Thoughts of Christian Dating

[Lanolin]

sorry wrong post
Bill Gates is taken. Apparently he is a Christian.

 

[tourist]

Exactly.

Yes, we need to do it with God. But we still need to do it.

For sure, brother.

 

[tourist]

So have you done it?
What are you waiting for???

Been there, done that, bought the T shirt.

 

[RodColeman]

Did you just lose interest in the dates you had before?

Well, I've been on individual dates before, and those didn't go anywhere for a few different reasons. I've also been rejected before by people who weren't interested, mostly in kind ways, sometimes in unkind ways. I've never been "official" with anyone, ever.

Or you totalled your car and lost your job and couldn't afford it.

I did lose a job recently that I had some high hopes for, related to the injury I mentioned. But I didn't injure myself in the car accident, though. That car accident is why I need to save for a new car. And one of the reasons I'm on a job search is because I need a new car.

So, yeah, I'd much rather settle all these things before I date anybody. In the meantime, I hope, I can help people who are in good places to date with page after page after page of rambling, endless advice on forums like these!

I also want to write a book on this subject one day, actually. I have no idea where to start with that, though.

 

[Lanolin]

Been there, done that, bought the T shirt.

What did it say on the T shirt?

Or what picture was on it?

I've just bought a sweat shirt that says 'Bon Jovi' on it. With a picture of the band on it.

And a new t shirt that says 'Once upon a Time' and has a sword and flowers on it.

It's for a gig at church, so I suppose it is a christian date. But with lots and lots of people.

 

[Lanolin]

Well, I've been on individual dates before, and those didn't go anywhere for a few different reasons. I've also been rejected before by people who weren't interested, mostly in kind ways, sometimes in unkind ways. I've never been "official" with anyone, ever.



I did lose a job recently that I had some high hopes for, related to the injury I mentioned. But I didn't injure myself in the car accident, though. That car accident is why I need to save for a new car. And one of the reasons I'm on a job search is because I need a new car.

So, yeah, I'd much rather settle all these things before I date anybody. In the meantime, I hope, I can help people who are in good places to date with page after page after page of rambling, endless advice on forums like these!

I also want to write a book on this subject one day, actually. I have no idea where to start with that, though.

'I kissed dating Hello' is already written.

But ' I kissed Hello Kitty dating' hasn't!

 

[Lanolin]

Well, I've been on individual dates before, and those didn't go anywhere for a few different reasons. I've also been rejected before by people who weren't interested, mostly in kind ways, sometimes in unkind ways. I've never been "official" with anyone, ever.



I did lose a job recently that I had some high hopes for, related to the injury I mentioned. But I didn't injure myself in the car accident, though. That car accident is why I need to save for a new car. And one of the reasons I'm on a job search is because I need a new car.

So, yeah, I'd much rather settle all these things before I date anybody. In the meantime, I hope, I can help people who are in good places to date with page after page after page of rambling, endless advice on forums like these!

I also want to write a book on this subject one day, actually. I have no idea where to start with that, though.

Is your REAL name Steve Epperson?

 

[Lanolin]

How do you become 'official' like do you put it in the church newsletter/bulletin?

I'm sure many churches still have them and give them out every week.

 

[enril]

In my experience, at some point or other, a Christian dating couple usually gets the parents involved somehow, whether it's by asking permission, having a meeting, discussing their plans, etc., etc.

I'm not saying every Christian couple does it, but it's a good idea. In my experience, yeah, a guy will express his feelings for a girl, she'll reciprocate, and then the guy asks the Dad first if he's OK with it.

I mean, one of the most basic biblical commands is “Honor your father and mother” (Eph. 6:2) That's a broader command than the command to "obey" them we see in verse 1. It's be good to wait for their parents’ blessing. I think it's worth waiting for even if you end up waiting a long time. But probably not forever. And we should communicate to our parents that we desire their blessing.

I get that this tradition is "cultural," but that doesn't mean it's old-fashioned or foolish. Why would it be foolish? In 1 Corinthians 13:5 Paul says that love "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil" Now, that word "rudely" here (or "unseemly") means that love doesn’t "blow off traditions," if you will. Or unnecessarily despise cultural mores and customs.

Yeah, a lot of Western marriage traditions are only traditions. Kinda like wedding traditions, like the white dress, the church ceremony, walking down the aisle, etc., etc. Do you need to follow all these traditions? No. But I think that if you live in a culture where these traditions are valued or expected, the you need to have good biblical reasons for doing things a different way.

Uh... what christian dating couple? you talking about adults here? becasue maybe.

For teens, maybe, oh, one in a hundred get their parents involved.

 

[RodColeman]

Is your REAL name Steve Epperson?

Huh? Who?

 

[Churchgoer]

In my experience, at some point or other, a Christian dating couple usually gets the parents involved somehow, whether it's by asking permission, having a meeting, discussing their plans, etc., etc.

I'm not saying every Christian couple does it, but it's a good idea. In my experience, yeah, a guy will express his feelings for a girl, she'll reciprocate, and then the guy asks the Dad first if he's OK with it.

I mean, one of the most basic biblical commands is “Honor your father and mother” (Eph. 6:2) That's a broader command than the command to "obey" them we see in verse 1. It's be good to wait for their parents’ blessing. I think it's worth waiting for even if you end up waiting a long time. But probably not forever. And we should communicate to our parents that we desire their blessing.

I get that this tradition is "cultural," but that doesn't mean it's old-fashioned or foolish. Why would it be foolish? In 1 Corinthians 13:5 Paul says that love "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil" Now, that word "rudely" here (or "unseemly") means that love doesn’t "blow off traditions," if you will. Or unnecessarily despise cultural mores and customs.

Yeah, a lot of Western marriage traditions are only traditions. Kinda like wedding traditions, like the white dress, the church ceremony, walking down the aisle, etc., etc. Do you need to follow all these traditions? No. But I think that if you live in a culture where these traditions are valued or expected, the you need to have good biblical reasons for doing things a different way.

Agree, let your family, social circle involved. Don't make a secret about anything.
Even for casual friendship, let friends know, nothing to hide. GOD is light, in him there is no darkness.

 

[tourist]

Huh? Who?

I think that he's in a rock band maybe. Perhaps a drummer or lead guitar.

 

[NightTwister]

Look, the bottom line is that, either dating, courtship or marriage, it's only as "Christian" as you and your partner. If both of you are true believers - which neither you nor your companion knows for sure, it'll be revealed, tested and proven by a relationship; if both or one of you is only Christian in name, then likewise, it'll be revealed as well, marriage cannot make either of you godly overnight, despite any theology or teachings on how godly the institution is.

It must be terrible having to live your entire life not knowing if you're a Christian.

 

[tourist]

It must be terrible having to live your entire life not knowing if you're a Christian.

Probably a lifetime of confusion and anxiety.

 

[RodColeman]

Uh... what christian dating couple? you talking about adults here? becasue maybe.

For teens, maybe, oh, one in a hundred get their parents involved.

I don't know what the statistics are. But I don't see why you wouldn't involve the parents somehow. I mean, the Bible doesn't say "honor your father and mother until you turn 18."

Sure, I get that lots of teens don't involve their parents. And I get that a lot of parents take a hands-off approach. Personally, I wouldn't want my parents to take that route, nor would I want to take that route if I ever have kids and they start dating.

Life is hard without people to hold you accountable. I'm sure lots of people learn that the hard way. I definitely have. I have lots of friends. The friends who are willing to ask tough questions and offer wise counsel (even when unwanted) are the best. And it's always good to learn from other people's mistakes. We're all part of the body of Christ. The question is whether or not we're going to be healthy and helpful ones. I'm sure we all have friends. We don't all have real friends.

I definitely wouldn't talk to the Dad in some sort of last-minute interview before I propose. A girl's father can vet you, sure, but, ideally, they can also invest in you and prepare you.

 

[RodColeman]

I think that he's in a rock band maybe. Perhaps a drummer or lead guitar.

I see. No, as far as I know, I'm not in a rock band.

Probably better for everyone that way!

 

[enril]

I don't know what the statistics are. But I don't see why you wouldn't involve the parents somehow. I mean, the Bible doesn't say "honor your father and mother until you turn 18."

Sure, I get that lots of teens don't involve their parents. And I get that a lot of parents take a hands-off approach. Personally, I wouldn't want my parents to take that route, nor would I want to take that route if I ever have kids and they start dating.

Life is hard without people to hold you accountable. I'm sure lots of people learn that the hard way. I definitely have. I have lots of friends. The friends who are willing to ask tough questions and offer wise counsel (even when unwanted) are the best. And it's always good to learn from other people's mistakes. We're all part of the body of Christ. The question is whether or not we're going to be healthy and helpful ones. I'm sure we all have friends. We don't all have real friends.

I definitely wouldn't talk to the Dad in some sort of last-minute interview before I propose. A girl's father can vet you, sure, but, ideally, they can also invest in you and prepare you.

Yeah, most parents don't take a hands off aproach, it's more that the kids don't tell the parents.
Parents are embarrasing, super safety minded, to extremes, such as going on every date, etc. (some even go on your honeymoon with you)

Yep, that's a good way to see it.
I don't date, as I've explained other places, for very specific reasons.

 

[RodColeman]

Yeah, most parents don't take a hands off aproach, it's more that the kids don't tell the parents.
Parents are embarrasing, super safety minded, to extremes, such as going on every date, etc. (some even go on your honeymoon with you)

I have no idea if "most" parents go to that extreme.

But parents going along on your dates? Parents going on your honeymoon? That's wild. Personally, I've never heard of that.

 

[Lanolin]

So....have all the dads you asked let you date their daughters? What about the ones that said NO WAY. Or were they like, wait until she's mature, like IDK , 50 years old.

Which is just a roundabout way of saying 'Over my dead body'.

 

[RodColeman]

So....have all the dads you asked let you date their daughters? What about the ones that said NO WAY. Or were they like, wait until she's mature, like IDK , 50 years old.

Which is just a roundabout way of saying 'Over my dead body'.

Personally, I've been on individual dates with women. Meaning first and second dates, and then we decided the relationship had no potential. In another case, I went on a first date with a woman who said she was interested but then ghosted and me and started dating someone else without bothering to tell me. This girl's mother actually gave me the girl's phone number once she noticed we liked each other.

So I've never even gotten to the "ask her dad" stage. If they would have said "no way," I would have just not bothered pursuing the girl in question. What's the point?