What Are the Biggest Differences Between Modern Relationships and Biblical Relationships?

[celras]

This is probably a big reason as to why I'm not married.

It takes a very special person to think, "How can I serve 24/7?" -- and then actually hold up to the deal -- especially when an entire family is involved. And not just one's spouse and immediate family, but the two or more families (if step-families are involved, etc.) that marriage will connect them too.

I've found in my single life is that I have a hard time maintaining an even keel -- meaning, I seem to serve best when I can do so in a few very big shots. I save up all my energy and then expend it all to lead up to and and get through big events for set amounts of time (if possible.)

I go until I'm completely wiped out, then have to withdraw, and allow God to fill my tank to do it all over again.

Of course, many things in life can't be handled this way. Work of course, is very different -- but that's one reason I fought to work night shifts at one time -- so I'd be around less people, which is less draining and easier for me to be more steady.

I'm like this with friends and family as well. I can serve to exhaustion, but once that point comes, I have to completely withdraw or my "crazy" lets loose (extreme anxiety and irritation,) and no good comes from that.

I can't see myself in a situation where I have to serve nonstop 24/7 -- but if I may say, and looking at the divorce rate even among Christians, I don't think many other people are doing very well at doing this realistically either.

We all know how things "should" be, what we "should" do, and how we "should" think according to God's commands.

But no one can actually implement them as they were meant to be, so I often wonder how we can all get by (and still serve others) on the very little we try to do in comparison.

Thank you for being so honest and self-aware. I think many people can relate to feeling emotionally and mentally drained after giving so much of themselves.

One thought came to mind as I was reading your comment. Marriage isn't about one person serving the other 24/7 without ever receiving anything in return. At its best, it's two imperfect people serving, encouraging, and carrying one another.

There will be seasons when one spouse is stronger and gives more, and other seasons when the roles are reversed.

I also don't think God expects us to live the Christian life by our own strength. If He did, we would all fail. That's why His grace and the work of the Holy Spirit are so essential. We don't become faithful spouses because we're naturally strong enough, but because God continues to shape us over time.

The fact that you're aware of your limitations is actually a strength. Self-awareness allows us to depend more on God instead of pretending we can do everything ourselves.

None of us loves perfectly, but by God's grace we can keep growing in love, patience, and self-sacrifice

 

[dkontner]

Thank you for being so honest and self-aware. I think many people can relate to feeling emotionally and mentally drained after giving so much of themselves.

One thought came to mind as I was reading your comment. Marriage isn't about one person serving the other 24/7 without ever receiving anything in return. At its best, it's two imperfect people serving, encouraging, and carrying one another.

There will be seasons when one spouse is stronger and gives more, and other seasons when the roles are reversed.

I also don't think God expects us to live the Christian life by our own strength. If He did, we would all fail. That's why His grace and the work of the Holy Spirit are so essential. We don't become faithful spouses because we're naturally strong enough, but because God continues to shape us over time.

The fact that you're aware of your limitations is actually a strength. Self-awareness allows us to depend more on God instead of pretending we can do everything ourselves.

None of us loves perfectly, but by God's grace we can keep growing in love, patience, and self-sacrifice

Amen!

 

[seoulsearch]

Thank you for being so honest and self-aware. I think many people can relate to feeling emotionally and mentally drained after giving so much of themselves.

One thought came to mind as I was reading your comment. Marriage isn't about one person serving the other 24/7 without ever receiving anything in return. At its best, it's two imperfect people serving, encouraging, and carrying one another.

There will be seasons when one spouse is stronger and gives more, and other seasons when the roles are reversed.

I also don't think God expects us to live the Christian life by our own strength. If He did, we would all fail. That's why His grace and the work of the Holy Spirit are so essential. We don't become faithful spouses because we're naturally strong enough, but because God continues to shape us over time.

The fact that you're aware of your limitations is actually a strength. Self-awareness allows us to depend more on God instead of pretending we can do everything ourselves.

None of us loves perfectly, but by God's grace we can keep growing in love, patience, and self-sacrifice

For the people who can do this successfully (serve each other in a God-centered marriage that fulfills both people,) I have nothing but the highest respect.

But I'm a bit of a cynic at heart.

I was steeped in Christian culture all my life. I see lots of people preaching at each other all the time, in almost all facets of my life, reciting long posts of Scripture that most every Christian knows. They always talk about how God intended it to be, wants it to be, and how it will be someday in heaven, so I don't spend a lot of time repeating those facts.

I always hear people talk about the "should's" -- a couple "should" keep God first, etc.

We all know how it "should" be.

It's just that in my daily life, I don't see much of it implemented (including in my own life, as we are all works in progress.)

I grow weary of always hearing the talk, and never actually seeing their walk. (Which is why I isolate myself a lot from people as well -- I'm working on my walk.)

I think Christians talk a whole lot more about how it "should" be rather than actually doing it or having any proof of doing so, and this is why I feel so greatly discouraged most of the time.

I don't think many people need to be reminded of what God wants or intends.

They need to actually see it in action.

 

[passion84god]

I don't think many people need to be reminded of what God wants or intends.

They need to actually see it in action.

I think that both are important, and I'm not sure that telling people what God wants or intends is always a reminder. In other words, through dialogue, we can often introduce things from God's word that people may not have considered before. On forums like this, there are people at different stages in their walk with Christ, so what might already be known by you or somebody else might be new to another member here. Understanding these types of things, I always like to introduce scripture or else we are just sharing our own opinions, and I think we all know a popular expression about that.

Seeing it in action is definitely crucial, but we also need to consider that this is pretty much impossible in some regards on an online forum. Sure, on a place like this, we can discern someone's true character over a period of time, but we still don't get to see their every day lives unfold before us unless we form relationships with them irl.​

 

[Churchgoer]

For the people who can do this successfully (serve each other in a God-centered marriage that fulfills both people,) I have nothing but the highest respect.

But I'm a bit of a cynic at heart.

I was steeped in Christian culture all my life. I see lots of people preaching at each other all the time, in almost all facets of my life, reciting long posts of Scripture that most every Christian knows. They always talk about how God intended it to be, wants it to be, and how it will be someday in heaven, so I don't spend a lot of time repeating those facts.

I always hear people talk about the "should's" -- a couple "should" keep God first, etc.

We all know how it "should" be.

It's just that in my daily life, I don't see much of it implemented (including in my own life, as we are all works in progress.)

I grow weary of always hearing the talk, and never actually seeing their walk. (Which is why I isolate myself a lot from people as well -- I'm working on my walk.)

I think Christians talk a whole lot more about how it "should" be rather than actually doing it or having any proof of doing so, and this is why I feel so greatly discouraged most of the time.

I don't think many people need to be reminded of what God wants or intends.

They need to actually see it in action.

I hear you sister.
I however see many good practicing action around me. So my eyes are focused on them, good examples.

 

[seoulsearch]

Seeing it in action is definitely crucial, but we also need to consider that this is pretty much impossible in some regards on an online forum. Sure, on a place like this, we can discern someone's true character over a period of time, but we still don't get to see their every day lives unfold before us unless we form relationships with them irl.​

I'm a bit of an oddball in the crowd (my lifelong story, which I've finally come to embrace.)

I'm on this forum to meet people over long periods of time, and then maybe, possibly, someday, by the grace of God, walk into their everyday lives -- and invite them into mine.

From the days I wrote pen pal letters with pens and paper, I have always been looking for real people to meet behind the words.

Astonishingly, there have been a few people who have actually agreed to this, lol, and apparently, I'm not as much of an ax murderer as I might come across. (But only by a little bit.)

And I am abundantly blessed in that I keep finding people here like that (praise God.) If not, I would have left a long time ago.

So...

I know it goes against common sense, but I ignore most of what I find on the forum as parrots shouting back and forth to each other, because I'm looking for those who are willing to open up their lives to show that they are actually the real deal. Granted, it takes many years to do, but God doesn't seem to be hurrying me along all that fast (except in age, lol.)

I had the joy of spending time with one of these very special people a few months ago, and, God willing, will hopefully visit a few more next year.

I know this isn't feasible or even desired by many here, but that's one of my own personal, God-given purposes for being on CC.

And because of that, my outlook is always going to be very different than most.

 

[passion84god]

I'm a bit of an oddball in the crowd (my lifelong story, which I've finally come to embrace.)

I'm on this forum to meet people over long periods of time, and then maybe, possibly, someday, by the grace of God, walk into their everyday lives -- and invite them into mine.

From the days I wrote pen pal letters with pens and paper, I have always been looking for real people to meet behind the words.

Astonishingly, there have been a few people who have actually agreed to this, lol, and apparently, I'm not as much of an ax murderer as I might come across. (But only by a little bit.)

And I am abundantly blessed in that I keep finding people here like that (praise God.) If not, I would have left a long time ago.

So...

I know it goes against common sense, but I ignore most of what I find on the forum as parrots shouting back and forth to each other, because I'm looking for those who are willing to open up their lives to show that they are actually the real deal. Granted, it takes many years to do, but God doesn't seem to be hurrying me along all that fast (except in age, lol.)

I had the joy of spending time with one of these very special people a few months ago, and, God willing, will hopefully visit a few more next year.

I know this isn't feasible or even desired by many here, but that's one of my own personal, God-given purposes for being on CC.

And because of that, my outlook is always going to be very different than most.

I don't think that you're an oddball. Everything that you said makes perfect sense to me. The only point that I was trying to make is that we can sometimes misjudge others and their intent if we fail to recognize that they are speaking to an audience at large, which might even include lurkers or non-members who are following along in the conversation. Personally, I just apologized twice this morning for saying so much on a certain thread. I am going to just take a breather for a while.​

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't think that you're an oddball. Everything that you said makes perfect sense to me. The only point that I was trying to make is that we can sometimes misjudge others and their intent if we fail to recognize that they are speaking to an audience at large, which might even include lurkers or non-members who are following along in the conversation. Personally, I just apologized twice this morning for saying so much on a certain thread. I am going to just take a breather for a while.​

I absolutely agree that the posts we write are sometimes speaking to others out there, even if they aren't saying anything.

This is why I sometimes write such long posts.

And it's also why I choose to skip over some posts, and why I encourage anyone who doesn't get anything out of my posts to skip over them or put me on Ignore.

I try to be very sensitive to the fact that not every post is for every person, whether from others, or my own.

 

[passion84god]

This is why I sometimes write such long posts.

I like your posts, and the length of them doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I find them to be both engaging and informative, and definitely not boring.​

 

[seoulsearch]

I like your posts, and the length of them doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I find them to be both engaging and informative, and definitely not boring.​

Thank you very much for the kind words.

I appreciate it!

And I know that your posts minister to people in a way that I can't, and that you are blessing many members here.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't think that you're an oddball. Everything that you said makes perfect sense to me. The only point that I was trying to make is that we can sometimes misjudge others and their intent if we fail to recognize that they are speaking to an audience at large, which might even include lurkers or non-members who are following along in the conversation. Personally, I just apologized twice this morning for saying so much on a certain thread. I am going to just take a breather for a while.​

Again, I appreciate your kindness.

The reason I mentioned being an oddball is because one of the biggest criticisms I've gotten here over the years from several people, is, "Why don't you use more Scripture in your posts?"

They usually go on to tell me that because of this, I must be a baby Christian, a weak Christian, or maybe not really a Christian at all. But no one can judge my faith but God. Yes, we know people by their fruits, but there are a lot of fruits that only God can see.

The reason I personally don't quote many verses is because:

1. There are already a hundred thousand other people doing that -- no need to repeat what others have covered.

2. The people I interact with almost always know the Scriptures very well already, and/or have been through some kind of Bible schooling or formal Bible training. (And for the ones who haven't, well, I repeat point number one -- there are plenty of other people already posting walls of Scripture for them. I see no reason to join in.)

3. As I said, I'm not looking for those who can recite what most of us already know about how God intended or wants things to be, I'm looking for those willing to show it.

And the "oddball" thing to me is that the people I've found who show the most of what God is doing in their life are generally the ones who know the Bible the best, but witness it in a much more subtle ways that seem similar to my own calling.

Now I'm certainly not saying that there is only one way to be a genuine Christian -- I'm just saying, these are the kinds of fellow Christians I'm drawn to and am looking, and we are often called "not Christian enough" by other Christians.

 

[dkontner]

God bless you all....

1 Corinthians 12​

12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one member, but many.
15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
19 And if they were all one member, where were the body?
20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.

 

[seoulsearch]

God bless you all....

1 Corinthians 12​

20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.

I like to think of myself as the 6th toe of the body.

A little unusual, not found very often, hidden out of sight to avoid alarming everyone... But still there!

 

[dkontner]

I like to think of myself as the 6th toe of the body.

A little unusual, not found very often, hidden out of sight to avoid alarming everyone... But still there!

I might be a dimple, so you have me beat!

 

[seoulsearch]

I might be a dimple, so you have me beat!

We're the parts of the body that give it personality!

 

[passion84god]

Again, I appreciate your kindness.

The reason I mentioned being an oddball is because one of the biggest criticisms I've gotten here over the years from several people, is, "Why don't you use more Scripture in your posts?"

They usually go on to tell me that because of this, I must be a baby Christian, a weak Christian, or maybe not really a Christian at all. But no one can judge my faith but God. Yes, we know people by their fruits, but there are a lot of fruits that only God can see.

I hear you. I probably shouldn't mention this, for more reason than one, but since I already discussed this on a phone call with an unsaved male friend two nights ago, I guess that I can say it here.

You mentioned your cynicism earlier, and I heard that as well. Between what I have seen in scripture and what I have seen in real life, until recently, I had basically lost all hope that any decent women still existed on this planet. Since joining here, my view has been altered quite a bit because I have encountered some women here, present company included, who seem to genuinely be godly. How does this relate to my unsaved friend? I told him a couple of nights ago that I am seriously considering "putting myself out there" as far as dating is concerned. In fact, when I told him that I was going to start praying for God to lead me to a potential partner, if that is his will, he told me that God was going to send me a one-armed midget with a huge forehead. He is unsaved, so that was probably not prophetic, but after all that I've been going on about looks not being that important on the other thread, he just might be right.

My tentative game plan is to wait until September and to do a prayer-infused push from then until the end of this year. Basically, a four month experiment of sorts. I did start a profile on a Christian dating site yesterday, but I have not yet uploaded any photos of myself there, and no one can see my profile until I do. That is why I have not yet hired a secretary to help me with all of the incoming requests. I might chicken out or change my mind between now and then, but I did throw up a prayer to God yesterday along these lines to kind of test the waters. We'll see what happens.

Anyhow, I do see Christ-likeness in you, and you are one of the reasons why my cynicism has lessened recently.​

 

[seoulsearch]

I hear you. I probably shouldn't mention this, for more reason than one, but since I already discussed this on a phone call with an unsaved male friend two nights ago, I guess that I can say it here.

You mentioned your cynicism earlier, and I heard that as well. Between what I have seen in scripture and what I have seen in real life, until recently, I had basically lost all hope that any decent women still existed on this planet. Since joining here, my view has been altered quite a bit because I have encountered some women here, present company included, who seem to genuinely be godly. How does this relate to my unsaved friend? I told him a couple of nights ago that I am seriously considering "putting myself out there" as far as dating is concerned. In fact, when I told him that I was going to start praying for God to lead me to a potential partner, if that is his will, he told me that God was going to send me a one-armed midget with a huge forehead. He is unsaved, so that was probably not prophetic, but after all that I've been going on about looks not being that important on the other thread, he just might be right.

My tentative game plan is to wait until September and to do a prayer-infused push from then until the end of this year. Basically, a four month experiment of sorts. I did start a profile on a Christian dating site yesterday, but I have not yet uploaded any photos of myself there, and no one can see my profile until I do. That is why I have not yet hired a secretary to help me with all of the incoming requests. I might chicken out or change my mind between now and then, but I did throw up a prayer to God yesterday along these lines to kind of test the waters. We'll see what happens.

Anyhow, I do see Christ-likeness in you, and you are one of the reasons why my cynicism has lessened recently.​

Thank you so much for sharing this -- you literally just made my day.

Not just for my sake, but for the sake of all the good Christian women (and singles in general) on this forum.

I know nearly every single Christian is exhausted, and downright ready to give up in our search. I've met many good men who literally were taken to the cleaners by women, or women who were let down by men. I was in a very bad state of mind myself when a female CC friend told me that even as a woman, she was offended by my attitude (at the time) towards men!

That was definitely a wake-up call! And so, after repenting and trying to allow God to direct me to do better, I've made it my mission here on CC to try to help singles (and people in general) see the good in each other, particularly of the opposite gender.

I know there are a lot of lousy people out there, both men and women. But my hope is that the posts here will draw in some good ones to show people that yes, awesome Christians singles, both men and women, DO EXIST, and we still have a lot to offer.

I mean...

We're Christian singles!

We're fun!
We're crazy!
We're crazy fun!!

Am I right?

But of course, much more so than that, we are also trying to follow God's direction, and I want to give even the most jaded singles hope by trying to bring out the best in the people here.

I am SO HAPPY to know that this has helped someone!! And it's all thanks to God working through our regular participants here, including our married friends, who post positive, uplifting, and edifying replies to other's comments! How exciting!!!

And sure, sometimes we all need a little correction, but the disagreements can be a chance to showcase Godly behavior even more so than when everyone is getting along.

I'm certainly not saying I win any prizes in that area , but I'm grateful to everyone who works so hard to encourage our community -- and makes us laugh in the process.

Thank you so much for sharing @passion84god -- I'm excited to hear about your dating adventure and I hope you will keep us posted.

We'll be praying for you!

 

[passion84god]

Thank you so much for sharing this -- you literally just made my day.

I am thankful for that. Earlier, you said:

And I know that your posts minister to people in a way that I can't, and that you are blessing many members here.

I appreciate you saying that, but as effervescent as I normally feel while posting, I almost always feel like I just vomited up a bunch of useless words in hindsight. ​

We're fun!
We're crazy!
We're crazy fun!!

Am I right?

I think so, but I often wonder if I truly know anything about anything. The one thing that I do know is that I need to pray right now. Before I go, guess what song I heard at work the other day? Yep. You guessed it. "Take on me" by A-ha. We'll see if my favorite lyric, "It's no better to be safe than sorry" rings true. I hope it does. I knew that I shouldn't hang out too much in the Single's forum. It's given me hope again, but there's no guarantee that it will end well. Whatever happens, I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to run into some nice people there. Thanks for being one of them.

Ttyl.​

 

[passion84god]

I was in a very bad state of mind myself when a female CC friend told me that even as a woman, she was offended by my attitude (at the time) towards men!

That was definitely a wake-up call! And so, after repenting and trying to allow God to direct me to do better, I've made it my mission here on CC to try to help singles (and people in general) see the good in each other, particularly of the opposite gender.

I know there are a lot of lousy people out there, both men and women. But my hope is that the posts here will draw in some good ones to show people that yes, awesome Christians singles, both men and women, DO EXIST, and we still have a lot to offer.

I know that I have kind of generically apologized for the behavior of other men before, but I am truly sorry that you were treated so badly by your ex. His loss. I know that doesn't help much, but he definitely didn't see what he had right in front of him.​

 

[seoulsearch]

I am thankful for that. Earlier, you said:

I appreciate you saying that, but as effervescent as I normally feel while posting, I almost always feel like I just vomited up a bunch of useless words in hindsight.

I think so, but I often wonder if I truly know anything about anything. The one thing that I do know is that I need to pray right now. Before I go, guess what song I heard at work the other day? Yep. You guessed it. "Take on me" by A-ha. We'll see if my favorite lyric, "It's no better to be safe than sorry" rings true. I hope it does.​

I get you about feeling like we say so much, all while wondering if we've really said anything at all.

I can assure you that you are making a difference here. I'm learning from your posts how to better ministry to people.

I knew that I shouldn't hang out too much in the Single's forum. It's given me hope again, but there's no guarantee that it will end well. Whatever happens, I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to run into some nice people there. Thanks for being one of them.

Ttyl.​

I completely understand how you feel.

That's another challenge for singles -- having our hopes propped up, only to be kicked out from under us, time and time again.

It's hard to go on believing.

But the one thing that makes the singles here different is our hope is in God.

As I've gotten older, I think a big part of my calling is trying to help other singles cope with life even if we don't find someone. We know that God still has a purpose for us -- and for those who find that their purpose might be something other than marriage, I hope we can all keep each other company.

I know that I have kind of generically apologized for the behavior of other men before, but I am truly sorry that you were treated so badly by your ex. His loss. I know that doesn't help much, but he definitely didn't see what he had right in front of him.​

I appreciate your compassion very much, thank you.

In truth, I look back and know will piercing conviction that I made a lot of wrong decisions myself, not speaking to or respecting him as I should have.

I often pray that someday he can forgive me, too.