-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
What kind of life would you have if you said yes, and then he left you for years at a time? Obviously you are Not dumb at all.
It's pretty dumb...
Not really knowing the situation, I'll just have to generalize and say that a lot of people break up for reasons that they think are "noble". Basically, if you're breaking up to do the other person a favor, you're NOT. You're just making them question the value of whatever it was in the first place. People are capable of making their own decisions and arranging their own priorities. Now if the real reason for the breakup was YOU, as in you didn't want to "go save the world" but that person was going to do it anyway, then you could break up for a decent reason.
Not really knowing the situation, I'll just have to generalize and say that a lot of people break up for reasons that they think are "noble". Basically, if you're breaking up to do the other person a favor, you're NOT. You're just making them question the value of whatever it was in the first place. People are capable of making their own decisions and arranging their own priorities. Now if the real reason for the breakup was YOU, as in you didn't want to "go save the world" but that person was going to do it anyway, then you could break up for a decent reason.
J
Jullianna
Guest
I don't like to share too much HYPERsensitive info here, but I'm thinking that no one knows him here and this forum is basically for the very purpose of bouncing issues off of others who may have already/may in the future find themselves in a similar situation. Tact and discretion are very important to me, but then so is being a straightshooter, so....
SHORT VERSION OF THE REASONS FOR THE BREAKUP:
1. At the time I was a widow with a son who was still in high school and I couldn't even BEGIN to imagine myself traveling all over the planet leaving him here alone, especially after he'd already lost his dad. I also had concerns re: it being a rebound type of relationship since I was a new widow.
2. The guy I'm talking about had worked, studied and sacrificed for YEARS to get the position of his dreams. How do you ask someone to give that up? I couldn't.
THINGS I'M PONDERING:
- At the time, the decision that was made was best for everyone, but was God's answer then not NO, but WAIT?
- Circumstances have changed. My son is in college and wants to study in a state on the other side of the USA, though it would still be EXTREMELY difficult not to see him as much as possible
- I have cared about and been hurt by others in the past couple of years, but God has healed those things. BUT no more than 4 words in a text message from one man opened my eyes to the fact that my feelings for him are as deep as ever, time hasn't changed them in the slightest..which is probably why other relationships haven't been fruitful
- He waited for my response to his initial text to let me know that he still feels the same way as well
- Yes, if my responsibilities here won't permit me to travel the world with him or when he is sent to places I cannot go, I will be alone for extended periods of time
- I'm alone now and, for all intents and purposes, have been alone for the most part since we broke up, so what's the difference?
- Which is better/worse:
Brief times of amazing following by long periods of being apart, or;
being alone imagining what might be and wondering whether I made the wrong decision (like NOW), or;
possibly settling at some point for less than amazing with someone I could be with all the time who MIGHT or MIGHT NOT come along at some point
(though this would be a big stretch for me..I don't believe in settling)?
I'm putting all of this in God's hands. IF he asks me again, I'm going to have a very difficult time saying no. That much I do know.
P.S. - Thank you all for your prayers and for sharing your thoughts. It means more than I can say. It is because of you that I feel comfortable enough to post this here. Normally, I would never have said a word about it to anyone.
SHORT VERSION OF THE REASONS FOR THE BREAKUP:
1. At the time I was a widow with a son who was still in high school and I couldn't even BEGIN to imagine myself traveling all over the planet leaving him here alone, especially after he'd already lost his dad. I also had concerns re: it being a rebound type of relationship since I was a new widow.
2. The guy I'm talking about had worked, studied and sacrificed for YEARS to get the position of his dreams. How do you ask someone to give that up? I couldn't.
THINGS I'M PONDERING:
- At the time, the decision that was made was best for everyone, but was God's answer then not NO, but WAIT?
- Circumstances have changed. My son is in college and wants to study in a state on the other side of the USA, though it would still be EXTREMELY difficult not to see him as much as possible
- I have cared about and been hurt by others in the past couple of years, but God has healed those things. BUT no more than 4 words in a text message from one man opened my eyes to the fact that my feelings for him are as deep as ever, time hasn't changed them in the slightest..which is probably why other relationships haven't been fruitful
- He waited for my response to his initial text to let me know that he still feels the same way as well
- Yes, if my responsibilities here won't permit me to travel the world with him or when he is sent to places I cannot go, I will be alone for extended periods of time
- I'm alone now and, for all intents and purposes, have been alone for the most part since we broke up, so what's the difference?
- Which is better/worse:
Brief times of amazing following by long periods of being apart, or;
being alone imagining what might be and wondering whether I made the wrong decision (like NOW), or;
possibly settling at some point for less than amazing with someone I could be with all the time who MIGHT or MIGHT NOT come along at some point
(though this would be a big stretch for me..I don't believe in settling)?
I'm putting all of this in God's hands. IF he asks me again, I'm going to have a very difficult time saying no. That much I do know.
P.S. - Thank you all for your prayers and for sharing your thoughts. It means more than I can say. It is because of you that I feel comfortable enough to post this here. Normally, I would never have said a word about it to anyone.
Last edited by a moderator:
M
Matthew
Guest
The difference is an aching heart.
When I was younger I wondered why so many people said long distance relationships wouldn't 'work for them', seemed to make no sense because without that relationship you're alone anyway, so better to have a relationship with limited contact than none at all.
But I understand now the longing associated with being separated from someone you deeply love, it can feel a good deal worse than being single, although that wouldn't stop me I do understand why some people choose to be single than deal with the pain of that distance.
So it seems even in this relationship/marriage you will be alone for some periods of time, you know you are OK on your own because you are/have been, but can you deal with the separation from him, that's the difference, and sadly it is toxic to many relationships, as they thrive on contact, not distance.
That said I think if it turns out that he is willing to make you his first priority and you are willing to do the same then you should be able to make it work, relationships guided by God can overcome anything, and his job might not always have this requirement of global travel, who knows what might change.
I also think maybe this was about the timing, you mentioned your son was a big concern the first time, well now at college age he is going to seek independence and be more self-sustaining etc.....it does seem like things may be aligning, but that's for you to judge.
S
Siberian_Khatru
Guest
Affairs of the heart are tricky indeed, but I think Matthew is on to something.
You listened to your head last time, it seems. Try listening to your heart this time and see where it takes you.
You listened to your head last time, it seems. Try listening to your heart this time and see where it takes you.
Furthermore, distance requires so much more trust; for me, at least, that level of trust really can only be achieved by marriage. That said, there are plenty of marriages that I have seen that don't reach that level of trust, so even then distance would be difficult.
All things considered, I would rather remain single than go through a long distance relationship. In fact, I have made that choice. My last relationship ended exactly for that reason. Even after almost 3 years together.
I'm sure you're pretty dumb Julli (you are a girl after all), but this decision of yours doesn't seem to be very dumb to me.
M
Matthew
Guest
Was I right or was I right??? I think I will give this law a name. I will call it... the law of perpetual separation. Yes! thats it!!
Last edited:
Ok, if you want my advice...and God knows no one ever wants my advice... I say leave things the way they are. I know its very tempting and sounds like the chance of a lifetime but what you will have AT BEST is a strained relationship because (and here's the difference you were asking about) ..because when you two become a couple you will spend your time calling him and finding out where he is and what he's doing and then you will make plans for when he comes home but then he calls and says something came up and he can't come home until so and so..or he doesn't know when..and when he comes home he will want to spend time doing his own things without you like golf or whatever...and then u will accuse him of not putting enough time or effort in the relationship and then he will say that when he is home is the only time he gets to do the things he wants to do...and then the silent treatment..then marriage counseling...and then you start to wonder what you were thinking when you entered into this.
Last edited:
Heh heh... or perhaps the The Law of Eternal Single-ality.
Ok, so my next question is... How do we know if God is telling us "No," or "Wait"... because as we can see, it makes a world of difference?!
S
See_KING_Truth
Guest
Do whatever you feel is right in your heart, don't let anybody try to persuade you differently. Wish you the best!
Honestly Kim, I think God gives us the knowledge to figure it out ourselves. The problem is that a person's dreams and desires get in the way of clear thinking.
"He that believes on me, as the scripture has said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." - John 7:38
I heard a sermon on that scripture and the pastor said that it means that we will know in our gut what the right choice is when faced with a difficult decision.
Last edited:
Serendipity, i own that movie.I will be John Cusack and you can be Kate Beckingsale, el.
Hahaha.. lets leave it to "fate"
Lol
This is one of the very few long autobiographical posts I have slogged through. All I can say is that if you believe God is opening a door, go for it. I think that is the best mentality to have when a relationship worth having is riddled with questions such as this.
Not to sound narcissistic (even though I am about to), but not only can I relate to your situation, it also gives me some hope. A rare commodity in this area.
Keep posting.
It already exist. It is called the Law of Entropy and you can apply it to everything from relationships to the structural integrity of carbon fibers.
Oh the irony of my typo in a thread with this title, being updated on the situation I still say (unless the Lord forbids it) go run around the world with him. You implied it was a noble cause, hopefully kingdom work, but yea... Go live life wide open, there are no second chances, western creature comforts are overrated anyways May the Lord be a light to your path.
May the Lord be a light to your path.
J
Jullianna
Guest
She's gonna set Chuck Norris on you for thatrun fast, run far
ROFL! I think I should just forget this whole thing and marry you now instead!!!
Well Praise the Lord!!! This advice couldn't have come at a better time. I mean, you KNOW I was just wondering what to do about the structural integrity of my carbon fibers...
(Ritter, you know I"m just kidding. )