Single men & churches

[Sculpt]

Or gardening or weeding the library or both.

But thing is the local church didn't want me gardening the church. They paid someone else who wasn't part of the church to mow the lawns, and they RAN OVER the proteas I had planted for the church.

I had planted them, and put rocks by them to ensure that anybody mowing would mow around them, but this guy didn't. And the proteas weren't cheap. They cost a lot of money that the church was given funds to plant a garden. I fundraised for this garden. I also bought plants out of my own pocket.

I am so sad right now remembering all this and how they pretty much banned me from church over an incident I had no control over. Every time I go pass this church I sort of see what they did with the garden and how its just bare.

I spend a lot of my weekends gardening, sometimes with fellow church members, sometimes alone. But I couldn't do it anymore, because some of those church members passed on, and I got busy with other things.

I used to have this idea, that if I planted a garden, it would make the church grounds look more beautiful, and people could have weddings there and it would be nice for them. But at that church I never even witnessed one wedding! The pastors daughter got married...in another church! And when I asked around the members who used to go to this church, they told me they had their wedding there and then got divorced!

?!

"Weeding the library"? Like just plucking out those inappropriate books that like to wedge themselves in the shelves?

I'm sorry that happened to you! Just a quick note... I think "people trying to wedge you out" is much more likely to occur in big churches as opposed to small (or shrinking) churches that are going to be grateful for every person who attends.

I think I've just been very blessed to have never felt like anyone was trying to wedge me out, at least not since I was a kid/teen.

 

[celras]

CC is my spiritual home. CC Singles Forum.

It's the best. You guys and gals are the best. I mean that. And despite what people say, that people online aren't real, that it isn't real and not fellowship and not the same as being in person...I have to say, that doesn't matter. I am not with you in the flesh, but I am here in the spirit, and that's ultimately all that counts.

I am feeling free to write about my ideas and feelings.

 

[celras]

"Weeding the library"? Like just plucking out those inappropriate books that like to wedge themselves in the shelves?

I'm sorry that happened to you! Just a quick note... I think "people trying to wedge you out" is much more likely to occur in big churches as opposed to small (or shrinking) churches that are going to be grateful for every person who attends.

I think I've just been very blessed to have never felt like anyone was trying to wedge me out, at least not since I was a kid/teen.

Maybe things will be different next time, in another church.

 

[celras]

It really depends on church/denomination.
If you attend in those older churches, there are opportunities for men as well. Even if you are single, in fact the Orthodox church even have monks and monasteries for men who choose the monastic way of living.
Protestant churches should encourage men to become (good) leaders, especially single men need this training. It would be a great preparation for family life.

Maybe the problem is that I am a 54 years old man.

 

[celras]

It really depends on church/denomination.
If you attend in those older churches, there are opportunities for men as well. Even if you are single, in fact the Orthodox church even have monks and monasteries for men who choose the monastic way of living.
Protestant churches should encourage men to become (good) leaders, especially single men need this training. It would be a great preparation for family life.

Maybe I am too old, 54.

 

[Lanolin]

Maybe things will be different next time, in another church.

No, I have been to half a dozen churches by now. I've libraried (!) for two. I started one, was asked to do another, and the last local church I went to but didn't end up staying, didn't even have a library, because they only had 2 books. KJV and a hymn book.

 

[Lanolin]

I tried the Orthodox church, a friend invited me, but we had to go on the motorway to get there. She and I were just about the only people there in the pews for the evening service, and her husband was doing something behind the screen or altar as they call it.

There were two choristers chanting. Oh I think there was one other couple.
There was a lot of bowing (but thankfully, no scraping) but I thought it was a bit far to go.

 

[Lanolin]

"Weeding the library"? Like just plucking out those inappropriate books that like to wedge themselves in the shelves?

I'm sorry that happened to you! Just a quick note... I think "people trying to wedge you out" is much more likely to occur in big churches as opposed to small (or shrinking) churches that are going to be grateful for every person who attends.

I think I've just been very blessed to have never felt like anyone was trying to wedge me out, at least not since I was a kid/teen.

This was a small church.

 

[celras]

No, I have been to half a dozen churches by now. I've libraried (!) for two. I started one, was asked to do another, and the last local church I went to but didn't end up staying, didn't even have a library, because they only had 2 books. KJV and a hymn book.

There are people for whom it is difficult to fit into groups.

 

[cinder]

I started going to church when I was going thru a tough time. God rescued and restored me, but going to church alone, I felt like a weirdo and they didn't take me into consideration. I felt like people were leaving me out and I wasn't "part of it."

I've always gone to church and as an older single struggle with feeling like church is for other people (families, married people, people who are still struggling with "common" problems) and has very little to offer me. I feel like people like me (though in fairness there probably aren't that many people like me) don't exist in the leadership planning meetings. Since I grew up in the church and am a product of it, that feels a lot like betrayal or abandonment even though everyone is friendly or welcoming. And sometimes the worst thing is when they try to include you, but either they just want you at the event that you don't want to be at and think if you're there you'll magically feel part of the church or else people do try to get to know you but when you talk honestly about things they just have no frame of reference and can't comprehend it.

 

[Lanolin]

No I was going to a lot of groups. I did life groups, prayer groups, bible studies, the whole thing!

 

[Lanolin]

I even had my own group for a while and we met in the library!

I started suspecting everyone else was a goat, and I was the only sheep. Because the pastors would call the little goats 'kids'.

 

[celras]

I've always gone to church and as an older single struggle with feeling like church is for other people (families, married people, people who are still struggling with "common" problems) and has very little to offer me. I feel like people like me (though in fairness there probably aren't that many people like me) don't exist in the leadership planning meetings. Since I grew up in the church and am a product of it, that feels a lot like betrayal or abandonment even though everyone is friendly or welcoming. And sometimes the worst thing is when they try to include you, but either they just want you at the event that you don't want to be at and think if you're there you'll magically feel part of the church or else people do try to get to know you but when you talk honestly about things they just have no frame of reference and can't comprehend it.

A single man seems like a weirdo in the eyes of some people, and in churches, couples want to associate with couples. A single man can be seen as an intruder.

 

[celras]

I even had my own group for a while and we met in the library!

I started suspecting everyone else was a goat, and I was the only sheep. Because the pastors would call the little goats 'kids'.

A single man seems like a weirdo in the eyes of some people, and in churches, couples want to associate with couples. A single man can be seen as an intruder.

 

[Jarmo]

Maybe I am too old, 54.

Too old for what? Starting a family? I don't think so. You just need to find a lady that is open to age gaps.
I have heard those ladies can live in Asia, for instance, in Phillippines (it is actually very religious country by the way).

 

[Lanolin]

Too old for what? Starting a family? I don't think so. You just need to find a lady that is open to age gaps.
I have heard those ladies can live in Asia, for instance, in Phillippines (it is actually very religious country by the way).

Oh please.
Not the asian fetish thing again.

I have a Filipino friend, she has a partner, and she says she doesn't want children.

And she is Catholic.

 

[Lanolin]

A single man seems like a weirdo in the eyes of some people, and in churches, couples want to associate with couples. A single man can be seen as an intruder.

I am not a single man.
Don't call me a weirdo!

Plus the groups I was in, had plenty of couples, they just didn't necessarily hang out with me all the time, as couples. I'm a lady, I hung out with the ladies. But sometimes I went to mixed groups.

I went to a group once, and it was a bible study and it was all guys. And the one taking it, had it at his home. I had to drive all the way there in the dark to find it. He chatted the whole time and I couldn't get a word in. He also had a dog, but I've been to couples Bible/prayer groups in their homes too (with dogs) and they welcomed me.

So?

 

[Lanolin]

I'm mentioning the dogs because sometimes dogs can be friendly or not. Most were good. One lady took her dog to church with her while she was working as secretary, while I was doing library.

 

[Lanolin]

Anyway I've said enough because this is upsetting. You think you have it bad? Single ladies have it worst because some married couple ladies look on us with pity. And we aren't ugly or too old.

I had one church friend, she grew up in church, she was one of the pastors sister. She'd been engaged 3 times, and as far as I know, they were all broken off and she still doesn't have a husband. Her brother has a wife and 3 kids (children). Her mother went to this church.

 

[NotmebutHim]

Because most churches operate more on a feminized emotional model (see the book why men hate going to church) and what's the church got to say to a guy who isn't a father or husband except something like "don't have a sex drive or at least don't be creepy enough to admit you want to sleep with a beautiful lady". So unless your life is a complete mess that church might help you sort out, well it's totally understandable that they feel sidelined or like church is irrelevant and then they stop showing up and all the single christian women are like... where's all the men at?

Bingo!!