I am 76 years old and put up a link to an article about Christian dating. It was removed because it might be seen as an attempt to promote a web site. I think I can post the article (with no external references) here as a pdf. Feel free to copy and pass along.
Thoughts of Christian Dating
- Thread starter timf
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I like your points about how the world is simply different than previous eras, and how this presents its own unique challenges.
I also find it interesting that you actually set someone up when they expressed their desire to marry. I think, today, the more common response is to tell those people that it'll happen in "God's timing" and thus they shouldn't worry about it. Or a patronizing lecture about how finding a date shouldn't be your "Number One Priority" or whatever, and instead you Number One Priority is "following Jesus." Wow. Really? I didn't know that!
The point about parents' permission is also good. When you marry someone, you're joining two families together. Their parents are going to be related to you until you die. So obviously you want to start out on a solid foundation. If you can address their (totally normal) concerns, then you give them the opportunity to be supportive of the marriage. I mean, people like being invited to things, even if they decline the invitation. It also makes it easier for them to actually celebrate the relationship if they have the chance to evaluate it up close.
Say you're a guy and you ask a girl's father for permission to date or marry her. In her father's mind, this woman was just a kid not very long ago. He knows how much he loves her, and he knows how dangerous the world is. Then a guy comes along and asks to take her "away," basically.
When you meet a girl's parents, you should let them know that you value their influence. People love talking about themselves, but if you show interest in them, it'll help build trust. Don't just show up for the meeting and roll in with your agenda. Something else you should do as a couple is figure out both of your financial situations. Make sure you can actually afford a place to live, manage a household, afford health insurance, are in careers where you can move up and provide for a family, etc. Show them that, not only do you want to provide for their child, but that you actually can do it.
You also mention that "after marriage there would be the time for hot passion." This is another good point. When people have sex, it causes a chemical reaction in the brain that makes you feel "in love" and "attached." Dopamine (the same thing that's stimulated by addictive drugs) and oxytocin (the same thing released by breastfeeding mothers that deepens the bond between a mother and her child) People use the term "casual sex," but there isn't really such a thing. Sex is designed for bonding, not just pleasure. If you're "of the world," you don't really understand that. In 1 Corinthians 6:16 Paul mentions that someone who has sex with a prostitute becomes "one flesh" with her. That's why a lot of people find it hard to break up with someone they had sex with. It's like going through withdrawal. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 Paul mentions someone sinning against their own body, which is good way to put it.
And, of course, today lots of people get so used to getting dopamine hits from online erotic content that they become dependent on that sort of thing to arouse them. It fries their "circuitry," if you will. It becomes harder and harder for you to be sensitive to normal or slower-building stimuli like romance, dating, or married sex. You can't quite enjoy true intimacy with a spouse. Paul sort of mentions this in Ephesians 4:19. See also Proverbs 5.
To the unbelieving world, saving sex for marriage is ridiculous and only for prudes. But there's good reasons for it, and I'm sure many unbelievers learn this the hard way.