Wasn't going to post. But I'm tired of seeing so many people who have never experienced any same-sex attraction do all the talking about a subject they will never understand fully.
I walked away from God for close to 7 years and just got my wake-up call January 31st of this year. I was a regular attender of church, grew up as a kid in sunday school, went to youth group, said all the "correct" things in conversation with believers....etc. When I was young i knew I felt different about boys my age. When a teenager - it got more intense. As a young adult I was in pure hell. I flip-flopped for years on the subject, but when I was 24, I was told that I was gay and that I would find a church that would accept me for "who i really am". And I believed that. What they didn't tell me is how much it would cost me.
I went relationship to relationship...guy after guy. I was transformed into something I never thought I would be. I hated Christians. I hated God. I hated myself and life. I wanted to die. I wanted to destroy everything in existence..just for silence in my spirit.
There were nights when I would lie awake in my bed and literally wonder, "what if God is right about this?", "what if what the Bible says is really true?". I had spent so many years trying to convince myself that I was ok. I wanted more than anything to believe that I could be with a guy and still have some spiritual life. So I sought out new age material. I sought out dark practices. I sought stones and candles and incantations and incense. All things that I thought would give me a sense of purpose and power in my life. IT DID NOT.
It took a shock to open my eyes. I found out Jan 29th or so that Ray Boltz, a prominent Christian music singer had come out and is now singing about his struggles to be accepted as a gay man. He left his wife, hooked up with some guy, and proclaims himself "just fine".
In that moment I was crushed. I had looked up to this guy as a teenager and youth. His music had helped me through some of the darkest nights of my life. I knew I had lost a hero. I KNEW!. Something in me woke up. It was as if God took a spatula and flipped my brain over. All of a sudden I was brought into His light. I was exposed for who i had become. I was naked before Him...nothing hidden. I knew my sin. It had found me out.
I repented.
I don't care what anyone says. God's Word is clear.I knew that without ever touching a Bible. Those who deny this fact are believing a LIE. Those who teach/preach that "gay is ok" are liars and the truth is not in them, and will be held accountable on the day of judgment for leading millions away from the ONLY source that could have brought them life. There are no exceptions to the rule regardless of what any wise person thinks.
My repentance by NO MEANS "cured" me. I may feel these feelings for a very long time...perhaps even the rest of my life. I don't make all the correct decisions and it hasn't all gone away forever from my life like some David Copperfield trick. Any Christian guy can attest to the fact that seeing someone attractive can produce a struggle within. I also know it took upwards of 30 years to get me where I am, and it will certainly take some time to get me where HE wants me. It is a process. But I have faith that it is possible, even when I don't "feel" the end in sight.
To understand that God's grace can get underneath even this depth of perversion and darkness....that to me is the MOST amazing thing in the entirety of creation. He can reach beyond the depths of our understanding and EVEN forgive down there. I rejoice that my name is written in the Lambs book. I rejoice that "such we're some of you". I REJOICE that HIS divine power has given me everything I need for life, and godliness. I rejoice that Jesus Christ is ALIVE in me. Finally, even thought I struggle still, Romans 8:1 is an absolute in my life, and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that my sins have been removed from me as far as the east is from the west.
Take all your theological debates, all the wisdom in the world and throw it away as far as I'm concerned. God, speaking through His Word, His Spirit and His Church have let me know I'm on the right track. Just stop trying to prove the world is flat, when clearly...it's a hyper-cube.