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NodMyHeadLikeYeah
Guest
I can only do one PM at a time. I cant handle more than one conversation, im horrible at multi tasking.
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Sarah88
Guest
Me too, although I've ignored some creepy people with weird questions and comments. When I go to the chat rooms I usually mute the sound and talk to my friends through PM. I give them my full attention and those I don't know... well ... I do take two or three minutes to answer them.
I actually love being able to have multiple conversations at once. It feels productive and just because I'm not dropping everything to talk to one person at a time doesn't mean I don't pay attention or put any less value towards the conversation. In fact I almost prefer it over traditional socializing as with IMing or PMing you can always read back what was said incase you misread or an incident stole your attention away. In a conventional face to face conversation on the other hand, not so much. But to each their own I guess. Personally I prefer people who talk to multiple people at once over the people who throw a hissy fit when you don't talk to just them only.
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Catlynn
Guest
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Matthew
Guest
Well I like to believe there are people inbetween those two options, people who see nothing wrong with expecting a reasonable amount of attention.
In general I don't have an issue with more than one conversation, because it is easily doable while giving each person fair attention, hence the name of this thread being 'how many for you?', I accept more than one is OK, but I wonder about 3 or 4......
I generally don't like it when I am sitting looking at my PM box (a PM initiated by the other person) waiting for their response while seeing them, or sometimes hearing them contributing to the main chat, they started it, I've done them the courtesy of a prompt response, and they are letting me wait so they can have a conversation they prefer, which is fine, it's their choice obviusly, but if they have no real interest in giving me some attention, then don't bother with the PM.
Thank you, Matthew. Your thread has helped me feel very rude. =D But perhaps I should explain.
I feel that if I start a conversation, that's where my attention should go. If/when I go into the chat room, I will only PM one person at the most.
But when other people PM me, I always answer. I am really good at multitasking, but I did rack up 11 or 12 conversations at a time, once. It was too much to handle. So, I decided to set my limit at six conversations, and start telling numbers 3 to 6 that I was talking to some other people already, so I might take a while to answer them. But there are still some people who, after I say that, they still go
"Hello?
?
?
?
You took a long time to answer."
Numbers 7 and up get an "I'm really sorry, but I can't talk right now."
And there are of course people that I would prefer to talk to, but they are always the polite ones, who say, "No, it's ok... you don't have to talk to me. Talk to the others." So I end up feeling rude no matter what happens. I have sworn off of the chat room before, because I just get flustered. But I do end up coming back on occasion. If we run into each other, I'll remember that you don't want to be an afterthought.
I feel that if I start a conversation, that's where my attention should go. If/when I go into the chat room, I will only PM one person at the most.
But when other people PM me, I always answer. I am really good at multitasking, but I did rack up 11 or 12 conversations at a time, once. It was too much to handle. So, I decided to set my limit at six conversations, and start telling numbers 3 to 6 that I was talking to some other people already, so I might take a while to answer them. But there are still some people who, after I say that, they still go
"Hello?
?
?
?
You took a long time to answer."
Numbers 7 and up get an "I'm really sorry, but I can't talk right now."
And there are of course people that I would prefer to talk to, but they are always the polite ones, who say, "No, it's ok... you don't have to talk to me. Talk to the others." So I end up feeling rude no matter what happens. I have sworn off of the chat room before, because I just get flustered. But I do end up coming back on occasion. If we run into each other, I'll remember that you don't want to be an afterthought.
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Matthew
Guest
I think there's nothing wrong with ignoring a PM, or telling someone that you can't talk.
Everyone knows that they have no way to know what is happening at the other end when they send out a PM request so if it goes unanswered they should just accept that there could any number of different reasons they aren't aware of, if they give critical comments or say something nasty then that's a matter for the mods.
Ultimately a PM is a request for a private chat, no-one is obligated to respond whether they know the person or not, if that gets a bad reaction then the person in question has some growing up to do.
I'd much rather be told someone doesn't have time to talk or is already busy than wait 5 minutes for every response, I'll catch that person next time, no big deal.
I guess, I'm perhaps not understanding the idea.
A conversation can have multiple persons involved.
There can be multiple conversations in the main chat room going on at the same time. Like whoever is on mic rarely contributes to the general theme of the room but, somehow manages to set the tone.
If I'm talking about a subject in the Main and 2-5 people engage me concerning this topic. I don't have a problem with that. It could be 10 or 20 people and that probably still wouldn't bother me, as long as we stayed on topic.
I don't usually like PM's too much unless I don't like the main topic or people are in ''Greeting mode" (see below) I don't like being monopolized by someone and I instinctively don't like being rude either. So having someone from India attempt to hold a conversation with me can be very frustrating. Then again as soon as I talk in the Main about a subject, there will inevitably be 3 or 4 people who want to PM me about it. This is highly irritating. I want to have discussions in the main, just like a board meeting and much like at a board meeting I don't like having a bunch of side-bar conversations.
"Greeting Mode" is especially frustrating and probably the number one reason I leave CC after a few minutes of being there. When I enter a room and 10 people say HI, that makes me want to leave again. People come and go, and greetings derail conversations, take up loads of space, and are all some people do in CC. Most of the people who say hello have little interest in actually following up that greeting with a conversation anyways. Maybe its just me but, being greeted by a bunch of people feels weird. Its on par with walking into a court room and having everyone turn around and say hello to you while you slip in the back. Or interrupting a college lecture only to have the room all turn around and say welcome and hello and hi and all that jazz.
A conversation can have multiple persons involved.
There can be multiple conversations in the main chat room going on at the same time. Like whoever is on mic rarely contributes to the general theme of the room but, somehow manages to set the tone.
If I'm talking about a subject in the Main and 2-5 people engage me concerning this topic. I don't have a problem with that. It could be 10 or 20 people and that probably still wouldn't bother me, as long as we stayed on topic.
I don't usually like PM's too much unless I don't like the main topic or people are in ''Greeting mode" (see below) I don't like being monopolized by someone and I instinctively don't like being rude either. So having someone from India attempt to hold a conversation with me can be very frustrating. Then again as soon as I talk in the Main about a subject, there will inevitably be 3 or 4 people who want to PM me about it. This is highly irritating. I want to have discussions in the main, just like a board meeting and much like at a board meeting I don't like having a bunch of side-bar conversations.
"Greeting Mode" is especially frustrating and probably the number one reason I leave CC after a few minutes of being there. When I enter a room and 10 people say HI, that makes me want to leave again. People come and go, and greetings derail conversations, take up loads of space, and are all some people do in CC. Most of the people who say hello have little interest in actually following up that greeting with a conversation anyways. Maybe its just me but, being greeted by a bunch of people feels weird. Its on par with walking into a court room and having everyone turn around and say hello to you while you slip in the back. Or interrupting a college lecture only to have the room all turn around and say welcome and hello and hi and all that jazz.
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iraasuup
Guest
I can usually follow what's going on in the room and in PM without a problem.
The only time I get flustered is when I get multiple PMs at once. However that's a given being a Moderator, and learning to follow everything that going on is a skill I had to quickly learn.
I have certain people I generally only talk to in PM, either really close friends or fellow Moderators. A lot of the time, I am muted in chat- not because I want to be, but out of necessity, since I'm often in the living room with the laptop while roomies are watching basketball on TV, or at work, or doing some other behind the scenes kind of tasks, and the sound can be distracting.
I do understand what you're all saying. I have no problem following everything. If I'm in PM, I can usually follow the topic in the room too, I may not contribute to it, but I can follow what's going on, and still have a PM at the same time.
I chat more in PM than I do in main chat. It's not uncommon for me to have 2 or 3 private chat windows open, and not be chatting in main at all. Other times, I'm engaged in the main chat topic and not PMing much at all.
I guess it's just whatever works for each person.
I don't understand the demanding people who require I give them ALL my attention and ONLY talk to them, that's what frustrates me. If I'm having an in-depth conversation with someone, I can do it in PM or in chat. If it's in chat, I just focus on the person I'm talking to and mostly ignore the rest of the other conversations going on, if it's in PM, then I can usually follow both, but it doesn't mean I'm not paying full attention.
Does that make sense?
The only time I get flustered is when I get multiple PMs at once. However that's a given being a Moderator, and learning to follow everything that going on is a skill I had to quickly learn.
I have certain people I generally only talk to in PM, either really close friends or fellow Moderators. A lot of the time, I am muted in chat- not because I want to be, but out of necessity, since I'm often in the living room with the laptop while roomies are watching basketball on TV, or at work, or doing some other behind the scenes kind of tasks, and the sound can be distracting.
I do understand what you're all saying. I have no problem following everything. If I'm in PM, I can usually follow the topic in the room too, I may not contribute to it, but I can follow what's going on, and still have a PM at the same time.
I chat more in PM than I do in main chat. It's not uncommon for me to have 2 or 3 private chat windows open, and not be chatting in main at all. Other times, I'm engaged in the main chat topic and not PMing much at all.
I guess it's just whatever works for each person.
I don't understand the demanding people who require I give them ALL my attention and ONLY talk to them, that's what frustrates me. If I'm having an in-depth conversation with someone, I can do it in PM or in chat. If it's in chat, I just focus on the person I'm talking to and mostly ignore the rest of the other conversations going on, if it's in PM, then I can usually follow both, but it doesn't mean I'm not paying full attention.
Does that make sense?
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Jullianna
Guest
Wow…after reading this it is more clear than ever that you absolutely cannot chat without offending someone, can you? Even christians, whom you would think would cut you some slack and/or be more forgiving/tolerant. 
Some only want to PM. Some only want to chat in the main (usually my preference if there is actually an interesting topic). Some are insulted if you don’t say hello. Some are offended if you do say hello.
Reminds me of War Games….the only way to win is not to play.
Matthew, I'm thinking the best any of us can do would be to do as you suggest, follow the rules of normal social settings that would apply outside of chat and hope for the best.
Some only want to PM. Some only want to chat in the main (usually my preference if there is actually an interesting topic). Some are insulted if you don’t say hello. Some are offended if you do say hello.
Reminds me of War Games….the only way to win is not to play.
Matthew, I'm thinking the best any of us can do would be to do as you suggest, follow the rules of normal social settings that would apply outside of chat and hope for the best.
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Jullianna
Guest
One thing I've noticed too is that so many people will have Facebook, CC, Skype, MSN, Yahoo and whatever else open all at the same time. No wonder they can't hold up their end of a decent conversation. You can often hear their other programs going off while you are talking with them. That's not something one would do in a normal social setting either. It's like trying to talk with a guest in your home while you are on the phone and someone else is knocking on the door.
I have one thing open at a time so I can give it my full attention and not have a lot of junk constantly beeping at me. Or, if I have something open and have to walk away or look up something, I will show myself as being unavailable or say that I'm going to be afk for a few as a common courtesy. When someone adds you and their status says they are available and they aren't, it gets old. I don't even message anyone first at this point.
You can often hear their other programs going off while you are talking with them. That's not something one would do in a normal social setting either. It's like trying to talk with a guest in your home while you are on the phone and someone else is knocking on the door.I have one thing open at a time so I can give it my full attention and not have a lot of junk constantly beeping at me. Or, if I have something open and have to walk away or look up something, I will show myself as being unavailable or say that I'm going to be afk for a few as a common courtesy. When someone adds you and their status says they are available and they aren't, it gets old. I don't even message anyone first at this point.
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Matthew
Guest
Hence the reason I'm not in chat very much
The most surprising thing to me with this is people talking about feeling rude, do Christians have an over-active social conscience?
Quite possibly.
I don't see it as rude in any way to ignore a PM if I consider I can't give the attention because I've got others going on already or because I'd rather not if it's a stranger.
It's like getting mad if someone doesn't pick up your phone call, well whoever said they had too?
If people feel it's rude to be ignored it's not really being fair, cannot apply the face to face standard of being obligated to respond if someone addresses you because they can clearly see that you are free to respond and should therefore exercise courtesy.
But online with a PM they have no way to know what you are dealing with, phone calls, visitors, any number of other distractions that can go on in the home without warning, not to mention other PM's.
All that combined with it being an unsolicited message makes me feel that rudeness is never a factor, and if people feel it's rude then maybe they are overly sensitive about it.
I've got no issue having a PM I send be ignored, my issue comes with being ignored once the other person has committed to the conversation, that's when it becomes rude, if someone doesn't have time for me, or doesn't wish to have a chat, they can just tell me, I'm a big enough boy to take it
I don't need people trying to spare my feelings, prefer to be treated with respect either way.
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Catlynn
Guest
Wow…after reading this it is more clear than ever that you absolutely cannot chat without offending someone, can you? Even christians, whom you would think would cut you some slack and/or be more forgiving/tolerant.
Jullianna, You've been here a lot longer than I have. I would have thought you wouldn't need this thread to figure out that you can't chat without offending someone.
The difference being that you are making yourself available when you log into chat. You at least appear available, so there's no excuse
I see you, and you don't look busy!
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Matthew
Guest
Well I don't agree with the premise that I am 'making myself available' by signing into chat, for all anybody knows I may just be there to listen along, or to meet someone for a pre-arranged PM, just being in chat isn't a license for people to have at me with PM's, so if they choose too, it's my perfect right to decline it and they've no reason to take offense.The difference being that you are making yourself available when you log into chat. You at least appear available, so there's no excuse
By joining a chat(room) you are joining in a two way conversation (define: chat). The way you participate may be different, but by joining you are making yourself a participant. You can choose to ignore other participants, but when a participant chooses not to participate, the participant is now acting abnormally. (S)He is no longer meeting the general expectations of a chat participant. Sure you can do it, but unless you make it explicitly clear that you are not a typical participant, it seems that a number of people will be confused/offended. Especially if they see you participating in other ways, with other people.
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Matthew
Guest
That is all true, but does not apply to unsolicited PM's.
If I sign into chat I always respond to anyone who addresses me in the main room, in the public area I have chosen to enter, I did so because I had the desire to chat, but in that public setting.
I did not choose a private chat as clearly demonstrated by the fact that I did not intitate one, so my position holds, it is not rude and no-one has any right to take offense regardless of seeing me active in the main room, I chose to participate there, not anywhere else.
But don't get me wrong, I usually don't ignore people, I say I'm busy to be polite and it's the truth, I'm just saying there is nothing wrong in not responding, and no reason to be offended if you do not receive a response.
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I'm not in the group of people that get offended, so I'll stop trying to defend them. I guess I just associate PMs with IMs. When you sign on to an chat(program) you are making yourself available for IMs. Enough people use chat rooms only for IM type conversations that it doesn't seem strange for me. I still feel bad when I miss a PM from someone who I've conversed with in the past. A PM from someone I don't know at all... well it depends on what the message was, but typically don't give it a second thought.
Cheers.