Why am I having so much of a problem getting a good Christian girlfriend?
- Thread starter dothackzero
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A
Oh, one more thing I have to say. You said that you want to wait until you're married to have sex and this included oral and anal. Well, that's good because a lot of people don't consider oral sex to be sex and therefore doesn't count against their virginity, and what you're saying is that you want to abstain from those until marriage too. But, I must say, how about instead of waiting to marriage to have anal sex that you have it never. It's forbidden in the Bible, even if you are married. Yeah I know some people consider that one of those Old Testament rules that Christians don't actually have to abide by. I disagree.
A
Good.
Ok. So, if you like this girl you're going to end up with the tricky delema of when's the best time to tell her how you feel about her. As a girl, if a guy tells me he likes me too soon, that's a bit of a turn off. But, if he becomes friends with me while hiding his true feelings from me, I feel kind of decieved when he finally comes clean and tells me how he's felt about me all along. I had a guy complain to me once that he'll like a girl and ask her out and she'll say no because she doesn't know her, but if he takes the time to become friends with her and then asks her out she says no because she thinks of him as a friend. Ok, I'm going to start a new thread on this, because this a big delema.
Anyway, please pray that I think with my head and God in mind when it comes to being friends with her, and not with my lower head. 
A
So what you're saying is that right now you just want to get to know her better. That's great. Some people enter into such situations with the clear intention of trying to lead it to more than friends. Which is fine provided that... hmm... actually I don't know the advice to give there. Well, I'm just glad that you haven't made up your mind that you like her, because if you did you'd be in that tricky situation I've described.
See, like I said, I don't like it when a guy is pretending to be my friend but really he wants to be more than friends. Even worse is when (and this has actually happened to me) he assumes that because he likes me and we're friends that I have some kind of obligation to him, like not to date other guys. I've brought up the fact that I like a guy with a guy who I'm convinced is just my friend and then he sulks because I'm supposed to know that he likes me and don't want to hear about how I like other guys. These kinds of experiences have lead me to times in when my life when I thought that being friends with guys who like me is just more trouble then it's worth. No, this is the worst, when I'm friends with a guy who likes me and he keeps dropping hints that I will "eventually come around." Well guess what, that's never happend. I've never been good friends with a guy for a long time and then decided that I like him. If I'm going to like a guy eventually, I'll know sooner rather than later. Of course, I can only speak for myself.
See, like I said, I don't like it when a guy is pretending to be my friend but really he wants to be more than friends. Even worse is when (and this has actually happened to me) he assumes that because he likes me and we're friends that I have some kind of obligation to him, like not to date other guys. I've brought up the fact that I like a guy with a guy who I'm convinced is just my friend and then he sulks because I'm supposed to know that he likes me and don't want to hear about how I like other guys. These kinds of experiences have lead me to times in when my life when I thought that being friends with guys who like me is just more trouble then it's worth. No, this is the worst, when I'm friends with a guy who likes me and he keeps dropping hints that I will "eventually come around." Well guess what, that's never happend. I've never been good friends with a guy for a long time and then decided that I like him. If I'm going to like a guy eventually, I'll know sooner rather than later. Of course, I can only speak for myself.
A
No, this is what's even worse. When I'm friends with a guy who I know likes me, and when he realizes I'm never going to return those feelings, then they give me a hard time for "leading him on." Well what did he want me to do, be mean to him? See, I've had a lot of guys that I like refuse to give me much time or thought, but in some ways that's a good thing because he'd give me a clear message that he wasn't interested and therefore I wouldn't waste my time pursuing him.
A
First of all, I'd love to know why quoting me didn't work. It looks like you did it right. Oh well.
Well, what do you have in common with her? Do you two have any common interests? It's been said that women can be friends with other women when they don't have anything in common except that they're both women. Opposite sex friends, however, require more common ground. Do you know what kind of things she likes? What does she do in her free time? Is she going to college? What kind of work does she want to do outside of school? If she had a Saturday with nothing she had to do, what would she do? Who would she do it with? If she could go anywhere in the world, where would she go? What's her family like? Does she go to church? How long has she been at her current church? What does she like about it? Does she have any favourite books, movies, music or TV shows? You don't want to sound like you're giving her a job interview, but asking her open ended questions about herself is a great way to know her better. People, generally speaking, like talking about themselves. AND if you seem interested in her (that is not you are intersted in her as in you like her, but you're interested in her as in you find her an interesting person) she's more likely to like you. Now, if she says she like America's Next Top Model, for example, you can listen to her talk about it, but try to avoid that topic, like don't ask her about it. It's kind of like how I like it when guys can talk to me about whatever, but I don't want them to think of me as someone with whom they can talk about sports because then they might think of me as just being "one of the guys."
Well, what do you have in common with her? Do you two have any common interests? It's been said that women can be friends with other women when they don't have anything in common except that they're both women. Opposite sex friends, however, require more common ground. Do you know what kind of things she likes? What does she do in her free time? Is she going to college? What kind of work does she want to do outside of school? If she had a Saturday with nothing she had to do, what would she do? Who would she do it with? If she could go anywhere in the world, where would she go? What's her family like? Does she go to church? How long has she been at her current church? What does she like about it? Does she have any favourite books, movies, music or TV shows? You don't want to sound like you're giving her a job interview, but asking her open ended questions about herself is a great way to know her better. People, generally speaking, like talking about themselves. AND if you seem interested in her (that is not you are intersted in her as in you like her, but you're interested in her as in you find her an interesting person) she's more likely to like you. Now, if she says she like America's Next Top Model, for example, you can listen to her talk about it, but try to avoid that topic, like don't ask her about it. It's kind of like how I like it when guys can talk to me about whatever, but I don't want them to think of me as someone with whom they can talk about sports because then they might think of me as just being "one of the guys."
J
Dothackzero,
I tell you this as a Christian brother, and because I love you.
But it sounds to me that you are making an idol out of relationships. No, idolatry isn't always golden calves or statues, idolatry is putting anything before God.
You've gotten some wonderful advice on here, my friend, from people that love and care about you very much, even from across the country, or the world.
Prayerfully consider the advice some more. Talk to God about it. He will provide a wonderful woman for you when He feels you are ready.
Jordan
I tell you this as a Christian brother, and because I love you.
But it sounds to me that you are making an idol out of relationships. No, idolatry isn't always golden calves or statues, idolatry is putting anything before God.
You've gotten some wonderful advice on here, my friend, from people that love and care about you very much, even from across the country, or the world.
Prayerfully consider the advice some more. Talk to God about it. He will provide a wonderful woman for you when He feels you are ready.
Jordan