Relation curiousity

[legion]

So im 58, I look about 45, no telling g how long that will last. I've never been married, close maybe 2 times. No children.

It would be nice to have a significant other, although, I do not spend much time looking for it. One of the questions that arise is. Give age range of 40 to 60 are there actually women out there that want to have a long term relation. Not necessarily with me, but as a statistic.

Do women 40 to 60 inside of a church environment actually seek relations
I joke in this forum a lot but ultimately it is something desirable.

 

[Suze]

So im 58, I look about 45, no telling g how long that will last. I've never been married, close maybe 2 times. No children.

It would be nice to have a significant other, although, I do not spend much time looking for it. One of the questions that arise is. Give age range of 40 to 60 are there actually women out there that want to have a long term relation. Not necessarily with me, but as a statistic.

Do women 40 to 60 inside of a church environment actually seek relations
I joke in this forum a lot but ultimately it is something desirable.

What exactly do u mean by 'relations' ?

 

[legion]

What exactly do u mean by 'relations' ?

Significant relation with a member of the opposite sex potentially for a spouse

 

[Lynx]

Significant relation with a member of the opposite sex potentially for a spouse

Weeeeeeell... It's a good question though.

"Relations" is often used as a code word for sex. But you could be using "relation" as shorthand for "relationship." So it's hard to tell if you are asking if those girls are up for a roll in the hay or if they are looking for a steady boyfriend/spouse.

 

[Suze]

Significant relation with a member of the opposite sex potentially for a spouse

U mean a friendship that might lead to more ? . So , many ladies of a certain age , may have already been married and have had children , their husbands may have died or they have been divorced and , their children may have grown up . This might b the first time in their lives that they have had the time and the energy to just b themselves . I'm 59 and have been married for 25 years , if my hubby died tomorrow I would definitely not b interested in a romantic relationship . I adore my husband but , relationships can b extremely hard work , requiring an enormous amount of patience and compromise . At my age I would not b prepared to go through all that again .
On the other hand , most of my female friends r not like me , most of them would not want to b single for very long and I know from talking with them , that even ladies in their 70's r still looking for a bit of romance and companionship . Women , just like men , r all different . I do hope that u find the one who is just right for u and , that she feels the same about u . Always trust in God and ask Him to guide u in this .

 

[seoulsearch]

So im 58, I look about 45, no telling g how long that will last. I've never been married, close maybe 2 times. No children.

It would be nice to have a significant other, although, I do not spend much time looking for it. One of the questions that arise is. Give age range of 40 to 60 are there actually women out there that want to have a long term relation. Not necessarily with me, but as a statistic.

Do women 40 to 60 inside of a church environment actually seek relations
I joke in this forum a lot but ultimately it is something desirable.

Hi Legion,

You're asking a great question. I think a lot of people, especially in churches, see being "single" as mostly for the "young", but with "gray divorces" overtaking all other age groups, there are a lot of unpartnered people in the exact age range you're speaking of (40-60, and up.)

This isn't a discussion of how many of these people are Biblically eligible for marriage (that's between them, God, and the person they have interest in,) but I don't think the challenges of older dating gets talked about enough -- especially in the church.

I heard a statistic that the time is soon coming where 60% or more of people in the church will be single, and obviously, we singles know that most churches are nowhere near prepared for this.

I'm in my 50's, though most people think I'm in my 30's (my avatar picture was taken 2 months ago and a CC member I visited during that time can verify.)

I've been around seniors pretty much all my life. Many of the older women I've talked to who raised children, then were caretakers for their husbands to their deaths, do not want to get married again, because they fear being made into another full-time caretaker and left behind again. But then there are others who have never lived their lives without a husband and don't really know how to be single, so some would gladly be open to marriage.

And of course, some are like you, never married, and never had children, but I'm sure as you know, it's rare.

I was married young but he left for a girlfriend; I never remarried and never had children. I did have a relationship with a severe alcoholic with 3 kids, 2 of whom I became a part-time single parent to as he slid into full-time alcoholism. That relationship taught me a lot about what I can and can't handle.

I recently spent some time with a good friend and her family, and I was fully surrounded by the 3 stages of life: 1. young couples getting married and starting their families -- people filled with hope and blank slates they will fill together; 2. people my age who are trying to navigate caring for older parents, and for my friends, still trying to raise their families, and are utterly exhausted; and 3. the people we will become in the future, whom people like us are caring for, who lose their independence and will need help with everything -- looking forward to the day God takes them.

It's a very tricky situation being caught in the middle, no longer having blank slates, but ones that are in fact very full and very challenging to navigate, let along blend. A friend who is around 60 and I talk about this often -- that at this stage, there are just so many things set in stone (family, career, location, etc.), and so many moving parts without any sense of flexibility, it almost seems impossible to work in another person's entire life with our own.

It would be great to find someone, but trying to mold two lives together would, for me, take an act of God.

I'm blessed in that my major heartbreaks happened when I was young and could bounce back (only by the grace of God.) Every time I felt broken, I'd grit my teeth and be all the more determined to get to a point where I could hopefully live life on my own terms (cutting off as many nooses as possible around my neck, such as paying off debts.)

After all these decades, I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. If I found someone who could be part of the journey, that would be awesome. But if I found another situation that would be chaining me to more obligations and pressures than I could handle, I'm pretty sure I would break, and would have to remain single if that were the choice.

For now, I prefer being able to help others on my own terms and time, so as to avoid the pitfalls of the past.

I know this answer probably doesn't help much.

I know there are women out there in your age range who are looking for someone -- I just think that anyone, man or woman, has to be brutally realistic in their search.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you'll keep us posted on how it's going.

 

[legion]

Hi Legion,

You're asking a great question. I think a lot of people, especially in churches, see being "single" as mostly for the "young", but with "gray divorces" overtaking all other age groups, there are a lot of unpartnered people in the exact age range you're speaking of (40-60, and up.)

This isn't a discussion of how many of these people are Biblically eligible for marriage (that's between them, God, and the person they have interest in,) but I don't think the challenges of older dating gets talked about enough -- especially in the church.

I heard a statistic that the time is soon coming where 60% or more of people in the church will be single, and obviously, we singles know that most churches are nowhere near prepared for this.

I'm in my 50's, though most people think I'm in my 30's (my avatar picture was taken 2 months ago and a CC member I visited during that time can verify.)

I've been around seniors pretty much all my life. Many of the older women I've talked to who raised children, then were caretakers for their husbands to their deaths, do not want to get married again, because they fear being made into another full-time caretaker and left behind again. But then there are others who have never lived their lives without a husband and don't really know how to be single, so some would gladly be open to marriage.

And of course, some are like you, never married, and never had children, but I'm sure as you know, it's rare.

I was married young but he left for a girlfriend; I never remarried and never had children. I did have a relationship with a severe alcoholic with 3 kids, 2 of whom I became a part-time single parent to as he slid into full-time alcoholism. That relationship taught me a lot about what I can and can't handle.

I recently spent some time with a good friend and her family, and I was fully surrounded by the 3 stages of life: 1. young couples getting married and starting their families -- people filled with hope and blank slates they will fill together; 2. people my age who are trying to navigate caring for older parents, and for my friends, still trying to raise their families, and are utterly exhausted; and 3. the people we will become in the future, whom people like us are caring for, who lose their independence and will need help with everything -- looking forward to the day God takes them.

It's a very tricky situation being caught in the middle, no longer having blank slates, but ones that are in fact very full and very challenging to navigate, let along blend. A friend who is around 60 and I talk about this often -- that at this stage, there are just so many things set in stone (family, career, location, etc.), and so many moving parts without any sense of flexibility, it almost seems impossible to work in another person's entire life with our own.

It would be great to find someone, but trying to mold two lives together would, for me, take an act of God.

I'm blessed in that my major heartbreaks happened when I was young and could bounce back (only by the grace of God.) Every time I felt broken, I'd grit my teeth and be all the more determined to get to a point where I could hopefully live life on my own terms (cutting off as many nooses as possible around my neck, such as paying off debts.)

After all these decades, I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. If I found someone who could be part of the journey, that would be awesome. But if I found another situation that would be chaining me to more obligations and pressures than I could handle, I'm pretty sure I would break, and would have to remain single if that were the choice.

For now, I prefer being able to help others on my own terms and time, so as to avoid the pitfalls of the past.

I know this answer probably doesn't help much.

I know there are women out there in your age range who are looking for someone -- I just think that anyone, man or woman, has to be brutally realistic in their search.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you'll keep us posted on how it's going.

Actually it's a good response and very informative. There are other reasons than sex although that's a pretty big one such as quality of life as you age and ultimately the need to have people around sometimes to do things

What seem to me that post 50 with half educated man and woman that it would be possible to be retired still generate income have some fun and take care of the situations like medical or what have you as it were a companion

 

[cinder]

Good topic and I agree we don't have honest discussion about this enough. But things I think about as an older single and relationships: At some point the goal of having a relationship changes. My life is already pretty much built; I'm not looking for someone to build a life with. I might consider someone to share life with, but that means we'd have to have lives that already worked together. Sometimes (especially with the women since there are women who come to church but their husbands don't) it's hard to tell who is single in church. And you sound like you're on the hunt if you go up to people and ask them if they're single. Most older singles also have some sort of baggage / reason they aren't married right now. Failed relationships, betrayed trust, loss of a spouse and stresses of being a single parent, etc. Among the never married crowd it's more like a lot of self doubt, fear of letting people get that close or know them that much, self destructive habits / patterns that made them a bad choice, poor relational skills, etc that keep people from having had successful relationships.

Then there's the social cost of relationships when you're older. Say you meet someone at church, discover they're single without coming across as predatory or desperate, and even go to lunch after church a time or two. How long before the church gossips start analyzing your relationship? Or whether one of you is even biblically allowed to date because of your past? What happens if you break up, but still are on the same ministry team or seeing each other at church events? Or will someone have to leave their whole church community if you break up? What about the temptations that will inevitably come?

So yes women, even older women usually want long term relationships, but there are risks and sometimes those risks seem bigger as you get older because getting cleaned out of your life savings or having to start over in a new community are harder things to overcome at 50+ than they are at 30- and you don't have as much time to make those repairs to get your life back on track.

 

[seoulsearch]

Actually it's a good response and very informative. There are other reasons than sex although that's a pretty big one such as quality of life as you age and ultimately the need to have people around sometimes to do things

What seem to me that post 50 with half educated man and woman that it would be possible to be retired still generate income have some fun and take care of the situations like medical or what have you as it were a companion

I've been wanting to write some threads about these topics, but I would imagine it might get a bit too controversial.

I think a lot of people, especially when older, get married on a whim and a prayer (literally) out of desperation to not be alone, only to wonder why things fall apart -- when there were plenty of red flags in the first place.

You mentioned medical issues and earning an income... That's a whole topic in itself. Over the years, there's been a pervasive general attitude that comes through the forum saying that women should not work, feminism has ruined society, and any woman who rebels against this (how dare she insist on earning money!) is an evil Jezebel -- no wonder she isn't married.

While I of course agree that a lot of feminism has been toxic, there has to be an allowance for reality -- people are getting married later, which means women need to work -- so what happens when they're used to having money of their own and are achieving their own goals?

I personally think one of the issues in the Christian dating world that no one is addressing is that men are burned out and no longer want to be providers -- particularly if it's not for a family they didn't seed themselves. But women, told by the church that men are to be providers, have images of tall, handsome men earning 6 figures who sweep them and their children (in the later stages of life,) off their feet.

But this is often not how reality works, and the church isn't talking about it. I think for as much as it's said that women have rebelled against the social norms of the church, men are clocking out as far as being expected to be providers.

One thing that's greatly surprised me as I've gotten older is that younger men (30's) ask me out. I'm very open about my age because I don't believe in catfishing anyone, whether online or in real life. When I ask them why they would be interested in an old hag, they've all told me the same thing -- it's because I pay for myself, I don't ask for money, and I don't have kids. I can also say that if you want to get a man's attention, offer to pay for HIS dinner as well as your own. If I got married, I would gladly sign a prenup because I don't want a man to think I'm using him for financial gain.

I've seen up close that men are tired of being seen as free dinners or potential secondary fallout parents. And in truth, a lot of women are hoping for a man who doesn't have kids -- but will accept theirs as his own -- leading to a very unbalanced system of expectations that obviously isn't resulting in happy, lasting marriages. And of course, I'm certainly not saying women are exclusive to this -- one of the reasons I left the dating sites is because men would expect me to immediately fall in love with being their free babysitter, never once asking about what I was interested in regarding a relationship.

And I'm certainly NOT saying that single parents are wrong in wanting someone to love and accept their children -- many of the people I know are part of blended families -- for myself, I've tried it once, and I'm hesitant to do so again. This might be my own flaw, but I would feel like the expectations in such a relationship were way beyond my capacity.

I think one of God's biggest miracles are blended families that love each each other and can get along. And I'm certainly not saying that there aren't people who aren't willing to take on other people's children -- but I also think people have to closely consider the expense and extra family dynamics (exes and other grandparents involved, etc.)

Then there is the other option, which is living life alone forever. When my then-husband left for his girlfriend, I was crushed because all my dreams revolved around him -- we wanted to have a family early, work hard, retire, and travel the world. All that seemed to walk out the door with him. But God told me I could still have that life in other ways.

And so I'm still working towards the original goal I always had -- retirement and travel, as are some of my single friends. We talk about traveling together. The children's agency I sponsor kids through has talked about arranging a group trip in which I and others could go meet our sponsored children.

But if a spouse came into the picture, how would that all blend together, especially if that person still had to work or had a lot of debts? Is the financially independent spouse now expected to go back to work to help clear out those debts? Most likely, as it would probably be necessary.

Will the retired spouse feel bitter about now being enslaved to someone else's debt? And how will money be split across the needs of kids, grandkids, aging parents and step-parents, etc.?

Across all ages and demographics, Christian or not, money is the number one reason for divorce, and it's easy to see why.

I have a few other thoughts... I'm going to write another post to make them easier to read, if anyone is still interested.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm sorry for using your thread to vent several random topics here, but you brought up an important subject that no one is talking about.

I personally think church culture is going to have to somehow redefine what it means for a man to be a provider, with expectations that women need to jump in and help. I live in an area where on average, buying a house costs half a million dollars (that is, if you don't want to live in the drug-infested ghettos with homeless people living on your lawn.)

What man can possibly shoulder that on his own, let alone a wife and entire family?

And I grew up in a "provider man" household, with a stay-at-home mom and a dad who started out as a bagger in a grocery store. Obviously, my mom didn't marry him for money!! I also think I've learned a secret about provider men that the church never talks about -- I think provider men might like it when someone pays for THEM once in a while.

Now that I'm able to do so, I love treating my parents when I can. Last year when they moved, I told them I would pay for their moving costs, and there was a look on my Dad's face I couldn't describe. It wasn't that they needed any help, and I could never repay everything they've done for me (especially being an adopted child) -- but it's important for me to express my love and gratitude while they're still here.

My Mom worked until we kids came along, but after that my Dad provided. She's always grateful for everything, but my Dad had a reaction I can't quite explain, just in his facial expressions. It was a mix of, "Maybe I don't have to do everything alone" (relief?) and, "Wow, do you mean... this is something I don't have to pay for?" (feeling valued and appreciated.)

The church doesn't talk about how provider men might feel like a bank that's just always expected to give, or how it affects them emotionally or spiritually to always have things expected of them.

And I'm certainly not saying there isn't the female equivalent. My Mom is a housewife and of course, I see a plethora of things my Dad and the rest of us have taken for granted from her, which is why I try to make up for some of that now.

I don't know what marriage/relationship counseling is like in the church now, but I think some of these roles need to be given a few modern-day parameters that are more realistic.

But what do I know? Lol. Apparently not much, because I'm still single.

I felt a huge sting in my heart when a while back, a new member us regulars were trying to greet told us, "You all seem like lovely people, but you're all still single (and I sure hope I don't wind up like you.)"

I completely understand. If I had met the me of today back when I was 25, I would have been horrified and thought there was nothing to live for. And yet, my friends who have been married 20 -30+ years who are part of what would be called happy Christian marriages tell me, "DON'T get married if you can stand being single!"

I do know that single life is rough, especially after living it for almost 30 years.

But the whole reason I post is to hopefully relay to others whose lives didn't quite work out the way they wanted -- even if you're alone, keep following God -- and you might be surprised by all the exciting adventures and awesome people He leads you to along the way.

 

[Suze]

One thing that no one has yet mentioned is........the thunderbolt . For reference , watch the Godfather . This is when , your eyes lock on to someone else's and in a flash u r both smitten . It happens folks , and when it does , all the advice about blended families and finances and past relationships , is totally useless . When the thunderbolt strikes , it's irresistible .

 

[seoulsearch]

One thing that no one has yet mentioned is........the thunderbolt . For reference , watch the Godfather . This is when , your eyes lock on to someone else's and in a flash u r both smitten . It happens folks , and when it does , all the advice about blended families and finances and past relationships , is totally useless . When the thunderbolt strikes , it's irresistible .

That's awesome!

I know some people that's happened to...

But for most I've known, it really was like a thunderbolt.

It lasted for a short, specific amount of time, just like a thunderbolt -- and then it was over -- or continues to drag on.

Not that it can't happen -- I agree that it definitely does, as it happened for my parents -- but it's just that I haven't seen many cases where the thunderbolt was enough to sustain 10, 20, 50 years.

Some of the people who started with a thunderbolt, several years later, are now trying to subsist on morning drizzle -- and they're certainly not very happy about it.

And I've seen a lot of people get burned while chasing thunderbolts and ignoring everything else, thinking it will all work out because they think the thunderbolt will carry an entire marriage.

But maybe that's just me.

 

[legion]

I've been wanting to write some threads about these topics, but I would imagine it might get a bit too controversial.

I think a lot of people, especially when older, get married on a whim and a prayer (literally) out of desperation to not be alone, only to wonder why things fall apart -- when there were plenty of red flags in the first place.

You mentioned medical issues and earning an income... That's a whole topic in itself. Over the years, there's been a pervasive general attitude that comes through the forum saying that women should not work, feminism has ruined society, and any woman who rebels against this (how dare she insist on earning money!) is an evil Jezebel -- no wonder she isn't married.

While I of course agree that a lot of feminism has been toxic, there has to be an allowance for reality -- people are getting married later, which means women need to work -- so what happens when they're used to having money of their own and are achieving their own goals?

I personally think one of the issues in the Christian dating world that no one is addressing is that men are burned out and no longer want to be providers -- particularly if it's not for a family they didn't seed themselves. But women, told by the church that men are to be providers, have images of tall, handsome men earning 6 figures who sweep them and their children (in the later stages of life,) off their feet.

But this is often not how reality works, and the church isn't talking about it. I think for as much as it's said that women have rebelled against the social norms of the church, men are clocking out as far as being expected to be providers.

One thing that's greatly surprised me as I've gotten older is that younger men (30's) ask me out. I'm very open about my age because I don't believe in catfishing anyone, whether online or in real life. When I ask them why they would be interested in an old hag, they've all told me the same thing -- it's because I pay for myself, I don't ask for money, and I don't have kids. I can also say that if you want to get a man's attention, offer to pay for HIS dinner as well as your own. If I got married, I would gladly sign a prenup because I don't want a man to think I'm using him for financial gain.

I've seen up close that men are tired of being seen as free dinners or potential secondary fallout parents. And in truth, a lot of women are hoping for a man who doesn't have kids -- but will accept theirs as his own -- leading to a very unbalanced system of expectations that obviously isn't resulting in happy, lasting marriages. And of course, I'm certainly not saying women are exclusive to this -- one of the reasons I left the dating sites is because men would expect me to immediately fall in love with being their free babysitter, never once asking about what I was interested in regarding a relationship.

And I'm certainly NOT saying that single parents are wrong in wanting someone to love and accept their children -- many of the people I know are part of blended families -- for myself, I've tried it once, and I'm hesitant to do so again. This might be my own flaw, but I would feel like the expectations in such a relationship were way beyond my capacity.

I think one of God's biggest miracles are blended families that love each each other and can get along. And I'm certainly not saying that there aren't people who aren't willing to take on other people's children -- but I also think people have to closely consider the expense and extra family dynamics (exes and other grandparents involved, etc.)

Then there is the other option, which is living life alone forever. When my then-husband left for his girlfriend, I was crushed because all my dreams revolved around him -- we wanted to have a family early, work hard, retire, and travel the world. All that seemed to walk out the door with him. But God told me I could still have that life in other ways.

And so I'm still working towards the original goal I always had -- retirement and travel, as are some of my single friends. We talk about traveling together. The children's agency I sponsor kids through has talked about arranging a group trip in which I and others could go meet our sponsored children.

But if a spouse came into the picture, how would that all blend together, especially if that person still had to work or had a lot of debts? Is the financially independent spouse now expected to go back to work to help clear out those debts? Most likely, as it would probably be necessary.

Will the retired spouse feel bitter about now being enslaved to someone else's debt? And how will money be split across the needs of kids, grandkids, aging parents and step-parents, etc.?

Across all ages and demographics, Christian or not, money is the number one reason for divorce, and it's easy to see why.

I have a few other thoughts... I'm going to write another post to make them easier to read, if anyone is still interested.

What it comes down too from my perspective is women are afraid of commitment. I know that's broad and over general, but it's appears to be the truth.

I do ok when I play the social scene but I don't like it... im an introvert.

I just figure that one day I'll notice that the person that will be my spouse will already be there doing those kind of things. Not because I sought out and plotted on some random female.

Yet I need to get back into a decent church i can deal with to broaden the possibilities.

 

[seoulsearch]

What it comes down too from my perspective is women are afraid of commitment. I know that's broad and over general, but it's appears to be the truth.

I do ok when I play the social scene but I don't like it... im an introvert.

I just figure that one day I'll notice that the person that will be my spouse will already be there doing those kind of things. Not because I sought out and plotted on some random female.

Yet I need to get back into a decent church i can deal with to broaden the possibilities.

Yes, and a lot of men are afraid of having to raise children that aren't their own, and/or, of having their bank accounts wiped out (because many are divorced and have had it happen before) -- at least from what I've seen.

Plenty of issues/challenges coming from either side of the coin.

I wrote a thread a while back asking who was an introvert vs. extrovert here on the site, and everyone that answered said they were an introvert, too (which makes sense, because here we are, all online.)

It's certainly more challenging to find someone when we're all hiding out in our own little nooks.

But best wishes to you in your search!

I hope you'll keep us posted.

 

[Churchgoer]

Great post.
Why not finding someone close to age, grow old together.

10 years age gap at 50+ is very big. Our body grows older in acceleration. The difference is very obvious and put burden on both sides.

Ideally + - within 7.

If the guy is supper healthy, he is still a lot physically older than a super healthy 10- girl. Unless a super healthy man want a not so healthy woman, then 10- can even it out.

Just being honest.

 

[legion]

Great post.
Why not finding someone close to age, grow old together.

10 years age gap at 50+ is very big. Our body grows older in acceleration. The difference is very obvious and put burden on both sides.

Ideally + - within 7.

If the guy is supper healthy, he is still a lot physically older than a super healthy 10- girl. Unless a super healthy man want a not so healthy woman, then 10- can even it out.

Just being honest.

Well my belief is although unfounded and only because people keep saying this they find a church and find somebody to settle down with the problem is it's two separate issues one I need to find a church where I can integrate and is a separate issue it'd be nice to find a significant other

as far as age goes my primary criteria is that they are younger than I am up to 10 or 20 years younger however that is not hard and fast it's just a preference

What I find is that inside of the church is in many ways no different than outside of the church except for the inside of a church people tend to hide their sinful nature a bit more.

 

[legion]

Great post.
Why not finding someone close to age, grow old together.

10 years age gap at 50+ is very big. Our body grows older in acceleration. The difference is very obvious and put burden on both sides.

Ideally + - within 7.

If the guy is supper healthy, he is still a lot physically older than a super healthy 10- girl. Unless a super healthy man want a not so healthy woman, then 10- can even it out.

Just being honest.

The one thing's for sure is that the idea of helpmate makes more sense once you are significantly older so well normal relationship activities such as taking care of things around the house all that type of stuff as well as the intimacy of the sexual relationship are important, the concept of Somebody being around to communicate with Talk to And or help As the day goes by Seems to be more Desirable The older I get

 

[cinder]

The one thing's for sure is that the idea of helpmate makes more sense once you are significantly older so well normal relationship activities such as taking care of things around the house all that type of stuff as well as the intimacy of the sexual relationship are important, the concept of Somebody being around to communicate with Talk to And or help As the day goes by Seems to be more Desirable The older I get

As you talk about getting older all I can think of is, Adam and Eve were less than a day old when they got married. I 'm not so sure it's only for old age (though yeah as it gets harder to do things help is more appreciated).

 

[Churchgoer]

Well my belief is although unfounded and only because people keep saying this they find a church and find somebody to settle down with the problem is it's two separate issues one I need to find a church where I can integrate and is a separate issue it'd be nice to find a significant other

as far as age goes my primary criteria is that they are younger than I am up to 10 or 20 years younger however that is not hard and fast it's just a preference

What I find is that inside of the church is in many ways no different than outside of the church except for the inside of a church people tend to hide their sinful nature a bit more.

Thank you for your honesty sharing.
Commit to a local church is in sync with Bible teaching, our obligations as well as blessings. Many are blessed in local church.

Finding a spouse is wonderful, but not an obligation. I agree with u, 2 different task.

As you preference, yeah, free choice. May you find a wonderful lady in the Lord.

 

[legion]

As you talk about getting older all I can think of is, Adam and Eve were less than a day old when they got married. I 'm not so sure it's only for old age (though yeah as it gets harder to do things help is more appreciated).

Well the other thing that there is a downside to is and I don't know this for certain but it certainly does seem that older women are less likely to be sexually active

Technically we really don't know how old Adam and Eve were before they procreated it's not like the event in the Garden of Eden happened one second after the next