How do you know when to call it quits.

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

To me physical abuse IS sexual infidelity. Instead of having sex with their wife, the abusive husband is beating them up!

The Fuller Theological Center states this almost exactly:

"Physical abuse constitutes a kind of porneia, in fact, because it is direct and sinful bodily unfaithfulness. It is just as much a violation of Ephesians 5 marital nurture as having sex with someone outside the relationship. It is a destruction of one's body and dignity, and thus a destruction of the vow to protect, cherish, and nurture."

She has the right to divorce AND remarry a real believer who won't break that vow.

 

[OMC]

Any person that initiates physical violence toward someone else, needs to consider themselves out of fellowship , from other Christians and from the Spirit of Truth . Therefore they r guilty and , whoever they have wronged has the right to never b anywhere near them ever again . The abused person may choose to forgive , but that doesn't mean that they then have to b around that person afterwards . I forgave my dad but never laid eyes on him for decades , I have forgiven my mum but I no longer go and c her . Jesus knows everything , not just about us Christians but about everyone , hearts and minds r laid bare to him and there is a reason why some people r removed from us . I have been very strongly prompted to keep away from my mum , I'm heeding the warning . It's not the first time I've been prompted and , I always listen .
Physical , mental , emotional and spiritual abuse is not perpetrated by a Christian . U r free to remove yourself from anyone who abuses u .

You are absolutely free in Christ to remove yourself from anyone who harms you. Scripture never commands a victim to remain in proximity to an abuser. But Scripture also does not teach that every act of violence automatically proves someone is “not a Christian” or “out of fellowship forever.” Discipline, restoration, and boundaries must be handled biblically, not by personal intuition alone.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

You are absolutely free in Christ to remove yourself from anyone who harms you. Scripture never commands a victim to remain in proximity to an abuser. But Scripture also does not teach that every act of violence automatically proves someone is “not a Christian” or “out of fellowship forever.” Discipline, restoration, and boundaries must be handled biblically, not by personal intuition alone.

It's a given to try to work things out. But if he's unrepentant, and if she's still alive, she's free to divorce him and remarry someone who belongs to God who will honor the marriage vows.

 

[craqdi]

It's a given to try to work things out. But if he's unrepentant, and if she's still alive, she's free to divorce him and remarry someone who belongs to God who will honor the marriage vows.

It should exist in all Western countries plus a hard hand against the infi . dels . or aggressors of that style so that such acts of impurity do not occur

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

It should exist in all Western countries plus a hard hand against the infi . dels . or aggressors of that style so that such acts of impurity do not occur

Yeah, there's no accountability until they kill their wife. That should be discouraged before the wife gets killed.

 

[craqdi]

Exactly I also mean infants that it is an abysmal problem, especially in third world countries or even close to Europe, such as Algeria or Morocco who suffer and paliceden of high rates
In those places the lives of infants are worth zero

 

[NightTwister]

please explain how is that equal?

However the good news is usually during separation, the abused one if not repent, probably will get into affair with others. Then the innocent one will have a biblical ground for divorce.

I don't know why it isn't obvious that physical abuse is a form of abandonment. The abuse makes the continuation of the marriage impossible.

 

[OMC]

I don't know why it isn't obvious that physical abuse is a form of abandonment. The abuse makes the continuation of the marriage impossible.

Scripture gives clear, defensible grounds for treating ongoing physical abuse as a form of abandonment, because abuse is the destruction of the marital covenant, the negation of marital duties, and the functional forsaking of the spouse.

 

[Cameron143]

Abuse is a form of abandonment.

That's quite the stretch.

 

[NightTwister]

That's quite the stretch.

We clearly disagree, but I very much believe that it is valid.

 

[OMC]

That's quite the stretch.

1. Abandonment in Scripture is not merely physical departure — it is the refusal to fulfill covenantal obligations​

Paul’s category in 1 Corinthians 7:15 is chōrizetai — “to separate, to cause division, to sever.” It does not require geographical distance. It requires covenantal rupture. A spouse can “abandon” by:​

refusing marital duties
refusing peace
refusing unity
refusing covenantal faithfulness
refusing to live with the spouse in a way that makes marriage possible
Physical abuse is the refusal of all of these.
Abuse is not “remaining.”Abuse is forsaking while present.

 

[Cameron143]

Yes , that does happen . When it's not a safe place , either party should b free to leave and never return .
When u have some free time , u could look up murder statistics . I'm guessing it won't matter which countries statistics u look at , there won't b much difference . Most murderers r male and a very high proportion of murder victims r female . Of those females that r murdered , a very high proportion will have been murdered by a man that they were either romantically involved with or married to . Statistics don't lie , they tell a very clear and sad tale .
No one should feel , that for any reason , it is socially or religiously unacceptable for them to leave their spouse if they r not safe with that spouse . Any one who doesn't realise that , has obviously never been on the recieving end of violence , perpetrated on them by someone who they live in the same house with , and who is supposed to live and care for them . Do your best and try to imagine what that might b like , then times it by one thousand and u might get the drift .
I'm very glad and happy for anyone who was not brought up in an environment of psychological fear and physical terror and abuse , but they must not dismiss the experience of others who have had very different experiences . We r supposed to learn from our life experiences and , the experience of others . That means listening and believing what other people say without judging .

Again, did you read?

Getting to a safe place would mean separation from an abuser. I don't know how I can be any more plain concerning this. And remaining married and remaining separated are not mutually exclusive. You seem to be conflating 2 issues. One is safety and is it okay to separate from a spouse to remain safe and does God sanction divorce for abuse? The answer to the first is definitely. I have yet to find an affirmative answer to the second in the Bible. If you know where it is, please share the passage.

 

[Churchgoer]

Internet is very difficult, but ...
at the same time.
If one is mad at another for something, they didn't make up for a few days. Is that abandonment, also equal to abuse?

 

[craqdi]

That's quite the stretch.

It is not true, they are simply different perceptions or realities while he comes from a large family (I read it in his about), possibly his thought is more conservative as a father of an extended family, that does not want To say that marriages with extended and traditional families are Christian perfection but it is impossible to move God's reason obviously there are people who manage to get closer to perfection No one will be able to reach the top in God but his thing is to try the man The father should not sin nor the woman The mother is not taught from the beginning of childhood either
I also think in such a way although I am an only child and with all kinds of luxuries and comforts, I am a believer confessional and a Soul who tries to follow any conservative essence to primordial letter

 

[Cameron143]

1. Abandonment in Scripture is not merely physical departure — it is the refusal to fulfill covenantal obligations​

Paul’s category in 1 Corinthians 7:15 is chōrizetai — “to separate, to cause division, to sever.” It does not require geographical distance. It requires covenantal rupture. A spouse can “abandon” by:​

refusing marital duties
refusing peace
refusing unity
refusing covenantal faithfulness
refusing to live with the spouse in a way that makes marriage possible
Physical abuse is the refusal of all of these.
Abuse is not “remaining.”Abuse is forsaking while present.

The words abuse and abandonment have no common root origin.

I realize Christians like to justify their actions before God. And we make every excuse possible at times to justify our behavior. That doesn't justify our sins; it merely soothes our consciences.

 

[OMC]

Again, did you read?

Getting to a safe place would mean separation from an abuser. I don't know how I can be any more plain concerning this. And remaining married and remaining separated are not mutually exclusive. You seem to be conflating 2 issues. One is safety and is it okay to separate from a spouse to remain safe and does God sanction divorce for abuse? The answer to the first is definitely. I have yet to find an affirmative answer to the second in the Bible. If you know where it is, please share the passage.

Getting to a safe place is absolutely biblical. Separation from an abusive spouse is not only permitted but required when life, safety, or sanity are threatened. Scripture never commands a spouse to remain under violence.
Remaining married and remaining separated are not mutually exclusive. Paul explicitly allows separation in 1 Corinthians 7.
The real question is whether abuse itself constitutes biblical grounds for divorce. Scripture does not give a verse that says “abuse = divorce,” but Scripture does treat certain forms of abuse as covenant‑breaking behaviors that fall under the biblical category of abandonment. If abuse destroys the ability to “dwell together in peace” (1 Cor. 7:15), then the abusive spouse has functionally abandoned the marriage, even if physically present.

 

[OMC]

The words abuse and abandonment have no common root origin.

I realize Christians like to justify their actions before God. And we make every excuse possible at times to justify our behavior. That doesn't justify our sins; it merely soothes our consciences.

Brother, the fact that abuse and abandonment do not share an etymological root does not mean they are unrelated in Scripture. Word origins do not determine moral categories — God does.
In the Bible, abandonment is defined by covenant rupture, not by vocabulary. When a spouse makes it impossible to “dwell together in peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15), he has abandoned the marriage in the biblical sense, even if he remains physically present.
Scripture also teaches that violence against one’s spouse is covenant treachery (Malachi 2:16). Violence is not a separate category from abandonment — it is one of the ways a spouse forsakes the covenant.
And you are right about our hearts: Christians often try to justify themselves. We look for loopholes, excuses, and technicalities to soothe our consciences. But God is not fooled by clever arguments or word studies. He looks at the truth of the heart and the reality of the actions.
So no, the difference in root words does not protect an abuser from the biblical charge of abandonment. And no amount of linguistic hair‑splitting will justify sin before God. What matters is whether the covenant has been violated — and Scripture is clear that violence is covenant violation.

 

[Karlon]

How do you know when your marriage is over. I know God hates divorce but I am seriously considering divorcing my husband. He has not been home in 3 days. Kids are asking questions that I dont know how to answer. I've prayed about it every night for months for God to show me a way.

to answer that properly & with an educated answer, someone would have to know every detail in this matter concerning you & him, even the kids too. for a born again Christian, Jesus is always the 1st person to consult & converse with. next, i would say, the person must be a college trained Christian psychologist & or, a pastor. what often is missed is the true story of the person who is the complainant. i'm not saying you in particular, anyone i mean. so, have you reviewed this situation in it's entirety? have you been totally honest with all factors? if not, you may never have the answer in it's finality. in a difficult relationship, these characteristics must be cogitated on: a critical negative spirit, honesty, complaining, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt, greed, vengeance ( & that's 1 of the top issues to deal with ), forgiveness, respect, encouragement, admittance of guilt & it goes on. if he's been gone for 3 days, that is a sign of something absolutely major in existence that must be addressed immediately. i'm sorry to hear of your troubles & will pray for an immediate appeasement. get Jesus on the job now! we all realize that words spoken by someone trying assist is the easy part but the answer is nearly impossible. blessings to you.

 

[Cameron143]

Brother, the fact that abuse and abandonment do not share an etymological root does not mean they are unrelated in Scripture. Word origins do not determine moral categories — God does.
In the Bible, abandonment is defined by covenant rupture, not by vocabulary. When a spouse makes it impossible to “dwell together in peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15), he has abandoned the marriage in the biblical sense, even if he remains physically present.
Scripture also teaches that violence against one’s spouse is covenant treachery (Malachi 2:16). Violence is not a separate category from abandonment — it is one of the ways a spouse forsakes the covenant.
And you are right about our hearts: Christians often try to justify themselves. We look for loopholes, excuses, and technicalities to soothe our consciences. But God is not fooled by clever arguments or word studies. He looks at the truth of the heart and the reality of the actions.
So no, the difference in root words does not protect an abuser from the biblical charge of abandonment. And no amount of linguistic hair‑splitting will justify sin before God. What matters is whether the covenant has been violated — and Scripture is clear that violence is covenant violation.

There is covenant rupture daily against God and against spouse. Have you loved you mate the way Christ loves the church? Have you loved God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind?

It is more than a stretch to claim abuse is abandonment. Etymologically, they are impossible to conflate. But lets say God allows you to fo through a difficult time. Has He abandoned you? No. Has God broken covenant? No.

We ache for those who are abused. And likely, separation will lead to a biblical cause for divorce. But people compound the problems in their lives by receiving and following advice based on sentiment and not scripture.

 

[Churchgoer]

Marriage is a covenant with God, not just with a human.
3 party covenant.