In a relationship is it more powerful to be told that "I need you" or to be told "I want you"? Explanations of why you answered the way you did would be great!
Need Or Want?
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GreenNnice
Guest
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Depends on what stage the two are in the relationship.
If you are NOT married, and, in a lifelong , nuptially committed relationship, the one would sound, well, needy, and, therefore, you should say: I want you.
'Course, you could go this 'cheap trick' route too: I want you to want me
Seeeriously now, lol,
Saying 'I need you,' speaks of an ill-confidence in yourself ,and, really, who is The One we only truly need?
God bless ya, Christ bro !
howZ life flashin' for ya, lightnin' ?
Curious too, what brought you to bring up this question ?
Want... need... as stated... sounds needy. Want sounds like you're much more in control and not so desperate.
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Depends on what stage the two are in the relationship.
If you are NOT married, and, in a lifelong , nuptially committed relationship, the one would sound, well, needy, and, therefore, you should say: I want you.
'Course, you could go this 'cheap trick' route too: I want you to want me
Seeeriously now, lol,
Saying 'I need you,' speaks of an ill-confidence in yourself ,and, really, who is The One we only truly need?
God bless ya, Christ bro !
howZ life flashin' for ya, lightnin' ?
Curious too, what brought you to bring up this question ?
Mostly just a random thought really.
Maybe I phrased the question a little too shortly, so if anyone else reads this before answering, I didn't intend to question to necessarily be literally saying "i need you." There are many ways to say this without sounding needy, lets just go with the idea of them (if that even changes anything...).
Is the idea of being wanted more powerful than the idea of being needed?
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See_KING_Truth
Guest
"Need" is a word I reserve for my relationship with God, not a woman.
Nor would I ever want to be with a woman who told me that she needed me. To me, that would indicate her heart isn't where it should be with God. He is all we truly need. It's really nice having others around though.
Nor would I ever want to be with a woman who told me that she needed me. To me, that would indicate her heart isn't where it should be with God. He is all we truly need. It's really nice having others around though.
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GreenNnice
Guest
Sorry, I guess I have aspberger's , lightnin' . Struck me odd, I asked, because wondering IF this was a girl that asked you this question or maybe even, gASP!, said, "I need you,' when you went on a date with her.
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So, let me try and see what you are saying from my 'green' side (creative, unliteral) and not 'nice' side (literal). hmm, ok...
I need them.
or
I want them.
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Nope, nothin new surfacing from my green matter, for real, my green brain's side just don't git it / 'them,' 'them,' 'them,' nope, nopa, nothing happenin', Christ bro. It all Just now sounds like you made it all sound like a weird sci-fi movie to me now
Git it, 'I Need Them (humans).' ? . 
Purely depends on the context of the relationship in my opinion. I don't think there is anything unhealthy about someone desiring (wanting) another person in their life. However, needing someone can be extremely unhealthy. I think that a relationship that is nearing marriage in a healthy context, both parties begin to become somewhat dependent on each other (becoming one), however hearing the "I need you" phrase too early in a relationship would probably send me running out of concern of an unhealthy attachment. At my age, a woman should be emotionally stable enough to handle life on her own, not NEEDING a man, but desiring one.
I'm actually kind of surprised how one sided this is. Some love poems/songs that many people consider to be the most powerful invoke the idea of "need."
I'm sorry if I implied otherwise, but I haven't had anyone tell me that they "need" me. In fact, if anything, I have known many girls who would much rather be told that they are needed. No doubt this was a result of insecurities, but I'm still surprised to see how much of a land-slide the poll turned out to be.
As for my vote...
Personally I think in the love department especially, the choice that comes with "wanting" someone is far more powerful than the idea of needing someone. I would much rather know that I wasn't needed, but that I was desired. It's much more powerful of an idea to choose something than to have the something because you need it.
Thanks all for voting!
I'm sorry if I implied otherwise, but I haven't had anyone tell me that they "need" me. In fact, if anything, I have known many girls who would much rather be told that they are needed. No doubt this was a result of insecurities, but I'm still surprised to see how much of a land-slide the poll turned out to be.
As for my vote...
Personally I think in the love department especially, the choice that comes with "wanting" someone is far more powerful than the idea of needing someone. I would much rather know that I wasn't needed, but that I was desired. It's much more powerful of an idea to choose something than to have the something because you need it.
Thanks all for voting!
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GreenNnice
Guest
For me it is just the opposite, lightnin', I do not care what I choose, I mean, except that I am asking for what I want. But....
IF someone chooses me, well then, that is a whole another story. That means they like me. The Lord leads, in my economy of thinking this all through, but, I will put it into a Rudolph scenario....
When Rudolph is with Clarice and everyone leaves , Rudolph could say that he likes Clarice. But, what powerfully changes the equation is when Clarice says 'I think you're cute.'
'Course, Rudolph flies into the air at that comment.
So , my choosing something, or 'someone,' in this case doesn't mean nothing, in parcel. But, the whole thing becomes whole IF the someone chooses me.
Hopefully that makes sense.
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So, now, bringing this to your question.....
IF you say 'I need you,' to someone else, it is probably 99.9% of the time going to CREEP the other person out and they will do a 180 degree turn and run the other way. But, there is that .1 percent who will find your BRASHNESS enticing.....
So, yes, to MOST, the idea of saying , 'I need you,' will cause the relationship to end quickly after, but, there is that very small-small percent that may actually find your comment enticing. 'Course, as I believe, this is the Lord leading, and, IF a guy suddenly blurt that out to a girl he has (hopefully) got to know a few dates,or friendship meetings, as some would rather put it,, and, she blurts back, 'YOU'RE CUTE,' so to speak (OK, she says, 'I need you, too,' to reciprocate the one person's said blurt) the feelings are MUTUAL, then that WILL be healthy IF the twos' lives are built on God and they BOTH realize that their NEEDS for each other are not 'needy' based at all, but......
God-leading-their-lives based
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violakat
Guest
I'm not sure if this is what you're meaning, but feeling like the other person "needs" you, as in you make their day much better when you are there, is probably about the same as being wanted. I think too often when people say I need you, they really mean I want you.
Now, as for the other, being needy, like the others have said, I don't want someone who can only survive if I'm with them 24/7. I would end up feeling strangled.
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I have to add on to what I said originally. Several years ago, this man who I was not dating asked me to marry him. His reasoning, so we would not be lonely at Christmas time. I felt pretty insulted at that. He just needed some to keep him from being lonely and anyone would fit the bill.
So I think being wanted is a much more powerful then being needed.
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violakat
Guest
Timed out before I could add this part.
The guy who proposed also had a slight crush on me, so that might have been part of the reason he did ask me.
Hmm. That rang untrue. And it was also irritating.But I so need you, PopClick.
By the way, I also wear sunglasses at night in case a stick hits me in the eye. I don't play drums, or anything, I'm just paranoid that sticks are trying to kill me.
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CatWoman
Guest
California food vendor serves 'Dead Dogs' out of real hearse
I dont agree with that.I beleive we need people for a support system. No man is an island.But I dont think we need a spouse to get by and have a happy life.
I dont agree with that.I beleive we need people for a support system. No man is an island.But I dont think we need a spouse to get by and have a happy life.
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Jullianna
Guest
I was truly touched by the purity of everyone's thoughts in this thread. When these same words are spoken by those of the world, they have entirely different meanings and the answers would be quite different. I'm pointing that out because there may come a time when that piece of information could save someone a lot of heartache.
If a worldly guy tells you he wants you, it's usually in an impure way. But, if he needs you, it's a bit of a step up from basic instincts...but not necessarily.
I suppose that's why I avoid both words as a rule. They can be misunderstood easily.
If a worldly guy tells you he wants you, it's usually in an impure way. But, if he needs you, it's a bit of a step up from basic instincts...but not necessarily.
I suppose that's why I avoid both words as a rule. They can be misunderstood easily.
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GreenNnice
Guest
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()()()()()I think lightnin' did this thread with different contextual thinking than we thought, regarding those 2 statements, need vs want....
And...so now I will approach the two statements differently. Both words contribute differing meaning, but both speak of control desired. By wanting something or desiring something, we want control.
So, in a relationship setting, and, I don't want to walk on eggshells, but tne guy should not use those two words , need and want, in statement form , most of tne time, in a relationship. Instead, He should use them in question form.
”Would you want to go to Cafe Igalianini?
Instead of: I want to go to Cafe Igalianini.
______(((______)))______
Another way of looking at those two statements, 'I need you,' and, 'I want you,' is the seriousness of the situation. For example: ”I know you don't want to go to my friend's wedding but I need you to go. ”
Truly, context matters the most as IF it is needy sounding of 'I need you,' that will scare the other person into thinking co-dependency. But if it is an occassion that you just want the other petson to do something with you, like a wedding invitation, then the 'I need you' statement is much more powerful than, 'I want you to go to the wedding invite and it skips having to go from 'I want you to go,” to 'I need you to go.'
The proper context means everything with those 2 statements . Above all, follow the Lord's leading. God lists self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit, be slow to speak, quick to listen and understand what another is REALLY saying to you and ALWAYS pray that you are understanding things correctly.
The Lord will lead you in your relationship, greatly, you need it to work if He wants it to work despite what you THINK you want or need.
God knows your needs and wants better than anyone else, even better than you. Remember, He made you , uniquely qualified to carry out your calling to fulfill His needs and wants (purpose) for your life
Psalms 139
Jeremiah 29:11
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Jullianna
Guest
()()
I think lightnin' did this thread with different contextual thinking than we thought, regarding those 2 statements, need vs want....
And...so now I will approach the two statements differently. Both words contribute differing meaning, but both speak of control desired. By wanting something or desiring something, we want control.
So, in a relationship setting, and, I don't want to walk on eggshells, but tne guy should not use those two words , need and want, in statement form , most of tne time, in a relationship. Instead, He should use them in question form.
”Would you want to go to Cafe Igalianini?
Instead of: I want to go to Cafe Igalianini.
______(((______)))______
Another way of looking at those two statements, 'I need you,' and, 'I want you,' is the seriousness of the situation. For example: ”I know you don't want to go to my friend's wedding but I need you to go. ”
Truly, context matters the most as IF it is needy sounding of 'I need you,' that will scare the other person into thinking co-dependency. But if it is an occassion that you just want the other petson to do something with you, like a wedding invitation, then the 'I need you' statement is much more powerful than, 'I want you to go to the wedding invite and it skips having to go from 'I want you to go,” to 'I need you to go.'
The proper context means everything with those 2 statements . Above all, follow the Lord's leading. God lists self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit, be slow to speak, quick to listen and understand what another is REALLY saying to you and ALWAYS pray that you are understanding things correctly.
The Lord will lead you in your relationship, greatly, you need it to work if He wants it to work despite what you THINK you want or need.
God knows your needs and wants better than anyone else, even better than you. Remember, He made you , uniquely qualified to carry out your calling to fulfill His needs and wants (purpose) for your life
Psalms 139
Jeremiah 29:11
I think he was thinking differently too, Green. That's the point I was making. I LOVE it that he thinks purely like that, as other do.
It just seems important to warn young brothers and sisters that the world doesn't think as purely as they do, and this innocence can be used to hurt them deeply.
Once they know this, they can guard against it.
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GreenNnice
Guest
()()()()I think he was thinking differently too, Green. That's the point I was making. I LOVE it that he thinks purely like that, as other do.
It just seems important to warn young brothers and sisters that the world doesn't think as purely as they do, and this innocence can be used to hurt them deeply.
Yes, julieannie, is true, lightnin' offers good perspective in threads, often seemingly opposite of my perspective, and, that is AOK, everyone is different, God made us completely (different) that way.
All of our opinions and thoughts, and, yes, perspectives lend understanding to His chosen will for our life as I believe. Your insight to the many threads is adding much 'iron' for the conversation. And, top that metallic thought off with the fact that your God-given thread inspiration on here is pure gold (blessing) for all on here, milady