is it's own unique story. I always end up watching bits of my fav musicals and reimagine a christian version and get carried away but it would be so cool if that came into fruition at some point. I hope that one day your vision of some kind of Christian musical comes to light (and send me the link to where i can buy tickets )

Have you thought of plots you would like to indulge in. I like musicals and really want to get into opera. I always listen to such beautiful pieces but I never go out to find the name or the full play. I want to be able to sit and experience that one day too. Just enjoying each others gifts the way God intended it is so magical imo.

 

[passion84god]

I know I had to think about it from both sides. it's a yes and no answer bitter sweet

I totally get it.

May I ask how you are doing overall? I awoke in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago, and I had to pray for your husband and you because your situation was weighing so heavily upon my mind. Tbh, I couldn't fathom what you must be going through with some of the things that you described, and I got overwhelmed myself. I hope that doesn't sound weird. If you go back to the third post on this thread, then you will see that I told ThereRoseaLamb that her post had convicted me because I felt that I should be doing more to help those who are grieving. As Christians, we should be involved in other peoples' sufferings as members of the same body of Christ while trying to bring healing. 1 Corinthians 12:26. I have awoken in the middle of the night recently and had to pray for at least one other member here as well. I hope that you are not still doubting your self worth. I have considered posting some thoughts on what might be going on with your husband, but I don't know how much I should say or if it would help or only make matters worse for you. If you think that it might be helpful, then let me know, and I will.​

 

[ciicii]

I totally get it.

May I ask how you are doing overall? I awoke in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago, and I had to pray for your husband and you because your situation was weighing so heavily upon my mind. Tbh, I couldn't fathom what you must be going through with some of the things that you described, and I got overwhelmed myself. I hope that doesn't sound weird. If you go back to the third post on this thread, then you will see that I told ThereRoseaLamb that her post had convicted me because I felt that I should be doing more to help those who are grieving. As Christians, we should be involved in other peoples' sufferings as members of the same body of Christ while trying to bring healing. 1 Corinthians 12:26. I have awoken in the middle of the night recently and had to pray for at least one other member here as well. I hope that you are not still doubting your self worth. I have considered posting some thoughts on what might be going on with your husband, but I don't know how much I should say or if it would help or only make matters worse for you. If you think that it might be helpful, then let me know, and I will.​

Thank you and no I don't think it is weird, Honestly your honesty has been a great relief to me because for a long time I have the same feelings of overwhelm for others and have been told I am over stepping or I am not normal and it has kind of weighed me down and I guess my self-worth too.

Often 'friends' have all said they can't imagine me being married and no one has shown interest so a lot of my thoughts are ' of course the person to marry me is someone who is doing this stuff' but since talk to you and others thoughts like that have been going away.

I also am honored that you let me pray for you too, it reminded me how good it feels to pray for others, and how close we all are through Christ, if we weren't I would never be able to care for you or vise versa so quickly. I crave that kind of fellowship. And hope that one day I can have a physical community as well with that kind of support.

Thank you again for praying for us. honestly I am stuck between healing my own self worth and just a lot of anger and bitterness. even hearing him in the other room chatting and laughing with others while I am here still as his wife alone bothers me and that pain now turns into anger and wrath over pain and tears. And that genuinely conflicts me, but it is such a visceral reaction I don't know how to stop it before it comes. I do pray and it has gotten better like I pretty much just hold my tongue, but having the thoughts in my head still bother me and need to be adressed.

And no by all means if you have any insight I would like to hear them, so far everyone's opinions have not been from a christian founation so I would love to know. anythign that has to do with queer ideology at this point has been exhausting.

I just had a friend who said he was givign up on depriving himself and goign to practice chrstianity while still going to church (thread), and I feel like it is to much and a reflection on the world right now. my heart is breaking for him in more than one way.

Anyway sorry for the long response but yes I am always eager to hear your thoughts please never hesitate, I need more people to sort through this out, I think that is the only way I can heal at this point, leaving on God's understanding instead of my own and also council of others yk?

I never asked if you are married btw? I only ask honestly just out fo curiosity and also views on vows. I just remembered somethign my husband said when I was fighting and he said being a pilar to me is a privledge not a right through vows.

I didn't know what to say, especially since in my mind support one another is exactly what marriage is all about while we come closer to each other by coming closer to God (the triangle image). I am not sure why that moment keeps popping up but it bothers me a bit. I tend to think in black and white and a lot of openness to learn and of course being wrong. But there are foundations for a reason where i don't get an opinion and God's marriage is one fo them idk ...

Have a great day at church too btw (please pray for my constancy as well, this week has not been the best in terms of sleep and overwhelm a lot of ups and downs so reading scripture has been very lacking and I can feel it)

I am praying that you have gotten some rest though and also hear back soon from your job posts, I have not been able to go through my prayer list today to actually write things down but you have been in my prayers and my heart - brother

 

[ciicii]

I totally get it.

May I ask how you are doing overall? I awoke in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago, and I had to pray for your husband and you because your situation was weighing so heavily upon my mind. Tbh, I couldn't fathom what you must be going through with some of the things that you described, and I got overwhelmed myself. I hope that doesn't sound weird. If you go back to the third post on this thread, then you will see that I told ThereRoseaLamb that her post had convicted me because I felt that I should be doing more to help those who are grieving. As Christians, we should be involved in other peoples' sufferings as members of the same body of Christ while trying to bring healing. 1 Corinthians 12:26. I have awoken in the middle of the night recently and had to pray for at least one other member here as well. I hope that you are not still doubting your self worth. I have considered posting some thoughts on what might be going on with your husband, but I don't know how much I should say or if it would help or only make matters worse for you. If you think that it might be helpful, then let me know, and I will.​

Also do you not get tired?

for me I find I get to invested and it ends with a lot of grief. Having the desire to care for others in general like spoken of in 1 cor 12:26, I feel that suffering a lot and it dampers my entire day. Not in a bad way, I just can't help it.

But sometimes I find it is not healthy to sulk in that way if that makes sense? I hope that quesiton makes sense. Like someone two days ago (a customer) said he could tell I am very emotional, and I care deeply, and he encouraged me a lot! But I was shocked that he could tell that from only talking to ma a handful of times, and it made me wonder if there is something wrong or a way to tone that down.

I am not sure if you have gone through similar thoughts? I need to go to God about it, but it isn't something I want to change. I know God cares deeply for his children, even those that reject Him. So I know this is a godly trait, but I am human my heart physically hurts too lol.

I hope that is sort of clear-ish, just wanted yoru thoughts if you have any.

 

[passion84god]

can't wait to watch it! (Citizen Kane, I was supposed to watch it today but I fell behind on my bible study so I guess Sunday will be filled with lots of events XD)

I am curious to see if you come away with the same life lesson or warning that I did after you watch it. ThereRoseaLamb told me that she watched it in the past too. I have not yet asked her what message she took from it because I don't want to possibly spoil the movie for others.​

And I agree that is why I loved it so much the feminine curiosity and the choice of money over good and everything in between. Because it was so clear. I just thought it was a huge contrast to the 'morally grey' anti hero's and characters that are praised now and kind of confuse and divide people into justifying certain sins. So I agree with you 100%

I understand what you mean about "morally grey." There were some things that I didn't like however. Like when her father had her close her eyes and blindly stick her finger on a Bible verse as if that is the way God seeks to lead us. I also still think that her father was portrayed as a hothead who might fly off the handle at any moment, and we shouldn't be that way as Christians, even though I recently sinned in that regard myself, to my own shame. It was also scary to see how she, as a Christian, was not bothered when a married man repeatedly told her that she was beautiful and how he also danced with her in front of his own wife. We can all get messed up in so many different ways when we take our eyes off of Christ and the hope of eternal life in the kingdom to come. Temporal desires and pleasures should never take the place of that which is eternal. That is something that we all need to guard our hearts and minds against.​

Ahhh I can't wait to give you my thoughts on Citizen Kane I love talking with you about these movies thank you it is so much fun.
Is that what the instrument is called. I love it, I think it is there to influence how you feel though tbh. even in old 50s horrors they always have those lower sounds and it is meant to influence your feeling (like hypnosis) I remember doing a study about how bethel does that and binny hinn actually with worship music right before they ask for tithing to get people to give more and also feel the 'miracles of healing'. It is very interesting actually but that is another topic entirely lol.

I do believe that music is a highly influential medium that can be used for either good or evil, and I hear what you are saying about some in the church. I was more wondering why some people in the movie heard it, as if it was coming from the dead lady in the portrait on the wall, while others could not hear it. Was that ever explained in the movie?​

I also do think I have met magenta, and listened to some of her songs, I agree I would love to see a serious christian musical not just a bible retelling but something that shares serious truth and is it's own unique story. I always end up watching bits of my fav musicals and reimagine a christian version and get carried away but it would be so cool if that came into fruition at some point. I hope that one day your vision of some kind of Christian musical comes to light (and send me the link to where i can buy tickets )

Have you thought of plots you would like to indulge in. I like musicals and really want to get into opera. I always listen to such beautiful pieces but I never go out to find the name or the full play. I want to be able to sit and experience that one day too. Just enjoying each others gifts the way God intended it is so magical imo.

Like you, I have often found myself re-imagining songs in a Christ glorifying sort of way. I doubt that any of my own thoughts will ever come to fruition as some sort of production. I have the imagination for it, but I really don't have the talent or resources to bring it to life. Therefore, I have to live in my own little fantasy world of sorts where those types of things are concerned. It's funny that you mentioned opera. I cannot say that I am totally into that type of music, but, at the same time, I do believe opera singers probably have the most angelic voices. It would be nice to see such talent put to use to glorify God and Christ. I think that I would enjoy that.

As always, it's nice chatting with you. I hope that you feel like you have some sort of home and family here. I have obviously already assumed the role of big brother, but there are plenty of other potential brothers and sisters in Christ for you here too.​

.

 

[passion84god]

Also do you not get tired?

for me I find I get to invested and it ends with a lot of grief. Having the desire to care for others in general like spoken of in 1 cor 12:26, I feel that suffering a lot and it dampers my entire day. Not in a bad way, I just can't help it.

But sometimes I find it is not healthy to sulk in that way if that makes sense? I hope that quesiton makes sense. Like someone two days ago (a customer) said he could tell I am very emotional, and I care deeply, and he encouraged me a lot! But I was shocked that he could tell that from only talking to ma a handful of times, and it made me wonder if there is something wrong or a way to tone that down.

I am not sure if you have gone through similar thoughts? I need to go to God about it, but it isn't something I want to change. I know God cares deeply for his children, even those that reject Him. So I know this is a godly trait, but I am human my heart physically hurts too lol.

I hope that is sort of clear-ish, just wanted yoru thoughts if you have any.

Honestly, I never get tired when caring for others, but that is because I never rely on my own strength or wisdom while trying to help them. Instead, I pray for them or for God to help them in manners that he alone can at times, and I also do my best to minister to them out of God's word as I believe the Spirit of God is leading me to. Sure, I have to show up physically for people at times, and that can cause natural fatigue in me, but I would much rather be tired by that than by working some totally meaningless job, which is my current situation. To be totally honest, when I feel that I am of no real benefit to others, then I begin to question my own existence or why I was even born. Jesus said that all of the law and prophets hang on the two commandments of loving God and our neighbors. He also said that whoever wants to be the greatest in the kingdom of God must be the servant of all. I enjoy serving others while constantly praying for God to strengthen me in my inner man or to give me the grace to do so.

There is nothing wrong with being emotional and caring deeply. Jesus is touched by the feelings of our infirmities or weaknesses, and he has bowels of compassion. If we are truly walking with him, then these same characteristics or traits ought to be found in us. You're shocked that customer perceived that about you after only talking to you a handful of times? Fasten your seat belt. I perceived that about you when I read your first post on this forum. There is nothing wrong with you. Actually, you are quite refreshing. Yes, I have had similar thoughts, and I have also had people tell me that there is something wrong with me. Seeing how Christ is my example, and seeing how he deeply cares for people, I am happy with the way that I am, and you should be happy with the way that you are too. The ones who should be worried or concerned are those who genuinely lack compassion for others. There are a lot of self-centered and apathetic people in this world. God forbid that we should be numbered among them.​

 

[ciicii]

I like your approach actually leaning on God's strength, I think that is where I need to work more then. Leaning on his understanding and having faith in that. Knowing I just need to be there and not put extra burden's that no one is called to bear.

Thanks for sharing and answering that, it helps a lot. (I over think a lot). You are refreshing too.

I understand about wondering why you exist especially when working a job that seem to be meaningless because it isn't serving the Lord. I know God says do all things to the glory of God and try to remind myself of that when I am doing something mundane. But I understand those deeper thoughts / grumblings can kind of get to you.

I enjoy serving others while constantly praying for God to strengthen me in my inner man or to give me the grace to do so.

I feel this so much, when things first started my initial councilor did not understand that my joy was in serving others, not just 'taking care of myself' I personally can't separate the two. I understand alone time to reset and things like that. But self-care and selfishness seem to be one in the same.
I am glad God continues to strengthen you, I would love to hear your testimony and story at some time too.

Anyway thank you for your honesty again.