Also, many teens don't quite have the life experience and wisdom to know how far back to draw the line. This is a touchy subject for me for many reasons, so please do not take offense. It is not my intention to offend. There is a line. There are considerations.
As me as an adult: I was raised by a mother who was shaming and made me feel like I just wanted to walk around naked. For the most part, I was a big improvement on your average teen. But to my mother, everything was too much if it covered less than a habit. My mom comes from a long line of body shame.
I have thought long and hard about this subject. I have researched. I have asked both good men and women. I believe a lot of women approach modesty out of fear. I don't need anymore fear in my life. Many lay out a list of things that you can and cannot wear. No two piece bathing suits, no short shorts which could mean anything, no v-neck, no short skirts (again anything could apply here), etc. I feel like the subscript it "cover up because you're body is dangerous if you don't." Two stories: my mom still constantly nitpicks at EVERY outfit. I try to respect her wishes, but I don't feel like I need to dress like a nun to cater to her body fears. I have gotten to a point, now at 27, where she isn't allowed to comment on my wardrobe. I have plenty of friends who I've given that freedom to.
There is a woman at my church who takes me shopping every year. I haven't been able to turn her down since "you drive me
insane!" doesn't really seem to be an appropriate excuse. She is constantly telling me my clothes are to tight. But her definition of tight, is fitting. I'm sorry I look like a woman. I won't be made to look like a boy. I had a pair of long shorts that I could pull off without unzipping. To
her they were too tight. I had a two piece bathing suit on with a long t-shirt over it. She made me put on
sorts even though there was a girl with a string bikini on in her pool too.
I read an article once am it comforts that we really need to balance our "blame" out here. Women have a responsibility to drive conservatively. They don't have to make sure to hide every curve. There should be no shame in being a woman or looking like one. Men have the responsibility to divert their attention. Both sexes have the responsibility to realize that a girls "immodesty" isn't always intentional. You address it like someone with their zipper down. You assume first that the didnt know. This, of course, is in the case of what I would consider mild slip-ups. Just like most people don't realize when their zippers down, we don't always realize we're hanging out, see through, too short, etc. I've been told by men they are afraid to ask a girl to fix themselves because girls get creeped out. I can understand and I'm sorry for all the girls who made you feel like a pervert for trying to be honorable. Let me
tell you. Girls should be honored that any guy who give you the hike-up-your-shirt gesture. Sure it's embarrassing, but he's also saying, "I care about you enough that
will honor you by helping myself and others avoid temptation that would dishonor you.". In short, they tell you because they believe you deserve to be honored or else
they'd keep staring. Guys, it is an honoring thing to say (not literally) "cover them puppies up!".
Girls are not off the hook. Those oops moments should be foreseen, but it's a
growing process.
But sometimes those oops moments are just an excuse for a guy to think, "she's TRYING to stumble me! I give up.". I read an article once and it was disturbing. It was a study done on Christian men about what was considered tempting and what was just a stumbling block. Some of the results were ridiculous. Men were literally telling women, "your body is a stumbling block so you cannot be normal.". 1) ascending and descending stairs. 2) running or most forms of exercise. 3). Stretching (like for a yawn). These were some of the most insulting. I get it why these could be stumbling blocks, but going this route will leave us wearing burkas and sitting cross legged all day. Men have a responsibility to honor women by looking away. There is grace for you just as there is grace for us. So, in that case, girls really need to learn to graciously tell their guy friends to roll up their tongues and stop drooling. I believe women shame men a lot and also that men maybe just as unintentional in theirs as we are in our. But perhaps, we need to honor men on this area just as we should be honored by them. Forewarn them I you're going down a street with an exceptional provocative billboard. Tell them when the scene has passed. I don't know guys. What can we do?
As a teacher: There has always been a no spaghetti strap rule in schools here. I taught 5th grade, but when a first grader walked by with a
spaghetti strap shirt on they didn't understand why there was a double standard. In schools especially, there should be no double standard. It doesn't if I fill it out and they don't. The rule should be across the board. But many teachers don't realize this. If I have to tell my student, "honey, we don't allow spaghetti strap shirts at school." then you better say the same to your 6-yr-old student.
Cultural shifts:
So cultural and time also influences modesty. In Africa, there was nothing immodest about cleavage or bare breasts. They are almost completely non-sexual. But in tight Muslim countries, you have to cover everything. Years ago an ankle was too provocative. So I wonder what the standards are now. Gentlemen: Is any cleavage
too much? Is more or less worse? What about the cleavage shadow? The I had to bend over and pick something up cleavage? What about the accented waist with a belt, or a "curve hugging" cut? Whats a short dress/skirt? Do leggings/ tights underneath matter? How about leggings as pants? Shall we cover every curve? How tight is too tight? The paint on reference is subjective. Im asking these in reference to everday dress.
I've asked this of my pastor and he seems to conclude that women need not down play their curves. There is nothing shameful about being shaped like a woman. Your figure should not be treated as a danger. If a woman has some curvy sex appeal in a non cleavage baring, moderate length dress; then the guy needs to watch himself. It's nothing wrong with the woman just because she's fills her dress well.
