It's not that. It's that you said you'd actually ask some particular gal out on a date. I realize that it was a hypothetical date, which isn't the same as actually asking a girl out, but it's still rather shocking behavior from the indolent cat.
How Do You Balance Trusting God and Pursuing Marriage?
- Thread starter BelovedByGrace
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That is very kind of you to say, and I truly appreciate the encouragement.
It is always refreshing to meet others who value peace, stability, and a drama free life centered on faith. Psalm 26 is a meaningful passage for that kind of mindset.
Thank you for sharing that, and I am grateful for the conversation here.
Lynx likes you!! You should feel honored.
BTW You don't have to settle. Lots of people did (even married unbelievers) and they ended up compromising their faith.
God loves you for YOU whether you a wife or mother it does not matter, He sees you as His daughter first, and that's the most important thing.
As for dates. It's not expected for you to marry the first guy you see. Don't feel pressured.
My wise mother said its better to be single than married to the wrong guy. And she wasn't even a believer.
20 years is nothing to God. I think it's a universal problem. You are not alone. Check out Proverbs 20:6
It really is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had this idea from observing animals they don't tend to stay where they live, they go to spawning grounds to breed. Some travel miles and miles. Not saying we are animals but its interesting to find out about their courtship/mating rituals that come naturally to them. Nowadays its very artificial and I think its because we now live in a world thats artificial like we are living in captivity. Animals who are captive in zoos are lonely and zookeepers try to pair them up. This can be what it's like. If you want to be married, you have to actually LIKE the person you marry as you're the one that has to live with them for the rest of your life.
It's easy to fall in love...but just as easy to fall out of it.
Some animals mate for life, others just mate and then bring up their offspring alone. It seems you want someone lifelong, and are willing to wait for it. There is nothing wrong with that but it's going to be harder to find someone like that especially for humans. In that respect sometimes the behaviour of humans is worse than the behavior of animals.
BTW You don't have to settle. Lots of people did (even married unbelievers) and they ended up compromising their faith.
God loves you for YOU whether you a wife or mother it does not matter, He sees you as His daughter first, and that's the most important thing.
As for dates. It's not expected for you to marry the first guy you see. Don't feel pressured.
My wise mother said its better to be single than married to the wrong guy. And she wasn't even a believer.
20 years is nothing to God. I think it's a universal problem. You are not alone. Check out Proverbs 20:6
It really is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had this idea from observing animals they don't tend to stay where they live, they go to spawning grounds to breed. Some travel miles and miles. Not saying we are animals but its interesting to find out about their courtship/mating rituals that come naturally to them. Nowadays its very artificial and I think its because we now live in a world thats artificial like we are living in captivity. Animals who are captive in zoos are lonely and zookeepers try to pair them up. This can be what it's like. If you want to be married, you have to actually LIKE the person you marry as you're the one that has to live with them for the rest of your life.
It's easy to fall in love...but just as easy to fall out of it.
Some animals mate for life, others just mate and then bring up their offspring alone. It seems you want someone lifelong, and are willing to wait for it. There is nothing wrong with that but it's going to be harder to find someone like that especially for humans. In that respect sometimes the behaviour of humans is worse than the behavior of animals.
About cinder's banter:
There's a group of us who have been on this forum for more than a decade. We've got to know each other kind of well. Of course that comes with a lot of inside jokes. Cinder was riffing on one of those inside jokes.
Yes the problem with being smart capable women is that even when we try to be nice, men don't think we need them. I also think it's harder for men to think of themselves as the ones who need help, but they really want support and respect. That person who believes in them when they're starting to doubt themselves. So now, even though my dad taught me how and I'm sure I could manage it on my own, when I get a flat tire and some guy stops to help me change it, I let him help.
Tact is just being authentic in a nice way and in a way that is ultimately more productive. Sure when the guy messes up you can tell him "You dummy, I told you you needed to do it this other way" but it's going to go much better if you're like "Would we get this resolved faster if I.... and that would leave you free to ....?" Or as I like to think of it, the other person isn't the problem, the problem is the problem that you're going to attack together ( even when the problem is 100% user error because user doesn't know how to use a computer. Guess who works tech support?)
And being yourself is the absolute best approach to ending up with someone who wants to be with you. Otherwise you end up with someone who wants to be with that other person you were trying to be and can't possibly love you because you never let him know you.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I appreciate the kindness and wisdom you shared.
Although I am new to this platform, I am honored that Lynx has chosen to engage in conversation with me. I have enjoyed reading the different perspectives people have shared, even when they challenge me to think differently.
Your mother sounds like a very wise woman. I have always believed it is better to be single than to marry the wrong person. While I do desire companionship, I also genuinely enjoy the peace, stability, and routine that come with being single. It would be nice to share life with someone, though. Someone who values love, affection, quality time, companionship, and building a life together.
I was raised in a Christian home and taught from an early age to follow Christ and depend on Him for guidance. One lesson that was emphasized repeatedly was not to make major decisions without first praying and waiting on the Lord's direction. Over the years, I have watched family members and friends pray about relationships but then move forward before receiving peace or clear guidance. Unfortunately, many of those relationships have faced significant difficulties as a result.
One blessing in my life is that I tend to learn from the experiences and mistakes of others. It does not mean I always get things right, but it has helped me avoid some painful situations. That is one reason I have tried to be patient, even when the waiting has been difficult.
I do believe God knows what is best for me. Whether that ultimately includes marriage or continued singleness, I want to be found following His will rather than simply chasing my own desires.
I was NOT asking or even hinting suggesting you lower your morals or standards....
Nope
It's the things left unconsidered, ignored, and unsaid that you SHOULD do more of if you want a spouse.
And you need to solidify WHY you want a spouse to begin with and an answer similar to what you have given so far of "companionship" is a fairly selfish and one sided reason. Which generally ends up in disaster.
"Chad's and Tyrone's are everywhere....they spend a lot of time in the gym just to worm their way into beds and pocketbooks. Just because you are in Christian circles doesn't mean they don't frequent them... Usually they don't have to do much to get into the beds....which is why the completely lame attempts after only one or two dates and the complete ghosting when he came up empty handed.
Don't feel bad....he wasn't honest about anything anyway. He really was not what you are looking for.
But the very very few potential guys that might consider you....they only react to solid wife material at this point. IOW women who seem comfortable and eager to be in the role of being a spouse without it being a special request, a direction given, or even so much as a veiled suggestion.
Because at your age....guys are interested in looks as always to get their attention...but holding it requires something more in the realm of character and talents. And not ones reserved for the bedroom. They want a true helper for the areas they are weak. An independent person who simply WANTS to join with them as a friend and help. And they actually can help.
As for being a smart and capable woman, I think there is sometimes an assumption that because a woman can do something herself, she does not need or appreciate help. That has never really been true for me. Yes, I am educated and capable, but I certainly do not know everything. In fact, one of my personal mottos has always been that I am both a teacher and a student in life. There is always something new to learn and someone who knows more than I do in a particular area.
I do not pretend to have all the answers, and I genuinely appreciate the knowledge, skills, and perspectives that other people bring to the table. To me, a healthy relationship is not about proving who is smarter or more capable. It is about two people complementing one another's strengths and weaknesses and growing together.
I agree with your point about being yourself. If someone is interested in a version of me that is not authentic, then they are not really getting to know me at all. I would rather be accepted for who I am, flaws and all, than spend my life trying to maintain an image that was never truly me in the first place.
I completely agree. Trying to be someone you're not seems exhausting, and eventually the truth is going to come out anyway. At that point, either you have to keep up the act forever or risk disappointing someone who fell in love with a version of you that was never real.
White knight syndrome never really gets cured....
So there's always that...it works even when the armor is rusty and his steed is kinda a broken down swaybacked nag of a glue factory recommendation.
Thank you for the clarification. I appreciate you taking the time to explain your perspective.
Although my answer of "companionship" may sound one sided, that is not what I mean. I do not simply want companionship for myself. I want to be a companion to someone else as well. I want to share my life with another person and use the gifts, talents, experiences, and resources God has blessed me with to support and encourage them. To me, marriage is about two people serving, helping, and strengthening one another.
One thing I have noticed is that men are often attracted to me initially, but many seem to assume that because I am capable and responsible, I do not need them. The reality is that I am not independent in the sense of wanting to do life alone. I would describe myself as self sufficient. There is a difference. I believe a good man who loves me would want me to be able to function well on my own, just as I would want the same for him.
I remember helping a woman whose husband passed away unexpectedly. She did not know how to balance the checkbook, turn on the computer, or access some of their bank accounts. Her husband had handled everything. My heart broke for her because she was grieving and at the same time trying to navigate basic responsibilities she had never been taught. I ended up helping her through many of those things.
That experience left a lasting impression on me. I never want to be in a position where I am completely helpless if something happens to my husband, nor would I want him to be helpless if something happened to me. I think part of loving someone well is equipping and supporting one another so that both people are stronger, not more vulnerable, because of the relationship.
So when I think about marriage, I am not looking for someone to rescue me, nor am I looking for someone for me to rescue. I am looking for a true partner, someone with whom I can share burdens, joys, responsibilities, faith, and life.
I suppose a rusty knight is still better than a shiny rogue.
Something about that if a guy is capable of doing something that you ask him if he could help you out but you would cook him a nice meal for his labor....
Sure you could hire a handyman....that's just simple independence. But getting a guy who is handy to help you out with something while you set the table and cook him a nice dinner....whole nother level.
You gotta remember....nobody is a kid anymore. Games aren't completely dead....but a LOT of them are. And sometimes gratitude demonstrated is a winning hand over cheap words....not that clarity is not necessarily needed by saying things occasionally....but demonstrated gratitude....as if you really enjoy being grateful is always a better way of speaking.
The question really is, how to trust in God vs pursue anything in life?
Bible basically gives instructions, from God. Trust that instructions, let God lead me.
A practical example, if the guy meets all the scripture requirements, then at least accept him as a friend, even if no chemistry. Let him reject me, this way I know that is God move him out of my world.
Always be a good Christian sister to people.
Bible basically gives instructions, from God. Trust that instructions, let God lead me.
A practical example, if the guy meets all the scripture requirements, then at least accept him as a friend, even if no chemistry. Let him reject me, this way I know that is God move him out of my world.
Always be a good Christian sister to people.
Eventually, you are going to have to take a chance, let the dice fly, and let the chips fall where they may.
To me, you can trust in God but, in the end, it is entirely your choice, not God's. Being tentative is not going to cut it in the game of love. Don't wait for all the lights to be green, all the 'i's dotted, and 't's' crossed. If you do, you are going to wait a long time and waste precious years that you can never get back.
For me, 'waiting on God's perfect timing' is code for not having to do anything positive that may lead to a loving and enduring relationship.
To me, you can trust in God but, in the end, it is entirely your choice, not God's. Being tentative is not going to cut it in the game of love. Don't wait for all the lights to be green, all the 'i's dotted, and 't's' crossed. If you do, you are going to wait a long time and waste precious years that you can never get back.
For me, 'waiting on God's perfect timing' is code for not having to do anything positive that may lead to a loving and enduring relationship.
Agree to do positive actions on our part. Searching, communication, Christian community, let your church know you are looking....live a happy life, people always attracted to happy people.
But I think all is in God's hand, He set up the place, time for 2 people get together. Even the active part, is set up be God.