Courtship?

[Lanolin]

Whats this whole 'courtship' thing really? Christians talk about it, but what exactly is it?

Is it...you ask your parents who you can date? Or is it being 'chaperoned'? If you are 'courting', are you meant to be in a 'courtship' instead of a 'relationship'?

Are we royalty of something? Does this happen in a courtyard? Tennis court? High court? District court?

Do flowers, rings, or serenades have anything to do with it?

I have never ever heard of anyone say in all my life they are 'courting' someone. But apparently Christians do this all the time?! Maybe some mythical Christians do this and ride unicorns with shining armour...but I haven't seen any ride up to my door. I don't live in an ivory tower, so maybe that's why.

 

[Lynx]

Whats this whole 'courtship' thing really? Christians talk about it, but what exactly is it?

Is it...you ask your parents who you can date? Or is it being 'chaperoned'? If you are 'courting', are you meant to be in a 'courtship' instead of a 'relationship'?

If you do it wrong, or if the person you are dating lies about you, you might wind up in court...

 

[Lanolin]

Ok...so if you do it right, then what happens? You wind up playing tennis doubles? You get to wear tennis shoes and whites?
Or maybe...table tennis? Am no good at lawn tennis.

 

[Oncefallen]

Some people will call it 'dating with intention" to lose the dated (pun not intended) term.

The idea is that the couple is dating with the specific intent to work towards marriage in contrast with the "casual" dating that has become more common in our culture where people literally end up dating for 5 or more years before they get around to thinking about what the next step is.

Part of the idea is to quickly get to the hard questions (do you want kids, how many, how finances are going to work, is she going to work after kids, role expectations within the marriage, etc.) BEFORE all the emotions get involved thus potentially saving both parties months if not years wasted before they get to the hard questions and suddenly find out that they have very different paths in life.

 

[Churchgoer]

Some people will call it 'dating with intention" to lose the dated (pun not intended) term.

The idea is that the couple is dating with the specific intent to work towards marriage in contrast with the "casual" dating that has become more common in our culture where people literally end up dating for 5 or more years before they get around to thinking about what the next step is.

Part of the idea is to quickly get to the hard questions (do you want kids, how many, how finances are going to work, is she going to work after kids, role expectations within the marriage, etc.) BEFORE all the emotions get involved thus potentially saving both parties months if not years wasted before they get to the hard questions and suddenly find out that they have very different paths in life.

Agree get to know the person before emotional involved.
Any one willing to do that?

 

[Lanolin]

Some people will call it 'dating with intention" to lose the dated (pun not intended) term.

The idea is that the couple is dating with the specific intent to work towards marriage in contrast with the "casual" dating that has become more common in our culture where people literally end up dating for 5 or more years before they get around to thinking about what the next step is.

Part of the idea is to quickly get to the hard questions (do you want kids, how many, how finances are going to work, is she going to work after kids, role expectations within the marriage, etc.) BEFORE all the emotions get involved thus potentially saving both parties months if not years wasted before they get to the hard questions and suddenly find out that they have very different paths in life.

Are you meaning dating lots of different people for 5 years?
Or is this just ONE person that you date for 5 years??? Who's got that amount of time and money? Why can't you just talk about it at the beginning, and if the guy or gal wants to marry, then just propose/get engaged? You can then set a date.

What is so hard about that?

 

[Lanolin]

Agree get to know the person before emotional involved.
Any one willing to do that?

Everybody is already emotionally involved with everyone they are friends with. What do you think emotions are...? We are not robots.

 

[Lanolin]

Those questions are not hard to ask.

So no courting involved then..no romance? How boring.

 

[Gideon300]

Everybody is already emotionally involved with everyone they are friends with. What do you think emotions are...? We are not robots.

Perhaps they mean emotional commitment. It's usually called "being in love". That's a big step if you do not know the person well.

 

[Lanolin]

Perhaps they mean emotional commitment. It's usually called "being in love". That's a big step if you do not know the person well.

You don't choose who you fall in love with or the timing. Sometimes it happens right away...others, it sneaks up on you. If you know, you know.

Being 'in love' is like being 'in Christ'. How can you decide what time to do that. It's like the wind, you don't know where it comes from or where it goes.

If you want to commit, get a ring. Propose. Not hard. If you don't, then don't. You can make the engagement as long or as short as you want...and you can always break it off/return the ring if it doesn't look like its going to work out by a certain date. That's why it's called being engaged.

 

[Oncefallen]

Are you meaning dating lots of different people for 5 years?
Or is this just ONE person that you date for 5 years??? Who's got that amount of time and money? Why can't you just talk about it at the beginning, and if the guy or gal wants to marry, then just propose/get engaged? You can then set a date.

What is so hard about that?

I think you missed the point (or seriously misunderstood).

Most younger people these days will date for years (I've met couples who have dated for 8 or 9 years) without getting to the hard conversations (and often at that point figure out that their values don't align which leaves two people wounded.

Intentional dating gets those conversations going during the first few dates where it will be easier to walk away without broken hearts if your values don't align.

 

[Lanolin]

I think you missed the point (or seriously misunderstood).

Most younger people these days will date for years (I've met couples who have dated for 8 or 9 years) without getting to the hard conversations (and often at that point figure out that their values don't align which leaves two people wounded.

Intentional dating gets those conversations going during the first few dates where it will be easier to walk away without broken hearts if your values don't align.

That is so weird
If you don't want to marry then you just live together. Or if you want to live separately thats fine to, you can just be friends.

But I'm not talking about 'intentional dating' I am talking about COURTSHIP.

My dictionary says 1. the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with the intent to marry.

Ok it might take 5 years. Or it might take 3 dates. Whatever. You can ask someone to marry at any time. Whether they say yes or no is another matter.

What I am talking about is what is the ART of seeking the love of someone with the intent to marry.

Like, what do Christians do? What do YOU do....?


Have. a good think about it.

 

[Lanolin]

I am seriously thinking that some people here do not even know what romance is. Or how to do it.

You don't just talk someone into marrying you. You don't just wait around. What do you do to SHOW you care?

 

[Jarmo]

Whats this whole 'courtship' thing really? Christians talk about it, but what exactly is it?

Is it...you ask your parents who you can date? Or is it being 'chaperoned'? If you are 'courting', are you meant to be in a 'courtship' instead of a 'relationship'?

Are we royalty of something? Does this happen in a courtyard? Tennis court? High court? District court?

Do flowers, rings, or serenades have anything to do with it?

I have never ever heard of anyone say in all my life they are 'courting' someone. But apparently Christians do this all the time?! Maybe some mythical Christians do this and ride unicorns with shining armour...but I haven't seen any ride up to my door. I don't live in an ivory tower, so maybe that's why.

I guess it is a serious relationship that has a clear goal: to get married and start a family.
Dating is just a new form of a casual relationship, kind of more casual version from common law marriage.

 

[Lanolin]

I guess it is a serious relationship that has a clear goal: to get married and start a family.
Dating is just a new form of a casual relationship, kind of more casual version from common law marriage.

Ok, how do you know it's a serious relationship?

Please tell me how you go about making it 'serious'.
Do you dress seriously, instead of 'smart casual'?

I didn't ask about dating, I asked about courtship.

Do you need 'serious' money to get married and start a family?
Or can you use 'funny' money, or monopoly money? Or fake money, i.e. credit?
Does you ring need to cost 'serious' money..or can you use a ring from a crackerjack box? Or an onion ring?

In other words....
How can you tell 'real dating' from 'fake dating'? What if they sound too good to be true?
Do you knock back a marriage proposal by saying....are you kidding me?

 

[Churchgoer]

After praying, searching for a while, this is the method I have so far.

1 commit serving at a local church?
2 offering to God as Able did?
3 enjoy fun outdoors such as hiking, swimming, walking?

How about you?

 

[Churchgoer]

Ok, how do you know it's a serious relationship?

Please tell me how you go about making it 'serious'.
Do you dress seriously, instead of 'smart casual'?

I didn't ask about dating, I asked about courtship.

Do you need 'serious' money to get married and start a family?
Or can you use 'funny' money, or monopoly money? Or fake money, i.e. credit?
Does you ring need to cost 'serious' money..or can you use a ring from a crackerjack box? Or an onion ring?

In other words....
How can you tell 'real dating' from 'fake dating'? What if they sound too good to be true?
Do you knock back a marriage proposal by saying....are you kidding me?

Practically speaking, serious dating means both side exclusive, meeting both sides church circle, family circle officially as dating couple.

Highly recommend to go for pre marriage biblical counseling at this stage, to see if both side align in life, such as finance, faith....preferably with a familiar pastor. Don't wait for engagement.

Biblical counseling should be the early the better.

 

[Lanolin]

is that what you offer churchgoing churchgoer?

Because most churches don't bother with that. I have never seen or heard of it in all the years I've been going to church.

In the olden days, people got ENGAGED. It was a betrothal, it was announced to the village, town, local newspaper, town crier, banns were put up. I mean everyone knew.

Why should you not wait for engagement? Don't want to be called a 'Waity Katie' ? As far as I know, if you just waiting around, you're still single.

 

[Lynx]

Agree get to know the person before emotional involved.
Any one willing to do that?

Well... Sure, if you like.

What are you doing this Saturday night?

 

[Jarmo]

Ok, how do you know it's a serious relationship?

Please tell me how you go about making it 'serious'.
Do you dress seriously, instead of 'smart casual'?

I didn't ask about dating, I asked about courtship.

Do you need 'serious' money to get married and start a family?
Or can you use 'funny' money, or monopoly money? Or fake money, i.e. credit?
Does you ring need to cost 'serious' money..or can you use a ring from a crackerjack box? Or an onion ring?

In other words....
How can you tell 'real dating' from 'fake dating'? What if they sound too good to be true?
Do you knock back a marriage proposal by saying....are you kidding me?

From the goal of the relationship.
If the goal is just to be together, then it is casual.
If the goal is to get married and start the family, then it is a serious relationship.
This does not imply that you stick together until the wedding but you aim at it.
A lot of people don't have those ambition in this day and age.
They just focus on having fun and being together as long as it feels good without commitment.

Courting has this goal, that dating doesn't necessarily have.
Courting is basically "dating to marry".
Dating can be just sticking together for now.
Some dating leads to marriage, but it is not always the goal.