What Are the Biggest Differences Between Modern Relationships and Biblical Relationships?

[celras]

What Are the Biggest Differences Between Modern Relationships and Biblical Relationships?

 

[passion84god]

What Are the Biggest Differences Between Modern Relationships and Biblical Relationships?

Way too much emphasis on the external, and not nearly enough emphasis on the internal.

To word it differently while still saying the same thing, a worldly definition of "beauty" as opposed to a biblical definition of it.

 

[cinder]

What Are the Biggest Differences Between Modern Relationships and Biblical Relationships?

Well the Bible spans about 2000 years of history so which era of Biblical relationships are we talking about? We also don't see many examples of courtship or marriages being arranged in the Bible (and of those that do not all of them turn out so well).

But to attempt to answer how in the last 100 years or so we've completely messed up our view of and approach to relationships and ended up with more people single and childless than ever well there are several factors:

Romance and marriage are now viewed as a means to personal emotional fulfillment rather than as a way to continue a family and improve its social standing. We still have vestiges of that whole social standing idea when we think of someone as out of our league or beneath us, but for the most part what we talk about when we talk about love is about our own fullfillment not securing a financially or socially better future.

We also live in a world where men's roles and women's roles are no longer clearly deliniated, which is great for freedom and getting the most qualified people into jobs, but it also makes relationships more of a nice to have than a necessity and that means we hold out longer for the best option rather than settling down with a good option.

And our modern communication technology has greatly expanded those options. If no one ever goes more than 50 miles from home your circle of acquaintance is smaller and you pretty much know by the time you reach marriage age who the best options available are and then secure the best you can. But now the internet will serve up and endless parade of tantalizing (and often fake) possibilities and we think there are 1,000 amazing top tier partners within our reach just by being on a dating site and so don't choose because we have too many choices.

And then there's the invention and widespread availability of birth control and it's become socially acceptable to murder your own child in utero so we've completely divorced sexual relationships from children, parenthood, and family. It's not natural and it may not be Biblical ( I haven't done much study on that to say one way or the other) but it is what we've done and now about all we have left is the emotional fullfillment aspect of it and we mostly find that the excitement of a new infatuation and romance is easier to lose ourselves in than the comfort and stability of an established and predictable relationship.

 

[celras]

Well the Bible spans about 2000 years of history so which era of Biblical relationships are we talking about? We also don't see many examples of courtship or marriages being arranged in the Bible (and of those that do not all of them turn out so well).

But to attempt to answer how in the last 100 years or so we've completely messed up our view of and approach to relationships and ended up with more people single and childless than ever well there are several factors:

Romance and marriage are now viewed as a means to personal emotional fulfillment rather than as a way to continue a family and improve its social standing. We still have vestiges of that whole social standing idea when we think of someone as out of our league or beneath us, but for the most part what we talk about when we talk about love is about our own fullfillment not securing a financially or socially better future.

We also live in a world where men's roles and women's roles are no longer clearly deliniated, which is great for freedom and getting the most qualified people into jobs, but it also makes relationships more of a nice to have than a necessity and that means we hold out longer for the best option rather than settling down with a good option.

And our modern communication technology has greatly expanded those options. If no one ever goes more than 50 miles from home your circle of acquaintance is smaller and you pretty much know by the time you reach marriage age who the best options available are and then secure the best you can. But now the internet will serve up and endless parade of tantalizing (and often fake) possibilities and we think there are 1,000 amazing top tier partners within our reach just by being on a dating site and so don't choose because we have too many choices.

And then there's the invention and widespread availability of birth control and it's become socially acceptable to murder your own child in utero so we've completely divorced sexual relationships from children, parenthood, and family. It's not natural and it may not be Biblical ( I haven't done much study on that to say one way or the other) but it is what we've done and now about all we have left is the emotional fullfillment aspect of it and we mostly find that the excitement of a new infatuation and romance is easier to lose ourselves in than the comfort and stability of an established and predictable relationship.

This is a very thoughtful analysis. I especially agree with your point that our culture has increasingly turned love into a search for personal fulfillment instead of a lifelong covenant centered on commitment, sacrifice, and family. That shift has changed the way many people approach dating and marriage.

I also think that having endless choices through technology can make it harder to commit. When people believe someone "better" is always just one click away, they can miss the value of building a strong relationship with the person right in front of them.

As Christians, I believe we're called to pursue something different from what the world promotes. Biblical love isn't based primarily on feelings or constant excitement, but on faithfulness, selfless love, and putting Christ at the center. Emotions are a wonderful gift, but they were never meant to be the foundation of marriage—commitment to God and to each other is.

 

[seoulsearch]

I've seen some pushes in Christian culture to move towards arranged marriages, but personally, I don't think this would fare very well in modern Western culture.

I can't imagine my parents trying to choose someone for me, but maybe I'm in the minority.

Plus, whenever I hear about the promotion of arranged marriages, I personally want to hear both the pro's and the con's.

Arranged marriages are championed because they're seen as more permanent, but people also need to talk about the pitfalls that are happening in countries that enforce it.

Arranged marriages do not stop determined people from leaving their spouse.

I've read several articles in which someone has a dowry dispute or wants out will arrange for their spouse to be have an "accident" -- such as a wife who is doused with oil, set on fire, then deemed as having a "cooking accident."

I certainly don't have the answers, but I personally don't think arranged marriages are as good of a solution as some seem to think.

This would actually make a very interesting thread topic...

Coming soon to the Singles Forum Near You!!

 

[celras]

I've seen some pushes in Christian culture to move towards arranged marriages, but personally, I don't think this would fare very well in modern Western culture.

I can't imagine my parents trying to choose someone for me, but maybe I'm in the minority.

Plus, whenever I hear about the promotion of arranged marriages, I personally want to hear both the pro's and the con's.

Arranged marriages are championed because they're seen as more permanent, but people also need to talk about the pitfalls that are happening in countries that enforce it.

Arranged marriages do not stop determined people from leaving their spouse.

I've read several articles in which someone has a dowry dispute or wants out will arrange for their spouse to be have an "accident" -- such as a wife who is doused with oil, set on fire, then deemed as having a "cooking accident."

I certainly don't have the answers, but I personally don't think arranged marriages are as good of a solution as some seem to think.

This would actually make a very interesting thread topic...

Coming soon to the Singles Forum Near You!!

In many ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) Jewish communities, marriages are typically arranged through a system known as shidduch. This does not mean that the bride and groom are forced to marry someone they have never met. Instead, families or a professional matchmaker (shadchan) introduce two people who are considered compatible based on factors such as religious commitment, family background, values, character, and life goals.

The couple usually meets several times in a supervised and respectful setting before deciding whether to proceed. Both the man and the woman have the right to say no, and a marriage only takes place if both freely agree.

The emphasis is often less on romantic attraction at the beginning and more on shared faith, commitment, compatibility, and the belief that love grows through mutual respect, trust, and a lifetime of dedication.

While this approach may seem unusual from a modern Western perspective, many Haredi couples report happy and stable marriages built on common values and a strong sense of family.

 

[seoulsearch]

In many ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) Jewish communities, marriages are typically arranged through a system known as shidduch. This does not mean that the bride and groom are forced to marry someone they have never met. Instead, families or a professional matchmaker (shadchan) introduce two people who are considered compatible based on factors such as religious commitment, family background, values, character, and life goals.

The couple usually meets several times in a supervised and respectful setting before deciding whether to proceed. Both the man and the woman have the right to say no, and a marriage only takes place if both freely agree.

The emphasis is often less on romantic attraction at the beginning and more on shared faith, commitment, compatibility, and the belief that love grows through mutual respect, trust, and a lifetime of dedication.

While this approach may seem unusual from a modern Western perspective, many Haredi couples report happy and stable marriages built on common values and a strong sense of family.

Fascinating to know, thank you very much for posting this!

 

[Churchgoer]

I've seen some pushes in Christian culture to move towards arranged marriages, but personally, I don't think this would fare very well in modern Western culture.

I can't imagine my parents trying to choose someone for me, but maybe I'm in the minority.

Plus, whenever I hear about the promotion of arranged marriages, I personally want to hear both the pro's and the con's.

Arranged marriages are championed because they're seen as more permanent, but people also need to talk about the pitfalls that are happening in countries that enforce it.

Arranged marriages do not stop determined people from leaving their spouse.

I've read several articles in which someone has a dowry dispute or wants out will arrange for their spouse to be have an "accident" -- such as a wife who is doused with oil, set on fire, then deemed as having a "cooking accident."

I certainly don't have the answers, but I personally don't think arranged marriages are as good of a solution as some seem to think.

This would actually make a very interesting thread topic...

Coming soon to the Singles Forum Near You!!

For us 50plus, if we are matured in Christian faith, we can arrange for ourselves.
1. Hang out together, have fun.
2. Attend group outing together, see how each other balance in group settings, including church, serving, helping, driving road trip....
3. Meet close circles, let trusted people give some opinions.
4. Discuss goals...
5. Official counseling. Pastors will ask tough questions that we are afraid to ask.
6. If you pass all the above, then can get marry

 

[celras]

For us 50plus, if we are matured in Christian faith, we can arrange for ourselves.
1. Hang out together, have fun.
2. Attend group outing together, see how each other balance in group settings, including church, serving, helping, driving road trip....
3. Meet close circles, let trusted people give some opinions.
4. Discuss goals...
5. Official counseling. Pastors will ask tough questions that we are afraid to ask.
6. If you pass all the above, then can get marry

Facing a premarital test can scare a lot of people, but it's better than accepting the reality when all you have left is a breakup and divorce.

 

[Churchgoer]

Facing a premarital test can scare a lot of people, but it's better than accepting the reality when all you have left is a breakup and divorce.

You mean counseling?

That is very common in church circle. Very helpful to align goals, expectations, faith...

 

[Suze]

In ' the old days ' women didn't have many career options , this meant that they often didn't have any money of their own and were therefore left with little choice , other than to marry in order to actually survive . That can't have been much fun for women . At least now , if a woman doesn't want to marry or have children , she doesn't have to , she can go out , get a job , and support herself financially without having to rely on anyone else . This is a good thing I think . I can't think of anything worse than being forced to get married , possibly to a man I don't even like , because I'm not allowed to stay single and support myself if that's what I want to do .

 

[Churchgoer]

Naturally most women want to marry, have children.
A small amount women don't want to, that is natural too. In the old days, they worked as nurse, tailor, farmer..., took care of elderly.

Sometimes society is more stable with less choices. Too many choices, too much freedom, too many divorces, LGBT stuff....

 

[celras]

Naturally most women want to marry, have children.
A small amount women don't want to, that is natural too. In the old days, they worked as nurse, tailor, farmer..., took care of elderly.

Sometimes society is more stable with less choices. Too many choices, too much freedom, too many divorces, LGBT stuff....

That's the key: there's too much freedom and too many options.

 

[Churchgoer]

Many broken family can truly be avoided.
Very often couples go through tough time, but if both humble and just suffer for a period of time, then later they become very happy together again.
So I vote for less choice. One way to go.

 

[dkontner]

I'm going to say this in seriousness just to provoke some thought. The difference is planes, trains and automobiles. Less than 200 years ago, men were riding horses to and fro. No radio or TV. The 'world' was a much different place and roles where defined. You had to appreciate and love one another.

 

[dkontner]

Many broken family can truly be avoided.
Very often couples go through tough time, but if both humble and just suffer for a period of time, then later they become very happy together again.
So I vote for less choice. One way to go.

Nothing is worse than a broken family.

 

[SoulFaith]

One difference I notice is that many modern relationships begin by asking, "What can this person do for me?" while biblical relationships begin by asking, "How can I love and serve this person as Christ loves me?"

Ephesians 5 calls husbands and wives to sacrificial love and Philippians 2 reminds us to value others above ourselves. When both people approach a relationship with a servant's heart instead of a consumer mindset, the entire foundation changes.

Perhaps the biggest difference isn't dating methods or technology, but the condition of the heart.

 

[passion84god]

I'm going to say this in seriousness just to provoke some thought. The difference is planes, trains and automobiles.

 

[seoulsearch]

One difference I notice is that many modern relationships begin by asking, "What can this person do for me?" while biblical relationships begin by asking, "How can I love and serve this person as Christ loves me?"

Ephesians 5 calls husbands and wives to sacrificial love and Philippians 2 reminds us to value others above ourselves. When both people approach a relationship with a servant's heart instead of a consumer mindset, the entire foundation changes.

Perhaps the biggest difference isn't dating methods or technology, but the condition of the heart.

This is probably a big reason as to why I'm not married.

It takes a very special person to think, "How can I serve 24/7?" -- and then actually hold up to the deal -- especially when an entire family is involved. And not just one's spouse and immediate family, but the two or more families (if step-families are involved, etc.) that marriage will connect them too.

I've found in my single life is that I have a hard time maintaining an even keel -- meaning, I seem to serve best when I can do so in a few very big shots. I save up all my energy and then expend it all to lead up to and and get through big events for set amounts of time (if possible.)

I go until I'm completely wiped out, then have to withdraw, and allow God to fill my tank to do it all over again.

Of course, many things in life can't be handled this way. Work of course, is very different -- but that's one reason I fought to work night shifts at one time -- so I'd be around less people, which is less draining and easier for me to be more steady.

I'm like this with friends and family as well. I can serve to exhaustion, but once that point comes, I have to completely withdraw or my "crazy" lets loose (extreme anxiety and irritation,) and no good comes from that.

I can't see myself in a situation where I have to serve nonstop 24/7 -- but if I may say, and looking at the divorce rate even among Christians, I don't think many other people are doing very well at doing this realistically either.

We all know how things "should" be, what we "should" do, and how we "should" think according to God's commands.

But no one can actually implement them as they were meant to be, so I often wonder how we can all get by (and still serve others) on the very little we try to do in comparison.

 

[Churchgoer]

Nothing is worse than a broken family.

Sometimes is out of person s control.

If within personal control, we are called to obey scripture.