I wish I was dead.

[Ninotori]

I literally am at the point where the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my love for God, and knowing he and Jesus wouldn't apreciate me wasting their hard work by offing myself.

I dont know what I'm getting up for every day, save some stupid worthless responsibilities my family and the world expects me to maintain.

I do artwork for art school, all of which is tedious and inevitably worthless, and I never learn anything.

Meanwhile, I'm wasting a hundred thousand plus dollars on a degree I don't even want anymore.

I have no close friends here, just a few people who care a little and I see in passing on occasion. Nobody I've actually begun a real relationship with. I don't know if I ever have had that anyway.

I have no family here, I'm in another state and they are all back home. It doesnt matter anyway, my dad is absolutely nuts all the sudden, my sister doesnt even care to contact me, and my poor mom is drowning in her work. I never even hear about my stepmother. I cant even tell my own father how I'm feeling, because I know he'll just be angry, and he'll just do something stupid. I don't want to drop out and go home if it means ''ruining my life'' like he says, or to be put on a pill that wont help, or pay for a counselor to care. I just want someone to give me enough to be happy for and to stick around for until this pain is over. He wont give me that though, he just wants to solve the problem and make me stop crying so he can have the perfect daughter he loves to brag about again. I can't tell mom either. She has enough on her plate, besides. She suggests the pills too. I dont want to be put on a pill. Just because my problems aren't related to something you would consider valid doesnt mean a pill is going to make them go away. I don't want to just feel better, I want to BE better, I want my stupid issues to be fixed.

I cant go to anybody with my issues face to face it seems...nobody knows how to help, all they can do is give me cliche advice that means nothing or makes me feel worse. Or tell me to get help. God forbid I try to speak out in the only public forum where my friends see my posts on facebook too, given that my dad practically almost disowned me the last time I tried. Maybe there is really something wrong with me. Maybe I do belong in an institution. It would be a hell of alot easier than this.

What hope do I have in my future anyway? I know God promises a future, and good things, he never garuntees that we will have those things in this life though...plenty of people never get those prayers answered until they see his glory face to face. I look at what evidence there is of my future in my past and I see nothing good anyway.

I'm not pretty, I'm not special, I'm not useful thats for sure, I never get anything useful done. I'm a pretty good artist and I cant even sell my artwork to my friends. I'm not beautiful, dont lie to me and tell me I am now either because how am I supposed to believe a comment that comes after me saying I dont think so, thats only pity. Nobody has ever given me reason to believe I'm beautiful, nobody has been honest about it. I dont even like myself. I'm fat, I look ten years older than I actually am, my face has zits and dark circles, and I have a mans jawline. Some beautiful person I am. I dont expect a husband in my future either. I wouldn't marry a man who isnt the same spirituality as me, who has some beliefs in common, and that I could be attracted too inside and out. Wouldn't allow any less for him of course, which is why I dont see any husband in my life. I cant even find a friend with similar enough beliefs as me to get close let alone a man, and what man would willingly marry an ugly woman? Thats not fair to him. What good would a husband be anyway? Marriage means so little nowadays. Theres no garuntee it would last, a divorce would probably kill me. And kids would be beyond me too. After all, why would I want to bring children into this world? Its horrible and it has no future. They'd just be ugly and boring and alone like me, and they'd be put into a world thats meaner and uglier and more destroyed than it even is now. The world is overpopulated anyway.

So there goes everything I want to live for. I have no friends, I expect none, I have no relationship and I expect none, I wont have children, I have no safe future in this world, everything sucks. How can I have any confidence in my future given the state of the earth today anyway? The world is being run by the political class, our freedoms are gone and going away fast, pretty soon you won't even have an internet to be safe and hide on from the nasty world outside. The planet is dying, and by the time I'm old and my childred are wanting children the planet will barely even be a planet, as far as I'm told anyway. I dont have any reason to believe otherwise, nobody is spreading hope, they are only spreading disaster and we cant change it. If we think we can change a world that is run by the rich and powerful before it come crashing down around our ears I'd love to see it happen but I dont believe it anymore.

I'm not even useful to God anymore. I wont help people by going on missions or being useful because I'm lazy and scared and I don't have the confidence, I dont even go to church for other selfish reasons, I can barely get myself to pray anymore I'm so empty, I can hardly call myself truly believing anymore, I'm so out of hope I cant even believe I'm saved, or that there is a future, or that there is even a God. I would never surrender completely in any direction, knowing myself. I'd never give up on God, not on Jesus, not on trying to be better for them, but I'd never be the kind of Christian I should be.

I'm a waste of space and I haven't found anything worth living for anyway. A roof over my head, a computer, food, money, none of it means anything anymore. I should be happy shouldnt I? Why am I so miserable? What good is living for fun? What good is living completely alone? What good is living in fear? All are empty and full of only heartache. I can't keep myself more than just alive on God's love alone either. He should be all I need but I am still left so wanting. I am a disaster. I cant even breath or love or smile or have any hope anymore. I don't even want to sleep. I don't even know what would fix me.

I'm insane, and I'm empty. I'm dead. I wish I was dead.

 

[Dogma]

Keep searching for your life's passion and keep a positive attitude and I guarantee 100% that things will get better.

 

[Leigh]

hi im not in ur situation but a do know how it feels to want to kill urself coz i too am in a situation that makes me mad but i always turn to the book of job and i think its just the devil trying to convince god that you will give in but god has so much faith in you that he says to him nock urself out just dont touch his life, so ur responsibility is to make god proud and show satan the hey you can try all you want but YOU CANT TOUCH THIS. he will eventualy give up and move onto the next victim and god will reward you with more than you could ever dream of (read jobs story and youl see wat i mean)

 

[Saul_Durian]

You're 19. Let life settle and get adjusted before you say you are worthless. You certainly don't seem boring, you post was well written and intelligible. That is a vast improvement from some of the other written post I see here, and around the internet.

As for the not being pretty stuff? Have you really looked around at people? You don't have anything to worry about. As for the acne, that will clear up. If it doesn't there is always proactive, stuff works.

Just keep your head up, things often get better for people. I certainly won't promise that. It might get worse (I hope it doesn't) but it doesn't sound like you are doing all that bad.

I rarely talk about myself, but I would gladly trade places with ya. I would rather be a jabba. I have a really serious degenerative nerve disorder that is basically killing me really slowly. And it hurts alot. The cool part is that about a year ago pain killers stopped working for me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for me or anything, I just want you to realize it could always get worse. Don't dismiss the good things you have in your life to focus on the negative.

 

[Jordache]

Feeling isn't fact. You are beautiful because Gid created you with beauty. His beauty is not determined by the presence of acne, the size and shape of your body, how happy and pleasant you are, how many friends or bf's you can attract, how talented you are, whether others recognize your talent, or ny any standard that this world has raised for beauty. Hold on to the sovereignty of God. I had a horrific childhood which has translated into a VERY challenging adulthood. One thing I always knew was that God had a good plan and He was still in control even when there was absolutely no visible evidence for it.
Maybe meds would be good. I know it's a hard decision and your the only one that can make it... But just know: it's not a failure. Ita not giving up on yourself or God.
I'm sorry that you feel alone and abandoned. I'm sorry that you feel like you are friendless and have no one to talk to. I have often felt like that. I have also dug myself deeper into that hole and settled there because I gave that feeling too much power to convince me that I didn't matter, I was a burden, and I was worthless. Our eyes are blind sometimes to the provision God has for us. But God IS a provider cen when we cannot see it. Sit with Him. Speak to Him. Make the hard choice to reach out to someone. Even if you just flip through a Phone book and call a random pastor. Pray that God will lead u to the right one and He will. Be patient, but trust that God has provision for all your needs: emotional, spiritual, relational, financial, etc.
Sometimes when we have lost faith, we need someone else to
Have fighting faith for us. I believe the Lord will deliver you. There are others who will believe when you cannot. Its ok
To be weak. Weakness brings us to the Father. It is not a
Shame. PM me if you want to talk.

 

[DivineMelody]

I'm reminded of Mark 9:24 where it says, ..."I do believe; help my unbelief." When we become saved we become a part of a body, with the Messiah as the head, which means we're joint together in suffering. You are NOT alone as you may think and feel. I'm an artist at heart, never finished college or figured out a career path, have zero friends to hang out with who are believers, am not married at 31 years of age, have no children, no place to call my own, few belongings, never became a missionary, have no church to attend teaching the doctrine I believe in, and am sometimes downcast at the thought that most part my life consists of working 50 something hrs to make ends meet. Yet, my value isn't what another person perceives me as, or what scale I weight myself on, it's in the Fathers sight as a woman of great worth Spiritually speaking. I live to serve no matter now meager it may seen, it's what grants me meaning in this lifetime. These bodies of ours waist away, it's the soul combined with His Spirit that make us beautiful. You are of great worth and value wether you feel it or not, and are not alone for that matter. Will be praying for you sis. I've had my battles in the past and know to be true that if you resist satan he will flee. Renew your mind with the washing of the Word and hold on. Hope deferred makes the heart sick... never let go of your hope. It's what I cling to on a daily basis. Because our Father is on the throne there's always a reason to hope. We walk by faith, not by sight. Whether you see it or not, He has plans lans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.


King Solmon the man who had it all in terms of the world in the midst of his despondent life had the experience of finding one good man in a thousand, yet a good woman among all those he never found.

Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

 

[djness]

Gratitude-you lack it.

Think you don't?

Take a closer look.

Also like Saul_Durian said , your 19...


Your eyes are bad nintori....your satan riddled bad eyes....heck....im an incredibly negative bent person but you are dropping the curve in negativity...

Maybe all the cliche answers are the ones you need to start listening to. Cause you keep asking the same questions...

Is the answer you want ''give up an die''? Cause I asked pastors the same questions for years and none of the told me to give up and die...You post a wall of text basically asking for that.

In the looks department maybe you got a bad hand....welcome to humanity. I tell you what though, as cliche as it is an ugly personality drowns ugly looks. I know cause im a fat pimply handicap sack of crap and i have had some really pretty girls like me...

and ive met some pretty girls who are total....you know the word i want to use..unpleasent ladies

anyway start listening to the cliches...tell God that you have a crap outlook on life and you dont think its fair and ask Him what he thinks about you

You have a hearing aid turned to listen to the devil only...time to throw it out and get new ears kid.

You have a new identity in christ? OR I HAVE A NEW IDENTITY IN CHRIST!

 

[spirit]

When I was in high school , roughly younger than you, I thought my life was hell because my Dad had to work 7 days to keep 4 kids being fed and my mother had to bring us up and unfortunatley because she could not speak english, half the time she was fearful and yelled most of the time and could not cope whatsoever. Her family was the same, and all her sisters was like her, so all of us lived like we were in a prision cell. I would shed tears at school thinking I wish she would be dead. I was constantly negative and serious and thought what have I got to live for.
What i did not think of though was to keep quiet. Thats right, speak out. Go and see a counsellor because you want to and not because your Dad or anyone told you its not worth it. You are negative because you are surrounded by negativity. Continue on with your studies, perhaps even just find some part time work to get some experience and let God take over your life. Ask him for guidance everyday and I promise life will be better than what you expect. God Bless

 

[eugenius]

I literally am at the point where the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my love for God, and knowing he and Jesus wouldn't apreciate me wasting their hard work by offing myself.

I dont know what I'm getting up for every day, save some stupid worthless responsibilities my family and the world expects me to maintain.

I do artwork for art school, all of which is tedious and inevitably worthless, and I never learn anything.

Meanwhile, I'm wasting a hundred thousand plus dollars on a degree I don't even want anymore.

I have no close friends here, just a few people who care a little and I see in passing on occasion. Nobody I've actually begun a real relationship with. I don't know if I ever have had that anyway.

I have no family here, I'm in another state and they are all back home. It doesnt matter anyway, my dad is absolutely nuts all the sudden, my sister doesnt even care to contact me, and my poor mom is drowning in her work. I never even hear about my stepmother. I cant even tell my own father how I'm feeling, because I know he'll just be angry, and he'll just do something stupid. I don't want to drop out and go home if it means ''ruining my life'' like he says, or to be put on a pill that wont help, or pay for a counselor to care. I just want someone to give me enough to be happy for and to stick around for until this pain is over. He wont give me that though, he just wants to solve the problem and make me stop crying so he can have the perfect daughter he loves to brag about again. I can't tell mom either. She has enough on her plate, besides. She suggests the pills too. I dont want to be put on a pill. Just because my problems aren't related to something you would consider valid doesnt mean a pill is going to make them go away. I don't want to just feel better, I want to BE better, I want my stupid issues to be fixed.

I cant go to anybody with my issues face to face it seems...nobody knows how to help, all they can do is give me cliche advice that means nothing or makes me feel worse. Or tell me to get help. God forbid I try to speak out in the only public forum where my friends see my posts on facebook too, given that my dad practically almost disowned me the last time I tried. Maybe there is really something wrong with me. Maybe I do belong in an institution. It would be a hell of alot easier than this.

What hope do I have in my future anyway? I know God promises a future, and good things, he never garuntees that we will have those things in this life though...plenty of people never get those prayers answered until they see his glory face to face. I look at what evidence there is of my future in my past and I see nothing good anyway.

I'm not pretty, I'm not special, I'm not useful thats for sure, I never get anything useful done. I'm a pretty good artist and I cant even sell my artwork to my friends. I'm not beautiful, dont lie to me and tell me I am now either because how am I supposed to believe a comment that comes after me saying I dont think so, thats only pity. Nobody has ever given me reason to believe I'm beautiful, nobody has been honest about it. I dont even like myself. I'm fat, I look ten years older than I actually am, my face has zits and dark circles, and I have a mans jawline. Some beautiful person I am. I dont expect a husband in my future either. I wouldn't marry a man who isnt the same spirituality as me, who has some beliefs in common, and that I could be attracted too inside and out. Wouldn't allow any less for him of course, which is why I dont see any husband in my life. I cant even find a friend with similar enough beliefs as me to get close let alone a man, and what man would willingly marry an ugly woman? Thats not fair to him. What good would a husband be anyway? Marriage means so little nowadays. Theres no garuntee it would last, a divorce would probably kill me. And kids would be beyond me too. After all, why would I want to bring children into this world? Its horrible and it has no future. They'd just be ugly and boring and alone like me, and they'd be put into a world thats meaner and uglier and more destroyed than it even is now. The world is overpopulated anyway.

So there goes everything I want to live for. I have no friends, I expect none, I have no relationship and I expect none, I wont have children, I have no safe future in this world, everything sucks. How can I have any confidence in my future given the state of the earth today anyway? The world is being run by the political class, our freedoms are gone and going away fast, pretty soon you won't even have an internet to be safe and hide on from the nasty world outside. The planet is dying, and by the time I'm old and my childred are wanting children the planet will barely even be a planet, as far as I'm told anyway. I dont have any reason to believe otherwise, nobody is spreading hope, they are only spreading disaster and we cant change it. If we think we can change a world that is run by the rich and powerful before it come crashing down around our ears I'd love to see it happen but I dont believe it anymore.

I'm not even useful to God anymore. I wont help people by going on missions or being useful because I'm lazy and scared and I don't have the confidence, I dont even go to church for other selfish reasons, I can barely get myself to pray anymore I'm so empty, I can hardly call myself truly believing anymore, I'm so out of hope I cant even believe I'm saved, or that there is a future, or that there is even a God. I would never surrender completely in any direction, knowing myself. I'd never give up on God, not on Jesus, not on trying to be better for them, but I'd never be the kind of Christian I should be.

I'm a waste of space and I haven't found anything worth living for anyway. A roof over my head, a computer, food, money, none of it means anything anymore. I should be happy shouldnt I? Why am I so miserable? What good is living for fun? What good is living completely alone? What good is living in fear? All are empty and full of only heartache. I can't keep myself more than just alive on God's love alone either. He should be all I need but I am still left so wanting. I am a disaster. I cant even breath or love or smile or have any hope anymore. I don't even want to sleep. I don't even know what would fix me.

I'm insane, and I'm empty. I'm dead. I wish I was dead.

You know what is funny, I came here to post almost exactly the same thing you just did, and then I saw this. No point anymore. You have expressed how I feel for me.

I feel exactly 100% the way you do. My problems are a little different but I feel the same way.


I have not come to this forum in a while because I tried to finally get some friends in real life instead of online, but when I feel this bad I went back to this forum. Maybe because I am angry at God in some way and want to talk about it with fellow Christians. I don't know.

Most people are too busy to care about anyone except themselves. I want to help you though. I know how it feels and I will talk to you and listen. I will send you a personal message.

-Gene

 

[Lovesong]

Dear Ninotori,

I know we have never met but I want to tell you that I care and I don't want that to happen to you. You are a very precious person there will never be another like you. You are beautiful because you are unique and original both inside and out. Don't let the ugly cold world tell you what they think beauty is,
you are beautiful because you are you.

Those words have entered my heart at that age too even later on in life so I understand..

I want to let you know that - life is not perfect, no one is perfect no one will ever be perfect..
only God is perfect in love and all his ways.
We as human beings are weak and will mess up from time to time, but God knew this,
thats why he sent Jesus Christ to help us to grow and do our best thats all God asks of us
is to do our best and have an ernest heart.

He is not angry with you for thinking these things, he is not disappointed, but he does
long for you to cry out to him in your anger or sadness and tears and cast your cares upon him and to pray. When you are weak that is when Jesus is strong, so let him be your strength

I hope that you seek out what you love, and what makes you happy with your talent and dreams anyway, Do these things because they make you happy and give you happiness
you know why? Because God put those there
he ordained for you to have those because thats just the kind of God he is. A loving God
who delights in you, and that is us regaining Eden.

Your ARE Beautiful! Beautiful by MercyMe (Lyrics) - YouTube

 

[pretzel]

I literally am at the point where the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my love for God, and knowing he and Jesus wouldn't apreciate me wasting their hard work by offing myself.

I dont know what I'm getting up for every day, save some stupid worthless responsibilities my family and the world expects me to maintain.

I do artwork for art school, all of which is tedious and inevitably worthless, and I never learn anything.

Meanwhile, I'm wasting a hundred thousand plus dollars on a degree I don't even want anymore.

I have no close friends here, just a few people who care a little and I see in passing on occasion. Nobody I've actually begun a real relationship with. I don't know if I ever have had that anyway.

I have no family here, I'm in another state and they are all back home. It doesnt matter anyway, my dad is absolutely nuts all the sudden, my sister doesnt even care to contact me, and my poor mom is drowning in her work. I never even hear about my stepmother. I cant even tell my own father how I'm feeling, because I know he'll just be angry, and he'll just do something stupid. I don't want to drop out and go home if it means ''ruining my life'' like he says, or to be put on a pill that wont help, or pay for a counselor to care. I just want someone to give me enough to be happy for and to stick around for until this pain is over. He wont give me that though, he just wants to solve the problem and make me stop crying so he can have the perfect daughter he loves to brag about again. I can't tell mom either. She has enough on her plate, besides. She suggests the pills too. I dont want to be put on a pill. Just because my problems aren't related to something you would consider valid doesnt mean a pill is going to make them go away. I don't want to just feel better, I want to BE better, I want my stupid issues to be fixed.

I cant go to anybody with my issues face to face it seems...nobody knows how to help, all they can do is give me cliche advice that means nothing or makes me feel worse. Or tell me to get help. God forbid I try to speak out in the only public forum where my friends see my posts on facebook too, given that my dad practically almost disowned me the last time I tried. Maybe there is really something wrong with me. Maybe I do belong in an institution. It would be a hell of alot easier than this.

What hope do I have in my future anyway? I know God promises a future, and good things, he never garuntees that we will have those things in this life though...plenty of people never get those prayers answered until they see his glory face to face. I look at what evidence there is of my future in my past and I see nothing good anyway.

I'm not pretty, I'm not special, I'm not useful thats for sure, I never get anything useful done. I'm a pretty good artist and I cant even sell my artwork to my friends. I'm not beautiful, dont lie to me and tell me I am now either because how am I supposed to believe a comment that comes after me saying I dont think so, thats only pity. Nobody has ever given me reason to believe I'm beautiful, nobody has been honest about it. I dont even like myself. I'm fat, I look ten years older than I actually am, my face has zits and dark circles, and I have a mans jawline. Some beautiful person I am. I dont expect a husband in my future either. I wouldn't marry a man who isnt the same spirituality as me, who has some beliefs in common, and that I could be attracted too inside and out. Wouldn't allow any less for him of course, which is why I dont see any husband in my life. I cant even find a friend with similar enough beliefs as me to get close let alone a man, and what man would willingly marry an ugly woman? Thats not fair to him. What good would a husband be anyway? Marriage means so little nowadays. Theres no garuntee it would last, a divorce would probably kill me. And kids would be beyond me too. After all, why would I want to bring children into this world? Its horrible and it has no future. They'd just be ugly and boring and alone like me, and they'd be put into a world thats meaner and uglier and more destroyed than it even is now. The world is overpopulated anyway.

So there goes everything I want to live for. I have no friends, I expect none, I have no relationship and I expect none, I wont have children, I have no safe future in this world, everything sucks. How can I have any confidence in my future given the state of the earth today anyway? The world is being run by the political class, our freedoms are gone and going away fast, pretty soon you won't even have an internet to be safe and hide on from the nasty world outside. The planet is dying, and by the time I'm old and my childred are wanting children the planet will barely even be a planet, as far as I'm told anyway. I dont have any reason to believe otherwise, nobody is spreading hope, they are only spreading disaster and we cant change it. If we think we can change a world that is run by the rich and powerful before it come crashing down around our ears I'd love to see it happen but I dont believe it anymore.

I'm not even useful to God anymore. I wont help people by going on missions or being useful because I'm lazy and scared and I don't have the confidence, I dont even go to church for other selfish reasons, I can barely get myself to pray anymore I'm so empty, I can hardly call myself truly believing anymore, I'm so out of hope I cant even believe I'm saved, or that there is a future, or that there is even a God. I would never surrender completely in any direction, knowing myself. I'd never give up on God, not on Jesus, not on trying to be better for them, but I'd never be the kind of Christian I should be.

I'm a waste of space and I haven't found anything worth living for anyway. A roof over my head, a computer, food, money, none of it means anything anymore. I should be happy shouldnt I? Why am I so miserable? What good is living for fun? What good is living completely alone? What good is living in fear? All are empty and full of only heartache. I can't keep myself more than just alive on God's love alone either. He should be all I need but I am still left so wanting. I am a disaster. I cant even breath or love or smile or have any hope anymore. I don't even want to sleep. I don't even know what would fix me.

I'm insane, and I'm empty. I'm dead. I wish I was dead.

hi notori
i've had that feeling too... wishing to be dead!
i wanted to kill myself, but i never dared to, becuz i loved ( and still do) The Lord so much.and i know doing this, is against the Lord. and if i did that i could not repent bcuz i'd be dead.
all i wanted in life was being next to my saviour, but it must not be that way...

if David didnt dare to kill saul (knowing that saul was the anointed of the Lord), how much me that im a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a person who is God’s own possession.
" You have become this people[says the bible in 1 Peter 2.9] so that you may speak of the wonderful acts of the one who called you out of darkness into his amazing light."
"Once you weren’t a people, but now you are God’s people. Once you hadn’t received mercy, but now you have received mercy."
i know this world is very cruel. paul wasn't married, paul suffered because of the gospel. people wanted to kill him. and Jesus warned the apostles of what was about to happen "Everyone will hate you on account of my name. But whoever stands firm until the end will be saved. " (Mathew 10.22)
paul said" Because for me, living serves Christ and dying is even better." dying is better but he never killed himself, he didnt meant killing himself, he said that because he was in danger to be killed by someone else.

people can be beautiful outside, but inside they are just as jesus described the pharisees:
"But inside they are full of dead bones and all kinds of filth." with this this words Jesus admitted they looked beautiful
"They look beautiful on the outside. But inside they are full of dead bones and all kinds of filth. "( mathew 23.27)
it show us that Jesus cares of our inside more than the outside.
my sisters ive made it a song: "im ugly, im ugly" every single day she said so... my mom always gave her those "cliche" answers: "you are not ugly you are beautiful, the Lord had made you beautiful" but my sister insisted: you say that bcuz you are my mother, if you were not my mom you would n t probably say that, then.
GOD MADE YOU BEAUTIFUL GOD CREATED, my mom insisted, but my sister kept saying" im ugly". one day my dad got tired of that song, and he started to tell her" yes you are ugly" (whenever she said that) in an angry way.

a person can sing very awful, but if he/she has a heart of worship, God hears him/she like sweet incense. you can look at the mirror and consider yourself ugly,but God looks into your heartto determine if you are ugly or not.
maybe you are not ugly, maybe God thinks thinks you are not.



but we were nothing, and without Christ we are nothing!were just like dust, we are like the grass that dries and die. Nevertheless God chose what the world considers low-class and low-life—what is considered to be nothing—to reduce what is considered to be something to nothing. another version says :"What the world thinks is worthless, useless, and nothing at all is what God has used to destroy what the world considers important."
i want to start from this point: you say you are useless, you feel you dont have friends, you may feel worthless with a low self-esteem. but look at that verse "1 corinthians 1.28"
you say you make artworks... i like painting, i think it is cool, when i was younger, i used to paint landscapes for fun.
God has given you a gift. you can be useful, for the glory of the Lord. for the ministry in many ways. i heard about a girl (in brazil) who was on a wheelchair, the guys of her church went to give some tracts, but she couldnt go, and she felt useless. then she heard a voice inside of her saying: "write -Jesus loves you- seven times on a paper. then cut it into strips. then pray for the paper strips, and throw them through the window" the wind lift the paper strips, and then a person saw one and took it and read it and sarted to cry, then another and another, came to Christ. God saw her useful
i read a story about a girl( in a sunday school book) and she said "Lord do whatever you want with me". one day she went with a fridnand her sister to a river.When they were about to go, she wanted to make a last dip, but she hit with a rock and she became paraplegic.
she just could use her mouth, she couldnt move anymore. she started to paint with her mouth for God's Glory, she appeared on the radio. and it became her ministry.
Jesus loves you! he calls us FRIENDS.
sometimes i feel without friends, but then i hear a voice saying... "and you say you dont have friends, What about me? i do not count?"

God bless you.
=)

 

[BlueAngel]

Let me tell you this, one artist to another You are absolutely amazing girl! I looked you up , those pics are awesome! And hey, just cuz you can't sell, doesn't make your talent worthless. God gave you a talent, use it for him! I can't sell either. :/
I've been where you are, I've been to the point of almost cutting my heart out, I felt like it couldn't hurt any worse than it already did.
Gotta tell you this though... Even if you don't want to; go to church, say your prayers, keep a prayer in your heart. It may seem like God isn't listening, but he is, I promise he is!
I know it seems that he doesn't care, but he does... he's just waiting for you. And I can almost guarantee that his arms are wide open! It hurts God to see his children suffering, and you are one of his children.
I'm sure that you have so much love to give. You're a passionate person, one can tell, just by reading your thread.
Emotional battles are hard to fight, but God never meant for us to go through life alone. That's what brothers and sisters in Christ are for.
The storms you face don't matter, what matters is if you brought in the ship.
God is always there, He always cares, He always loves unconditionally. How ever lost you are, He can and will find you, and bring you back. If you just ask.
If you're still praying, keep it up. You may not feel Him at first, and you may feel like He isn't listening... But maybe it's you who isn't listening... Keep yourself open, so you can hear him when he speaks to you.
You are beautiful, I don't have to look at you to know it. I've never seen you. You're beautiful because God made you that way. You can shine brighter than the sun, if you keep trying. Trials are always a blessing, even if we don't seem to know it at the moment. Through my trials, I can use my experience to help others who are going through what I've gone through.
You don't have the be beautiful physically. God wants us just the way we are. He doesn't want what others expect us to be. He wants who we already are. You're a daughter of God, a Woman of Great Worth, and a Wonderful Piece of His Plan.
The three "T's" for a hard situation are:
Think~
God might have a lesson to teach you, look for it, practice it, and prepare to face the trialsto prove your sincerity.
Try~
Even when it seems impossible.
Trust~
That God knows what he's doing. He knows how to make you happy, and He's trying. He's the only one who can see the big picture.

God loves, and so do so many others.

~Please excuse the length of this post, I had no time to write a short one

 

[Wycliffe_Erika]

Hi Ninotori, I can tell you I so understand you cause I AM in the same situation as you, BELIEVE ME. I once wished I was dead too.
My parents are controlling, selfish, they treat me like crap all the time. My mother did a horrible thing 2 years a go. I had bought a book for myself to read and she took it whiout telling me and she entered into my bedroom without asking (my room is the only private place I have). And then I asked her nicely to give me the book back cause I haven't read it. And she said -NO! ERIKA, IM NOT GIVING YOU BACK THE BOOK! (shouting) She's nuts (by the way), and I tried to ask her again until, I was tired because she was treating me so bad, that I told her -If you don't give me MY book Im going to take it to my room. I said. And then she said shouting -WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TAKE THE BOOK? And I said -I bought the book, it's mine. So it took the book to my room, and she followed me running upstairs. And she said-GIVE ME THE BOOK!!! (shouting) And the started throwing some books at me. -GIVE ME THE BOOK!!! (She said while she started scratching my face) Then she grabbed me and pulled my hair and then I tried to get out, but then she grabbed my arm and BITED it for 5 min!!!!! It hurted a lot. And then my brothers came to my room and they didn't hep me, they said "mom stop!" and a minute later she stopped. My brohters could have taken her out of me, but they didn't. And they didnt take me to a hospital cause they knew my mother would be in trouble with the police and she could go in jail cause I was bleeding. I had my arm swollen for a month.
I tell you this because I have to deal with forgiveness everyday and I feel like crap everyday also, cause I have issues with my body, plus my family has been terrible with me my hole life. I've felt like dying lots of times, since I was 17. I also had thoughts of killing myself and hurting me.
But I'm doing therapy since 2010 and I can tell you that your mind is your worst enemy. Your mind will tell you that you are horrible, that you are worthless, that you cannot do anything, those things are the things that satan puts into your minc. he tell you "What are you going to do now Ninotori, all those years of wated study for a career that you will never work of?" "You are horrible Ninotori, no one will love you, who wants to marry a fat lady like yourself?" Well Ninotori, I can tell you that Beauty is not being slim of having blue eyes or long hair or curly hair, or blond hair, or a curvy body. The Bible says Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1° Peter 3:3-4
The Bible also says
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11 ~~
So, do not dare you to day you are not beautiful cause you ARE GIRL, YOU ARE!! GOD MADE YOU! YOU ARE HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER! <3
And also remember to cast away all bad thoughts in the NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! In the name of Jesus Christ I cast away all bad thoughts that Ninotori has in the name of Jesus! AMEN!

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable&#8212;if anything is excellent or praiseworthy&#8212;think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me&#8212;put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Phillipians 4:8-9

 

[MaranathaSoonQuick]

Amen eri, terrifying experience btw, never the less we are in constant struggle in this life Christians and non-Christians alike. but to pursue a Godly life takes the Holy Spirit, and life long determination and dedication, a burning passion for the LORD. I hope the best for anyone and everyone in the world to wish death upon one's self or another often passes some of our minds including mine but the way I see we are God's children and temples and vessels for the Most High God. The vain thoughts of the mind will soon try to control the heart if we are not carefully selecting our next steps and wisely. Pray for me that i stumble not. stay content when the world around us comes crashing down, for the Lord is our strength.

 

[kayem77]

Ninotori, I don't know you very well..I have seen you in the chatroom though and I've heard you singing and your voice is so beautiful and you look like a cool person. I don't know what else to add to the things people have posted here, but I want to let you know that you do need a clichè answer, you are beautiful and wonderfully made.
I know how painful is to feel lonely and abandoned even by your own parents, I struggled with those feelings a few years ago to the point where I was considering suicide, it was horrible....the only thing that kept me from doing it was my small belief in God and judgement. I realized not so long ago that God has a purpose for my life that I couldn't see because of my pain and lack of faith, and my decision to do things on my own.
I know every situation is different but I know that right now it's hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's normal when our minds and hearts are full of confusion,pain, or chaos. Don't let those things blur your mind and heart anymore, try to be what God wants you to be. Pray, pray, and pray harder, if you want to tell God how angry and desperate you are, tell him, tell him everything you are feeling. Let him lead you to his plan, not to your dad's plan or your mom's plan, not even your church's plan...His plan.

If you want to talk or anything feel free to message me I like to talk, and you seem like a cool person.
God bless you!

 

[Ninotori]

I wish that this all helped me feel better. Nonetheless I apreciate that you all have taken the time to talk to me and offer your love, it means alot. I don't know whats wrong with me, honestly. I must just be either an idiot or selfish or just lazy I don't know, but my feelings are more than just nasty little voices in the back of my head, its just fact to me.

I believe I am ugly because I have no basis to believe otherwise. People only tell me I'm beautiful after I say I dont think I am, which comes across as pity. Otherwise I've spent my entire life being called fat and ugly. Nobody corrects me with regular behavior, and it should seem to me that if your actually beautiful than you might at least know it? I know God tells us that inner beauty is more important, but I don't understand how pure inner beauty is going to get me anything but God's love. God's love should be enough for me but I guess not. I'm still miserable, I'm still lonely, I still feel like nothing. Maybe I don't really have faith if thats the case.

I dont see any man marrying me if I'm not at least decently attractive. I wouldn't want a man to marry me if he couldnt love my outside too.

I feel stupid every day knowing that other people have worse problems to deal with, honestly I'd trade my place for theirs if it meant I at least had a real problem to be sad about.

I guess I dont. It doesnt matter anyway. Talking and cheering up doesnt last and it doesnt help me. I'm basically in God's hands now as far as I see it.

I don't know what would help me, or what I'd even be able or willing to do.

 

[Lovesong]

I wish that this all helped me feel better. Nonetheless I apreciate that you all have taken the time to talk to me and offer your love, it means alot. I don't know whats wrong with me, honestly. I must just be either an idiot or selfish or just lazy I don't know, but my feelings are more than just nasty little voices in the back of my head, its just fact to me.

I believe I am ugly because I have no basis to believe otherwise. People only tell me I'm beautiful after I say I dont think I am, which comes across as pity. Otherwise I've spent my entire life being called fat and ugly. Nobody corrects me with regular behavior, and it should seem to me that if your actually beautiful than you might at least know it? I know God tells us that inner beauty is more important, but I don't understand how pure inner beauty is going to get me anything but God's love. God's love should be enough for me but I guess not. I'm still miserable, I'm still lonely, I still feel like nothing. Maybe I don't really have faith if thats the case.

I dont see any man marrying me if I'm not at least decently attractive. I wouldn't want a man to marry me if he couldnt love my outside too.

I feel stupid every day knowing that other people have worse problems to deal with, honestly I'd trade my place for theirs if it meant I at least had a real problem to be sad about.

I guess I dont. It doesnt matter anyway. Talking and cheering up doesnt last and it doesnt help me. I'm basically in God's hands now as far as I see it.

I don't know what would help me, or what I'd even be able or willing to do.

Maybe you should seek help go to the doctor for this, don't be ashamed to get help. Gods not gonna be mad at you, he works with the amount of faith we have.

 

[Saul_Durian]

Maybe you should seek help go to the doctor for this, don't be ashamed to get help. Gods not gonna be mad at you, he works with the amount of faith we have.

Agreed. Sometimes even the strongest in faith need a helping hand.

 

[Wycliffe_Erika]

You should go to a christian therapist

 

[Crazy4GODword]

Paul said that He learned how to be content where ever state He was in (Phil 4:11). Don't worry about this life, I feel like this once in a while----Pslams 55:4-22----read it, i encourage you to