We are a small church, also have a all welcome fellowship pot luck once a week. This is the time single men and women can meet, if not in young career group.
Does the church ignore single Christians? Where are we supposed to go?!?
- Thread starter Elizabeth35
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I don't know if you need pastors directly involved in match-making. Maybe that's what these pastors thought you meant.
In my experience, "match-making" in church is pretty informal and not something you need "professionals" for.
Just a few random thoughts... Feel free to skip.
It's interesting watching things unfold as a single who is getting older. As we singles know, the church, as a whole, doesn't really know what to do with singles as it is -- most of the church has a view of singles as 20-somethings, and have developed a cemented, rigid stereotype based on that image.
But the landscape of what it means to be single has dramatically changed.
Most churches I've been in have youth groups, catering to the teens and young singles.
Singles nowadays means people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and up navigating the single world, and many are trying to rebuild/reconstruct their lives.
They're no longer the "flakey" (as described by another poster) 20-something who supposedly can't or won't commit to anything. These are grown, responsible adults, often with grown kids and grandkids of their own -- with decades of responsibility and life experience, and can't be seen or treated in exactly the same manner as the young singles.
Not only will the church have to navigate singledom, but when singles become the majority group in the church (all the reports I hear say it's not a matter if if, but when,) the uncomfortable truth for any church that runs on funds is that singles will also be paying the bills.
Any organization that can't find a way to serve their most prominent demographics are going to find that their funds will dry up, and they'll have no choice but to close.
It's no longer a question of "Should the Church Do Anything For Singles?"
But rather, "If the Church Doesn't Find a Way to Reach Singles, Many Aren't Going to Survive."
It's interesting watching things unfold as a single who is getting older. As we singles know, the church, as a whole, doesn't really know what to do with singles as it is -- most of the church has a view of singles as 20-somethings, and have developed a cemented, rigid stereotype based on that image.
But the landscape of what it means to be single has dramatically changed.
Most churches I've been in have youth groups, catering to the teens and young singles.
Singles nowadays means people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and up navigating the single world, and many are trying to rebuild/reconstruct their lives.
They're no longer the "flakey" (as described by another poster) 20-something who supposedly can't or won't commit to anything. These are grown, responsible adults, often with grown kids and grandkids of their own -- with decades of responsibility and life experience, and can't be seen or treated in exactly the same manner as the young singles.
Not only will the church have to navigate singledom, but when singles become the majority group in the church (all the reports I hear say it's not a matter if if, but when,) the uncomfortable truth for any church that runs on funds is that singles will also be paying the bills.
Any organization that can't find a way to serve their most prominent demographics are going to find that their funds will dry up, and they'll have no choice but to close.
It's no longer a question of "Should the Church Do Anything For Singles?"
But rather, "If the Church Doesn't Find a Way to Reach Singles, Many Aren't Going to Survive."
Something else has been very heavy on my mind.
We have a dear friend here in Singles whom many of the regulars have known for their entire experience on CC.
This person came to CC many years ago, expressing honest feelings of the struggle of being single. Some time later, this person met someone on this very site, and we watched their love story unfold as they first started to "talk" (flirt) with each other in the threads. This eventually led to many years of marriage, which we celebrated with them as they shared their life together.
And then comes the part that no one wants to talk about.
Everyone wants to tell singles, "Get married, get married!!" And then we get a big lecture about no one wants to commit or work hard at marriage anymore. They remind us over and over about the "'til death do us part," vow to God.
But every once in a while, some people DO commit and work hard at marriage, and even succeed.
But no one ever talks about the "'Til Death Do Us Part," and how to keep on living when it actually happens. What's next when God calls your spouse before you and you as a married person go back to being single -- especially when it's later in life?
And we are seeing this in action for this dear member right now. It's been weighing like a lead brick on my heart. I feel like this is part of the calling of us older singles (at least, for me) -- to take older, and especially newly single people by the hand and help them through. Of course, anyone in any state can be of help to someone grieving, but it hits differently when it's someone in a similar living situation.
I hope that we can be of some kind of useful comfort to this dear person as they navigate the part of marriage that conveniently gets swept under the rug in the "Get married! Get married!" pep talks.
Many of us are reaching an age where we are seeing the end of many more marriages rather than the beginnings.
At least, that's how it is for me.
We have a dear friend here in Singles whom many of the regulars have known for their entire experience on CC.
This person came to CC many years ago, expressing honest feelings of the struggle of being single. Some time later, this person met someone on this very site, and we watched their love story unfold as they first started to "talk" (flirt) with each other in the threads. This eventually led to many years of marriage, which we celebrated with them as they shared their life together.
And then comes the part that no one wants to talk about.
Everyone wants to tell singles, "Get married, get married!!" And then we get a big lecture about no one wants to commit or work hard at marriage anymore. They remind us over and over about the "'til death do us part," vow to God.
But every once in a while, some people DO commit and work hard at marriage, and even succeed.
But no one ever talks about the "'Til Death Do Us Part," and how to keep on living when it actually happens. What's next when God calls your spouse before you and you as a married person go back to being single -- especially when it's later in life?
And we are seeing this in action for this dear member right now. It's been weighing like a lead brick on my heart. I feel like this is part of the calling of us older singles (at least, for me) -- to take older, and especially newly single people by the hand and help them through. Of course, anyone in any state can be of help to someone grieving, but it hits differently when it's someone in a similar living situation.
I hope that we can be of some kind of useful comfort to this dear person as they navigate the part of marriage that conveniently gets swept under the rug in the "Get married! Get married!" pep talks.
Many of us are reaching an age where we are seeing the end of many more marriages rather than the beginnings.
At least, that's how it is for me.
neither pastor would allow it. i say since its a church, & especially if there were pros in that subject, by all means, yes, assist in matchmaking.
an interesting observation that must be addressed positively towards singles immediately. i assent.
One of the things on my list today is to contact this member.
I'm going to ask permission first, but I'm hoping we might be able to start up a "daily thoughts and conversation" thread like we used to have in Singles many years ago.
I think it might be a comfort for this person to "hear" people talking regularly, even if it's just here.
We also have young family group, which many are single parent families.
Agree with your points.
*Lynx goes off to get out his flamethrower.
I had it packed away because this is not normal matchmaker season.
Added random thought.
It's not enough that churches start finding ways to serve singles.
In order to do so, they're going to have to completely revamp their definition of what "single" means.
Obviously, if they treat 40-80-year-old singles within the same narrow stereotypes they already have of 20-something singles, it's not going to work.
So not only will the church have to find a way to deal with singles, but, GASP!!!
They're going to have to learn to serve the older singles as actual grown-up, middle-aged/senior adults (BIGGER GASP), and as highly varied individuals, not just one generic group (FAINTS in shock.)
One of the biggest reasons people say they don't go to church already is, "The church doesn't do anything for me."
As selfish as that is, everyone thinks this way. People with families won't go to a church that doesn't serve families or kids their age. I'm guessing marrieds aren't going to be very happy when the day comes that singles become the majority -- and start taking over how things are done. I've often wondered if the day will come when we'll see more segregation between "married" churches, and "single" churches.
Imagine being a 60-year-old single with 3 adult children and 8 grandchildren, then trying to go to a church that only sees singles as 20-30-somethings fresh out of college, just starting life -- and treats every single accordingly.
No wonder so many people don't want to go to church.
(Yes, I know it should be all about worshipping and getting closer to God, but not many people will keep going to a church that doesn't serve them in some way.)
@Karlon, even though there are a a few people here who have... "colorful" (mostly flame-colored)
thoughts about match-making, we very much appreciate that you are kind and encouraging to singles. Thank you!
Plus, you make us laugh with your phunnneeee nyuknyuks!
In our church, the 50, 60plus hang out together.
Age is more of deciding factor than dependants state.
Yeah, sometimes, when churches or Christians talk about "singles" they can lump them all together.
There's young singles who long for marriage. There's young singles who don't mind being single. There's also middle-aged and older people who fall into these categories. But it can be hard to make such distinctions sometimes.
And, of course, people can also assume that everyone who's currently single has the "gift of singleness," and that some people can have it "temporarily." They can also miss the fact that the Bible doesn't even really talk about marriage vs. temporary singleness. It talks about marriage vs. lifelong singleness. They can also tell singles that their current singleness is a "gift" and that, if they're currently single, it's because God wants it that way and He wants you to do more "ministry" because of it.
And, because the word "gift" has a common meaning in English, they can miss what it actually means in Greek. To be fair, my own church has taught that this gift is a "ability." But almost every Christian book I've read uses the meaning of a "present," and uses the analogy of "the lame Christmas gift you didn't want, but have to be "grateful for" and "take advantage of," etc., etc. I don't know how many pastors teach it that way, but I'm sure many do.
And, a more basic problem is that we as humans, are going to look for what church can do for me, not the other way around.
I don't want to complain too much about churches. Or "the Church." I don't know how many churches teach on singleness and celibacy, or how they teach it. But, for sure, as a single person you can definitely feel invisible.
Actually the more we serve, give to our church, the more ourselves got blessings.
Yeah, sometimes, when churches or Christians talk about "singles" they can lump them all together.
There's young singles who long for marriage. There's young singles who don't mind being single. There's also middle-aged and older people who fall into these categories. But it can be hard to make such distinctions sometimes.
And, of course, people can also assume that everyone who's currently single has the "gift of singleness," and that some people can have it "temporarily." They can also miss the fact that the Bible doesn't even really talk about marriage vs. temporary singleness. It talks about marriage vs. lifelong singleness. They can also tell singles that their current singleness is a "gift" and that, if they're currently single, it's because God wants it that way and He wants you to do more "ministry" because of it.
And, because the word "gift" has a common meaning in English, they can miss what it actually means in Greek. To be fair, my own church has taught that this gift is a "ability." But almost every Christian book I've read uses the meaning of a "present," and uses the analogy of "the lame Christmas gift you didn't want, but have to be "grateful for" and "take advantage of," etc., etc. I don't know how many pastors teach it that way, but I'm sure many do.
And, a more basic problem is that we as humans, are going to look for what church can do for me, not the other way around.
I don't want to complain too much about churches. Or "the Church." I don't know how many churches teach on singleness and celibacy, or how they teach it. But, for sure, as a single person you can definitely feel invisible.
By serving others, we build up friendship. So when emergency happens, we have people to lean on. Even when there is no emergency, friendship is such a blessing that can prevent loneliness, depression.
Giving is more blessed than taken. Experience God s guidance.
it is interesting that Westminster Abbey changed from being a nunnery and monastery to being a place where people get married and die.
So they should really call it Westminster Wedding and Funeral Home.
So they should really call it Westminster Wedding and Funeral Home.
I hope I'm not derailing, but @Churchgoer, do you have any thoughts on when to stop giving?
I met a Christian friend for coffee the other day and we were talking about this.
The fact that these days, so many people seem to think they are owed things just for existing, and no matter how much you give/serve, they still think they're owed more.
I started cutting off people (or church groups) who seemed to think that way years ago, and I'm a lot happier now. I think it's an important topic that doesn't get talked about enough.
Singles are always told to use their single time to serve, but no one talks about realizing when you have to cut people/groups off when they start to abuse you -- and that happens quite often in the church.
I was just wondering if you've experienced the same?
I don't mean to sound like I hate churches. It's just that I've grown up in them, and I saw things that always bothered me that no one ever addressed -- or even acknowledged.
I'm the kind of person who doesn't like when important angles of a topic get swept under a rug, so as an adult, I told God one of the things I hoped to do was call things out -- in the hopes of positive change.