online frustrations

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Jullianna

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Does anyone else ever get frustrated by this?:

You tell yourself you'll never try the online thing again, but meet someone online that you really like. Someone who seems to have a lot in common with you. Someone who is very easy to talk with. Someone who shares similar life experiences and spiritual/emotional maturity. And you think..hmm...maybe an online relationship could work for me. Maybe I'm closing too many doors.

And then you observe that same person connecting with someone else, maybe even several others, in that same way, so you wonder:

Was he/she really interested or did I just imagine that?
Is he/she just a player?
Did he/she just want to be friends? Did I misunderstand?
And, not knowing the answers to those questions, we just shrug it off and never really give that person another thought romantically?

Here's the thing. If we met that same person in real life, we would never know this most likely. And because we wouldn't be discouraged by those things, we might be more inclined to get to know that person better and see how things went. And, who knows...maybe something really could develop and we'd never know about the other stuff so it wouldn't confuse us as much. Since the singles population is growing by leaps and bounds, I'm wondering if being online may be part of the reason for it. We know ...or THINK we know too much about people sometimes, so we never even give some of them a chance. What are we missing if that's true?

Or..maybe I'm just a nutjob who thinks too much *shrugs* :)
 
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A lot of guys who women find attractive are not the type to stay loyal to one lady. I know that is a bold statement but its often true. When some guys find that women are attracted to them they become like a kid in a candy store (can't have just one and ignore all the others). I don't think its the the same with women who find that men are attracted to them. They often end up disliking men in general because of the way men come on to them.
 
The way your thinking is totally normal for a girl. ;) I'd say give it to God who your man is. If you want, you should take a look at my recent post in the Singles Forum... My mother was your age when God brought her and her soul mate together..online! Eharmony is the best, so if you try anything do Eharmony, sister. It's more than a dating site, it's intellectual and encourages marriage, and suggests courting for a year before email contact ecs. But as a sister, at least go to my recent post. It's called rejoicing in singleness. There's an underlined question there you might wanna see.. but hey, I dont know anything.

With love, Ephy :)
 
What I've noticed so far is in line with what Zeroturbulence said. The guys we girls are often attracted to have many options and they seem to lead on more women at the same time. What really disturbs me is that they don't see anything wrong in this kind of behavior, flirting with more girls at the same time or trying to make them feel "special".
Julianna, my advice is not to get involved emotionally online with anyone, and when you get interested in someone think if you can meet up pretty soon to get to know the guy in person, it will save you from headaches.
 
yoej_ogart said:
The way your thinking is totally normal for a girl. ;) I'd say give it to God who your man is. If you want, you should take a look at my recent post in the Singles Forum... My mother was your age when God brought her and her soul mate together..online! Eharmony is the best, so if you try anything do Eharmony, sister. It's more than a dating site, it's intellectual and encourages marriage, and suggests courting for a year before email contact ecs. But as a sister, at least go to my recent post. It's called rejoicing in singleness. There's an underlined question there you might wanna see.. but hey, I dont know anything.

With love, Ephy :)
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I don't think that would be for me. :) I was really bored one night and looked at a christian online dating site and answered a few questions. But..I'll not visit again. Just not my kinda thing. :)

I did read your post earlier. Very well thought out. :)

There's no particular guy on my mind. It's just something I've noticed a time or two. :) I was just curious as to whether other people had experienced this.
 
The problem with the "online" is that it leaves much room to the imagination, especially since an important part of communication which is the visual, many times lacks. And where there is room for imagination, there is room for disappointment. So extra caution is a must.
 
I think it is definitely easier to misunderstand people's intentions online especially when it's text only. A lot of the conversation is lost when the vocal inflection and body language is missing. I think it's fair to say that this site (just like any other) gets its share of players who thrive on the attention of the opposite gender without considering the damage they are doing. Likewise we have tons of people who are naturally outgoing who may unintentionally give off the "I'm interested" vibe.

I think some people may be legitimately interested, then get a case of cold feet as they begin to think about their shortcomings in life and past failings that they know they would be morally obligated to reveal if the friendship were to progress any farther. They end up deciding to let it go rather than risk the hurt of being rejected over a past that cannot be undone.

Trust me Jullianna, if this confusion makes you a nutjob, then a lot of us are going to be joining you in the funny farm. I've been in the same boat a couple of times thinking someone might be interested, and then thinking maybe they were just being friendly because I see them interacting with a lot of people in the same fashion. Maybe we just need to work on our mind reading skills. :D


 
I suppose the same games go on in real life too for whatever reason, don’t they? “The Dance” . :rolleyes: I’m learning that at some point we mature and decide that we’ve had enough games, you know?

I have a lot of “friends”, both male and female. If someone just wants to be “friends”, why not just call your buddies and watch football or go spit on something? :D I’m really not interested in giving anyone lessons in how to flirt anymore. (I’m not as bitter as that sounds haha)

Or…you can be involved in a conversation with other people and a guy initiates and conversation with you. He seems interested and it's going well, but it's no big deal. Then he asks for your phone number and says that he "doesn't want you to get the wrong idea or anything". What does that mean? *scratching head* I just kinda smile to myself and wonder why he asked me. Very bizarre. Is that man code for something? :)

And those online dating sites remind me of a for sale by owner proposition where you’re almost putting a sign in front of your house. :P And if you put a pic up…wow…that whole window shopping nightmare. Seems like you’d eventually have to put up a “serious inquiries only” sign, huh? :D Creepy...

I suppose there simply comes a time when you are more interested in developing a relationship with someone than dating, etc. Perhaps that’s what separates the men/women from the boys/girls….I dunno. I think I would like to sit it out for awhile maybe. *shrugs* Seems wise.

P.S. - Gabe, I agree with what you were saying about the flirts/players/collectors. Thing is...they end up old and lonely, huh?
 
Jullianna said:
Then he asks for your phone number and says that he "doesn't want you to get the wrong idea or anything". What does that mean?

P.S. - Gabe, I agree with what you were saying about the flirts/players/collectors. Thing is...they end up old and lonely, huh?
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He's trying to say that he doesn't want you to think he's just interested in sex. ;)

I think they usually end up getting caught, then some learn to stick with one woman and some don't.
 
zeroturbulence said:
He's trying to say that he doesn't want you to think he's just interested in sex. ;)

I think they usually end up getting caught, then some learn to stick with one woman and some don't.
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Thank you for interpreting the man speak. :D I guess it's a good thing then, huh? I feel better now.
 
zeroturbulence said:
A lot of guys who women find attractive are not the type to stay loyal to one lady. I know that is a bold statement but its often true. When some guys find that women are attracted to them they become like a kid in a candy store (can't have just one and ignore all the others). I don't think its the the same with women who find that men are attracted to them. They often end up disliking men in general because of the way men come on to them.
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WOW! I think this is super wise! I totally agree with this. I would have given you a reputation point, but it said I needed to spread some around first.
 
Julliana... how often are you asking questions that don't necessarily apply to you but to get other people thinking?

Haha.

I think you hit some valid questions. I have essentially shut the door on dating online. For a few reasons - and one that I feel pertains exactly to this is the fact that in the communication it's easy to fill in the blanks with whatever we want. In the moments where I'm thinking I imagine people sitting and waiting for me to collect my thoughts - but really, especially in a chat room, they are talking to at least one other person or messing around on the internet. They are distracting themselves. It's hard to tell how they are communicating with others and what the level of depth really is in comparison to friendships with others.

Whenever I feel I have connected with someone I tend to remind myself some reasons to not date online - and one of the biggest issues is trust. It's just hard to really trust someone in the distance and online (for me).

Sometimes I also ask if I'm closing myself off to something great - but I know God will make happen what should happen. If I met someone in cc and I met them in real life later on and we had a connection then I would not be so hesitant to move forward. I just think it's a lot more ideal to meet in person. I have heard some pretty treacherous horror stories from people dating online (which I will not share here in efforts to spare you all... yes.. they are THAT bad). But obviously it's worked for some and I'm happy for them.

I dunno. I'm definitely with you. My biggest question is if I've limited myself terribly... but like I said before, God will make happen what is supposed to happen. And I'm happy for that.
 
I completely agree with you, Kim. I know that God orders my steps.

I'm glad to know that the questions that bounce around in my scrambled little brain are helpful to others from time to time. I seem to question almost everything but God. Comes with the job I suppose. I don't think we every really learn if we stop.

More often than not I wonder whether God is waiting on me to do something, change something or learn something before I'm ready for whatever He has in store. But I know He won't let me miss it. The God I've loved and entrusted with my life has been so very faithful, ESPECIALLY where the heart is concerned :)
 
Ahhhhhhh. online relationships. A topic that I have discussed all week in the wonderful CC chat.

Bottom line is alot of people meet up with the expectations that sparks will fly which is not always the case. Therefore they end up disappointed. I do not meet people online for a reason. One reason is lack of trust, and if a guy is overly flirty with you then I can almost guarantee you that you are not the only person he is talking to. I have seen this many many times. Even in CCchat :( I also know of people that are terribly hurt by others actions. That is one thing I cannot understand is "playing" others online. Some people let their guard down and fall in love with the IDEA of being with a certain someone online.
Then again these internet players are insecure and need attention from multiple people of the opposite gender to boost their self esteem. I have seen it many times.

And like I always say... If I want a real man I would get a social life. :D
 
Brandon777 said:
WOW! I think this is super wise! I totally agree with this. I would have given you a reputation point, but it said I needed to spread some around first.
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Thank you for the kudos, Brandon. Its just something I've noticed. Sorry I was harsh to you in PM before. I was in a bad mood that day.
 
People online are creepy..... including myself. So i dont think of "connecting" with someone when i type to them on here, cause chances are there "connecting" with everyone else and there mom.
 
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