Taken for a ride

[seoulsearch]

But what about when your online friend tells you that they've always wanted to meet you and need a travel buddy for an all expenses paid cruise? Is that a scam? Asking for a friend.

Or your friend says a bunch of you are meeting in pigeon forge and all chipping in to rent a house there for a week...

LOL!!! For anyone who might not know... This is an inside joke.

I have actually done BOTH of these things with -- let's keep them "anonymous" -- CC'ers.

I couldn't scam or catfish anyone on this site if I tried -- too many people here have actually met me -- and somehow they lived to tell the tale!

It wasn't for romance, but for what will likely be lifelong friendships. (We're trying to figure out a way to someday all live closer to each other, as we're all scattered across the USA.)

As for the all-expenses paid cruise -- it was with a very lovely family. I have many fond memories of my CC roommate and I hilariously putting up an invisible "electric fence" down the middle of our shared spaces in our room, and laughing hysterically like 4th graders about being zapped if either of us crossed it.

(At said Pigeon Forge gathering, we were roommies once again and making stupid jokes that had us laughing and wheezing so hard, another participant came to check up on us.)

And I never want people to think I'm taking advantage of them, so now when I make trips to see my "cruising family," I try my best to pay for their tickets to events we attend -- IF and when they'll let me.

 

[Lanolin]

The Pigeon Forge...were there actually any pigeons there? Asking for a friend...

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes, I was deceived once and I hope others can learn from my mistake.

Not long after my divorce, I got to know a man online. We talked a lot and had video calls from time to time. After about six months, he started asking me to come and visit him for a vacation.

I hesitated for a long time because it was during the COVID pandemic. I also told him that traveling was expensive and that I would need to pay for a visa. Eventually, I managed to save enough money and decided to go.

When I arrived, he never came to the airport.

It was my very first time flying and I had never traveled abroad before. I was alone in a country that felt completely unfamiliar and frightening. Thankfully, I met some kind people who helped me and I was able to get through the situation safely.

Later I found out that the man was actually married. I never met him in person.

Looking back, I learned a painful lesson. No matter how much you think you know someone online, don't travel alone to another country to meet someone you've never met in person.

If you do decide to meet someone you've met online, choose a public place, let your family or trusted friends know exactly where you're going and don't ignore any warning signs. Your safety is always more important than giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

I am SO very sorry this happened to you!!!

Online catfishing is rampant. I subscribe to several YouTube social channels and the phenomenon of people going to meet someone online -- then being stood up -- is unfortunately becoming very common.

I am just SO glad you made it home safely, as another problem is that organized groups are looking for passengers at airports who are traveling alone and stranded. They not only take advantage them, but in some cases, kidnap lone passengers for trafficking rings. I always have to travel by myself and have taken red-eye flights in the past -- but decided a while ago I'll never do that again.

I just heard a story of a woman whose flight was delayed -- she went to an empty waiting area where she was alone, and a man approached her, asking casual questions. Suddenly, a second man appeared, and then a woman, who tried to grab her arm. Fortunately, she was able to break free run past them. Airport security checked the cameras and saw that this trio had been trailing her from the time she walked into the airport and noticed she was alone.

I've also heard of instances where a woman flies out to meet a man that he's paid for, specially in another country (though of course it could be the other way around,) and showers her with gifts to take home.

And the "gifts", like clothes, are filled with hidden illegal things for the sake of smuggling (in this case, the covered buttons on her "new" dresses were filled with drugs.) Unfortunately, this unknowing woman was caught at airport security, and is now in prison in a foreign country while her distraught family is trying to get her back.

They also have programs and filters now to where people can make themselves appear to be a completely different person (look up YouTube videos of people filtering themselves as the opposite gender,) EVEN while they're "talking to you" in real time online.

PLEASE stay safe out there!!

I was dumbfounded when you said you showed his picture to the hotel staff and they knew him -- did he claim to work there, or did they know him because he'd been regularly bringing women to this hotel?!

I have decided for myself, if I meet someone online, he will have to come to where I am first. I'm more than happy to pay half for his travel costs, food, hotel, etc. I can also provide transportation and any help he needs booking reservations, but for safety reasons, I would a first meeting to be on my own turf.

I have another friend who went to Ukraine to meet a girl he thought he was talking to online -- but everything she told him about herself was a lie. She didn't know any English and was using someone else as an interpreter, and who knows what happened to the money she asked him for to pay for "English lessons" the entire time.

And I have another friend who was also catfished when he met the woman in person. She claimed to be very successful and took him by the fancy apartment building she claimed to live in -- but said it was being renovated, so she had to stay in a hotel. Yet she would ask him for money for her mother's surgery, etc. He later found it out it was all a lie, and as the old story goes, was just using him for money -- even though this was over the course of a few years, with her also coming to see him.

There is a version of romance scams called "pig butchering" -- the scammer is in no hurry, because he or she has several other "piggies" on the line that they are working. Whether it takes 6 months or a few years to earn someone's trust (for the purpose of identity theft, asking for money, or getting their personal info to break into their accounts,) the scammers no longer care how long it takes, because they they'll get what they want in at least a few cases.

@SoulFaith, again, I am just glad that God protected you and got you back safely!!!

 

[seoulsearch]

The Pigeon Forge...were there actually any pigeons there? Asking for a friend...

Wikipedia says it was name Pigeon Forge for 2 reasons:

1. Apparently, there used to be large flocks of now-extinct passenger pigeons that use to roost along The Little Pigeon River, that runs through the town.

2. It was the location of an iron forge built in 1817 by an early settler named Isaac Love.

 

[Lanolin]

I'm wary of anyone who says they are from Christchurch. Or 'Crimechurch' as it's known. That place has it's own wizard.
Or did, I think he moved, but there definitely was one and you could never be sure what he was up to.

But seriously, years ago, I was on a Christian dating site, and this guy from Christchurch wanted to meet me, so he flew up to Auckland (not sure what his business was, exactly, he mentioned delivering milk) and we did meet in a cafe, but at the cafe, he decided right there and then that he was going to be my boyfriend. I was flattered but I thought he was kind of moving a bit fast.
Then he would come up and visit every so often and we'd go out but I drove him everywhere as he didn't have a car here. He was staying at a flat in Auckland while he was up here.
And that was ok for a while but I had no idea what his life was like in Christchurch or his family or even his friends. He did come with me to church though and we did Bible studies in my group.
Anyway, I told my friends about him and they were kind of like who is this guy, he seemed nice and all, but they were checking was he legit? Then one of my friends saw him out with another girl and took a pic and showed me.
I was writing him letters and he was writing back because I said I don't really do the online chat thing. Or talk for too long on phone (it cost back then, there was no whats app, and he was meeting in person anyway so I didn't feel the need to.) I also pulled my profile from the site because, well I thought I 'found' someone so I didn't need to go back there anymore.
But thing is, he did not do the same. And he'd told me his previous girlfriend had actually died of cancer. (?!)

Anyway the other girl he was seeing found out about ME, and said he was having a relationship with HER. So she wanted to find out what was going on, so we met up, and exchanged notes, and then we both decided he was a rat, though he'd gone a bit further in their relationship than I had. She was from China and was going to live with him and even went so far as thinking of getting a flat together.

And then I found out I had something like $2000 withdrawn from my bank account at an atm that I hadn't actually done. It turned out when he was with me he stole my EFTPOS card because went shopping one time (at a Christian bookstore!) and I bought something and he must have been looking over my shoulder when I was putting the PIN in. Then he offered to carry my bag for me. At first I was like no, I carry my own bags but he made it seem like it was too heavy (it was full of books) and he was being nice. He somehow took my bag, got my card, and then when I found the card was missing, he looked and found it for me. ? But before he did that he used it to withdraw some money.

I didn't even suspect it was him cos I thought he's a Christian and all (like a born-again one, I asked his testimony, but actually it seemed a little suss even while he told it because it was like one of those prosperity gospel ones, like he admired someone who was Christian and decided he wanted to be one too, and be rich like them)

Anyway I went to the bank and said there must be something wrong because I don't remember withdrawing this amount of money at this time. And so they checked on their security cameras but they couldn't see who it was as they were blocking the camera with an umbrella or something.
My mum thought something was up (he'd met my family) and so decided to check things out, she said it must have been him as who else would do this, and said I need to go to the Police and get him checked out because he was a thief.

Well I did...I reported the whole thing, turns out he had a criminal record, had a restraining order, and they were trying to catch him, I told them where he was staying (where I dropped him off after our 'dates' though I'd never been inside, the dates were always during the day) but when they got there he'd disappeared. It also turned out he was on drugs (marijuana, though he never smoked while out with me) and he was really sorry and checked into salvation army rehab. The bank refunded my money, as they kind of didn't notify me of this unusual transaction and couldn't pin it on him and he wasn't going to give me back what was stolen.

After I rang victim support they said don't contact him anymore, he tried to phone me several times, I end up blocking his number.

Anyway...please learn from my 'Christian' dating scam/scandal!! I never went back to that site or any other Christian dating one. I'd been on one called Find Me, but tried to find Christian guys, but and met several, went on one or two dates with them but none were as persistent as this guy was - and he was around my age not 10 years older as some were! And I only met him during the day in public spaces. Never went anywhere unfamiliar. I thought I was being safe but huh! Do background checks first..! Or be wary of pushy guys who think after a certain amount of time you should be deciding to live together?! And talking about marriage but not actually giving you a ring or anything to say you engaged. ?! Also he wrote in his letters that I 'stole his heart' when I wasn't stealing anything, he was stealing from me!!

BTW I don't consider this forum to be a dating site (for me) plus, if you from Christchurch I'm gonna be wary.

 

[RodB651]

Or your friend says a bunch of you are meeting in pigeon forge and all chipping in to rent a house there for a week...

Yeah... What about that?

 

[Lanolin]

Wikipedia says it was name Pigeon Forge for 2 reasons:

1. Apparently, there used to be large flocks of now-extinct passenger pigeons that use to roost along The Little Pigeon River, that runs through the town.

2. It was the location of an iron forge built in 1817 by an early settler named Isaac Love.



View attachment 291595

View attachment 291596

Huh looks fun...but why did the pigeons become extinct???

 

[Churchgoer]

I'm wary of anyone who says they are from Christchurch. Or 'Crimechurch' as it's known. That place has it's own wizard.
Or did, I think he moved, but there definitely was one and you could never be sure what he was up to.

But seriously, years ago, I was on a Christian dating site, and this guy from Christchurch wanted to meet me, so he flew up to Auckland (not sure what his business was, exactly, he mentioned delivering milk) and we did meet in a cafe, but at the cafe, he decided right there and then that he was going to be my boyfriend. I was flattered but I thought he was kind of moving a bit fast.
Then he would come up and visit every so often and we'd go out but I drove him everywhere as he didn't have a car here. He was staying at a flat in Auckland while he was up here.
And that was ok for a while but I had no idea what his life was like in Christchurch or his family or even his friends. He did come with me to church though and we did Bible studies in my group.
Anyway, I told my friends about him and they were kind of like who is this guy, he seemed nice and all, but they were checking was he legit? Then one of my friends saw him out with another girl and took a pic and showed me.
I was writing him letters and he was writing back because I said I don't really do the online chat thing. Or talk for too long on phone (it cost back then, there was no whats app, and he was meeting in person anyway so I didn't feel the need to.) I also pulled my profile from the site because, well I thought I 'found' someone so I didn't need to go back there anymore.
But thing is, he did not do the same. And he'd told me his previous girlfriend had actually died of cancer. (?!)

Anyway the other girl he was seeing found out about ME, and said he was having a relationship with HER. So she wanted to find out what was going on, so we met up, and exchanged notes, and then we both decided he was a rat, though he'd gone a bit further in their relationship than I had. She was from China and was going to live with him and even went so far as thinking of getting a flat together.

And then I found out I had something like $2000 withdrawn from my bank account at an atm that I hadn't actually done. It turned out when he was with me he stole my EFTPOS card because went shopping one time (at a Christian bookstore!) and I bought something and he must have been looking over my shoulder when I was putting the PIN in. Then he offered to carry my bag for me. At first I was like no, I carry my own bags but he made it seem like it was too heavy (it was full of books) and he was being nice. He somehow took my bag, got my card, and then when I found the card was missing, he looked and found it for me. ? But before he did that he used it to withdraw some money.

I didn't even suspect it was him cos I thought he's a Christian and all (like a born-again one, I asked his testimony, but actually it seemed a little suss even while he told it because it was like one of those prosperity gospel ones, like he admired someone who was Christian and decided he wanted to be one too, and be rich like them)

Anyway I went to the bank and said there must be something wrong because I don't remember withdrawing this amount of money at this time. And so they checked on their security cameras but they couldn't see who it was as they were blocking the camera with an umbrella or something.
My mum thought something was up (he'd met my family) and so decided to check things out, she said it must have been him as who else would do this, and said I need to go to the Police and get him checked out because he was a thief.

Well I did...I reported the whole thing, turns out he had a criminal record, had a restraining order, and they were trying to catch him, I told them where he was staying (where I dropped him off after our 'dates' though I'd never been inside, the dates were always during the day) but when they got there he'd disappeared. It also turned out he was on drugs (marijuana, though he never smoked while out with me) and he was really sorry and checked into salvation army rehab. The bank refunded my money, as they kind of didn't notify me of this unusual transaction and couldn't pin it on him and he wasn't going to give me back what was stolen.

After I rang victim support they said don't contact him anymore, he tried to phone me several times, I end up blocking his number.

Anyway...please learn from my 'Christian' dating scam/scandal!! I never went back to that site or any other Christian dating one. I'd been on one called Find Me, but tried to find Christian guys, but and met several, went on one or two dates with them but none were as persistent as this guy was - and he was around my age not 10 years older as some were! And I only met him during the day in public spaces. Never went anywhere unfamiliar. I thought I was being safe but huh! Do background checks first..! Or be wary of pushy guys who think after a certain amount of time you should be deciding to live together?! And talking about marriage but not actually giving you a ring or anything to say you engaged. ?! Also he wrote in his letters that I 'stole his heart' when I wasn't stealing anything, he was stealing from me!!

BTW I don't consider this forum to be a dating site (for me) plus, if you from Christchurch I'm gonna be wary.

Wow, thank you for sharing.
Definitely alert .

Need to meet his circles, such as local church, colleagues, friends....

 

[seoulsearch]

I apologize for the multiple posts, but @Lanolin, you're really sparked a cluster of thoughts!!

1. My number one tip for not getting catfished online is -- BE REALISTIC.

Do you attract unicorns in real life? If not, chances are you won't attract them online either, unless A. You yourself are a unicorn, or B. You are pretending to be a unicorn.

As much as people don't want to face this, unicorns almost always stick to their own kind.

But no one will accept that -- henceforth these crazy stories of people divorcing their spouses and giving away all their money because they think Brad Pitt, Elon Musk, and Jennifer Aniston are wanting to marry them.

I was on a free dating site a long time ago when I started getting "winks" and eventually messages from a guy who had professional modeling pictures in his profile. (I used to subscribe to a lot of fashion magazines and knew a few people who worked as models, so I knew these weren't ordinary pictures.)

The thing is, I know myself. My whole life, no matter where I lived or how many times I moved, I was always perceived the same -- as myself -- a boring, bookish, non-partying nerd. In real life, I have never and most likely will never attract jocks, models, doctors, lawyers, etc. -- and I'm realistic enough to know this won't happen online either

I know what I do attract -- party boys with one foot on wanting to be an adult, and the other wanting someone to take care of them so they can keep partying; fellow nerds like myself; and sweet, everyday guys who are too humble to try to portray themselves as slick and suave.

As someone who's always participated in written communication, this guy's messages just sounded "off." I can't explain it. He just did not "sound" like the person in the picture. And lo and behold, he eventually said that he indeed NOT the guy in the photo, was married, and was looking for "friends" for him and his wife. He said he choose me because I sounded "so real."

I was thankful that God worked my cynical inner voice in my favor. As soon as I had seen my pictures, I was like, "NO ONE who looks like that would be attracted to me." That wasn't me putting myself down, that was me being entirely realistic. And of course, marrieds hitting on singles happens everywhere, not just on the free sites. But I do think it's more rampant there since there are no barriers ro entry.

2. Be ESPECIALLY careful if someone tells you they make a living by owning real estate and/or is a day trader in the stock market.

For whatever reason, these seem to be the number one "careers" that men in particular will try to pass off as their "professions" -- because it gives the illusion of being successful -- and is a good excuse as to why they're always online all the time, instead of say, participating in a regular job.

Now of course, I'm not trying to lump men into one bucket and I'm MOST CERTAINLY NOT that women don't lie, because we all know there are plenty out there who do. I have a guy friend who gets hit on by shallow women all the time, and it makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

But also as a woman, I've heard LOTS of stories from other women who were catfished by men who claimed to own rentals and/or be stock market gurus.

The thing is, I've had family members who've done both, so I know that 1. It's usually extremely difficult to be profitable in these professions, especially in this economy, and 2. statistics show that about 97% of day traders are unprofitable over time (i.e., they're losing significant amounts of money, and very quickly.)

If someone told me that's what they did for a living, I know a tiny bit of the lingo/process in both of these lines of work (and can ask those who actually know,) so I would start asking a lot of questions...

If someone tries to tell me he's a day trader but doesn't know what I'm talking about when I ask about levels of support and resistance, etc... Something is obviously not right.

Now I'm sure there are exceptions -- it's just that there aren't very many.

And even if it's true, and the person IS involved in this sort of work -- it doesn't mean they're making money.

People in these fields often have to take out large loans at enormous amounts of interest. Many are struggling to keep afloat (which could be the reason why they are cozying up to YOU.)

 

[SoulFaith]

I'm wary of anyone who says they are from Christchurch. Or 'Crimechurch' as it's known. That place has it's own wizard.
Or did, I think he moved, but there definitely was one and you could never be sure what he was up to.

But seriously, years ago, I was on a Christian dating site, and this guy from Christchurch wanted to meet me, so he flew up to Auckland (not sure what his business was, exactly, he mentioned delivering milk) and we did meet in a cafe, but at the cafe, he decided right there and then that he was going to be my boyfriend. I was flattered but I thought he was kind of moving a bit fast.
Then he would come up and visit every so often and we'd go out but I drove him everywhere as he didn't have a car here. He was staying at a flat in Auckland while he was up here.
And that was ok for a while but I had no idea what his life was like in Christchurch or his family or even his friends. He did come with me to church though and we did Bible studies in my group.
Anyway, I told my friends about him and they were kind of like who is this guy, he seemed nice and all, but they were checking was he legit? Then one of my friends saw him out with another girl and took a pic and showed me.
I was writing him letters and he was writing back because I said I don't really do the online chat thing. Or talk for too long on phone (it cost back then, there was no whats app, and he was meeting in person anyway so I didn't feel the need to.) I also pulled my profile from the site because, well I thought I 'found' someone so I didn't need to go back there anymore.
But thing is, he did not do the same. And he'd told me his previous girlfriend had actually died of cancer. (?!)

Anyway the other girl he was seeing found out about ME, and said he was having a relationship with HER. So she wanted to find out what was going on, so we met up, and exchanged notes, and then we both decided he was a rat, though he'd gone a bit further in their relationship than I had. She was from China and was going to live with him and even went so far as thinking of getting a flat together.

And then I found out I had something like $2000 withdrawn from my bank account at an atm that I hadn't actually done. It turned out when he was with me he stole my EFTPOS card because went shopping one time (at a Christian bookstore!) and I bought something and he must have been looking over my shoulder when I was putting the PIN in. Then he offered to carry my bag for me. At first I was like no, I carry my own bags but he made it seem like it was too heavy (it was full of books) and he was being nice. He somehow took my bag, got my card, and then when I found the card was missing, he looked and found it for me. ? But before he did that he used it to withdraw some money.

I didn't even suspect it was him cos I thought he's a Christian and all (like a born-again one, I asked his testimony, but actually it seemed a little suss even while he told it because it was like one of those prosperity gospel ones, like he admired someone who was Christian and decided he wanted to be one too, and be rich like them)

Anyway I went to the bank and said there must be something wrong because I don't remember withdrawing this amount of money at this time. And so they checked on their security cameras but they couldn't see who it was as they were blocking the camera with an umbrella or something.
My mum thought something was up (he'd met my family) and so decided to check things out, she said it must have been him as who else would do this, and said I need to go to the Police and get him checked out because he was a thief.

Well I did...I reported the whole thing, turns out he had a criminal record, had a restraining order, and they were trying to catch him, I told them where he was staying (where I dropped him off after our 'dates' though I'd never been inside, the dates were always during the day) but when they got there he'd disappeared. It also turned out he was on drugs (marijuana, though he never smoked while out with me) and he was really sorry and checked into salvation army rehab. The bank refunded my money, as they kind of didn't notify me of this unusual transaction and couldn't pin it on him and he wasn't going to give me back what was stolen.

After I rang victim support they said don't contact him anymore, he tried to phone me several times, I end up blocking his number.

Anyway...please learn from my 'Christian' dating scam/scandal!! I never went back to that site or any other Christian dating one. I'd been on one called Find Me, but tried to find Christian guys, but and met several, went on one or two dates with them but none were as persistent as this guy was - and he was around my age not 10 years older as some were! And I only met him during the day in public spaces. Never went anywhere unfamiliar. I thought I was being safe but huh! Do background checks first..! Or be wary of pushy guys who think after a certain amount of time you should be deciding to live together?! And talking about marriage but not actually giving you a ring or anything to say you engaged. ?! Also he wrote in his letters that I 'stole his heart' when I wasn't stealing anything, he was stealing from me!!

BTW I don't consider this forum to be a dating site (for me) plus, if you from Christchurch I'm gonna be wary.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you had to experience such betrayal, especially from someone who claimed to be a Christian. I’m glad you had people around you who helped you see the truth.

 

[seoulsearch]

Huh looks fun...but why did the pigeons become extinct???

If you Google "Why did passenger pigeons go extinct?", you'll find your answer.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm wary of anyone who says they are from Christchurch. Or 'Crimechurch' as it's known. That place has it's own wizard.
Or did, I think he moved, but there definitely was one and you could never be sure what he was up to.

But seriously, years ago, I was on a Christian dating site, and this guy from Christchurch wanted to meet me, so he flew up to Auckland (not sure what his business was, exactly, he mentioned delivering milk) and we did meet in a cafe, but at the cafe, he decided right there and then that he was going to be my boyfriend. I was flattered but I thought he was kind of moving a bit fast.
Then he would come up and visit every so often and we'd go out but I drove him everywhere as he didn't have a car here. He was staying at a flat in Auckland while he was up here.
And that was ok for a while but I had no idea what his life was like in Christchurch or his family or even his friends. He did come with me to church though and we did Bible studies in my group.
Anyway, I told my friends about him and they were kind of like who is this guy, he seemed nice and all, but they were checking was he legit? Then one of my friends saw him out with another girl and took a pic and showed me.
I was writing him letters and he was writing back because I said I don't really do the online chat thing. Or talk for too long on phone (it cost back then, there was no whats app, and he was meeting in person anyway so I didn't feel the need to.) I also pulled my profile from the site because, well I thought I 'found' someone so I didn't need to go back there anymore.
But thing is, he did not do the same. And he'd told me his previous girlfriend had actually died of cancer. (?!)

Anyway the other girl he was seeing found out about ME, and said he was having a relationship with HER. So she wanted to find out what was going on, so we met up, and exchanged notes, and then we both decided he was a rat, though he'd gone a bit further in their relationship than I had. She was from China and was going to live with him and even went so far as thinking of getting a flat together.

And then I found out I had something like $2000 withdrawn from my bank account at an atm that I hadn't actually done. It turned out when he was with me he stole my EFTPOS card because went shopping one time (at a Christian bookstore!) and I bought something and he must have been looking over my shoulder when I was putting the PIN in. Then he offered to carry my bag for me. At first I was like no, I carry my own bags but he made it seem like it was too heavy (it was full of books) and he was being nice. He somehow took my bag, got my card, and then when I found the card was missing, he looked and found it for me. ? But before he did that he used it to withdraw some money.

I didn't even suspect it was him cos I thought he's a Christian and all (like a born-again one, I asked his testimony, but actually it seemed a little suss even while he told it because it was like one of those prosperity gospel ones, like he admired someone who was Christian and decided he wanted to be one too, and be rich like them)

Anyway I went to the bank and said there must be something wrong because I don't remember withdrawing this amount of money at this time. And so they checked on their security cameras but they couldn't see who it was as they were blocking the camera with an umbrella or something.
My mum thought something was up (he'd met my family) and so decided to check things out, she said it must have been him as who else would do this, and said I need to go to the Police and get him checked out because he was a thief.

Well I did...I reported the whole thing, turns out he had a criminal record, had a restraining order, and they were trying to catch him, I told them where he was staying (where I dropped him off after our 'dates' though I'd never been inside, the dates were always during the day) but when they got there he'd disappeared. It also turned out he was on drugs (marijuana, though he never smoked while out with me) and he was really sorry and checked into salvation army rehab. The bank refunded my money, as they kind of didn't notify me of this unusual transaction and couldn't pin it on him and he wasn't going to give me back what was stolen.

After I rang victim support they said don't contact him anymore, he tried to phone me several times, I end up blocking his number.

Anyway...please learn from my 'Christian' dating scam/scandal!! I never went back to that site or any other Christian dating one. I'd been on one called Find Me, but tried to find Christian guys, but and met several, went on one or two dates with them but none were as persistent as this guy was - and he was around my age not 10 years older as some were! And I only met him during the day in public spaces. Never went anywhere unfamiliar. I thought I was being safe but huh! Do background checks first..! Or be wary of pushy guys who think after a certain amount of time you should be deciding to live together?! And talking about marriage but not actually giving you a ring or anything to say you engaged. ?! Also he wrote in his letters that I 'stole his heart' when I wasn't stealing anything, he was stealing from me!!

BTW I don't consider this forum to be a dating site (for me) plus, if you from Christchurch I'm gonna be wary.

I'm very sorry this happened to you, @Lanolin!

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this in detail.

Your post is chock full of things to look for and helpful tips to keep us all aware.

 

[Churchgoer]

I apologize for the multiple posts, but @Lanolin, you're really sparked a cluster of thoughts!!

1. My number one tip for not getting catfished online is -- BE REALISTIC.

Do you attract unicorns in real life? If not, chances are you won't attract them online either, unless A. You yourself are a unicorn, or B. You are pretending to be a unicorn.

As much as people don't want to face this, unicorns almost always stick to their own kind.

But no one will accept that -- henceforth these crazy stories of people divorcing their spouses and giving away all their money because they think Brad Pitt, Elon Musk, and Jennifer Aniston are wanting to marry them.

I was on a free dating site a long time ago when I started getting "winks" and eventually messages from a guy who had professional modeling pictures in his profile. (I used to subscribe to a lot of fashion magazines and knew a few people who worked as models, so I knew these weren't ordinary pictures.)

The thing is, I know myself. My whole life, no matter where I lived or how many times I moved, I was always perceived the same -- as myself -- a boring, bookish, non-partying nerd. In real life, I have never and most likely will never attract jocks, models, doctors, lawyers, etc. -- and I'm realistic enough to know this won't happen online either

I know what I do attract -- party boys with one foot on wanting to be an adult, and the other wanting someone to take care of them so they can keep partying; fellow nerds like myself; and sweet, everyday guys who are too humble to try to portray themselves as slick and suave.

As someone who's always participated in written communication, this guy's messages just sounded "off." I can't explain it. He just did not "sound" like the person in the picture. And lo and behold, he eventually said that he indeed NOT the guy in the photo, was married, and was looking for "friends" for him and his wife. He said he choose me because I sounded "so real."

I was thankful that God worked my cynical inner voice in my favor. As soon as I had seen my pictures, I was like, "NO ONE who looks like that would be attracted to me." That wasn't me putting myself down, that was me being entirely realistic. And of course, marrieds hitting on singles happens everywhere, not just on the free sites. But I do think it's more rampant there since there are no barriers ro entry.

2. Be ESPECIALLY careful if someone tells you they make a living by owning real estate and/or is a day trader in the stock market.

For whatever reason, these seem to be the number one "careers" that men in particular will try to pass off as their "professions" -- because it gives the illusion of being successful -- and is a good excuse as to why they're always online all the time, instead of say, participating in a regular job.

Now of course, I'm not trying to lump men into one bucket and I'm MOST CERTAINLY NOT that women don't lie, because we all know there are plenty out there who do. I have a guy friend who gets hit on by shallow women all the time, and it makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

But also as a woman, I've heard LOTS of stories from other women who were catfished by men who claimed to own rentals and/or be stock market gurus.

The thing is, I've had family members who've done both, so I know that 1. It's usually extremely difficult to be profitable in these professions, especially in this economy, and 2. statistics show that about 97% of day traders are unprofitable over time (i.e., they're losing significant amounts of money, and very quickly.)

If someone told me that's what they did for a living, I know a tiny bit of the lingo/process in both of these lines of work (and can ask those who actually know,) so I would start asking a lot of questions...

If someone tries to tell me he's a day trader but doesn't know what I'm talking about when I ask about levels of support and resistance, etc... Something is obviously not right.

Now I'm sure there are exceptions -- it's just that there aren't very many.

And even if it's true, and the person IS involved in this sort of work -- it doesn't mean they're making money.

People in these fields often have to take out large loans at enormous amounts of interest. Many are struggling to keep afloat (which could be the reason why they are cozying up to YOU.)

I also notice a lot of scammers say they are engineers, oil engineer overseas, United nation doctors....

 

[seoulsearch]

Again, I apologize for so many posts, but this really opens the floodgates to a subject we haven't talked about in Singles for a while.

I just remembered a very popular scam when I was on the Christian dating sites...

The Widow/Widower Romance Scam

I had noticed A LOT of profiles claiming to be widows/widowers -- and they were extremely young -- 20's and early 30's (especially if the military was involved,) usually with 1 child. Now of course, this is possible, but there were an alarming number of profiles claiming this.

This is another reason why I would always want a dating app (as Robo was asking about) to have a live chat.

A man who said he was in his 70's and actually HAD lost his wife was embittered by people claiming this status, and warned several people about this setup in chat.

He said the pattern was always the same -- a young man or woman claiming to have lost their spouse and was struggling to raise their beloved child on their own.

Again, there are plenty of people who REALLY are in this situation, but these fake profiles are put up to garner sympathy and a willing heart when the person starts talking about how much they love their child, how hard it is to deal with grief and be a single parent, and of course, starts asking for money to "help care for their child."

I was always grateful to that older man for clueing us in.

 

[seoulsearch]

I also notice a lot of scammers say they are engineers, oil engineer overseas, United nation doctors....

YES -- EXCELLENT POINT, @Churchgoer.

Or in the military -- not only for the image of success and prestige, but as an excuse for when they disappear, won't answer calls for a month, and then "come back." (Because even if it is just one person behind it, they're usually busy courting several other people at the same time, and choose to pay more attention to someone else for a while.)

They'll always say they were called away on some important job or top secret mission -- but were thinking of you the entire time.

But of course.


Unfortunately, it does a great disservice to the people who really DO have these careers -- but these are the kind of "jobs" that make it much easier to cover up lies and shady behavior, all while giving the illusion of wealth and importance.

If anyone ever wonders why it's so hard for single people to find someone -- these posts pretty much say it all.

 

[Churchgoer]

So now the strategy really is focus on local, meet up, know each other's circles.

Long distance folks if they don't want to meet in person within a short time, keep them as "long distance ".

Another strategy is to call into office phone. If one claim to be a dr., call into the listed dr. Office phone, let the person answer that listed phone. If they refuse to do that, then can't be verified.

Anyone that is "not verified", keep them in that category.

 

[seoulsearch]

The Attention Only/Fall In Love With Me Scam

I'm starting to hear of people being duped into this one A LOT -- when the scammer isn't after money, but just plain old validation through attention and/or the feeling of someone "falling in love with them."

I was once part of an online community with an infamous female (or claiming to be) catfish. Men were always falling in love with her and trying to meet her -- and she would agree to meet up, but never actually show. As far as I know, she never asked for money, and no matter how badly she would stand someone up, there was always another guy who felt like the luckiest guy in the world to be next in the very long line of hopefuls.

It was said that one even arrived at the airport to pick her up with a diamond ring in his pocket -- but she never showed.

One of the men was said to have cornered her (in an online situation) and asked her why she would do this to him.

I forget exactly how he said she worded it, but she basically told him that sometimes, the attention is enough, and apparently all that she was after.



It reminds me of an old pop song by a singer name JoJo ("Too Little, Too Late") --

"You say, you dream of my face,

But you don't like me -- you just like the chase."


Some people aren't in the game for the actual prize, because to them, continuously playing the game -- on as many people as possible -- IS the real prize they're after.

 

[seoulsearch]

And last but not least...

I almost fell for a scam just last month.

A beauty YouTuber I've followed for years was having a giveaway -- which she does regularly.

To enter, we just had to leave a comment on her video -- also completely normal -- she said she'd pick a winner by random and it would be the only comment she would respond to.

Well, I got a response to my comment saying I'd won -- and when I checked the comments, mine was the only comment she responded to!! I asked her if she could give me an email to contact her, and "she" responded saying no, she would only accept my entry if I contacted her through a certain app (I can't remember which one.) She said if I wasn't able to respond there, she would have to pick another winner.

Well, I actually did try to make an account on this app -- thank goodness, for some reason, there was some kind of glitch that kicked me out.

I remembered she has a blog, so I found it online and wrote to her through her "Contact Me" page.

The REAL YouTuber answered me there and said, "I'm so sorry, but whoever answered you wasn't me." She want into her YouTube comments and deleted all of the messages between the scammer and me, then apologized for all the trouble in her next video.

She has some really nice giveaways, but even I have to admit, it's not worth entering if it's going to be that much hassle.

So I came very close to giving my name and address to who knows what -- and I'm just very thankful that God protected me.

 

[Lynx]

Before meeting in person, no need to get into extravagant plan. 1st meeting should be simple at a public place, library, big store, or something, no need to be fancy, but need to be easy and public, no pressure for people to commit finance, time.... just casual.

It is like visiting a church, one will not commit on the first few time to be a member, correct?

That was an inside joke with some long time friends here. Sorry, both cinder and I should have mentioned that.

We really need an emoji that signifies inside joke...

 

[Churchgoer]

The Attention Only/Fall In Love With Me Scam

I'm starting to hear of people being duped into this one A LOT -- when the scammer isn't after money, but just plain old validation through attention and/or the feeling of someone "falling in love with them."

I was once part of an online community with an infamous female (or claiming to be) catfish. Men were always falling in love with her and trying to meet her -- and she would agree to meet up, but never actually show. As far as I know, she never asked for money, and no matter how badly she would stand someone up, there was always another guy who felt like the luckiest guy in the world to be next in the very long line of hopefuls.

It was said that one even arrived at the airport to pick her up with a diamond ring in his pocket -- but she never showed.

One of the men was said to have cornered her (in an online situation) and asked her why she would do this to him.

I forget exactly how he said she worded it, but she basically told him that sometimes, the attention is enough, and apparently all that she was after.



It reminds me of an old pop song by a singer name JoJo ("Too Little, Too Late") --

"You say, you dream of my face,

But you don't like me -- you just like the chase."


Some people aren't in the game for the actual prize, because to them, continuously playing the game -- on as many people as possible -- IS the real prize they're after.

These kind of people sorry to say, must have some mental sickness, trauma....
For people to be hooked on, sorry to say, a bit naive at least.

For regular folks, especially matured in Christian faith, no need and refuse to play that kind of drama.