Hello 👋🏽 Newbie Estranged Scapegoat

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Seekingpeace

New member
Aug 11, 2026
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Greetings to you all in the sweet & precious name of Jesus.

please advise, I have been the family scapegoat for the majority of my life, with my adult children also included with their aunts. I have had long cancer journey, of which none showed any real interest or concern for the last 15 yrs
The last 18 months as I head into my early 60’s I’ve stepped away.
As I sit & reflect back, they’ve never shown any real interest in me or my life, they go on holidays , got married, had children, meals out etc & totally excluded. No niceties or response when I do - I’ve been totally invisible- me initiating, me calling , me doing the birthdays gifts etc never any thanks yous etc

My daughter now 38 after years of estrangement, allows me sporadic once every 2/3 months ( to suit her as divorced) baby sitting my grandchild 4, no real dialogue- just a WhatsApp message date time & collection with no dialogue, salutation, how are you etc how did it go - it’s awkward as little one sees no interaction.

Please don’t misinterpret this ℹ love, I pray , the heartache , the coldness towards me - I feel like rubbish pick up & dropped when convenient. As blatant refusal to talk or acknowledge me for over 12 yrs my children ( my 2 sisters over 30yrs )

Yes my family is dysfunctional as we don’t argue, as each person lives in their own home , own friends etc but just due to childhood differences seperated & have no real interest in myself. I walk on egg shells & walked away. Anxiety stress worry they bring me in the past resurfaced with just the drop & collection of grandson.

love my grandson but just the blatant discard once whatever is being sorted - leaves me feeling used. Why do I allow them to be so mean ? Why do I allow it whT can’t I just walk away ? Prayer I do .. scapegoated for so long I’m exhausted.. I dream of just shutting the door for good .

Please honest advice ? Want off this merry go round , exhausted .
 
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Welcome, Seekingpeace. There is very little information from which to offer sound advice. Given that you seem to receive similar treatment from all family members, I would suggest it is something about you that may cause people to distance themselves from you. My advice would be to endeavor to draw closer to Jesus by studying the Bible and praying and praising Him often. Jesus will not disappoint and He might even help you grow out of whatever it is that leads family members to distance themselves from you.
 
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Welcome Seekingpeace, been there done most of it, so far, I have avoided cancer though. It often seems that our biggest disappointments come from family, I don't recall when I last heard from my daughter, with my son it has been over 13 years, and all because my wife and I told him that he would not be able to run out to a state park early on th 4th of July and grab a pavilion because they had all been reserved for likely a year, complete with deposit paid. He got mad because we ruined his party plans. A niece, who told me that my late wife had asked her to keep an eye on me and assured me that I would get tired of her checking up on me actually did stay in close touch, for about a month, then life got too busy, just as it was when I encouraged her to call my wife who was more a mother to her than her biological mother was, once a day because she was so sick and could use the encouragement.

Anyway, I understand the frustration of family that has no time for you. Find friends who actually do care and make them your family.

Blessings and I will be praying for you.
 
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Philippians 4:6-7
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

James 1:12
New International Version
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

Matthew 19:14
New International Version
14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Matthew 10:42
New International Version
42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”

Colossians 3:13
New International Version
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

​

 
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Hi Seekingpeace, glad you are joining the CC fellowship, welcome! I concur with the above responses and think about this,
John 14:27 records Jesus telling His disciples: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." It offers a divine, inner calm that does not depend on outward life events.
God bless & guide you IJNA🙏🙌
 
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Seekingpeace said:
Greetings to you all in the sweet & precious name of Jesus.

please advise, I have been the family scapegoat for the majority of my life, with my adult children also included with their aunts. I have had long cancer journey, of which none showed any real interest or concern for the last 15 yrs
The last 18 months as I head into my early 60’s I’ve stepped away.
As I sit & reflect back, they’ve never shown any real interest in me or my life, they go on holidays , got married, had children, meals out etc & totally excluded. No niceties or response when I do - I’ve been totally invisible- me initiating, me calling , me doing the birthdays gifts etc never any thanks yous etc

My daughter now 38 after years of estrangement, allows me sporadic once every 2/3 months ( to suit her as divorced) baby sitting my grandchild 4, no real dialogue- just a WhatsApp message date time & collection with no dialogue, salutation, how are you etc how did it go - it’s awkward as little one sees no interaction.

Please don’t misinterpret this ℹ love, I pray , the heartache , the coldness towards me - I feel like rubbish pick up & dropped when convenient. As blatant refusal to talk or acknowledge me for over 12 yrs my children ( my 2 sisters over 30yrs )

Yes my family is dysfunctional as we don’t argue, as each person lives in their own home , own friends etc but just due to childhood differences seperated & have no real interest in myself. I walk on egg shells & walked away. Anxiety stress worry they bring me in the past resurfaced with just the drop & collection of grandson.

love my grandson but just the blatant discard once whatever is being sorted - leaves me feeling used. Why do I allow them to be so mean ? Why do I allow it whT can’t I just walk away ? Prayer I do .. scapegoated for so long I’m exhausted.. I dream of just shutting the door for good .

Please honest advice ? Want off this merry go round , exhausted .
Click to expand...

Seekingpeace, I wish that I had the correct answer for you.

I remember my mother was living with my sister and on one occasion my sister got a bucket of chicken from Country Fried Chicken, and when they told my mother she came to get a piece and it had all been eaten. They did not hold out one piece of chicken for her.

And that ended it between my mother and my sister. My mom never spoke to her again. And rightfully so, because my mom was treated so badly by them. She moved that very day. Sometimes life is that way.

However, my mom died on 10 Jan. 2010. And, years later I was attending a family reunion in the spirit world. It came while I was in my sleep. And I seen my childhood friend, a cousin. And I asked, what are you doing here? And I visited with my mom there and she was doing well. She had salvation in Christ.

Turns out that my mother's sister was worried about my cousin who had passed, and asked the Savior if he was okay. So I was sent to see him and then gave a report to my aunt that all was well.

So please do not get to discouraged. There are great rewards awaiting you. Stay loyal to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And by the way that is what I told my mother when she was passing. Stay close to Jesus. And she did. So I say to you, stay close to Jesus. He is our everything. Stay close to Jesus and find the peace that you desire.
 
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Seekingpeace said:
Greetings to you all in the sweet & precious name of Jesus.

please advise, I have been the family scapegoat for the majority of my life, with my adult children also included with their aunts. I have had long cancer journey, of which none showed any real interest or concern for the last 15 yrs
The last 18 months as I head into my early 60’s I’ve stepped away.
As I sit & reflect back, they’ve never shown any real interest in me or my life, they go on holidays , got married, had children, meals out etc & totally excluded. No niceties or response when I do - I’ve been totally invisible- me initiating, me calling , me doing the birthdays gifts etc never any thanks yous etc

My daughter now 38 after years of estrangement, allows me sporadic once every 2/3 months ( to suit her as divorced) baby sitting my grandchild 4, no real dialogue- just a WhatsApp message date time & collection with no dialogue, salutation, how are you etc how did it go - it’s awkward as little one sees no interaction.

Please don’t misinterpret this ℹ love, I pray , the heartache , the coldness towards me - I feel like rubbish pick up & dropped when convenient. As blatant refusal to talk or acknowledge me for over 12 yrs my children ( my 2 sisters over 30yrs )

Yes my family is dysfunctional as we don’t argue, as each person lives in their own home , own friends etc but just due to childhood differences seperated & have no real interest in myself. I walk on egg shells & walked away. Anxiety stress worry they bring me in the past resurfaced with just the drop & collection of grandson.

love my grandson but just the blatant discard once whatever is being sorted - leaves me feeling used. Why do I allow them to be so mean ? Why do I allow it whT can’t I just walk away ? Prayer I do .. scapegoated for so long I’m exhausted.. I dream of just shutting the door for good .

Please honest advice ? Want off this merry go round , exhausted .
Click to expand...

Seeking Peace,
My heart goes out to you.
I had a similar situation and was just thinking, how can I write anything that would make a difference in a simple forum.
Then it occured to me that the Lord touched my heart with this series on mental health from a biblical point of view. I finished part three and looking forward to the next in the series. I wish to share it with you and may the love of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit help you in every way.
If anyone can, He can.
Please bookmark this YouTube channel series for further lessons.


 
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Seekingpeace said:
Greetings to you all in the sweet & precious name of Jesus.

please advise, I have been the family scapegoat for the majority of my life, with my adult children also included with their aunts. I have had long cancer journey, of which none showed any real interest or concern for the last 15 yrs
The last 18 months as I head into my early 60’s I’ve stepped away.
As I sit & reflect back, they’ve never shown any real interest in me or my life, they go on holidays , got married, had children, meals out etc & totally excluded. No niceties or response when I do - I’ve been totally invisible- me initiating, me calling , me doing the birthdays gifts etc never any thanks yous etc

My daughter now 38 after years of estrangement, allows me sporadic once every 2/3 months ( to suit her as divorced) baby sitting my grandchild 4, no real dialogue- just a WhatsApp message date time & collection with no dialogue, salutation, how are you etc how did it go - it’s awkward as little one sees no interaction.

Please don’t misinterpret this ℹ love, I pray , the heartache , the coldness towards me - I feel like rubbish pick up & dropped when convenient. As blatant refusal to talk or acknowledge me for over 12 yrs my children ( my 2 sisters over 30yrs )

Yes my family is dysfunctional as we don’t argue, as each person lives in their own home , own friends etc but just due to childhood differences seperated & have no real interest in myself. I walk on egg shells & walked away. Anxiety stress worry they bring me in the past resurfaced with just the drop & collection of grandson.

love my grandson but just the blatant discard once whatever is being sorted - leaves me feeling used. Why do I allow them to be so mean ? Why do I allow it whT can’t I just walk away ? Prayer I do .. scapegoated for so long I’m exhausted.. I dream of just shutting the door for good .

Please honest advice ? Want off this merry go round , exhausted .
Click to expand...
Hi there. I know how difficult it is to be the scapegoat. I am in my family and hated but remember Jesus Christ loves us, we must continue to seek Jesus Christ no matter what persecution we face, i am aware of what is coming. We must be strong and bold in our faith for our Lord Jesus. Give everything to Him. We do not belong to this world so we should not let anything in this world bother us when we seek Jesus. We must be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. He loves us and He is with us.
 
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