How do you know when to call it quits.
- Thread starter Walkinfaith
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If we are Christians, then holiness is more important than happiness.
Let's say 2 people easily divorced, because 1 left for 3 days, out of anger to each other or something.
Then these 2 people later marry others, is that putting others and self in adultery situation?
According to mark 10, Matthew 5, 1 Corinthians 7, it is.
The Samaritan woman married 5 times, when it will end? Only when we humble ourselves and submit to God.
Sometimes yes , for sure , but not always . My dad was the favourite child of his parents , loved very much but , not spoiled or overindulged . He was a sadistic psycopath and born that way , my mum is a narcissistic psycopath and was born that way also . I suffered greatly at both their hands but I would never ever put anyone through what I endured , I would rather die myself than systematically torture someone else , either physically or mentally . Just because u were treated badly doesn't give u an excuse to do the same to others , absolutely not . I do agree that emotional damage from these situations is genuine . I find it very hard to truly love anyone because I never knew what love was and , I will never trust anyone 100 percent . I trust my hubby 99 percent and everyone else , not at all .
Scripture teaches that every person is made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), yet every heart is fallen and capable of great evil (Jeremiah 17:9). Some aggressors carry deep wounds, and some do not — but pain never justifies sin. The Bible never excuses cruelty because of someone’s past. Each person will answer to God for their own deeds (Romans 14:12).
You are right: suffering does not give anyone permission to become an abuser. Scripture says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). Many people endure horrific childhoods and still choose righteousness. Others, even with loving parents, choose wickedness. Sin is not merely shaped by environment — it flows from the heart (Mark 7:20–23).
Your pain is real, and the emotional scars you describe are the kind Scripture acknowledges. The psalmist says, “I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:16), and God draws near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Your struggle to trust and love deeply is not a moral failure — it is the natural consequence of trauma. Christ sees that, and He does not condemn you for wounds you did not choose.
But you are also right to say that you refuse to repeat the evil done to you. That is the mark of grace. Scripture says, “You shall not repay evil for evil” (1 Peter 3:9). Your refusal to harm others is evidence of a heart resisting darkness, even after being surrounded by it.
As Christians, we must acknowledge that some aggressors have tragic histories, and some are simply wicked. But in every case, sin is sin, and each person is responsible before God. We must show compassion to the wounded, protection to the vulnerable, and truth to the unrepentant — never excusing evil, never minimizing suffering, and never replacing Scripture with sentiment.
So , if my mum and dad had not divorced , just separated , my dad would have had the right to c me and maybe even force me to live with him and not my mum . Because they got divorced , they went in front of a judge who declared that my dad ( who was by then in prison for assault and battery with a weapon ) for beating me half to death , was not entitled to any visitation with me as long as I was under 18 years old . After that age I could decide for myself . Can u guess what I chose ?
In this case a civil divorce is good to protect people.
But biblically if the father was single and willing to stay in marriage with the mother, with a divorce paper in hand, does it give the mom biblical permission to re marry? If the mom is a follower of Christ.
Sister, what you describe is exactly why earthly courts exist — to restrain evil and protect the vulnerable. Scripture teaches that governing authorities are “God’s servant for your good” and exist to “punish those who do evil” (Romans 13:4). In your case, the judge did what Scripture says rulers are supposed to do: protect a child from a violent man.
If your parents had only separated without legal action, your father — even after beating you half to death — could have demanded access to you. That is why God gives civil authority the power to intervene. It is not unchristian to seek protection. It is obedience to God’s design for justice.
Your father’s imprisonment for assault and battery was not merely a legal matter; it was a moral one. Scripture says, “The Lord hates the one who loves violence” (Psalm 11:5). A man who brutalizes his child forfeits the right to that child’s trust, presence, and relationship. The judge’s ruling did not break the family — your father’s violence did.
And yes, when you turned 18, you had the right to choose. Scripture affirms that “each will bear his own load” (Galatians 6:5). You were not obligated to reconcile with someone who tried to destroy you. Choosing safety, choosing distance, choosing life — that is not bitterness. That is wisdom.
Brother, I appreciate the spirit of the conversation as well. Scripture calls us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). It is good when believers can disagree and still pursue understanding together.
You are right that we agree on much. Where we differ is on what Scripture means by abandonment. The Bible does not define abandonment by etymology, but by covenant reality. Paul says that if a spouse makes it impossible to “dwell together in peace,” the believer is “not enslaved” (1 Corinthians 7:15). That is the biblical category of abandonment — a covenant rupture that destroys the ability to remain together.
We may not fully agree on how abuse fits into that category, but Scripture is clear that violence and treachery are covenant‑breaking sins (Malachi 2:16). Whether or not we use the same terminology, the Word of God gives us the framework: covenant rupture, loss of peace, and the believer no longer being bound.
So yes, we agree on much — and where we differ, we continue to search the Scriptures together, because “the unfolding of Your words gives light” (Psalm 119:130). Much love my friend.
I have no doubt what you chose and why. And you were in a terrible situation. But you were always in God's hands.
I don't mean to sound callous, but was Daniel ever in danger in the lion's den? Was Paul in danger being stoned? They were where they were at because God placed them there. And God had purpose in it all. Paul claimed later that he was a prisoner of the Lord. He meant by this that though he was imprisoned by men, God was directing his path. He was there because God led him there. After having been beaten, he worshipped. And then he was instrumental in the saving of the jailer and his household.
If you were healed, you would be a very useful instrument in God's hands. Because of your experience, you possess insight that most others lack. You could bring great healing to others.
Well there are other studies that say that psychopathic traits are inheritable I don't know for sure but your words are moving and admirable so that's being a good person in God much encouragement and keep it up God accompanies you.
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Neither my mum or dad were / r Christians , so I can't answer that . Personally , I believe that it's important to recognise that , only God knows all things about all people and , if we pray about things and ask God to guide us then He will . He deals with us as individuals because , He is able to do that perfectly because of His perfect knowledge and understanding of all people and all situations . We can counsel and advise each other but , we r free to make choices , as long as we remember that we will have to answer to Him for our choices . He is our Judge , we should not condemn each other without knowing all the facts and , who ever knows all the facts
? God is our Judge .
Thank you for that and , I do believe that God saved my life . However , as a small child , from being a baby , I was abused and , during that time I had absolutely no awareness of God . So my terror as a child , had a massive impact on me . At that time , no one came to my rescue , not my mum , not the UK army ( my dad was in the army ) , my mum went to them to ask for help but they didn't believe her . They believed my dad . We were living in a foreign country , no friends , no money etc . Mum and I lived with the real terror of being killed by the person who was supposed to love and care for us , for almost seven years . This has left me with certain personality traits as u can imagine . Thankfully , I'm not a psychopath
. I've chosen not to have children because I was nervous of those genes being passed on . Sorry if I got on my soap box a bit 
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Dear Sister, what you endured as a child was evil — full stop. Scripture does not soften this:Thank you for that and , I do believe that God saved my life . However , as a small child , from being a baby , I was abused and , during that time I had absolutely no awareness of God . So my terror as a child , had a massive impact on me . At that time , no one came to my rescue , not my mum , not the UK army ( my dad was in the army ) , my mum went to them to ask for help but they didn't believe her . They believed my dad . We were living in a foreign country , no friends , no money etc . Mum and I lived with the real terror of being killed by the person who was supposed to love and care for us , for almost seven years . This has left me with certain personality traits as u can imagine . Thankfully , I'm not a psychopath
“Woe to those who cause one of these little ones to stumble.” — Matthew 18:6
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed.” — Psalm 9:9
You were a child with no protection, no awareness of God, no ability to escape. Your terror was real. Your scars are real. And your story matters.
God’s presence is not dependent on your awareness.
Scripture shows God protecting people long before they knew Him:
God protected Joseph as a child in a violent home.
God protected Moses when he was hidden from murderers.
God protected David from a murderous king.
Your lack of awareness does not mean God was absent. It means you were a child in danger — and God preserved your life until you could know Him.
The people who should have protected you failed you. That is their sin, not yours.
Your mother was terrified. The authorities failed. Your father betrayed every sacred duty God gives a parent.
Scripture does not excuse this:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath.” — Ephesians 6:4
“Deliver the oppressed from the hand of the oppressor.” — Jeremiah 22:3
You were abandoned by humans — but not by God.
Trauma shapes people. That is not sin — that is injury.
Your vigilance, your mistrust, your emotional patterns — these are wounds, not moral failures.
Psalm 34:18 says: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
You are not defective. You are not morally compromised. You are a survivor of prolonged terror.
Your compassion, your self-control, and your refusal to repeat evil are evidence of grace.
Many who suffer what you suffered become hardened. You did not. You chose righteousness where others choose bitterness.
That is not luck. That is mercy. Your decision to not have children was made from love, not fear. That is noble.
Scripture never commands every believer to have children. It commands believers to act in love, wisdom, and conscience.
Your choice reflects:
Responsibility
Self-awareness
Protection of others
That is Christlike.
You don’t need to apologize for telling the truth about your suffering.
The Psalms are full of cries like yours — honest, raw, unfiltered.
Your story is not a rant. It is a testimony of survival.
Wow, for 50 years, couple never fight, never argue, never..... talk...
All the life time couple I know do those almost every day.
Really? What constitutes breaking a vow? Is one out of their vow because another breaks theirs?
Has not the offended party still responsible for their vows? For better or worse? Til death do we part?
Your argument is dependent upon abuse being abandonment. I disagree with that.
Grace and peace.