No.
I feel a constant sense of inner urgency, and a background hum of fear that I am so accustomed to that I almost forget about it, until the scary silence of being away from distractions brings it boiling back to the surface again.
To force myself to be and live like a "normal" human being feels like suicide to my soul, and suicide to any genuine vibrancy that fuels me to have energy to do things, like have fun, have
real faith, work hard and love working, be creative, help other people, or be selfless and
really, sincerely mean it. Or even hear God. Things I used to enjoy feel like a tiring chore sometimes now days. I believe with all my heart that it is connected with the fear and scary lies I struggle with.
It sounds like depression, but it's not. Because...I don't know...I have a lot of hope locked away that I stubbornly protected as well. It's not going anywhere, I'm mostly an optimist at heart, and when the fear isn't there, I'm quick to believe impossible things.
Just...I don't know. Right now I'm stuck in fog.
I rambled a bit there. I guess I could have just left it at no.