It's like you've taken the words right out of my mouth. I can agree with most of your post, as I feel the same way at times. Eventually, God throws you something you never knew was there.
I feel the same way. I have friends I school, but it hurts when they go out and congregate for some trivial matter, such as playing XBox and watching movies, and don't even tell me. They've actually talked about it at lunch right in front of my face, but seem oblivious to the fact that I'm right there. I've come to believe of the word friendship as subjective and ambiguous. I've harbored some antisocial characteristics, not any bad ones, but in the regard that I sometimes choose not to socialize because I don't see the point. Oh well. It's never too late though, I'm sure there would be some people who would love to get to know you better.
Haha, I've fathomed that though as well (belonging in an institution). Go figure.
Yeah, God works in mysterious ways. I initially wanted to study Biology at Rice University, but was tearjerked after I found out about my rejection. In the back of my mind I saw myself there, thinking I belonged there. God didn't agree, and I realize that now.
I've harbored the same views before. I felt sick of my life, wondering what the point was waking up to this world. I have high expectations of people, as in, I don't expect them to be rude. It annoys me when I hear others talking behind others' bak and with people being inconsistent with themselves, often contradicting their beliefs. Anyways, this is about you. Just think about it, once you go down, which direction can you go? Up, of course! That's the beauty of life, to fall on your face and then coming back up to where you were, wherever that might be.
Of course you're pretty, in your own way. I'm not sugarcoating that, I really do believe there's something to discover in all of us, just in different contexts. Maybe your pretty-ness is in your artsy-ness?
Anyways, I don't want to seem to be lecturing you because that's the last thing I would do. Nonetheless, keep your head up. Easier said than done, I know, but you won't know unless you try. I have social anxiety and it was mainly this that made my life terrible. I never talked in school, I always sat in the back. I was the epitome of the black sheep. One time, in my AP English class, we were assigned a project in which we had to analyze a poem and delineate its' abstracts, with a partner. I didn't talk much so when the teacher asked if someone was left without a partner, I raised my hand. She laughed and said "Oh, a loner." Maybe I overanalyzed it, but I felt really bad at that moment. I cried when I went home and dealt with my anxiety in a negative way. Nonetheless, I decided to get over it, to do something about it. I might be more rambunctious that I was before, but I still harbor some anxiety within me. It's a slow process but it's a process.
I've talked to God about my problems and immersed myself in his word, although at times I regress, and I find hope. I've had things happen to me that I can't being to process through my mind because they seem to be directly from God. God's listening. Talk to Him.
If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. A lot of people feel that way at times. I know I did.
Keep the faith, better things are coming your way. I know it.
well-just bc i don't sleep enough. but so what>? yes- i prefer to wear sunglasses whn i feel that i don't look so good 