Accounts of Last Year (for my guy)
- By Lowanla (me)
I'll take responsibility, because everyone needs to
know, that you're not the bad guy in all of this..
and I will take my judgement,
for every pain I have ever caused you.
I don't know if you will ever forgive me.
but I will say this anyway..
I won't let you be the silent martyr
you built my esteem up, and I knocked yours
down... you thought you deserved it,
but you don't deserve it, you deserved
to be treated good too.
You deserve my respect..
as you tried to be my friend but I pushed you
away..
I ripped, shredded, and destroyed every
gift you ever gave.
I abandoned you alone in the cold,
I said I loved you but I denied I even knew you,
I was the hypocrite and the real coward.
and I was always afraid,
and I was a real creep.
...I was the one who really did run away,
when you needed me the most.
I promised to be good to you but I didn't know
how to treat you the way you deserved to be
treated.
I am so sorry, for everything, even for the
evil cruel things I said to you this year,
you don't deserve to be treated that way,
no matter what you think. I can't let
this go, no matter what you say,
its gonna bother me forever if I don't..
You were always good to me,
when I was suicidal you told me everything would
be okay and lifted my spirit, and you comforted
me,
at times you even saved my life. I would
not be here if you hadn't been there.
I've come a long way since last year,
I grew so much this year,
because even when I pushed you away,
you still stood by me, always faithful,
without a word, you only loved me..
..and when I realized I might lose you forever,
I realize that I can't live without you, because I love you,
I need you here in this world,
I need you to have good self esteem about yourself,
I am sorry...I hope that you will one day forgive me,
I am doing my best, to lift your spirit back up,
although I often say dumb things and stumble,
hopefully you will forgive those too,
I understand your anger against me,
no need to feel guilty..
I don't blame you..
I am sorry,
its because of you that I am
working on being a better person,
to treat you good, because you
are always around, still good to me,
still faithful regardless, still loving and comforting.
I love you, I need you to bloom,
I will sacrifice everything that was me, just so you do.
I'm doing this because I really do love and respect you.
this year...I will do my best, for you.
You deserve all my best, because I say so.
I Love You.